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Stop Poking Logic-Shaped Holes In My School!

Summary:

...more affectionately known as SPLSHIMS. Spawned from Chapters 26-30 of Meitantei and Magician. The boys receive a letter inviting them to Hogwarts. Chaos abounds as Umbridge returns only to face the wrath of Shinichi and Hakuba's logic; Heiji gains a furry, unwanted, annoying admirer; Kaito and Luna become partners-in-crime when the thief tries to sneak into the Ravenclaw dorms; and many people come to the conclusion that Harry, who takes every opportunity to glomp Draco, is quite possibly insane. And wait, what's this about Pandora being a Horcrux?

Note: Currently on hiatus.

Notes:

Okay, just a couple revisions. SG-chan realized that she probably needed to put a disclaimer in here ^^ Also, this story has decided to go and get itself a damn plot -_-;;

Disclaimer: SG-chan does not own Detective Conan, Magic Kaito, or Harry Potter. Officially, she's never even read the Harry Potter books. That's what you're to say if SG-chan's parents ever ask you that, got it?

Note: I don't give permission for my writing to be used for any form of LLM or AI training, used with any form of chatbot, generative AI, or LLM model, or for this story to be distributed anywhere that isn't AO3 or FF.net.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Eliminating the Kind of Impossible

Chapter Text

Prologue

"Come on, you guys honestly believe in magic and stuff like that?" Malfoy scoffed in a way that would have made his father proud. "It's totally illogical!"

Then they heard a tapping sound. Looking around the room, they stared at the snow-white owl that was perched just outside the window. An owl that currently looked annoyed, and was holding a letter between its talons.

Chapter 1

"Um, am I the only one seeing an owl at the window?" Kaito asked somewhat doubtfully.

"If that owl is white and carrying a letter, then yes," Hakuba replied dryly.

"Oh, bugger," Draco muttered. He rose, then went to the window and opened it, ushering the owl in. "What are you doing here, Hedwig?" the Slytherin inquired rather irritably. The four Japanese looked on in surprise as Hakuba's cousin (who Kaito, Shinichi, and Heiji had thought was relatively sane) conversed with the bird.

"Dumbledore hijacked you, didn't he?" Draco murmured, petting down a couple of Hedwig's ruffled feathers, both literally and figuratively. "Manipulative old codger; you're Harry's owl, you'd think he'd know that by now…" Prying the letter from her talons, he petted her again, saying, "I'll owe you a treat from Eelyops, later, all right?" before releasing her out the window.

"…You just talked ta that owl," Heiji said.

"Yes I did, how observant of you," Draco snarked. Looking over the address of the envelope, he raised an eyebrow before handing it to Saguru. "It's for you."

"Uh, thank you," Saguru said rather dubiously, cautiously taking the letter. The others gathered around where the blonde teen was sitting on the couch as he read the letter, written in English, aloud:

Dear Misters Saguru Hakuba, Shinichi Kudo, Kaito Kuroba, and Heiji Hattori:

As part of the new foreign wizard exchange program, we at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry invite you to study at our school this year. Although you are officially of age, you will be placed in the sixth year. A list of materials and supplies include:

Uniform:

1. Three sets of plain black work robes

2. One plain black pointed hat for day wear

3. One black winter cloak

4. One pair of protective gloves

Books:

The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 6)

Magical Theory

Great Wizarding Events in the 20th Century

Advanced Transfiguration

Encyclopedia of Toadstools

Herbology is Fun (Volume 1)

Magical Drafts and Potions

The Monster Book of Monsters

The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts

Ancient Runes Made Easy (Ancient Runes only)

Reach for the Stars: A Guide to the Stars and Planets (Astronomy only)

Reading Candles (Divination only)

Home Life and Social Habits of British Muggles (Muggle Studies only)

Other Equipment:

1 wand

1 cauldron (pewter)

1 set glass or crystal vials

1 set of potion ingredients

1 telescope

1 brass scale

1 set of parchment, quills, and ink

STUDENTS MAY ALSO BRING A PET

The train for Hogwarts departs on the first day of the term, September 1, from King's Crossing at Platform 9 ¾. We hope to see you there.

Sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster

"Okaaay, this is all some kind of joke, right?" Shinichi aimed a particularly sharp glance at Malfoy, who rolled his eyes.

"Please, why would I take the time to train an owl to that extent, thus debasing myself by appearing crazy when talking to it?"

"You really are Hakuba's cousin; all fancy words aimed at cuttin' insults," Heiji commented, giving the blondes a deadpan look.

"They look alike, too," Kaito nodded.

Meanwhile, Saguru, who was examining the letter and the envelope, raised an eyebrow. Holding up the envelope and motioning to the Hogwarts crest, he asked, "Why the hell does it say, 'Do not tickle a sleeping dragon'?"

"The headmaster's certifiable. He's obsessed with socks, for Merlin's sake. He only gets away with things like that because he's an extremely powerful wizard, and Hogwarts is less likely to be attacked if he's there," Draco informed his cousin.

"So we're assuming magic is real and this isn't some elaborate prank you guys've cooked up?" Shinichi raised an eyebrow questioningly, letting the 'school being attacked' angle go for the moment.

"I thought you already knew magic was real, Shin-chan, or do you forget Koizumi?" Kaito shuddered slightly remembering the sorceress's attempts to seduce his boyfriend.

Draco's head swiveled, gaping at Kaito in disbelief. "Koizumi? As in the Koizumis of the Scarlet Arts?"

"Uh, I dunno, the only times she's displayed magic really is when she's trying to seduce someone. Oh, and there was the one time she tried to kill me. But we're past that now," he added at Shinichi's concerned look.

"The Koizumis are one of the oldest Wizarding families alive!"

"You know this how?" Hakuba wasn't quite sure he wanted to know.

Draco shrugged. "My family's pureblood, the wizard equivalent of aristocrats. Besides, Mum and Dad are involved with quite a lot of… political things, so every once in a while I hear interesting gossip."

The detectives and thief heard the cautiousness with which the Slytherin chose his words, and eyebrows raised simultaneously. Curious, the four thought.

"There's one thing that bothers me, though," Shinichi frowned, shifting into his thinking position, clenched fist raised up to his lips. "In the letter, it says that we are being invited to participate in a foreign exchange program for wizards. None of us, though, know magic, aside from Kaito, and his is sleight-of-hand."

"Well, it's possible that you have some magical abilities, but they've simply never surfaced." Frowning, Malfoy turned to his cousin. "Didn't you say that death seems to follow you guys around?"

"Hey!" was the indignant chorus from the detectives.

"That's Kudo yer talkin' 'bout," Heiji smirked, jabbing a thumb in the Meitantei of the East's direction.

Scowling, Shinichi shot back, "I'm not the only one that runs into mysteries wherever I go!"

"Well, yer the only one who runs inta dead bodies on a practically daily basis!" Hattori retorted.

"Whoa, whoa, break it up, guys!" Kaito snapped his fingers, showering the two with roses. "Hug and make up. I would say kiss and make up, but then I would have to kill you, tantei-han," he added, smiling sickly sweet at Heiji, who sweat dropped.

"Well, it certainly seems quite an interesting offer," Hakuba commented, leaning against the couch, fingers steepled. "Also, it would be quite interesting, seeing if anything learned there could be incorporated into detective work."

"Hey, that's true…" Heiji and Shinichi, now done with their spat, looked slightly more interested.

Draco looked amused at their reactions. "Well, if you are going to attend this school year, then I suppose I ought to accompany you to get your supplies, and maybe get my own while I'm at it."