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Knock, knock, knock.
Madeleine rocked on his heels, whistling a happy tune to himself as he waited for a response. His arms were getting rather tired from holding the gift he’d specially picked out for this occasion, and he took a moment to look down at it, to make sure that the wrapping had held its shape. His aunties had offered to help him wrap the present up once they’d prodded him enough times to get the story of what it was and who it was for, but Madeleine had insisted that he just do it himself. It would seem more genuine if he wrapped it himself, without any help.
After all, that’s what Espresso had said, hadn’t he?
“It seems you have finally decided on your own path.”
Those words had been bouncing around Madeleine’s mind like a jelly frog stuck in a shoebox ever since his longtime friend had uttered them. He had laughed, genuinely laughed, and all but told Madeleine he was proud of him. And then, the two of them had parted ways, and Madeleine had started planning his trip around Earthbread, but even though he had every reason to mind his own business and set forth on his grand adventure… Madeleine just wasn’t satisfied. He hadn’t really known why, either, but whenever he had a dilemma, Espresso seemed to know what to do about it. So here he was, at Espresso’s house, offering in hand and mind spinning at a mile a minute.
After waiting what seemed like far too long, Madeleine raised his fist to knock again just in time for the door to open, revealing a very dressed down Espresso in a half buttoned black shirt and a loose skirt rather than his usual tunic and cloak. His hair was pulled back in a ponytail, though his bangs still flopped over his eye.
“Madeleine? What are you doing here?” he asked, scanning the nervous paladin with his one visible eye.
Madeleine panicked. “You are wearing less clothes than usual.”
The air hung heavy and silent between them for so long that Madeleine wished the Divines would just send down a bolt of lightning and reduce him to crumbs for such a horribly misspoken statement. But no lightning bolt came, and Espresso didn’t slam the door in his face. Instead, the professor snorted.
“Well, there’s no reason to be dressed up,” Espresso finally explained, having taken a moment to process whatever that outburst was. He leaned against the doorframe. “I’m packing my things. Gingerbrave and company are taking an airship to the Vanilla Kingdom tomorrow, and I intend on going with them. I told you this the last time we met.”
“Right, right. Of course I remember! Just, usually you’re so finely dressed! Not that you don’t look nice now, but you’re not one for casual wear.” Even though he was in the clear, Madeleine was still a bundle of nerves. “May I come in?”
“Fine by me.”
And with that, Espresso held open the door for Madeleine to step through.
The paladin had been inside Espresso’s home hundreds of times before, usually to pick him up for a summons at the council; or for a train ride out of town to do some investigative work; or even for the occasional check-in to make sure that Espresso hadn’t forgotten to eat, sleep, or drink something other than coffee. That being said, while he always came with a purpose in mind, he’d enjoyed his stays. Espresso’s home was cozy but always cluttered with half finished projects, experiments, and inquiries. He’d brought several chalkboards home from the Institute of Thaumaturgy and upon them were usually scribbled up equations and theories and diagrams of… Honestly, Madeleine had no idea. When Espresso talked magicology, he might as well have been speaking a different language with how little Madeleine retained.
However, today, all of the things that made Espresso’s apartment his home were gone, boxed up and stacked by the door. It was surprising how few belongings he had, but Madeleine supposed that was because much of what he had was lent from the Institute, and when he was fired, well… he had to give that back.
“You’re oddly quiet,” Espresso remarked, moving over to the couch and taking a seat. He picked up a mug from the coffee table and sipped from it.
Madeleine blinked as though he’d been snapped out of a trance. “Me? Quiet? Well… I’ve been thinking.”
“That’s never a good sign. Do you want something to drink? I gave away all of my groceries, and I packed up my coffee maker already, but the landlord hasn’t shut off my water yet, so that’s something.”
Madeleine shook his head, smiling. “No thank you, I shouldn’t be bothering you for long.”
“Mmph.” Espresso set down his mug of… water, and shook his head. “You’re not a bother. So, what’s in the box? I assume that’s the reason you’re here.”
For a split second, Madeleine had no clue what he was talking about. Then, he looked at what was in his arms and remembered.
“Ah, yes, I brought you a gift! A farewell gift, if you will.” He handed it to Espresso and shifted from foot to foot as he watched him take it. “I figured that if you were to go to Vanilla Kingdom, there were a few things that you needed to take with you. Go on, take a look!”
“You got me a gift?” Espresso tilted his head, a gentle smile flicking across his face. “How thoughtful of you.”
