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“What is that?”
“Hm?” Ranboo says, not looking up.
Techno clenches a fist. “What. Is that?”
“What’s what?” Ranboo asks, still not looking up.
“That,” Techno says with feeling, “What is that?”
Finally, Ranboo looks up from his book, and then around the cabin. “What’s… what?”
“That!” Techno says, pointing.
Ranboo stares, and then side-eyes Techno. “It’s a… necklace?”
“No!” Techno says, aggravatedly, “The—” he jabs his finger forward “—that!”
“A bed?”
“No!”
“A shirt?”
“No!”
“...pants?”
“NO!” Techno yells. “I want to know what that… thing is!”
Ranboo stares at the bed, and then at Techno, who has pressed himself into the far corner of the cabin.
“Michael’s blanket?”
“Not the blanket, the— wait, who’s Michael?”
Ranboo stares at Techno.
“My… son?”
Techno finally looks away from the bed, seemingly incredulous at this new revelation. “You have a son?”
“Yes,” Ranboo says, somewhat curtly.
“I didn’t know that you…”
“What?”
“You know, that you were able to… do that sort of thing?”
“What,” Ranboo frowns, “Adopt? Why wouldn’t I be able to adopt?”
Techno seems to blank for a moment, and then goes back to staring at the bed as if nothing happened.
“What’s the... the thing under… Michael’s… blanket?”
Ranboo stands up from the desk, walks over to the bed, and lifts the blanket.
“It’s… a golden carrot. They’re Michael’s favorite food.”
“Ranboo,” Techno says, “Ranboo. I know what a golden carrot is. You have no idea how much I know what a golden carrot is. I don’t want to know why your son’s blanket and food are in my house. I want to know what that thing is.”
Ranboo stares down at the bed, over to Techno’s panicked expression (had he ever seen Techno look this scared before?), and then back at the bed with slowly dawning horror.
“You…”
“Wait, no,” Techno says, his face white, “No way.”
“You’re talking about Michael?! You’re talking about my literal, actual son?!”
Techno’s eyes flick nervously around the room as Ranboo picks up Michael and begins to rock him gently in his arms. “How was I supposed to know, man? I don’t have kids! You see me bringing little clown-monsters into my house?! Into my bed?! No! I— You—!”
“He’s not a— Techno! That’s my son!”
“It’s a demon!” Techno yells, his voice growing louder and more unhinged while Michael begins to move in Ranboo’s arms. “Look at it!”
Michael, rudely awakened, follows the norm for rudely-awakened children, and begins to cry.
“Get it out!” Techo yells, succeeding in his efforts to make Michael cry louder. “Out!”
“Techno!” Ranboo tries to shout over all the noise, “Just calm down!”
He takes a step towards Techno, arms out, having managed to forget that he’s holding the cause of this mess in those self-same hands of his.
Techno lets out an unholy shriek that sends Ranboo to the floor clutching his ears and puts hairline fractures in the cabin’s windows, before he throws open the chest behind him and grabs an armful of TNT.
“OH GOD NO—”
“KILL IT WITH FIRE!” Techno screams, throwing the explosives in the general direction of Ranboo, and then lighting it with flint and steel as he books it out of the house, slamming the door shut behind him.
Ranboo grabs Michael, hugging him to his chest, and wishes he was literally anywhere else right now.
It’s not hard.
Ranboo and Michael poof onto Phil’s house's roof, just as the walls of Techno’s cabin are blown out by several rows-worth of TNT. Michael continues to sob into Ranboo’s chest. The smell of burning wood and gunpowder drifts through the air.
“What was that?!” Ranboo yells down at Techno.
“Heh?!” Techno yells, looking up at the roof, “Why do you still have that thing?!”
“I’m not getting rid of my son just because you’re scared of him! In fact, I’m going to evict you! For being speciesist!”
“You can’t evict me, this is my house! If anyone’s getting evicted, it’s you!”
“You can’t evict me, I’m leaving!”
“Good! Take the monster with you!”
“You’re the monster! A monster landlord! Your rent was way too high, considering this place’s property value!”
“I didn’t even charge you rent! And the property value is high because it’s protected by me!”
“Some protection, considering you’re scared of my adopted child!”
“Everyone’s scared of your adopted child! You’re just suicidal!”
“Michael is completely harmless!”
“He stole my stuff!”
“That was Tommy!”
“And think about how much younger Michael is than Tommy! Statistically, he’ll steal more of my stuff in a week than Tommy ever did!”
“Tommy was an outlier, and you don’t understand children at all! That’s why Tommy betrayed you: Because you’re so bad with kids that it makes your executions look like good, clean fun!”
“They are not executions, those are ritualistic sacrifices, how dare you insinuate that I am a governing body!”
“You can govern the North Pole for all I care! Never speak to me or my son ever again!”
“If I do, it’ll be too soon!”