Chapter Text
Warning: this first chapter is my (the authors) band being idiots. if you don’t like me just skip to the next chapter.
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Exactly 1.47 years ago, a giant space centipede swallowed half of earth. No one knew exactly where it came from. Scientists never saw it coming. But it did, and so the earth is now half.
A shame for the russians, really. But no one cared about them, so we don’t mention it.
Anyways, that was how the emo time war started.
That said, Fin was currently very drunk. Fucking drunk, one could say.
“Misery thinks this universe needs more vodka,” Fin said, in a british accent. No reason, he just felt like it.
“Stop calling yourself that,” Blonde bitch said. Well, actually, her name was Olivia, but no one cared about that.
“Shut up, barbie. Misery can call themself whatever the fuck they want.” Fin replied.
“I once again find myself wishing that that worm would return and finish its earth swallowing.” Pastel blob said. Well, their name was actually Bunny, but Fin honestly didn’t care.
Currently, the band was sitting on a pile of broken cars, drinking and complaining at eachother in british accents (well, actually only Fin was. No one really understood it.) and wearing goth trenchcoats and illegal amounts of eyeliner (Again, this was actually just Fin.). So a normal Tuesday afternoon.
“Maybe we should get back to earth,” Bunny suggested.
“The earth is simply a hologram of beauty, lost to time, a concept we discarded along with our sins when the wars began.” Fin said dramatically, looking so emo that they could probably turn taylor swift emo with just the power of their very emo mind.
“What the actual fuck,” Olive said, looking disgusted.
“It’s poetry, for gods sake. All of you just don’t appreciate good literature,” Fin scoffed. They glared at a small rabbit (a real one. Not Bunny), who froze up, before running away with the sudden innate instinct to go look up directions to hot topic.
“Welp, Gods dead,” Kai said, walking in with a rifle over their shoulder.
“Good evening to you too.”
“I just shot them,” Kai said.
“Why the fuck did you kill my boyfriend?” Fin said, forgetting they were a lonely single emo bitch with no life.
“Relax, I meant the real God.”
“Oh,” Fin said, relaxing. He sighed. “That’s fine I guess.”
“You all give me anxiety.” Bunny said, looking anxious.
“Thank you.” Fin said, flopping back dramatically, which they had to sit up to do, because they were already flopped over dramatically.
“That wasn’t a compliment.”
“I know, but it means the world to me.”
“Drama queen…” Barbie grumbled.
“I find that very derogatory. However, if you must insult me in this way, call me Princess Sassyboots.”
“What the actual fuck.”