“Go on, open it!”
“I will, I will. Did you wrap this?”
“Yes.”
“I can tell.”
With that, Espresso peeled back the wrapping paper, tore through the tape, and opened the box to reveal…
“Oh, it’s bags of coffee beans,” Espresso muttered, cocking an eyebrow as he lifted one up, listening to them clack against one another. “Not to be ungrateful, but what?”
“Well, I figured that even if you like the espresso that the inn makes you, you’ll always feel that it won’t be better than your own. So I found your coffee bean supplier and bought you enough to last you a while!” Madeleine proudly announced. “I figured you already had your own supply, but since it might be costly to import all the way over there, I do believe that you will be grateful you have it when things get stressful.”
“ Very thoughtful of you…” Espresso squinted as he set down the bag. “Are you sure you came up with this on your own?”
Madeleine scratched the back of his neck, plastering on a grin. “Well… no, I asked around at the Institute for ideas. But! But, I did come up with what’s underneath the espresso beans. So keep going!”
“There’s more?”
Espresso pulled out the several — and he meant several — bags of coffee beans and set them aside. Madeleine was a good man who always had good intentions, but he had not yet mastered the art of estimation. It was going to take him a good six months to get through all of this and what he already had. But as he rid the box of its contents, he saw what Madeleine had been referencing. Nestled at the bottom, unwrapped but just as lovingly put together as the rest of the gift, was a singular picture frame, complete with a picture.
The picture was something Espresso didn’t remember at first, he thought as he lifted it up and stared at it with a blank expression. It was a snapshot of him standing next to Madeleine at some sort of festival, given that the backdrop was of carnival rides and brightly lit stands. Both of them stuck out like a sore thumb amidst the cheerfulness and mundaneness of it all. Him with his dark robes and scowl, and Madeleine with his armour and shields. Some passers-by were even staring, not that either of them had noticed. To top it all off, Madeleine had thrown his arm around Espresso, pulling him close as he gave his award winning smile to the camera. The both of them looked happy, all things considered.
“Do you like it?” Madeleine finally asked, breaking the silence. Espresso looked up to see the paladin twiddling his gloved fingers, staring down at him with anticipation.
“When was this?” Espresso held up the picture. “I don’t remember taking a picture…”
“You don’t remember the carnival?!” Madeleine blurted. “It was only one of the most fun days we had when we were looking for light fragments! I insisted we went inside, and you said it was a waste of time, and then you helped me win that stuffed bear! I still have that… but you don’t remember?”
“Well, I remember now ,” Espresso admitted, sheepish now. “I just… assumed we never took any pictures together. I’m surprised this exists. And that you’ve held onto it so long.”
“What can I say? It’s a fond memory.” He pushed the picture back towards Espresso. “And now it’s your fond memory. You can put it on your desk so you don’t ever forget it again!”
So you don’t forget me either , Madeleine thought but didn’t say.
After all, Espresso was leaving behind the glorious republic and everyone in it. Not that Madeleine could blame him after everything that had happened, of course, but from the way Espresso spoke about getting a new start and taking his research in a new direction without the support of the Institute, it sounded less like a break and more like a permanent decision. And his future, well, frankly it didn’t have Madeleine in it. It didn’t have anyone in it.
That should have made it easier, but it didn’t.
“Thank you. I appreciate it.” Espresso smiled and placed it back in the box, covering it back up with the coffee beans, burying it underneath those small magical pebbles that he loved so much more. “Though, from the pensive look on your face, one would say that you didn’t just come here to give me a gift.”
“Pensive look?!” Madeleine gasped. Shit, was it that obvious?! “The Great Madeleine Cookie is not pensive,” he laughed boisterously, trying to save face. “I’m very happy for you, and I do not have other intentions. I’m surprised you think so little of me!”
“Mmhm, tell your face that.” Espresso set aside the box. “Madeleine, if you have something to say, now would be the time.”
Leave it to Espresso to see right through him. How did that coffee mage always seem to know exactly what was on his mind at all times? Was it some sort of dark magic? Or was Madeleine really losing his touch? For years, the paladin had been a master of putting on a brave face and pushing through every battle that life threw his way. From training at the Paladin Academy to fighting hoards of cake hounds to leaving his home behind to travel alongside Espresso into the new kingdoms, Madeleine always smiled and pressed on, rolling with the punches with the greatest of ease.
