Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Shii-chan, what do you think about this dress? Oh, wouldn’t it match great with this sunhat? But this dress matches it a little better, but I prefer the color of the other one…”

Shiho stands awkwardly behind her older sister posing elegantly in front of a mirror as she alternates holding up a blue dress and orange dress. Feeling like a sore thumb in the middle of a clothing store carrying clothes that she never gives a second thought to, Shiho tries to keep herself out of view behind the clothes racks.

“They both look good, I guess,” she sighs, “Sis, we already got what Mom asked us to pick up, so can’t we just head home already?” Shiho waves around a plastic bag of various groceries and utensils to drive her point. Shizuku spins around, still holding up the dresses.

“Oh…you want to go home already?” Her face falls, and gives Shiho a shimmering pair of eyes that she has to look away from.

“I-I mean…you come here all the time with your friends, don’t you?” Shiho scratches the back of her head. “You can shop for clothes any time, so…”

“That might be true, but I don’t get to shop for clothes together with my little sister as often…” Shizuku counters with a disarming smile. Shiho already knew this was going to happen, and sighs.

“Okay, fine, but can you just—“ The little sister glances at a pair of girls staring straight at Shizuku while murmuring into each other’s ear. “Could you at least hurry it up a bit?” Shiho grumbles in a low voice.

“Alright! I’ll go try these on first and we can go afterward, okay?”

“Yes, please.”

“Come with me to the fitting room will you? I want your opinion too.”

“Seriously?”

Shiho tails her older sister to the fitting room, figuring it would be faster if she just goes along instead of fighting. Just as they approach the fitting room, someone taps on her shoulder.

“Excuse me, sir.”

It was the store assistant.

“The fitting room is reserved for ladies only.”

Familiar with the mistake, Shiho opens her mouth to speak. “Oh, I—“

“Oh, I’m sorry! This is my little sister. I wanted her to help me pick out a dress to buy,” Shizuku quickly corrects with a gentle smile.

The store assistant takes another glance at Shiho, blinks, and her face turns bright red. “M-my apologies! I thought that you were— Um, I mean—“

“You’re good. Don’t sweat it,” Shiho quickly waves a hand at the girl bobbing her head at her in apologetic bows. “Sis, let’s hurry up.”

*******

While Shizuku changes, Shiho pokes away at her pet app just outside the stall. The sound of retro beeping and shuffling clothes echo off the walls of the empty fitting rooms.

“That’s happened quite a few times now, hasn’t it, Shii-chan?” Shizuku suddenly says.

“Hm? Oh, that. Yeah, I guess it has,” Shiho answers Shizuku’s voice without looking up from her game.

“It doesn’t bother you?”

Shiho stops tapping. The clothes stop shuffling with it. She doesn’t know what to say.

Or rather, she doesn’t know if what she has to say, is what her sister wants to hear.

Shiho already knows, after all, that the way she is—

Who she is—

To the eyes of others, it was a wrong way to be.

“No,” she simply says.

“I see.”

Shiho goes back to mindlessly pushing the buttons on her phone. Shizuku’s shoes click on the floor a few times.

“…Does it bother you?” Shiho asks back to her own surprise.

“No, it doesn’t,” Shizuku replies without missing a beat. “No matter what someone else thinks of you, you’ll always be my little sister.”

Shiho holds back a laugh. Of course, Shizuku would say something like that.

The fitting room door unlocks, and Shizuku walks out in the blue dress. Shiho quickly shoves her phone into her pocket and stands at attention with her arms crossed.

“How’s this?” The older sister holds up the side of her dress and does a little twirl.

“Not bad.”

“Not bad? So you did like the orange one better?”

Shiho shrugs and shakes her head, sighing. “I don’t know. They both look good on you.”

“Oh, but that just makes it even harder to choose!”

“…Honestly, Sis, you make anything look decent. So please, pick one and let’s go home already.”

Shizuku gasps lightly. Shiho internally slaps herself.

“Shii-chan, you’re soooo sweet!” Without a care in the world, Shizuku throws her arms around her little sister, and Shiho suffers the consequences she brought on herself.

“Pleasesstooop.”

Shizuku finally lets go, facing the mirror along the wall next to Shiho.

After fixing her tousled hair, Shiho looks on, taking in the differences between her and her sister.

Shizuku, an idol with the feminine beauty that every girl and her mother wants…and her own self; a girl that everyone and their mother wants to have a hand at dressing up like a doll.

Because after all…

Her chest becomes saddled with heaviness she wishes she could just throw away. Shiho’s eyes fall to her shoes.

“Oh, Shii-chan, your jacket,” Shizuku suddenly steps to her front, gently taking the collar of Shiho’s hood into her hand. “The seams are falling apart… Maybe we can get a new one while we’re here? I’ll pay for it!”

“No way,” Shiho backsteps and snatches her collar away. “This is my favorite jacket. Besides, there’s nothing I would want to buy here.”

