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Technoblade, the infamous Blood God, was lonely. He hasn’t heard a prayer or any form of worship in a long time. That is until he hears a prayer from…is that a kid??
Tommyinnit, Ranboo, and Tubbo were three fourth graders. They grew up together in the orphanage and were never seen without the other two. They got picked on a lot for this because they “weren’t a real family” since they didn’t have any parents.
Tubbo comes bursting down the hallway, screaming at Tommy behind him. “TOMMY HURRY UP”
“I’m coming fucker shut up!”
Tommy finally catches up with Tubbo but doesn’t stop fast enough causing Tommy to run into him, which causes him to topple into the 7th grader in front of him, who topples creating a chain reaction down the hallway.
He scratches the back of his neck and at least has the decency to look a little sorry. “Oops”
The first 7th grader they ran into turns around and glares down at Tubbo scowling. “Watch where you’re going, idiot.”
Tommy curls his fists and barges in front of Tubbo and points angrily at the 7th grader, who looks very stupid in his very important big man opinion, with a bright lime green hoodie and a mask covering his face. “Don’t call Tubbo an idiot you asshole, he didn’t do anything wrong!”
“Oh, then I suppose I just fell on my own then?” The 7th grader, who Tommy has since realized is Dream, the popular parkour kid in the school, raises an eyebrow crossing his arms.
“Maybe you did, I wouldn’t know, you seem like the type of fucker who is that clumsy.” He stares Dream down defiantly daring him to take the bait.
And boy does he. “I’ll have you know that I am the best parkour artist in this whole school, and I bet I can do anything better than you and your friends with mine!” Dream explodes, gesturing wildly as he speaks. He crosses his arms waiting to see what Tommy says.
Tommy looks behind him at Tubbo and Ranboo who caught up to them in the middle of the conversation, raising an eyebrow to see if they wanna take the challenge. Ranboo shrugs, not caring whether they do or not, while Tubbo stares at him nodding sternly. Tommy swiftly turns around with his eyebrow still raised and stares up at Dream. “You’re on.”
Dream smirks behind his mask, chuckling a bit to himself. “Get ready for war.”
This war goes on for weeks, neither group wanting to back down. Dream brought in his 5 friends, George, Sapnap, Karl, Quackity, and Punz. Tommy just had Tubbo and Ranboo, it was an unfair fight. Dream and his group could always do better due to there being more of them. The trio needed a way to catch up and fast. They went to one of the best places to find quick ways to win wars, the internet.
“Oh, I might have found something, come here.” Ranboo is looking down at his phone reading an article.
“Technoblade, the God of war, also known as The Blood God? What can he do for us” Tubbo reads a bit then questions.
“It says here that in a lot of old wars people would pray to him for guidance and he would answer OH SHOOT, he was the one who gave the trojans the idea of the trojan horse?! He could help us!” Ranboo exclaims.
“Ranboo how do we even know he’ll answer us,” Tubbo, the ever-so-optimistic one asks.
“Tubs, big man, king, we don’t know until we try, now Ranboob-”
Ranboo sighs
“Ignoring that sigh, what was this bitches name again?”
“Technoblade”
Smirking Tommy begins praying “Oh Technoblade great blood god”
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“We need your help to defeat this group of idiots who tried us, they are no match for us cause we are big men, but we want to prove to them we can’t be beat, so don’t be a bitch and help us”
What the nether, is that a kid? Techno doesn’t know what to think about the first prayer he’s had in at least a few hundred years. First off it was a kid, and second off he called him a bitch. It was entertaining, he could say that much, but did he want his first answered prayer in a long time to be over a kids' war? He zones back in to hear the kid still going.
“Dream is just a bitch who likes tormenting fourth graders for fun, George is rarely there cause he’s always asleep but he is kinda ok I guess, Snapmap is just an arsonist, Karl is really funny but forgets things often, Punz is terrifying, and Quackity is so funny but can be scary. They are all in the 7th grade-”
Wait, these kids are in a war as fourth graders against 7th graders? Who thought that was fair, he is really starting to doubt that they are winning this war.
“You know what I’m going to help them. What’s the worst that could happen?” Techno mutters to himself.
If only he knew what he was getting himself into.
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Tommy finishes his prayer and sits there waiting and nothing happens.
