Chapter Text
“Whatever it is that’s distracting you, Spring, I need you shut it away while you’re at work. This deadline is too important, for fuck’s sake! I don’t care what it is, just deal with it and get your fucking job done! You understand?”
“Yes, Mr. Flinch,” I mumble, shifting uncomfortably in my chair. I can feel my co-workers’ eyes piercing me. My boss hasn’t exactly been subtle. He had just appeared at my desk out of nowhere and started shouting at me, making sure everyone at the office would notice.
Mr. Flinch shoots me one last disapproving look before rushing into his meeting. I wish I could disappear into thin air. How could I have let this happen?
While most of my other colleagues continue with their work, making sure they don’t become Mr. Flinch’s next target, Liam appears at my desk.
“Hey, what’s going on with you, Charlie?”, he whispers, bending down to me. “You’ve really been acting a bit off lately, to be honest.” He looks as if he’s actually worried about me.
Liam has started working at the publishing house in the same week as I did, one year ago. We don’t really have much in common apart from our employer, but still we kind of bonded over time—especially when it came to dealing with Mr. Flinch, we all needed to stick together to make his re-occurring tantrums bearable. He would pick a different victim every day. It’s me today, and honestly, I can’t blame him. I’ve really been distracted in the past few weeks, but I always thought it wouldn’t affect my productivity so much, nor that anyone would take notice of it. Until today.
“Wanna join me in the kitchen and grab a coffee?” Liam asks with an encouraging smile.
“OK,” I sigh and get up.
Even though I urgently need to get this proofread done, I just can’t focus right now. My knees are still shaking from the unexpected rant. Why is my boss always doing that in front of everyone?
Maybe a little break will help me to calm down. I’m just not sure if I want to tell Liam what’s going on…Sometimes I can’t even explain it to myself properly.
When I enter the kitchen, there’s no one else but Liam. He fills two cups with coffee and hands me one of them. After taking a gulp of his own as if he needed it to prepare for anything I was going to tell him, he asks, “So…d’you wanna talk about it?”
“There’s nothing to talk about, really,” I mumble tentatively.
Liam and I get along well and it helps a lot to have him here to vent on how badly our boss is treating us, but we rarely get into…personal stuff. But he knows I’m with Nick and he didn’t seem to care much about my sexuality when I told him, but sometimes I get the feeling that he’s a bit…prejudiced. When I told him we were painting our new house’s front door, he asked me if it’s going to be pink, just because he thought ‘that’s a gay thing to do’. Seriously…I just ignored that comment, I don’t want to get into stuff like that with a co-worker.
Liam raises one of his eyebrows sceptically. I guess he knows me too well by now.
“Fine. But it’s probably nothing,” I shrug.
Liam shakes his head sympathetically, “Can’t be nothing given how upset you’ve been looking lately,” and he takes another sip of his coffee. “It’s not just Flinch giving you a hard time, is it?”
“Yeah…Well, there’s this new colleague of Nick’s, Chloe. He won’t stop talking about her, like, she seems to be a really good teacher and he’s learning a lot from her, which is fine, but…Nick’s been working long hours a couple of times recently, but he says it’s just for Chloe’s induction at school. And he seems so lost in thought lately, I don’t know. Probably I just…I just wish Nick and I could spend as much time together as he does with Chloe?” I laugh nervously.
“Oh come on, Charlie. What are you afraid of? Your long-term gay boyfriend suddenly turning straight?”
“Well, actually, Nick’s bi.” I really have no idea why I’m telling him this.
“Oh,” Liam raises his eyebrows.
“What?” My heart sinks.
“Erm, nothing, I guess I always assumed he was gay as well,” he shrugs and scratches his head sheepishly. I decide not to comment on this.
“You’ve been together since school, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Did he ever date girls before you met?”
“No, he didn’t.” I don’t really need to tell him about Nick kissing Tara once when they were thirteen, that sure didn’t count as dating, anyway. “Why?”
“Well, I don’t know…But has it ever occurred to you that he might feel like he…missed out on something?”
“What?” I almost drop my mug.
“Sorry if this is totally random,” Liam says, raising his hands placatingly, “but honestly, all I’m saying is that I’d be…curious if I were Nick.”
Liam seems to notice my derailing expression, so he quickly adds,
“—which doesn’t have to mean he’s not happy with you, not at all!”
It never crossed my mind that Nick might feel that way. Why would he? As long as we are happy together…He’s just been talking so much about Chloe, spending most of his time with her recently, I just got a bit jealous, but I didn’t actually think Nick would be interested in her that way…
Or did I?
No, this is totally random. Ridiculous. Nick and I are happy. Sure, we both had our struggles, especially during university when we had to spend so much time apart, but we always made it through together. Got stronger as a couple, and individually.