“Aww, but I really wanted to at least get you something—“

“You’ll be getting me plenty when you pick a dress and we can go home…”

“Okay, okay…”

When Shizuku returns inside the stall, Shiho thumbs over the threads that have come apart at the collar of her hood.

Having just wrapped up a practice session, Shiho lifts her bass guitar over her shoulder and places it back on its stand. She picks up the empty thermos on her desk, bringing it with her down the stairs for a quick refill.

On the way to the kitchen, Shiho passes by her parents’ room as usual.

“Di…try…iho…gain?”

She stops midstep. Voices speaking in a hushed tone leak out from the room. Shiho backtracks, quietly padding over to the door. As she gets closer, she immediately recognizes the voices to be her mom’s, and her sister’s.

“I did, but she didn’t want anything,” Shizuku’s voice said.

“Well, that was to be expected I suppose. What am I going to do with her…?”

A chill goes up Shiho’s spine.

“Listen, Shizuku. Keep looking out for your sister, okay? I’m so worried about her.”

“I am, Mom, but—“

“Shiho is in high school already. If she doesn’t grow up and realize herself as the woman she’s supposed to be, I’m so scared that she’ll come to hate herself.”

“Mom…”

“Just keep trying, Shizuku. One day she’ll come to her senses.”

“…Okay.”

Shiho’s nails scrape against her thermos.

Oh.

So that’s it.

That’s why, this whole time, Shizuku has…

Shiho turns around, and walks back to her room with her empty thermos.

******

Shizuku sits Seiza across from her mother at her tea table. Her hands mindlessly rub against each other, away from her mother’s gaze. It wasn’t the presence of her mother that made the air so heavy and tense, but their conversation topic.

“Mom,” Shizuku speaks calmly, “I’ve been trying for a long time now like you’ve asked, ever since Shii-chan started high school. I just…don’t think that this is what she wants—“

“Shiho doesn’t know what she wants!” Her mother slaps her palm down on the table. Shizuku flinches. “It’s because we weren’t there for you two as often as we should have…we couldn’t watch over Shiho, and now she’s like…like that.” She puts a hand to her shaking head.

“But Mom, I’ve seen her when she’s with her friends, you know? Ichika-chan and the others,” she says fondly, “when she’s with them, she smiles brighter than she’s ever had.”

Shizuku bears a solemn smile.

“Brighter than when she’s with you…or with me,” she trails off quietly.

Steadying herself, Shizuku musters a smile and looks back up to her mother. “I think that Shii-chan is happy just the way she is right now. Isn’t that good enough?”

Her mother pauses. Her lips are thin, and wrinkles plague her brow.

“Shizuku,” she responds, “I’m only asking you to do this for Shiho’s own good—” her mother reaches across the table to take her hand into hers— “You care for your sister too, don’t you? I know you do. Trust me when I say that if she continues as she is now...society will shun her.”

She squeezes her hand.

“I don’t want that for her, Shizuku. So please.”

Shizuku’s gaze falls back down. If her mother is being this insistent, then she isn’t given much choice.

“I know what you’re saying, Mom. I’ll...try my best, but...as of right now, I don’t think I can guarantee anything—“

“Just keep trying, dear. We’re all girls, right? We should act like one…”

Her mother lets go of her, and Shizuku retracts her hands back under the table. She peers down into her reflection at the cup of tea that's gone cold.

She doesn’t know what to do. She doesn’t know if she should be a faithful daughter, or a good sister.

She doesn’t know if she keeps doing as she does now, if she can even continue calling herself a sister.

Shizuku picks up her stagnant tea and finishes off the dregs.

“Let’s see…It should be this one.”

Shiho looks up at the small store name from her phone, comparing them to make sure she hasn’t gotten anything mixed up. Satisfied, she pushes the door open. A dainty bell announces her entrance.

“Welcome! How can we help you today?”

Almost immediately, a store attendant who looks to be close to her age pops up to greet her.

“Hello,” Shiho nods politely, “I’m here to have one of my jackets repaired. My friend said to look for Akiyama Mizuki.”

“Oh? Well, you’re in luck!” The attendant beams. “I just so happen to be the person you’re looking for. And you are…?”

“Hinomori Shiho.”

“Okay, Shiho-chan, just your jacket that needs fixing you said?”

“First name basis already…?” Shiho thinks, “I guess we look about the same age anyway, but…”

“Um, yeah.” Shiho takes off her jacket and passes it over to Mizuki.

“Lemme see, lemme see…” Mizuki opens it up, inspecting the sleeves, hood, zipper, and hems of the jacket. “Yep, poor thing sure is falling apart in more than a few places, but should be a cinch to patch up. Something like this would be ‘round 1600 Yen. That alright with you?”

“Really? I thought it’d be more expensive than that, but alright…”

“Hehe, it’s my discount. I can tell this jacket was really well loved.”

Shiho scratches the back of her head. “You could say something like that.”

