Chapter Text
They're alive.
In Toge's mind, that's the best outcome any sorcerer can hope for, but Yuuta hasn't stopped shaking since they left the abandoned hospital filled with mid-level curses. He disguises it by running a hand up through his dark hair—hiding his trembling fingers—or the nervous bounce of a knee as him needing to shift around on the ride home. Toge watches him go through the motions and lets out a silent huff.
Then he reminds himself that Yuuta didn't grow up in this world, and gets over his frustration. Objectively, Yuuta is adjusting well for the amount of time he's had to grow used to what they do.
"Tuna," he says, poking Yuuta's shoulder after another knee bounce comes and goes.
Yuuta turns to him with the same dazed look he's worn since Toge first spoke aloud in front of him. Their communication is improving, but it's still a work in progress. Half the time, Yuuta is guessing at what he means, but that's fine. All Toge is aiming for now is a distraction anyway.
"Um… oh, how am I doing?"
Toge nods. Close enough.
"Fine! I'm good. Just thinking about what I could have done better," Yuuta replies, telltale signs of an oncoming ramble plain to hear. His fingers tap restlessly against his thigh. "You're so quick, Inumaki-kun. It's like you know where to run before the curse even lashes out."
"Ikura." Toge shrugs. Dodging attacks isn't some kind of special skill; it's just instincts honed through years of experience coming in handy.
"No, you are!" Yuuta counters passionately, as though he can sense the humility in the answer and is offended by it. Toge arches an eyebrow. "Maybe you're used to dealing with curses, but you run fast. And you're smart too; you hardly ever get injured."
He lets out a quiet snort, and taps the space where his neck is covered by his shirt collar. Never injured?
"Okay, fine, but that's not what I meant."
Toge smiles at the pout forming on Yuuta's face. It's a vast improvement to the shaking, and the way Yuuta seems desperate to pay him a compliment is cute. Toge knows it's not an attempt to suck up to him because all Yuuta can manage is keeping his head above water on missions. Forget trying to get ahead; he's trying to survive. Every time they work together, he performs a little better.
If he could, Toge would tell him that. What Yuuta lacks is confidence; it's why his feet move slow and he takes more hits than he should.
If he believed in himself, they'd be on similar footing. That's what's impressive. In the space of a few months, Yuuta's potential has skyrocketed past people like him, who have been cultivating their talents all their lives.
"I'm talking about like when the curse swung at the floor instead of us—"
Leaning his weight back into the seat, Toge listens, eyes fixed on the horizon past the car's windshield. He watches cement rise up before them, less crowded than it was on prior streets. The road grows darker as the car slips out of the dense city with its many lights and toward the hills. They're almost home. He wonders if Yuuta thinks of the school as his home yet.
Probably not.
Time falls away like the slow drip of a leaky faucet, and after an eternity of Yuuta analyzing in circles, the assistant manager drops them off at the gates. The two of them pass along their gratitude with polite bows, and once they're alone, standing shoulder to shoulder, the truth behind all the pent-up anxiety emerges.
Yuuta shifts on his feet, one hand limply holding the strap that keeps his katana balanced over his shoulder. The sword still seems like such a mismatch for his timid nature, but he's gotten strong enough to carry it around without sweating bullets anymore. Progress.
"Hey... can I ask you something, Inumaki-kun?"
Toge shoots him a look.
"Shake," he answers, shrugging his shoulders as if to further convey, good luck with that. But if he can reasonably answer Yuuta, then he will. Toge is an open book, just one that's written in a language few others speak. That doesn't mean he minds being read by the handful of people who genuinely want to understand him.
"Am I—" Yuuta pauses. "Do I slow you down... when we work together?"
Not missing a beat, Toge answers. "Shake." He punctuates the response with an enthusiastic nod for good measure, and partly because he doesn't like the pained crease forming in between Yuuta's brows.
"Wh-What, it's that bad?!" he splutters. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry!"
