Work Text:
you never know how much you miss something until it's gone
Kei never had really noticed how much Yamaguchi had created an impact on his life. He’s just…been there since he was 11. They’ve been together all that time. He never really thought about what had happened when he would be gone.
He gets the message from Yamaguchi’s mom, right after he got home from volleyball practice. Something about ‘he was found in his room,’ and he doesn’t really believe it until he jogs all the way to his house and sees a covered slowly being carried away on a stretcher and sees his mom is crying. A single arm falls down from the stretcher as he gets closer, filled with freckles and it just hits him.
He gets closer to Yamaguchi’s mom and holds her, as she cried into his shirt. The sirens dulled out any other noise as his best friend was carried away and taken. He gently pats her back, biting the inside of his cheek because he doesn’t believe that actually happened. No way. He's numb, all over, and even when the crowd slowly disperses, he stays in the same spot while Yamaguchi's mom just invites him inside.
He doesn't want to step into that house, not yet.
-
He doesn’t go to practice for the week, and Daichi doesn’t chastise him for it. He didn’t even go to school for a week either, while Akiteru came back to check on him. He refused to take a step out of the room, refused to even go out to each dinner or any other meal. He just laid there, his own thoughts being consumed by his music that reminded him too much of Yamaguchi.
“HI TSUKKI!”
His eyes shot open, darting around and sitting up on his bed. His room was pitch black, but he searched throughout nonetheless.
“This is stupid.” He mutters to himself, closing his eyes and sighing to himself.
-
He wakes up in the morning, the gleam of light hitting his eyes too perfectly and Kei sighs. Swinging his legs off his bed, he stood and got dressed for the day. He escapes his room and goes out to eat breakfast, where Akiteru and his mom were chatting quietly.
“Hey Kei,” Akiteru greets, and Kei silently thanks him for not trying to pity him or try to give him any advice or condolences about Yamaguchi.
“Mornin’.” He replies quietly, picking up a piece of toast and going towards the door. “I got to go now, Yamaguchi mi—“ It all goes quiet when Kei messes up. “I’m just going now.” He fixes his words quietly, going out the door and slamming it shut.
--
Practice is quiet, and awkward. Kei tries to go back to his own routine but he knows that behind his back, people are whispering and saying ‘is he going to be okay?’ and he hates people who don’t talk about him in front of his face. He turns around, and glares, while the people look away and stop whispering.
He hears people talking about Yamaguchi instead of him, three days after returning to school, and he literally has anger coursing through his veins when they start to talk about him behind his back. Behind a deceased guy’s back, nonetheless.
He strides up to them, silent like a feather falling down, and they continue their conversation. “That guy was really annoying, wasn’t he?” One laughs.
“Yeah!” They were facing away from him, as if they could continue on talking like that about his best friend. “His freckles were really stupid, weren’t they?”
“Totally.” Kei deadpanned, making the two guys jump and look absolutely horrified. Kei’s vision went red when they started to frantically apologize for something they clearly weren’t sorry about. They were just sorry they got caught.
He gets suspended for a week for getting in a fight, and nearly expelled for nearly killing the two guys, and laughs at the irony of it. Yamaguchi would totally get upset with him for that.
--
He sends a text to Yamaguchi’s phone. Answer your phone already. He doesn’t expect an answer, but he secretly hopes for a hehe, sorry tsukki! In return right after.
He turns it off, and listens to his music on a full blast. Maybe it'll take his mind away from everything, anything, or a lot of things.
--
loss; detriment, disadvantage, or deprivation from failure to keep, have, or get:
--
Kei texts Yamaguchi’s number again, and again, thinking of some kind of reply, expecting it, as if he wasn’t really gone. Like on a vacation where a signal wasn’t really good, or he forgot his phone back at home. That idiot, Kei would scoff. Then he remembers Yamaguchi is on a permanent vacation of sorts.
Hey.