This man, however, was incredibly hard to get anything by. Espresso never took him at his word, possibly due to his naturally inquisitive nature. All of the gestures and words and facial expressions that had gotten Madeleine this far had never worked on him. He always asked too many questions and did his own thing and pushed buttons that Madeleine didn’t even know he had. If Madeleine didn’t know any better, he’d say that was precisely the reason Espresso was so fascinating to him. Precisely the reason why-
“I don’t think you should leave the republic,” Madeleine suddenly blurted.
Espresso shook his head. “I… beg your pardon?”
“Our republic is one of the most glorious places for a cookie to live! Despite its issues, you should stay!” he continued. No turning back now. “In fact, I believe that
because
of its issues, you should stay!”
“Are you mad?” Espresso half laughed out of disbelief. Surely Madeleine wasn’t this stupid. “I’ve lost everything here! My job is forfeit, my reputation is sullied, my funds are all but depleted… I’m sure if the elders suddenly decided to press charges for treason, they would have good reason to.”
“But you’re a good person! You did the right thing! You could- you could build up your reputation again! The corrupted elders are gone, so you could get your job back and make the republic great again. You’re the only one who can.”
Espresso narrowed his eyes. “You’re being serious?”
“Of course I’m being serious! What else would I be?” Madeleine exclaimed, waving his arms. “And what of the lower city? Who will speak for them?”
“I don’t… it isn’t my responsibility to speak for the lower city. The elders have been ignoring us for long enough; one particularly loud researcher will not change their minds.”
“So you’re not even going to try? You’re just going to leave? Abandon everyone here?”
Espresso stood up in a huff, straightening his skirt and walking briskly to the kitchen. “I don’t have to listen to this.”
“So you’re ignoring me too now?” Madeleine huffed, following after him. “I just- I just don’t think that you moving to the Vanilla Kingdom is a good idea! You’ll be leaving behind everything you know! You’ll be lonely and sad. How is that going to help your research?”
“Lonely and sad?!” He turned on his heel and stopped Madeleine by poking his finger into his chest. “Perhaps you are mistaken, Madeleine, maybe it is you who thinks so little of me . I know what I’m doing. I have always known what I was doing. I have always been able to handle myself. I have done so before you, and I will do so after you. I don’t know what you think you’re doing here, but I do not need this republic, and I certainly do not need you in order to be successful. If you think otherwise, then you are invited to kindly get the hell out of my house.”
Each of his words struck Madeleine like knives, and he couldn’t help but stumble back once he was finished. Madeleine’s chest tightened, like Espresso had stuck his hand into his very dough, grabbing his heart and tearing it right out only to throw it on the ground and stomp it into buttery little shards. Was… was that what he really felt? Perhaps Madeleine had been harsh, but that… He didn’t need him? After all they had been through…
“Seaweed Cookie was right, you know,” Madeleine snapped, giving in to that hollow anger in his chest. It was improper of him, but he didn’t care about proper anymore. Espresso had hurt him. He’d hurt him, and now he would speak his mind, even if it hurt him back. “She was right when she said that you just keep playing hide and seek! You keep hiding, and people keep seeking, and you just leave them behind! So… so there!”
And with a huff, he whirled around, his cape flaring behind him as he stormed through Espresso’s door, slamming it behind him. He didn’t even wait long enough for the coffee mage to get another word in otherwise. Now, stupid Espresso would be alone with his stupid thoughts. Good.
It wasn’t like he cared. He was Madeleine! Paladin of the Divines! He didn’t need anyone either, especially some… some arrogant jerk like Espresso Cookie.
***
An hour after Madeleine’s outburst, Espresso sat on his couch. Everything was packed now. The apartment had been cleaned. The furniture was exactly the way he’d found it. However, despite everything being exactly the way it was supposed to be, he didn’t feel… right.
“Seaweed Cookie was right, you know!”
Espresso grimaced to himself and stood up, pacing the floor of his empty shell of a home. How could he say that? What did he know of Seaweed Cookie? Of his past! Who was he to quote someone over something he could never possibly understand! Him and his light magic household, palatable to the elders, palatable to the Crème Republic. He never had to honestly work a day in his life! He knew nothing about the lower city. About him! And if he really cared what happened to those cookies, why didn’t he do something himself?
Madeleine certainly had his oafish moments, but this one, ohoho, this one took the cake.
“You keep playing hide and seek!”
