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The silence was deafening.
It pounded at Castiel’s ears far more fiercely than the voices of his brethren ever had, and it was a constant reminder that he was no longer an angel. He could manage during the day, when the Winchesters were moving about and making noise, but at night? Every single night was restless.
The rest of being a human wasn’t much better – flavor was overwhelming at times, and Castiel had to get used to being unable to transport himself immediately where he wished to go – but sleep constantly eluded him because it was just too damn quiet. The effects were beginning to show.
Dean decided to confront Castiel on the subject one day when the ex-angel went for his fifth cup of coffee, which was alarming enough, and almost poured salt in his mug instead of sugar.
“Dude,” Dean said as he reached over to stop the disaster from occurring, “something’s up. Actually, something’s been up. Are you okay?” Castiel met Dean’s concerned gaze with a tired, solemn expression. For a moment, he considered brushing the question off, but he knew something had to be done about his situation. Plus, it seemed to be growing harder and harder for him to lie to Dean. So, Castiel sighed and gave in.
“The silence – the lack of my ‘Angel Radio’ – it’s very uncomfortable. I can’t sleep.” Dean nodded in understanding and frowned as he began to think of a solution. Castiel couldn’t help but peek at Dean’s mouth then. It would be very nice, he thought, to one day have the privilege of kissing it…
Dean’s noise of triumph pulled Castiel from his reverie.
“I’ve got it! Be right back.” With that, Dean ran off, leaving a confused Castiel to stew in the silence.
******
Dean’s solution was simply, and really quite brilliant. He had given Castiel his old mp3 player and a pair of ear buds. The device was simple enough, once the ex-angel figured out how to work it. The music wasn’t to his preference, but it reminded him of Dean, so it did well enough. He listened to the music all day and kept the ear buds in when he went to bed. For the first time in weeks, he actually got some sleep.
However, the mp3 player was not as sturdy as other devices Castiel had come across. He woke up one night to find he had slept on it. It hadn’t seemed to appreciate his doing so at all, and had ceased functioning. Guilt filled Castiel’s heart, yes, but noiselessness once again began to fill his head as well. He frowned and pondered his options. There seemed to be only one.
Castiel got up and shuffled to Dean’s room, carrying the inoperative device. He knocked on the door and, after a moment, heard a muffled “Wuh? C’me ‘n.” He did so, quietly opening the door and closing it behind him before padding over to Dean’s bedside.
“I am very sorry Dean. It appears I broke your music device.” He held out the hand in which the device was held, even though it was too dark for Dean to really have examined what damage had been done if he wanted to.
“Don’ worry ‘bout it Cas, it was old…” Dean started to snuggle deeper into his bed when he realized something. He propped himself on his elbows and looked at Castiel’s dark figure. “Wait. Cas, are you gonna be able to go back to sleep without it?”
“It is unlikely.”
“Shit.” Dean fell back and rubbed his eyes, trying to once again think of a solution.
Castiel going to tell Dean that it wasn’t his responsibility to fix his problems and apologize for bothering him, but before he could Dean huffed a sigh and scooted to the other side of the bed. He then lifted the covers closer to Castiel, as if in invitation.
“Dean?” Castiel intoned, feeling as if he had missed something.
“Get your ass in the bed, Cas.” Dean’s voice was a bit gruff, and Castiel could imagine that the hunter was blushing. He was still rather confused, but complied nonetheless, crawling under the sheets and gazing curiously at Dean’s form. He did his best to ignore how his heart had begun to beat faster.
Dean proceeded to surprise Castiel even more, and pulled the ex-angel close to him. He kept his arms wrapped around him, rested his chin on Cas’s head, and began to hum – a tune that Castiel recognized but could not name. He decided not to question it. He closed his eyes and nestled closer to Dean, drifting steadily into the what he could honestly say was the best sleep he had ever experienced.
******
When Castiel awoke Dean had, of course, stopped humming, and instead was fast asleep. Therefore there was no substantial noise. However, Castiel could feel Dean’s arms still wrapped around him. He could feel the rise and fall of Dean’s chest.
Suddenly, the silence didn’t seem so bad.