Chapter Text
Click, clack. Tick, tack. Kick, kick.
Every second that passed was another of restlessness and anticipation for Len, sitting upon a café stool and staring into an empty glass. Every ticking second vibrated against his skin, and every buzzing noise cycled in his brain.
He had been told not to go and visit Akito or Touya yet - the adverb was a crucial element of the statement, yet in his state of impatience, was the element he had omitted entirely. Impatience had become second nature to him, a feature both charming but also infuriating depending on who had the honour of handling him.
And for the exhausted Meiko, who made him his second glass of juice (she feared caffeine would increase his jitters, something he protested against yet indirectly proved), she wasn’t sure which one she felt towards the younger boy.
It wasn’t like he was verbally kicking up a fuss and trying to escape the café, which was something his twin Rin had attempted. Although Kaito had attempted to aid his partner by lifting Rin up and carrying her away over his shoulder, he ended up hitting his head on the doorframe on the way out, so the situation resulted in Kaito and Rin sitting and sulking together behind the bar. Rather than this attempted protest that resulted in casualty, Len was doing something far more noticeable - he was quiet . He had chosen to sit, kicking his legs back and forth due to his excessive energy, and just stare in silence at everything around him. In an attempt to make himself seem smaller, his presence was eerily hard to ignore.
“Len, honey, would you like a cookie?” In an attempt to ease his sad eyes, Meiko watched his eyes glaze over with tears as he gave a small nod. Although he tried to hide it, his bottom lip had begun to quiver, and his grip on his shorts had intensified. “Darling…” Meiko’s tone softened as she placed the food and drink in front of him. For a moment, his eyes flickered up towards the food, only to quickly fall back to the floor, as if he were captivated by the swinging of his legs. A quick step around the bar led to her sitting next to him, placing a hand to his back and stroking her thumb up and down as he reached out to sip his juice. “What’s on your mind?”
“I’m really worried, Meiko… “ With a hitch in his voice, Len spoke with a hushed tone, as if he didn’t want anyone else to hear him, “I can just, like, sense something. You know? When you get that really horrible feeling in your chest and everything feels wrong .” In an attempt to symbolize the feelings, Len placed his drink down so he could begin making dramatic hand gestures around his chest. Eventually, he opted for squeezing his hands into fists rather than shaking them around, to a point they shook in a way that mirrored his trembling arms. Meiko nodded, and continued to stroke his back, hoping it would ease his worries.
“I know, love… Sometimes that dread and anxiety isn’t actually reflective of what’s going on in the world, but still, it’s worrying when you don’t hear from those you love, and you love those two a lot, don’t you?” Len gave a small nod and allowed his shoulders to fall from his ears.
“They haven’t visited me in days, and I started getting this anxiety a couple days ago, and it just… hasn’t gone away!” His voice increased in both volume and speed as he frantically put words to his thoughts, “We’re meant to be here, to represent their feelings and stuff, right? Surely that means something is wrong! And if something’s wrong, we’re their guides, we’re meant to help, and-”
“Len, baby, breathe for me.” After staring into her eyes for a moment, blinking away the tears that burnt into his eyes, Len attempted to follow her breathing guides. In… and out… In… and out… In and out… Although it took a few cycles, he got to a point where the ground did not feel as far and the ceiling did not feel as if it were closing down upon him, and he snatched his eyes away from Meiko’s glare as the tears began to trickle down.
Technically speaking, his assumption of being able to feel their feelings may have not been the entire truth, but he had been born from a connection to these two older boys. It had gotten to a point where he was not a ‘guide’, but rather a friend, a companion, and then family. There are theories that say that you can sense when things are going wrong with those you love, that your fears and anxieties are interconnected on planes of existence that we may not be able to entirely comprehend… surely, this was the case? Or at least it had some link to this unexplainable sense of concern for the older boys who had taken him under their wing, helping him grow beyond what he had been created for?
“I just… I’m scared. I don’t know what I’m scared of , but I’m scared, Meiko.” Having been momentarily lost in the depth of his thoughts, he hadn’t noticed that she had returned to being behind the bar, offering him a few tissues from a pack. “I just hope Touya or Akito come back soon.”
Ring, ring, ring!
The door flung open. All heads turned in unison. There may have been a theatrical cue, although it seemed more likely to just be coincidence. A few blinks welcomed the realization of this coincidence. One that may have been too good to be true, for both their sakes.