Espresso wasn’t running, and he certainly wasn’t hiding. Why couldn’t Madeleine just listen to him for one moment and see that he had perfectly good motives for going to the Vanilla Kingdom? He wasn’t escaping his problems; he was fixing them. After all, you can’t put out a fire from inside the house, and the republic — whether Madeleine was willing to see it or not — was undoubtedly on fire. Three elders were gone; corruption ran so deeply that even the church couldn’t be trusted to take care of the poor and the broken; and Dark Enchantress would have destroyed them all had the ancients never come to their rescue. Nothing else could be done for the place if he insisted on playing by their twisted rules!
Additionally, Espresso didn’t need Madeleine to whisk him away from the trouble, sweet talk him into good standing again, fight his battles for him, or whatever that idiot thought he needed. He was just as capable of handling himself as anyone else was. He didn’t need a fucking white knight in shining armour to make it all go away; he needed to get out! But not in a running away way, in a reasonable decision way. That was the important thing.
“You keep hiding, and people keep seeking, and you just leave them behind!”
Who exactly was seeking him outside of his enemies? He held valuable research in his hands, skills beyond most cookies’ comprehension. He was the only one with the power to make magic candies, so obviously he was in danger. If he was hiding, which he wasn’t , he would have a very good reason to, unless…
… unless that wasn’t the point.
Espresso stopped pacing, finding himself standing right over the box of coffee beans that Madeleine had handed him. He reached inside, pushing the bags aside, and pulled out the picture frame that Madeleine had gifted to him, turning it over in his hands. It puzzled him why Madeleine had held onto this so long, and it puzzled him even more why Madeleine figured that this was the gift that Espresso needed. This was the only copy of this picture — as far as Espresso knew, of course — and Madeleine gave it to him .
Espresso was scowling. In the picture, he was scowling, so it must have been taken a long time ago. Nowadays, he wouldn’t scowl like that. He was sure of it. But Madeleine clearly had held it dearly when it was in his possession. The picture frame looked expensive, and the picture itself was in excellent quality.
So was that what Madeleine saw when he looked at it? The scowling? The forgetfulness? The fighting? That wasn’t what Espresso meant for him to see. Perhaps it was once, but he had changed. So had Madeleine, clearly so had Madeleine.
Espresso placed the picture frame back into the box, on top of the coffee beans, and stared at it one last time before grabbing for his cloak. He was a man of many mistakes, he thought as he fastened it over his chest, straightening out the wrinkles and rushing to the door. He was not proud of many of them. Tonight, however, was the last night that he could atone for his most recent one. Likely, there wouldn’t come another chance.
Espresso locked the door and took off into the night, knowing exactly where to go.
“Playing hide and seek again, are we?”
“No,” Espresso grumbled, silencing that voice in his head that echoed all of the others. “I’m not. Not tonight.”
***
“Espresso? What are you doing here?” Madeleine gasped, looking to be a proper wreck from the last time Espresso had seen him. His perfect hair was all but ruined, sticking out in all sorts of directions, and his white eyeliner was smudged.
Espresso took a deep breath. “I can’t have my last night here end in a fight with you.”
Madeleine frowned pointedly. “Funny, since you seemed content with it earlier.”
“I was wrong then. May I come in?”
“No!” Madeleine blocked the entrance with his body. “You made it very clear that you are in a rush getting out of here, and I don’t want to weigh you down since you don’t need me, so if you have something to say, you can say it right here, right now.”
“Ugh, you make it impossible to apologise sometimes. Alright then, I suppose that is only fair. You were right,” he stated directly, not exactly meeting Madeleine’s eyes. “You said I was hiding from something, and you were right. But it isn’t the republic, and it isn’t you either.”
Madeleine gripped the doorframe loosely, not sure how he was supposed to react to this. “Okay.”
“And I am going. No matter what you say or what anyone else says, I’m going to Vanilla Kingdom. I think that it is where I’m supposed to be, and I think that given the space, time, and resources, I will be able to find a way to mass produce magic candies. I know pearl candies exist, but they are not safe, and they will only cause ruin if we mass produce them and make them available to everyone,” Espresso continued. “The republic isn’t heeding my warnings. If I continue to work for them, even if they let me, I will only hasten something horrible. You understand that, don’t you?”
“I understand,” Madeleine muttered, tilting his head, genuinely listening. Espresso was getting somewhere, somewhere else, and he would wait for him to get there on his own terms.
