Chapter Text
Wilbur should have expected this. Crime still ran rampant even with heroes around and although he wasn’t in costume he still found himself trapped against a petty criminal with a knife to his throat and being used as a bargaining chip against a vigilante that happened to have been passing through.
Wilbur couldn’t bring himself to even pretend to be afraid. Only getting three hours of sleep, surviving on Redbull, and vigilanteing every night sapped away the fear these kinds of moments should have inflicted.
The vigilante across from him held his hands out placatingly. Wilbur could feel a voice coming through the guy’s earpiece.
The thug spoke up again. “Back off, Red. Just leave and I’ll let this guy go.”
The vigilante huffed. “I’ve rebranded! I’m Theseus now. Upgraded to a hero.” He paused. “Prick.”
“Fine, whatever, I don’t care what your name is, back the fuck up!”
“What’s that?” The apparently-no-longer-a-vigilante said. “Call for backup?”
Wilbur held back a snort. This was why he liked working with Red, or, Theseus now. The guy was fucking hilarious, even if a bit totally unprofessional. Though, he supposes they won’t be able to work together anymore now that he signed up to be a hero.
The man holding Wilbur growled and pressed the knife closer to his neck. “I’ll fucking cut him I swear to Prime.”
Theseus relaxed his posture and took a step back. “Okay! Okay, let’s not get too hasty.”
Wilbur felt the vibrations coming through the hero’s earpiece again and Theseus smothered a frown.
“Go away.” The guy said again. “Let me go and I won’t hurt him.”
Wilbur bit back a groan. This was taking way too long. He had a gig in, like, an hour and he wanted to get lunch before then. This back and forth would make him late. But as much as he wished to talk and resolve this whole mess, he couldn't. Red Theseus knew his speech patterns too well. Even a voice modifier couldn't change the way someone spoke. Theseus would recognize him as soon as he opened his mouth. It was twice as dangerous now that Red had turned hero.
As agonizingly slow as this situation was, he would have to wait it out. Hopefully the new hero would chalk his silence up to fear.
Theseus' eyes shifted around. Wilbur swore he could hear a slight wheeze leave him. Ah, he was thinking. Theseus lifted his hands placatingly. "Come on, man, honestly, do you think this will work for you? Like, I've tried this shit with the police before, as a vigilante. Let me tell you, did not work. I didn't hold a knife to a guy's throat, though."
The thug groaned. "Oh Prime, shut the fuck up and go away!"
"But I have no in-sur-ance that you won't hurt him when I leave. I can't leave a civilian in danger like that, it probably goes against some hero code or some shit."
The man threw his hands up in the air in exasperated outrage and Wilbur took his chance to shove his elbow into the man's stomach, knocking the wind out of him. Wilbur jumped away from him as the guy doubled over.
Theseus sprung into action. He ran forward and swept the guy's feet out from under him, then sat on his back as the hero pulled out some cuffs and slapped them around the criminal's wrists.
Theseus released a breath and stood up, turning to Wilbur with a grin. "Great job, man! Quick on your feet!"
It was then that another hero finally decided to show up. Monarch emerged from a portal, adjusting their cloak and sunglasses before turning to the scene, their eyebrows furrowed before a wide grin spread across their face. "Good work, Theseus!"
The hero preened under the praise, though he quickly tried to hide it.
Monarch turned to Wilbur, who was brushing off his coat. "Are you alright?"
Theseus winced, probably realizing that was something he should have asked first.
Wilbur shrugged and nodded.
Monarch smiled and didn't comment on his silence. They walked over and shooed Theseus off of the thug, who had begun swearing up a storm, before opening a portal and tossing the guy in. Monarch dusted off their hands. "That should take care of them." They turned to Wilbur. "Can we drop you off anywhere?"
Fuck, yes. Yes. He would like to go to Niki's and get some fucking food. But he just couldn't risk Theseus recognizing him. So he kept his mouth shut and shook his head.
"Suit yourself," Monarch turned to the other hero. "Ready to go, Theseus?"
Theseus huffed. "Yes the fuck I am."
Monarch opened a portal and walked through, pulling Theseus along behind them. As they stepped through, Theseus turned to Wilbur and saluted him with a grin.
Then the portal closed and Wilbur was left alone in the alley. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
Schlatt was gonna kill him for skipping another meal.