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Light bleeds through stained glass windows, spattering on the altar. As Kayden walks along the pews, candle flames shudder, sputter, then snuff out, one chandelier at a time, engulfing the cathedral in shadow. Could it be Veramonte? He crouches, pressing a hand to freezing marble, probing for awakened energy signals. Nothing.
If it’s not for a fight, why the hell is he here? Plenty of reasons to repent, but at some point, saying sorry probably doesn’t cut it. If he had to pick one reason… when Jiwoo says I'll get stronger, and his words are tinged with desperation when all there used to be was eagerness; when he says I won't let you down before a match like Kayden could ever be anything other than proud of him… As if sorry would fucking cut it.
Organ music bounces against the vaults overhead, shrill and metallic, each note dragging over the next. The tune is familiar, but he can’t pinpoint the name. Under the music, near the end of the aisle, a clicking noise creeps in. Footsteps. Getting closer. Not human. A beast? As the figure sweeps into viewing distance, its shape ripples and sways even though there is no breeze.
With a whoomph, all the chandeliers ignite. White cloth, still rippling, shrouds the figure, but as it approaches the altar, he can tell it's too small to be a beast. Maybe a… cat? Kayden bends down and tugs off the cloth. A Siamese cat. It reaches its front paws out, pressing its chest to the ground for a stretch.
"Congratulations, Casein Nitrate."
Kayden snaps into a fighting stance. Petting the cat behind its ears, out of nowhere, Kariss Lutraine smiles, her sunken cheeks filling out, jaundiced eyes squinting.
"I wish you two a lifetime of love and happiness.”
What the fuck? You two? Two. Who else, other than- No. The music - the Wedding March - soars; swells; bursts. No. He throws his hands - paws - to his ears. Today, Lutraine will die.
Wrenching power from his core, driving it past his feline form into a human shape, Kayden tries to shift, but his limbs don’t lengthen, his fur doesn’t retract. He’s stuck. Doesn’t matter. He’ll destroy the whole fucking church like this.
“Mr. Kayden, congrats!”
It’s Jiwoo. How could he- How come he-
“Jiwoo, no, I-”
Kayden jolts. Sucks in a breath. To his right: the door. To his left: chairs, next to a window. And in front: yellow eyes, white fur, a clipped ear which is both an Achilles heel and a get out of jail free card; Kartein sitting on his chest. How long had he been watching? If he somehow figured out what kind of dream Kayden had; if he finds out-
Better divert the topic. “I feel like we’d enjoy this a lot more if you’re human, and not Mister Yolkless.”
“Yolkless? ” His claws dig into Kayden’s shirt, and his fur puffs to a volume that is, for once, fluffy enough it looks like it’d feel silky and soft to smooth out. Not that Kayden would risk being mauled to shreds. The prickling pressure sharpens. "I swear to god, if you say that again- "
"Okay, okay, sorry."
Kartein jumps to the side, then pads up and down between the bed and Jiwoo's desk.
There's almost nothing wrong with what's on his desk. Not the stacks of required reading to better fake animal control techniques, (looking constipated while pressing fingers to his temple won't work forever) nor the pack of blu-tack for his polaroid wall. Nothing, except the manila envelope.
Kayden twists his hands in the sheets as he shuffles up the headboard, stopping himself from hurling a streak of lightning at those photos. To keep the peace, or maybe because you can only rephrase the same joke so many times before it gets old, Kartein stopped mentioning suitor and pedigree, but if he finds out, Kayden will need to figure a way to temporarily remove his vocal cords. And if not, murder might be an option.
After pacing around for a moment, Kartein settles next to him. “Are you alright?”
“Hold on. You're worried about me?”
Rather than throwing out a kitty punch or barbed retort, he sighs, then shifts to human form in a flourish of gold light. As a cat, his attempts to come off as graceful look foolish, but now, he wears poise with ease, in his pearl-white suit, how he holds himself with his shoulders pulled back, sleek hair framing his face in carefully cut layers.
When he sits on the bed, so close to the edge he half-hovers on air, Kayden straightens up, pushing aside the urge to tug him closer so he can sit comfortably. (Among other reasons to pull him closer, but Kartein values personal space.)
"First, you transformed mid-sleep and nearly knocked me off the bed. Then you started mumbling about Jiwoo. I'm not going to pretend I didn't hear you,” Kartein snaps, folding his arms across his chest.
Given how many awakeners weaponise pity, especially against healers, it’s not surprising how uncomfortable he is showing he cares. For Jiwoo, at least he can claim his concern comes from a cerebral, healer-patient angle, even if, sometime between Jiwoo's match with Duke and spar with Glant, his questions had morphed from “how much of my hard work has been ruined?” to “how are you feeling?”
And maybe Kayden should feel patronized, staring back at that pinched brow look Kartein usually reserves for Jiwoo after a fight, at those once-full lips that are now pressed in a thin line, but it makes him want to tell the truth.
Either way, even though Kartein misunderstood, he’s not mistaken.
How often had he dreamt of really taking his time with Dran? Of clawing skin from flesh, tendon from muscle, ligament from bone; the satisfying crack-crunch when he crushes each finger, one by one, then the wrist, ulna, radius, humerus; fixing what he can to do it again; over and over until he can’t stand the acid-leather-smoke stench of burnt flesh.