And like that, the nervous furrow and the overthinking is replaced with Yuuta scrambling for an apology. Not the best replacement, but it will have to work as a placeholder until Toge can provide a better alternative. For that, they need to get moving. There's a place he's been meaning to go to when they're together.
Impulsively, Toge reaches out and grabs Yuuta's unoccupied hand. As expected, his hand is clammy and a bit gross, but Toge interlaces their fingers. Can't have the space case running off on him, not now. He points downhill, back toward the promise of civilization.
"Where are we going? Are we not done?"
Toge silences him with a curt shake of his head, an insistent tug where they're connected. It's too late to stop for questions. He has a goal.
*
"Oh, you wanted to buy snacks?"
"Shake, tunamayo."
After a long, winding walk, they've made it to the tiny convenience store that rests at the bottom of the hills. The last outpost before Tokyo melts into wild, mountainous tranquility. Whenever Toge despises the idea of cooking enough to make the trip, or wants a change of pace, he comes here. The store isn't part of a chain, and over time, he's found that it carries at least a few things he wouldn't expect at first glance. Foreign delicacies, underrated brands, and on one trip, an inflatable, bubblegum-pink pool ring.
He'd bought it to wear around his waist back at school. They don't have so much as a pond on the grounds.
The ring had lasted Toge three days before he got tired of bumping into things, and let Maki's spear accidentally-on-purpose deflate it during combat training. Then he'd milked her sympathy for a day until Panda and he could stage a funeral for the fallen accessory. At that point, she'd caught on that the whole thing was a joke and beat them bloody. But the purchase was worth it. Everyone smiled.
He doesn't have a grand plan tonight, just a simple wish to elicit one more smile.
"I guess we should eat, huh?" Yuuta squints through the automatic doors at the many brightly-colored food displays inside. Then he takes a step toward the entrance.
Toge throws up a hand as a warning, stopping him in his tracks. "Okaka," he states, pointing a finger back at himself.
"You'll go in? But I can help," Yuuta trails off weakly once he catches the hard stare Toge levels in his direction. Yuuta's lips purse for a moment, and the cogs turning in his brain are almost audible as he gathers his courage. "I mean like carrying bags. I'm kind of hungry too, now that I'm thinking about it, and we're gonna have to walk back up the hill. That'll burn more calories and—"
"Tuna." Reaching out, Toge taps a finger against the katana strap adorning Yuuta's shoulder.
Despite the store's proximity to Jujutsu High, the list of oddities the workers are willing to stomach doesn't include deadly weapons.
"Oh, right."
Toge holds up four fingers. This won't take more than that, anyway. He already knows what he's going to buy. "Sujiko."
"I'll wait here," Yuuta mumbles, taking a seat on the bench outside the store, looking defeated.
Hopefully he won't be moping for long.
What he's about to buy came up in conversation a few weeks ago. During the last first years' movie night, Maki had strong-armed Yuuta into admitting what his favorite candy was once she saw him clearly settling for a sweet he wasn't enthused about from their snack stash. He likes a region-specific candy in plum flavor. Nothing close to what they had bought. Frowning, Toge had tucked the information away for later and spent the rest of the evening comfortably squished between Panda's warm wall of fur and Yuuta's tense but similarly inviting side.
Beyond that point, the next thing Toge remembers is Maki grabbing him under both arms and hauling him to his room after he fell asleep.
Despite passing out randomly, he still hadn't forgotten the brand or flavor.
Toge marches into the store, directly into the correct aisle. Paying for his purchases is simple, an affair he can nod and gesture through without breaking out his restricted vocabulary. The cashier has seen him before; he doesn't question Toge's silence so long as he has money.
He's back outside right as the four minutes are up.
Pulling the candy bar from his shopping bag, he tosses it at Yuuta, who catches it without incident. Because his reflexes are improving, even if he doesn't realize it. Toge watches him turn the bar over and read the label, and stifles a snort at the way Yuuta's expression shifts from kicked puppy to someone who's been told they have the winning lottery numbers.