“Tou… Touya!” In an attempt to greet the older boy, Len tried to not throw himself off the chair, only to catch his foot on the base of the chair. Rather than meeting the warmth of Touya’s embrace, he instead met the cold, hard floor. Head first. “Ow…” Despite attempts to drag himself up, making numerous groans of agony in the process, a gentle hand hoisted him back up to a standing position before he could do so himself; the aid was welcomed, as it came from the one who indirectly caused the accident.
“Are you okay, Len…?” Touya mumbled, staring down at the young boy who possessed an unreadable expression. Was he mad, upset, hurt, or even worse…?
The answer, as was often the case for anxious assumptions, was none of the above - it was glee, as his actions spoke instead of his facial expression.
“Touya! I missed you so much! Where have you been?!” Len flung his arms around Touya, squeezing the life force out of him to make up for the time separated. After a brief pause, Touya returned the embrace, though with much less vigour than the younger child; it required energy he mentally lacked, though that didn’t mean that he didn’t want to return such vigour. In a similar fashion to Meiko’s prior embrace, Touya stroked Len’s back with his thumb, as he tried to bury his head in the crook of the boy’s neck without injuring his own in the process.
“I missed you too, Len.” A soft, hushed tone…
Wait.
Alarm bells rang in Len’s brain. No sooner than that feeling of dread’s return.
“Touya… Are you okay?” Trying not to startle him, and ultimately failing, Len pulled away from the hug as he took a moment to process Touya’s expression. He had gotten better at expressing himself in recent months, but this?
His quivering lips, shaking hands, dark shadows under his eyes that seemed to drain the colour from his face entirely… not to mention his weak smile, perhaps in an attempt to convince himself moreso than the virtual singers, and his puffy eyes…
This was the easiest he’d ever been to read.
And strangely, it was the worst thing in the world.
Not because he was expressive, but rather, what the expressions entailed.
Just what had fallen upon him since they’d last spoken?
The last time Len spoke to Touya, he had been in a bookstore. Len helped him pick a book to read, and he remembered this so clearly, because Touya had promised to come back in a day or two so they could read the book together. He didn’t feel malice for the forgotten promise, in fact, it was partially what prompted such a deep concern; Touya had never been one to forget a promise. Matched with the underlying dread that consumed his every action, Len had guessed something terrible had come up.
Being right was not something he had hoped for this time.
After a brief pause to compose himself, so the tears did not flow again, Touya replied.
“No. I’m not doing okay, at all…” In a way that eerily matched Len’s prior state, his voice hitched, as he tried to prevent himself from breaking down entirely. He didn’t want to break in front of Len. Not when Len saw the world in him.
“That’s okay, Touya. Would you like to talk about it?” Len reached out and grabbed Touya’s hands, clasping onto them in the hopes he’d know he wasn’t alone.
“I don’t… I don’t think I know anymore.” That was as far as the act of composure could last. The words escaped his lips, and with them, tears escaped his eyes. He sobbed, and he sobbed. All strength left his knees, as he fell to the ground. Yet, despite all strength in his body leaving him, and despite all attempts to appear strong to this boy who held so much admiration for him… he still clung to Len’s hands, afraid that if he let go, he’d lose another part of himself.
For a moment, all Len could do was watch. Words may end up acting as gasoline rather than water on a fire, and he remained wary of Touya’s boundaries regarding physical comfort.
Was he shocked? Yes, for he did not expect it to be this bad.
Was he losing admiration for Touya, or respect, or any of the other fears Touya held? No, for it was the complete opposite.
Touya and Akito were the strongest guys in Len’s life. They held passion that surpassed anything else he’d encountered, their talent and determination always shined throughout their work, and their care for each other left Len’s heart a little melted every time. They were cool. They were the EPITOME of coolness.
However, being ‘strong’ did not mean ‘hiding everything’, at least in Len’s eyes.
Perhaps the strongest thing Touya had ever done was admitting he wasn’t doing okay and allowing himself to sob in front of others.
Because that was always okay too.
“Touya… it’s okay, it’s okay.” Unhooking his left hand from Touya’s, he ran a hand through the older boy’s hair, moving a little closer to him as he did so. Tears ran down Len’s face as he spoke once more, not trying to hide his worry, “You don’t have to pretend you’re okay. You always help me out when I’m having my problems. I want to help you with yours.” By this point, they were both crying, though Len’s sobs were far louder than Touya’s.
“Len… do you still have that book from the other day…?”
“Yeah, I do. Why?” Using the hand that still clung to Len’s, Touya pulled himself back up, as he stopped himself from mustering up a smile to hide his dismay. He’d been told that it was okay, so why give into the first response to something, when you could make a more logical second response?