(And then he stops. He looks up. Every time, he sees Jiwoo. Frozen, mouth gaping, catatonic.)
"He's been pushing himself."
"Since when does he not? Fighting obsessed with little regard for injuries, does this sound familiar?"
"Jiwoo wasn't always this… You didn't know him before-" Kayden clenches his jaw.
Jiwoo hides pain like it’s contagious. For all the times Kartein had scoffed about Jiwoo “picking up bad habits from his mentor”, Kayden can only hope the kid didn’t fucking learn this from him. No one can stay naive in the awakened world, but Kayden would take Jiwoo bugging him about being kitty punched one hundred times, over the strained smiles and hollow laughter.
"He sees himself as my burden. Can you tell?"
Kartein drums his fingers on his arms, shifts backwards, and pulls his legs up to sit cross legged, facing Kayden. "You know, you're not the only person he fights for."
"His friends…” He jerks his head at the polaroid wall for Kartein to follow. "They don't come with fucking enemies attached to them.”
In the pictures, Jiwoo and his friends pose in front of a carousel at Lotte World; play volleyball at the Academy beach; share tteokbokki at home… Even without the photos, his friends have left their mark here, literally, from the blackbean sauce (courtesy of Wooin’s homemade jjajangmyeon) staining one of the chairs, to the paper balls in the trash, now retired from acting as projectiles for Subin hurl at Jisuk.
"Imagine if our generation acted like this." Kartein snorts, then his expression sobers. "Is it really so bad that he's getting stronger for you?"
"I wish he had a choice."
He leans forward and grasps Kayden's shoulder, his grip warm; firm. "This is his choice, and, look, I won't pretend it's not dangerous. That's why I stayed."
"And you say I've gone soft."
"Shut up. Besides, who else can properly help Jiwoo with his homework?"
Kayden laughs. “Wanna shut me up?” He places a hand on Kartein’s cheek, brushes a thumb across smooth skin, traces a strand of blond hair between his fingers.
As expected, Kartein makes an irritated noise, huffs, and Kayden keeps his eyes open, waiting until the frustrated look eases into something fond, before closing them. He feels a peck on the corner of his mouth, because of course Kartein has to be a fucking tease, then Kartein cups his face with two hands, and kisses him.
When Kartein straightens his legs and pulls him into his lap, Kayden almost, almost, fists his hands in his collar, almost pushes him down. But from how loosely he holds him by the waist, how he keeps the pace slow and relaxed, he doesn't want to fuck. He's been jet-lagged the past couple days. No big deal; sometimes it's as satisfying to be close to him as it is to have sex, even though Kayden's younger self would definitely argue otherwise.
After a moment, Kartein pulls away, tugging the ends of his waistcoat, straightening out some tiny crease. How often do those clothes stay clean from all the awakeners he refused to bloody his hands with?
("I can kill him in two seconds."
"Is the Great Kayden offering to be my bodyguard?"
A pause.
"No," Kayden lies.
"I thought as much. Have some patience, for once. He'll bleed out in a minute.”
“Did you like it when he begged you?"
"Don't be ridiculous. People who beg when they have nothing to offer are usually desperate enough to fight, and I hate wasting my time.")
A cold light. The glowing bell of a jellyfish. That night, when Kartein waited for his wannabe patient to bleed to death, one hand tucked in his pocket, the other hand lazily holding up his shield, that was what his force looked like.
And yet, every time he sees Kartein heal Jiwoo, what else can he feel but fire?
Kayden shifts into cat form. "You should rest. I'll keep guard."
"Well, you've certainly settled into life as Casein." Kartein makes a vague gesture, studying him as if he'd just witnessed the Casein Nitrate Transformation for the first time.
"Miss my good looks already?"
"God, you're even more insufferable as a cat." As he grumbles, he moves off the bed and sits by the window. The coliseum dwarfs the landscape, rings of limestone arches piled on top of each other like one hundred gaping mouths drilled from bone. Eat or be eaten, like the good old days.
"I can’t afford to waste too much energy staying in human form," Kayden admits. "At home I can let my guard down more, but I need to be strong enough to protect him in this…" he waves a paw at the window. "Playground built for spoiled brats."
Kartein's expression somehow becomes even more bewildered than when he'd changed back to a cat. He opens his mouth, closes it, then smiles. "For once your ego isn't the size of Jupiter. What a miracle." A pause. "I haven't enjoyed healing fractures since- no, even as a child, it bored me. Honestly, it's a luxury to be kind without being seen as weak or getting used."
"I know Jiwoo would tell you it shouldn't have to be that way."
"Of course he would. I wish I could- I hope I can believe it." Kartein yawns, closing his eyes. "Anyway, I'm going to take a nap, so wake me when he's back." He transforms to Yolkless and curls up on the chair.
At twilight, flickers of awakened energy, like a group of fireflies, approach the dorms. All the signals are familiar - it must be Jiwoo and his friends. Kayden pads to the window, jumping up an empty chair to get a better view. Crowded around Jiwoo, they watch a video on his phone where a cat startles after spotting a cucumber, and Kayden can almost hear their laughter through the glass.
After the video ends, Jiwoo looks up, spots Kayden, and waves, beaming. Today, his smile is genuine.
I hope I can believe it, too.