Liam has no idea. I shouldn’t have told him about Chloe. I’m starting to feel angry. More with myself than with Liam, to be honest.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Liam. This isn’t helpful.” My voice sounds less angry and more tearful than I want it to. I swallow, trying to clear the lump in my throat.
“Listen, Charlie, I know you’re upset because of Flinch, but you brought up Chloe, so there must be something about her that’s bothering you even more than our boss.” Liam crosses his arms in front of his chest and shrugs innocently. “I just shared my point of view. And you know, it’s perfectly normal to have crushes from time to time, even when you’re in a committed relationship. Doesn’t mean people act on them.”
I have trouble resisting the urge to throw my mug at Liam.
“I don’t want to hear any of this. Forget about it, I should have never brought it up.”
“OK, OK, never mind. But don’t blame me if Nick decides to give it a try when you keep acting like that, mate.” Liam winks at me. I scowl back. I guess it was meant to be a joke, but I don’t feel like laughing at all.
Liam’s putting on a more serious face now, “Hey, I’m not a relationship expert, but just tell Nick how you feel, OK? I’m sure it’ll all clear up. And screw ruddy Flinch, seriously. Just make sure you don’t give him another reason to pick on you.” Liam pats me on the shoulder sympathetically and leaves the kitchen.
I take a deep breath. I know that Nick loves me. He would never do anything to hurt me. Liam can be such a jerk sometimes, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about…
Or does he?
I never wanted to be with any other man since I met Nick. I’m sure he feels the same. But what about women? Nick and I have been talking about celebrity crushes, teasing each other about them, but there was nothing behind it. Though Chloe looks a lot like Zooey Deschanel, one of Nick’s celebrity crushes I know about…but there’s a difference between those stupid crushes and having real feelings for someone.
I shake my head in an attempt to get rid of the seed Liam has planted in my head. This is stupid. I’m just jealous that Chloe gets to spend more time with Nick than I do because they work together. But Nick and I, we have a life together. We love each other more than anything in the world. I know that. Nothing I need to talk about with Nick. We’re good. Positive affirmations. Deep breaths.
I finish my coffee and get back to work before giving Mr. Flinch a reason for throwing another tantrum.
*****
I’m having a hard time concentrating on the script I’m supposed to proofread. Whenever Mr. Flinch passes my desk, I can feel his glare, sending cold shivers down my spine. This doesn’t help. The words get blurry while I try to read them, and they don’t make any sense to me. I bury my head in my hands and try not to cry from frustration.
I can’t focus here, with Mr. Flinch lingering around, puncturing me with his eyes. I sigh and look around the office. The clock just strikes 6:00 p.m., a time when things normally calm down, but not in the past few weeks. Everyone is so busy, caught up in their own deadlines. No one will notice when I leave now.
I decide to finish the proofread at home, even though I hate taking work home, but I know I won’t get any work done at the office today with Mr. Flinch lurking behind every corner. I pack the script in my bag, my hands shaking slightly, and get up quietly, trying not to draw any attention to myself. When I walk past Mr. Flinch’s office, seeing it empty, I feel relief washing through my body. I turn around the corner of the corridor leading to the exit and smile to myself, at least I don’t have to put up with—
“What do you think you’re doing, Spring?”
My smile fades immediately. I had basically run directly in Mr. Flinch’s arms. Of course.
“I—erm…,” I stutter, taken by surprise, but he interrupts me impatiently.
“I sincerely hope that you’re done with that proofread, otherwise there’s no need for you to show up tomorrow anymore!”
I’m getting nauseous and try to rack my brain for an excuse, but all I find is an all-encompassing void. There’s no other way out, I need to tell him the truth.
“I—I’m almost done, Mr. Flinch, but it’s just too busy around here for me to concentrate. I’ll finish it tonight and you’ll have it on your desk tomorrow first thing in the morning!”
I can literally see how the next tantrum is building up inside him, and I’m trying to get up my mental shield, when his phone rings. He takes a brief look at the display and stiffens.
“You better do, Spring,” he mumbles absent-mindedly and walks off.
Close call. As soon as Mr. Flinch is out of sight, I basically run towards the exit, as fast as my wobbly legs allow me, my heart pounding frantically. I can’t stand this any longer.
When I exit the office building, a warm draught is drying my silent tears. Spring is in the air. I head towards the bus stop where a bunch of people is already waiting, staring at their phones. I’m glad they don’t take notice when I wipe the remaining tears off my face.
My mind keeps circling around Mr. Flinch, Liam and Chloe. I take a look at my phone to distract myself. There’s a couple of messages from Tao and Tori, but I open Nick’s first, knowing they most likely will cheer me up.
“Can’t wait ‘till you’re home <3”
“Get ready for loads of kisses and spicy dinner! xxx”
For a second, I can feel a familiar warmth flaring up in my chest, but there’s still this tight knot in my stomach. What if Nick starts talking about Chloe again tonight? I can’t take any more shit today.