“I just wanted you to understand that I was…” Espresso huffed, gathering himself. “I was just trying to make you believe that I know the consequences of my actions. I know what I’ve done. I know what I’m doing. Believe me, I’m as worried that it won’t work out as you are. But I have to tr because if I don’t, I will become part of the problem. I can’t do what I need to do here. It’s impossible. It’s a scary next step — believe me, I know — but it’s one I need to take. For all of us.”
Madeleine nodded.
“But you were right. I am hiding, and I guess that I was hiding most recently from you. I suppose that is what I do; I hide from people, even when they’re just trying to help. I don’t even know why I do it. Maybe it’s just easier to leave things behind when people hate you.” He looked at the ground. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I know that you care about me, and I know that you struggle with that.” Before Madeleine could speak otherwise, Espresso cut him off. “And I struggle with it too, so there’s not any shame in it. I have been waiting for a very long time for someone to say something about what there is between us, and it was easier to wait rather than say something out of line and lose the first chance of a genuine friend that I’ve had in a long time. But I’m doing so; I was leaving you behind, hiding from you, so to speak. So. Yes. If that makes sense.”
“I don’t think I fol-”
Espresso looked up again, staring deep into Madeleine’s eyes, the look alone cutting him off. There was something deeper than the look, something Madeleine couldn’t exactly place. But even he, in all of his obliviousness, could tell that there was an unseen weight to Espresso’s words, to his voice, to the anxious frown he wore on his face.
“You’re going to make this harder than it has to be, aren’t you?” he grumbled. “Just… here, may I?”
“Of course, but I’m not sure what you-”
Espresso reached up and cupped his hand around Madeleine’s cheek, his heart pounding like a drumbeat in his ears as he slid it down to the paladin’s chin. He pulled Madeleine’s face closer to him, until he could feel his breath against his own face, and he leaned in, pressing his lips softly against Madeleine’s. Lingering there for a moment, Espresso breathed in, taking in that subtle sweet scent that followed Madeleine wherever he went, letting it fill his lungs. When they finally parted, Espresso opened his eyes to see that Madeleine’s were closed, his lips slightly parted in awe.
Espresso took another breath, his teeth gently biting his dry bottom lip. “That… is what I mean.”
“... Wow…” Madeleine breathed softly. His eyes fluttered open to look down at Espresso. “I… see… Can we do that again, please?”
Espresso nodded and pulled him in once more, pressing his lips more firmly against Madeleine’s, taking the lead and letting Madeleine follow. He leaned into the kiss, pressing his body flush with Madeleine’s and wrapping his arms around his neck. Soon, he felt Madeleine’s arms around his waist, holding him firmly, like he could slip away at any minute. As they kissed, everything else seemed to melt away. House Madeleine, the streetlights, the very concrete they stood upon, the republic itself, all of the responsibilities and pain and fear, it all melted away, leaving the two men in each others’ arms. Right where they belonged.
When they parted once more, Madeleine pressed his forehead against Espresso’s, panting the same way he would after training.
“I can go with you, you know,” Madeleine whispered. “To the Vanilla Kingdom.”
But Espresso shook his head. “I can’t ask you to come any more than you can ask me to stay. Besides, you’ve got the world to see. Don’t you want that?”
“But I just got a chance to… to know how you feel. I can’t leave you now.”
“The distance will be good, I think.” Espresso closed his eyes, smiling as he leaned against him. “I’ll get settled; you’ll get the opportunity to step outside of your comfort zone. And one day, we’ll meet in the middle. I can promise to wait for you if you promise to come back.”
“Of course I promise. I promise a thousand times over. By my honour, by my house, by the Divines, I promise I’ll come home to you.” Madeleine kissed Espresso’s forehead. “I can’t promise it will be easy, however.”
“I could always have Black Raisin lend me her crows. I can send letters.”
“That’s not the same.”
“No, but it’s a start.”
“It’s a start,” Madeleine ceded, parting from him. “So, is this it for now?”
Espresso shrugged. “I will leave that decision up to you. After all, the airship doesn’t leave until the morning. We have one last night together.”
“One last night…” A steady blush crept across Madeleine’s face as he finally understood Espresso’s meaning. “Oh… oh… I suppose we do.”
Espresso smirked. “So… your response?”
Madeleine stood for a moment, weighing his options. Then, he stepped back, holding open the door and gesturing Espresso inside. The future and all of its trials and tribulations could wait. Tonight, he had Espresso by his side. And he would make the most of it.