"Oh wow!" Yuuta exclaims breathlessly, his eyes lightening until the blue shades override the darker ones. "I didn't think anyone carried this here. Ahh, it's my favorite, but I know it's kind of unpopular, and more a thing you'd find back home—"
Back home. Though the sentiment is expected, Toge winces at receiving confirmation.
They've been classmates only a few months, he reminds himself. This attitude is normal; Yuuta isn't like him. Toge had moved into the dorms and promptly realized that he craved to put down roots and have a real home. A fresh start, where he doesn't feel the weight of his past so much. Yuuta isn't like Maki either, who refuses to set foot in the place she grew up until she's strong enough to tear it down. Or like Panda, who hasn't known any other home but the school grounds.
Home for Yuuta wasn't an idyllic place, from what he's confessed to the three of them when they've been able to get him to talk about it.
Carrying around a cursed spirit wherever you go takes a certain toll when your family doesn't understand what's happening. Yuuta has mentioned other problems too, like his parents' frequent screaming matches, or how his sister would walk away from him if their eyes met other than at the dinner table. No one paid Yuuta much attention, and what little consideration they had given him sounded shitty to Toge.
Still, it's not up to him to decide how Yuuta should reflect on that time in his life, even if it seems obvious that the new home he's gained here with their class is the superior one.
"I haven't checked a lot of stores. Are there others that have it?"
Toge jabs a finger firmly at the concrete below their feet.
"Just this store?"
"Shake."
Maybe it's true, maybe it's not, but Toge chooses to be selfish. They can keep coming back here in the future, together, Yuuta an accomplice to his aimless wandering.
Yuuta peels open the candy bar and happily bites down, lips closing in a smile around it. After an enthusiastic hum of delight, he finishes chewing the first mouthful and says, "I can pay you back later, Inumaki-kun. You'll have to tell me what you want though, because you always buy different stuff for yourself."
"Okaka," Toge states, matching their eyes intently as if he can somehow force Yuuta to understand.
"This is a gift?"
Toge nods. It's that and a bit more, but mostly it's to lift his spirits.
"Thanks." Yuuta stares at the ground, face reddening. "I don't deserve that after how terrible I fought today, but thank you."
Without hesitating, Toge reaches over and ruffles the dark, tufted hair on top of Yuuta's head. He startles upon impact, and Toge's fingers are momentarily jostled, but then Yuuta relaxes, melting into the soft strokes against his scalp. You did good, Toge thinks as he continues patting his friend's head, wishing uttering such a simple phrase didn't come with physical consequences.
Even just thinking about saying that has a drawback. Toge feels the dizzyingly fast thud of his heartbeat while he savors this moment, like he's some proud upperclassman treating his junior. The thing is, he knows that's not an accurate analogy to how he feels. Every little aching beat of his pulse fails at being innocent. Fails at being strictly platonic. He cares about Yuuta more than he should. He's let himself grow dangerously attached to another person. Worst of all, it's happened so quickly that Toge can't do anything but accept his fate.
Love is the most twisted curse of all, Gojo has told his students, repeating the phrase until they groan at each new repetition, but he's not wrong. They've seen that principle proved true time and time again in the field. And yet.
And yet he doesn't care. Common sense is for the birds in a world like theirs. Trying to rationalize everything or play it safe is futile.
If what he feels toward Yuuta blossoms further, Toge will welcome that change. Water the seed, nurture it, and see where the two of them end up. The only thing he doesn't plan on doing is rushing. He doesn't think that's smart. As fast as Yuuta is adapting to being a sorcerer, he still carries so much baggage from his past. He doesn't feel like he's worthy of good things happening to him most of the time. Before they can evolve into anything more than they are, it's better for everyone if Yuuta figures out how to cope with his circumstances.
Toge knows from experience that the journey to acceptance can take a while.
Waiting doesn't bother him, though. He's always had to live at a different pace compared to most people.