Mizuki gestures for Shiho to follow them further into the store, and Shiho does. There are only one or two other workers in the store sewing away at something with their machines in their own area, so it was relatively quiet. Mizuki takes a seat in one of the booths at the sewing table, and Shiho seats herself on a stool nearby.

“Let’s see, I’ll probably fix up this tear on the sleeve lining here first, then move on to the bigger stuff on the hood and hem later…” Mizuki mumbles. Shiho watches patiently at the side, watching them start the repairs with practiced motions. The sewing machine hammers away with steady, rhythmic tacks.

While she waited, Shiho looks around the booth, noting the outfits and costumes put on some mannequins in the corner. Though it was obvious they were only half finished, Shiho could tell they were made by someone who had a sense of fashion.
“Are those customer orders over there?” Shiho finds herself asking.

“Those outfits in the corner there? No, those are just some of my pet projects for when business is slow,” Mizuki answers without looking up. “Cute, aren’t they? The boss lets me use whatever fabrics and accessories that get leftover from orders. I’m always doing this kind of stuff in my spare time anyway, so this job for me is like getting paid to do what I like! It’s a win-win!”

“I see…”

Looking at the outfits reminds her of sister, and her mom’s voice echoes in her head.

“Just keep trying, Shizuku. One day she’ll come to her senses.”

“…Hey, Akiyama?” Shiho finds herself asking.

“Hm? What’s up?”

“Do you think it’s wrong for girls to wear the wrong clothes?”

Mizuki’s sewing machine stops dead cold. The cutting silence catches Shiho off guard.

Fearing that she had asked something a little too controversial for someone she had just met, Shiho quickly tries to remedy the stiff air.

“Sorry, that sort of came out of nowhere. You don’t have to an–”

“No,” Mizuki speaks, turning to look back at Shiho. The smile on their lips was so gentle, so fragile…yet something about the sorrow welling in their eyes struck at Shiho’s chest.

“I don’t think so,” Mizuki continues, “not in the slightest.”

Shiho, stunned speechless, can do nothing but stare back until Mizuki turns to continue working away at her jacket.

Though it was strange, for the first time— for the briefest of moments…

Shiho felt understood.

The sewing machine continues hammering away, steadily and rhythmically.

*****

“Thanks for waiting, Shiho-chan! She’s all done for you!” Mizuki hands back Shiho’s jacket that’s neatly folded into a square, which Shiho haphazardly takes and opens it back up to inspect it.

“Hey, not bad,” Shiho nods approvingly. “With this, my sister will probably get off my back about it for a while…hopefully.”

“Sister?” Mizuki puts a hand to their chin. “Your surname was Hinomori, wasn’t it?”

“Er, yeah, that’s right…”

Mizuki’s eyes widen as they put two and two together.

“Hey, um, your sister’s name wouldn’t happen to be Shizuku, would it?”

Shiho’s unrestrained “Urk,” was already enough to answer the question.

“I see I see!” Mizuki laughs.

“Akiyama, please, don’t mention this to her,” Shiho pleads with her palms put together.

“Oh, don’t worry about it!“ Mizuki waves a hand in the air. ”I mean, I’ve only met her just the once. Well, actually I did run into her again while she was lost, and a few times at the mall too I guess, but we don’t really talk to each other that much. So…”

Shiho puts a hand to her chest and breathes a sigh of relief. “I see. Well, that’s good then,” she nods, “If that’s all, I’d better be heading out now. Thanks for helping me out, Akiyama.”

”Anytime, Shiho-chan!” Mizuki gives a polite bow out of instinct, but quickly reaches out to stop her customer from leaving just yet.

“Actually, Shiho-chan, wait just a moment, yeah?”

“Hm?

Shiho turns back, letting go of the door handle. Mizuki whips out a pen and business card out of their pocket, scribbling down something on the back of the card before shoving it into Shiho’s hand.

“Here. This is my contact info. If…there’s anything else you need my help with, just send a message my way, okay?” Their lips turn up in a friendly smile before suddenly waving their hands in the air. “Oh, it doesn’t have to be clothes either! But that’s what I’m good at, so, uh…yeah,” they finish lamely, scratching the back of their head.

Shiho stares at the card, noting how round Mizuki’s handwriting was. It was a little strange, being given someone’s contact after having just met them, but Shiho guesses it was because of what happened earlier.

“…Thanks, Akiyama,” Shiho says, putting the card neatly into her pocket, “I appreciate it. Really.”

“No problem! And hey, Mizuki’s just fine.”

“Alright then, Mizuki. I’ll catch you later.”

“Sure thing! Have a good day, Shiho-chan!”

Mizuki waves Shiho goodbye as she steps out the door. They linger at the entrance, waiting until their customer turns out of view, and lets their shoulders finally relax.

“‘Is it wrong to wear the wrong clothes’, huh…?” Mizuki repeats under their breath with a wry smile.

“Hang in there, Shiho-chan. No matter what anyone else says…don’t stop living as You.”