“Well boys I guess that didn’t work, let’s try somethin-” He cuts himself off looking behind Tubbo and Ranboo as someone just appeared in their room.
The new man had on a shirt that looked like a pirate and a poet had a kid, with a bright red cape, long pink hair that was intricately braided, a golden crown, and tusks that frankly would terrify anyone but Tommy cause he was a big man. ( this is a lie, he is scared shitless)
“Uhhh Tommy you good?” Ranboo asks waving his hand in front of Tommy’s face.
Tommy shakes his head and just points behind them, they turn around and scream…loudly.
“Oh crap, uh don’t be scared? Stop screaming please it is not good for anyone's eardrums.”
They finally stop screaming and just all stare at this weird man until finally Tommy speaks
“Who the fuck are you?” He asks raising an eyebrow and squaring his shoulders trying to look intimidating.
Techno chuckles and shakes his head correcting Tommy's form. “ First off you look like an angry kitten, second you’re sticking your chest out too much bring it back, then bring your shoulders even with it.”
He nods watching as Tommy does so. “Better, and to answer your question, I am Technoblade-”
“The Blood God, God of War, who helped the trojans win the war with the wooden horse strategy?” Ranboo asks, nervously fidgeting as Technos's attention turns his way.
Techno nods. “Yes, I heard your prayer and decided to answer seeing as it was my first one in way too long. So what is this about a group of 7th graders beating your ass?”
Tommy immediately bristles getting ready to yell at him when Tubbo sees this and raises his hand stopping Tommy before speaking. “This group of 7th graders decided to challenge us because I accidentally tripped into one knocking him over. This has been going on for weeks, and they show no signs of stopping, even with how bad we are losing, they just seem to like bullying us.”
“Well then, I think it’s past due someone puts them in their place. How would you like my help?’
All three boys look at each other and have a silent conversation before turning and nodding at him. Techno smirks already excited, not that he would show it, at the prospect of war, even if no one would be dying.
They start by preparing for everything they remotely think the older group would throw at them, including knife throwing ( how does one even be allowed to do that as fourth graders he doesn’t know ), running, soccer, football, and more. Techno would never admit it but this ragtag bunch is growing on him. He learns they don’t have parents, and decides to try and teach them to things that all parents should, including cooking ( Tommy is banned from the kitchen after the spaghetti incident), tying their shoes, and much more.
The boys on the other hand will outwardly admit how much Techno has grown on them, even Tommy who never trusted anyone else.
“Techno did you know that you’re the first adult who has shown this much love to us.” Ranboo will ask after one of their training sessions.
Techno did not know this, but he just grunts in response, not showing any outward response.
They finally finished training a week later, and they show up to their first “battle” after meeting Techno more confident than ever. Dream and his group look cocky watching them walk up until they notice the scary-looking man walking behind them who just radiates an aura of power.
They stare in shock as this man stands behind the group of fourth graders staring them down with a disinterested look. He raises his eyebrow towards Dream who just stares before nodding and beginning the battle.
Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo's training pays off in the end, and they beat the 7th graders by a strong margin. Techno watches as the boys cheer and even gives them a little smile. He waits till they walk off a bit before walking over to the 7th graders staring them down.
“If I hear of you bullying my boys again it will not end well for you 6. Am I clear?” Techno stares them down waiting till he gets a nod from each of them before walking off.
“Your boys huh?” Tommy teases.
Techno looks down at the three boys in front of him and huffs, before placing a hand on Tommys shoulder kneeling to his level. “My boys, if you want to be”
“Wait wait wait, does this mean what I think it means” Tubbo blurts out staring at Techno
“I want to adopt you three if you’ll let me.” Techno smiles, like actually smiles, down at them.
They look at each other and nod, without even having to have a conversation, they all knew the answer. Techno smiles and they all head to the orphanage to fill out paperwork, Techno may have had to pull a few strings, but he did end up with his boys. If he knew how this would end when he first heard the prayer, he thinks he would’ve answered it still. He wouldn’t give up his boys for the world.
Now they just have to get through life together one day at a time. He may have pulled a few strings with Kristin to get these boys to be immortal and stop aging around 20, so they never lose each other, but no one but them needs to know that. All everyone needs to know is that Technoblade, the infamous Blood God, finally was happy.