Chapter Text
[Abe Brown created a new chat.]
[Abe Brown added Cindy Moon, Sally Avril, Charles Murphy, Eugene Thompson and Betty Brant]
[Abe Brown changed their name to bAbe ]
[bAbe renamed the chat ‘wtf peter’]
Sally Avril: hey abe what is this
[Sally Avril changed their name to salsa ]
bAbe: YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED
Cindy Moon: ?
salsa: what?
bAbe: Wait if any of you guys want to change your names do it now
[Cindy Moon changed their name to moon moon ]
[Charles Murphy changed their name to and the chocolate factory ]
[Betty Brant changed their name to bet ]
[Eugene Thompson changed their name to flash ]
and the chocolate factory: dude what is it
and the chocolate factory: one sec this is a really long name
[and the chocolate factory changed their name to grandpa joe ]
grandpa joe: u know like the grandpa in charlie and the chocolate factory
grandpa joe: ok there we go continue.
bAbe: SO ANYWAYS YOU GUYS KNOW HOW I LIVE ACROSS THE HALL FROM DEADPOOL
salsa: yeah
moon moon: ye
bet: yes
grandpa joe: yeah
flash: no??
bAbe: WELL ANYWAY I WAS WALKING TO MY DOOR AND I SAW SOMEONE OUTSIDE DEADPOOL’S APARTMENT
bAbe: SO NATURALLY I DECIDED TO WARN THEM ABOUT WHO LIVED THERE
bAbe: BUT WHEN I GOT CLOSE I SAW THEY WERE COVERED IN BLOOD
salsa: were they ok??
bet: Was it deadpool?
bAbe: NO. NO IT WAS NOT.
bAbe: IT WAS PETER FUCKIN PARKER
flash: Parker and Deadpool? Wtf?
moon moon: how the heck does peter know a literal mercenary
salsa: more importantly why was he covered in blood??
bAbe: WELL SALLY HE WAS COVERED IN BLOOD BECAUSE HED APPARENTLY BEEN STABBED
bet: oh my god what
bAbe: AND HE JUST KNOCKED ON DEADPOOL’S DOOR AND WALKED IN TO USE HIS FIRST AID KIT
flash: Yeesh he’s just asking to get murdered
bAbe: EXCEPT HE WAS NOT MURDERED BECAUSE FUCKING DEADPOOL HIMSELF TOLD ME TO COME IN TO CONFIRM HE WOULDNT KILL PETER
bAbe: SO OF COURSE I FOLLOWED PETER IN AND WATCHED HIM STITCH UP A HUGE ASS STAB WOUND, STEAL ONE OF DEADPOOL’S T-SHIRTS AND THEN JUST FUCKING LEAVE
grandpa joe: DUDE HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE YOU’VE BEEN IN DEADPOOLS HOUSE
moon moon: what was it like??
bAbe: There were so many guns-
bAbe: And he was watching the bake-off for some fucking reason
grandpa joe: oh my god bro
bet: I mean the chat name makes sense now
moon moon: yeah, what the fuck Peter
bAbe: he said Deadpool was a family friend
salsa: i’ve only met peter’s aunt like once and i can’t imagine her being friends with anyone like deadpool
salsa: i doubt she’d even give vigilantes like spider-man the time of day she’s so nice
moon moon: spider-man’s basically an avenger tho he doesn’t count
flash: why are you talking about parker’s aunt
bAbe: good point flash
bAbe: surprisingly
bAbe: I invited you all here to figure out why the hell peter called deadpool by his first name not talk about his aunt
bet: wait what’s Deadpool’s first name
moon moon: idk but I bet it’s something threatening
bAbe: it’s Wade.
moon moon: oh never mind