You know leaving someone on seen at is totally rude, right? He doesn’t even think no one would see it anyways.
Yamaguchi, pick up your damn phone.
Tadashi.
He pauses for a second, before deciding to send the final message. No one would see it, right?
I miss you.
He thinks he gets a reply, he expects it. Maybe something like, I’m right here, tsukki! Hehee, or wooooow tsukki, I didn’t know you were so sweet >^< ^-^
But no one really gets what they want all the time.
--
The days get longer, and the nights become endless for him. He would alternate from listening to music for hours, staring at his ceiling until the day turned into night, and night turned into day, then texting Yamaguchi again because it was weird to feel relaxing. No one would find it right? It was even more safer than a journal, sending texts to a dead guy’s phone.
--
Do you remember that time you got pants-ed by that seagull when we went to the beach? You started to cry so I had to go and buy a new swimsuit for you. You were really embarrassed.
We never really got to go to the beach again, because you were always so superstitious of birds. Ironically we went to Karasuno, hey?
…
I miss you a lot, Tadahi.
--
He doesn’t remember when he started to call Yamaguchi, Tadashi in the midst of his texting. It felt better to call him that. He doesn’t know how many texts that involved the words I miss you, either.
It becomes a daily thing then, when he gets back to school.
--
Morning, Tadashi. I’m off to school now.
--
Then he leaves to practice volleyball, while the rest of the club finally got back to its normal pace. They are still wary around Kei, careful to say their words. But he pretends to not notice it, desperately trying to get things back to normal anyways after.
Kei texts Tadashi afterwards, after practice when the sun is down and everything seems to be back on track.
--
I’m back from school. Everyone still misses you, and is careful around me.
They’re so stupid. Everyone is.
---
He overhears people talking behind his back again. It’s been over two months, and 200 texts sent, and people are still talking about Tadashi like it was the only interesting thing that had happened in their boring lives. But then, it wasn’t really their lives that were affected, which gave them the benefit of the doubt. They just talked behind his best’s back, behind his back, because they could and feel no remorse. He guesses that they were somewhat classmates with him, but he could tell they weren’t close with him.
He took a deep breath and continued on walking to practice.
--
They were talking behind your back again, I don’t get it.
You weren’t exactly as popular then as you are now.
You shouldn’t become popular like this, Tadashi.
They’re stupid, talking like you’re alive, but then I didn’t hit them. I bet you would’ve gotten upset if I got suspended again,
--
Tadashi’s funeral is hosted 3 months after his death, Kei comes and stands in the back while people make eulogies and Tadashi’s mom offered for him to make one, but he refused. People dressed in black came and gave condolences and he thinks to himself, this should’ve been finished 3 months ago. He goes up to Tadashi’s casket and freezes.
Tadashi’s body was not supposed to be that pale. He was colourful and nice, he gave colour to Kei’s life, but now it’s a dull grey.
It starts to rain during the ceremony and he stays quiet, and stays in the rain so his tears would be masked.
--
I still don’t like that you’re gone.
Come back already, god.
Come back and call me that annoying nickname and chase after me like you always you. You can scream at me again, you looked really cool when that happened.
--
He sighs, dropping his phone down and burying his head in his pillow, and cried. One by one the tears fell, and he hopes he is as silent as he forces himself to be.
--
farewell; parting; valedictory; final
--
Good Morning, Kei texts, like he always does. He never expects a reply; he never did for the past 3 months.
Then, like a heaven sent message, a vibration is felt in his hand while Kei actually gets surprised. He hesitantly opens his phone, seeing the text message recipient.
From: Yamaguchi
His breath hitched in his throat. No fucking way, he thinks. He checks the message with a shaking finger. Normally, he'd be calm and composed, but who wouldn't be freaked out about the fact that your dead friend is texting you back?
new phone who dis
What? Kei stared at the phone, confused as hell because what just...why?
--
find; to come upon by chance; meet with
--
“Bye, Tsukki.”