“Can we… sit and read it a little? I think we both need to calm down, just a little.”
“You didn’t forget our promise!” Len’s eyes sparkled with glee, as the brightness radiating from his eyes seemed to evaporate both of their tears. As he bounced over to the bar once more, he dragged Touya with him, gripping onto his hand with the intention of never letting go. “Meikooo, can you please grab the book I asked you to look after?” She nodded and walked towards the space where Kaito and Rin had since fallen asleep in each other’s arms, but not before placing down two milkshakes and a plate of cookies.
She had seen it all happen. She was bound to do so, considering the previous situation with Len. Yet, despite being dubbed the most mature of the virtual singers, she purposefully chose to not disturb.
Silently, she had always thought Len to be the best fit when helping Touya, and by extension, Akito. Sure, she could support the boys when they needed it - the numerous times Akito came to rely on her instantly flashed to mind. Yet, in a way, Len knew the best way to get to their hearts and to offer them relief in a way they felt comforted by. He would drag Akito to play football with him when his rage was bubbling beyond human capacity, knowing that the distraction and the source of physical relief would ease his stress while also offering the release of joy through exercise. And when it came to Touya, surely the present example served enough proof that he knew their hearts.
Family is not just those you live alongside, nor is it just those you share blood with.
Family can come in all shapes and sizes.
Even if it involves the virtual world.
“Here you go, boys. Make sure to go to bed at a decent time, though. Both of you!”
“We will!” Len chirped, unaware of the soft smile Touya gave him in response to such a chirp. Before the two settled down, Touya ran a hand through Len’s messy nest of hair. In retaliation (but only after an eager grin), Len stood on the tips of his toes to return the favour. Rather than achieving his goal, he overestimated his ability to balance and fell once more.
This time, however, Touya was there to catch him.
“Careful, you…” As he spoke, the younger boy clasped his arms around him, clinging on as if it were for dear life. Questions stirred within his brain, and he thought to verbalize at least one. “Are you okay? You keep clinging onto me, and it’s not bothering me, but…”
“Touya.”
“...yes?” Len detached himself from Touya and stared at him with absolute determination. Although he recognised the intensity, Touya also recognised how he couldn’t maintain that eye contact, and sharply looked away.
“Can I… can I call you ‘onii-chan’?” He said it. “Oh god, I said it.” As if performing a trust fall, but arguably in the wrong direction, Len threw himself backwards and ran to the other end of the café to face a wall, attempting with desperation to hide the growing red on his face. Where Touya had previously been difficult to read, Len had always been easy to read, which caused issues in scenarios such as this.
Seriously, why do virtual singers turn so bright red? They’re virtual , so surely laws of human emotion shouldn’t apply!
Yet, as his face flushed with the heat of a million — a billion? — suns, he left all questions regarding virtual singer logic aside.
“Hehe…” Touya chuckled. He laughed! Len quickly spun around to appreciate how he made Touya laugh, only to remember how he’d made him laugh, and he quickly spun back around to face a wall. “Len, look at me.”
“Sorry, Len isn’t home right now. Um. Beep boop, I’m malfunctioning!” He spoke in a robotic voice (although questions as to how robotic his voice already was sprung to mind), in a frenzy to disguise his reaction, only to make it far more obvious. “Oh, god, I’m saying such stupid stuff right now…” A grumble and a huff from Len made Touya chuckle once more, as he walked over to Len, tapping him on the shoulder in the hopes he’d look at him.
Lucky for Touya, he remained easy to gain the attention of.
“You know, I… I’ve felt similar towards a ‘friend’ recently. In terms of considering them family rather than friends.” Len nodded, despite pouting at his own reaction. “Do you… see me as an older brother?”
“Yeah… You and Akito, you’re like… you’re like my really cool older brothers! But it’s… it’s a little weird to go around asking someone ‘oh wow can I call you onii-chan’, isn’t it…?”
“I don’t think it’s weird.” After sweeping some of his fringe from his forehead, Touya planted a gentle kiss on Len’s forehead, hoping a physical message of family would offer the reassurance that he feared his tone failed to. “Now, don’t we have a book to read together?”
“Y… yes!” After a few frantic nods from Len, they took each other’s hands once more, and returned to their seats.
For a moment, Touya was met with the blissful thought that no matter what, family would be his to choose. He’d done it again, and again, and again, and every time it felt safer than the Aoyagi name bestowed upon him by blood.
He just had to hope his blood relatives were willing to change their definitions.
After all, they had proven extreme reluctance during this current attempt.