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Karkat stared down at the black bow-tie that he twisted between his fingers relentlessly. Stupid watery-red tears kept dripping down his face, annoying him, as he angrily tore the black tie in half and tried to throw it across the room. But the soft cloth only fluttered two feet away and fell to the ground slowly, like a dying bird, like the slow sink into depression that was Karkat's life.
His best friend. No, that was the human word for it, and he was used to human things now. But she had been his moirail. Terezi. Even after they had long beaten Sgrub, and had lived in a new universe and everything changed, she had always been there for him. When they had all discovered that their powers were not revoked, the kids and trolls scattered to explore the vast new place they had created, building it, shaping it, crafting it. Everyone had left, off with their matesprits, leaving Karkat furious and jealous that he was alone.
Because his matesprit was a slave to time. Dave did amazing things, building whole cities in weeks rather than years, creating cultures, governments, societies before anyone else had even figured out how to keep the new residents of this world from killing each other. They were some strange mix between humans and trolls; they had a love for fighting like trolls but they had the illogical decision-making of humans, and they were really a miserable bunch. Keeping them in line, civilized, and alive was a full-time job for everyone. And Dave most of all.
Karkat intellectually understood. He knew the danger of breaking the time loops. He knew that a Dave who popped in and out of his life randomly, unpredictably, was better than no Dave at all; yet the loneliness ate at him in ways he couldn't control and at times he could barely keep it together. It was Terezi who had kept him company in those darkest hours when he sobbed for his lover, when he was reduced to a whining baby because Dave had missed another of his wriggling-day parties, or their anniversary, or Perigee's Eve, or Christmas.
But now, as he sat on the edge of his sopor-slimeless bed, she was gone. It had been an accident, of course; some problem with the rail system she was trying to help build and then boom, the tunnel collapsed with her in it. Karkat had at first been in utter shock. He had no idea what to do. He stood, helpless, staring at the screen, reading the text from Rose: "I'm so sorry, Karkat, but Terezi is dead."
Dead.
Not even culled properly; she was just dead. His moirail was dead. He was useless to his kismeses in his depression, he didn't have it in him to rival John for beans, and John was never really good at initiating those kinds of things. And his matesprit was, as usual, nowhen to be found, lost to the winds of time. Karkat rested his elbows on the tops of his knees and his head sank slowly, as he buried his claws in his own hair and clasped it, as if holding onto it would save him from going over the edge he was teetering over.
It had been Jade's idea to have a funeral. She said that death was hard for humans, so they had this special tradition where you gathered with people and said all the good things you remembered about the person. It did nothing to help him. It only tore him up further inside, and when it was his time to say something the words would not come, and all he saw was Vriska weeping on John's shoulder, Jade huddled in Tavros' arms, Rose whispering soothing things to a quietly sobbing Kanaya. No, all he saw were his friends together with those they loved, and that he was alone. As usual. As always.
Karkat sank until his face was buried in his own arms, lying across his legs, and sobbed, and sobbed, and he no longer gave a shit if anyone saw him fall apart.
There was a very soft rush of air as it was displaced, and nothing more. Karkat new the sound, but it was so subtle and he thought he heard it so often that his heart had stopped leaping at the noise. But then, a few seconds later, a clawless hand was on his shoulder, and when he inhaled there was the familiar scent of the person he desperately needed most. But it was too little, too late, and he was Karkat, so he was angry.
"What the fuck do you want?" He tried to yell. His voice came out weak and crackly instead.
"That's such a sweet greeting. I break three time loops and kill all kinds of copies of myself, destroying the harmonic balance and awesome song that is my timeline in this universe to be here for you, and you treat me like it's any other day."
Karkat normally could tease out the true meaning behind Dave's perpetually cryptic words, and had he been more together he would have seen the tremendous love it took for Dave to watch any numbers of himself die in order to be here for him. But Karkat was too tired, to empty, and too broken to see it this time. He didn't have the strength.
Instead, he only sobbed.
"She was all I had."
Guilt crushed Dave's soul, though he showed none of it on his face, though no one was even looking. He crawled up on the bed, not bothering to take off his sneakers as he sat behind Karkat. He wrapped his arms around the troll's stomach, snaking them in-between the spaces Karkat left as he hugged himself. He rested his chin on Karkat's shoulder, sighed, and kissed his cheek.
"You have me. I'm here."
Karkat snorted.
"For how many minutes? Fifteen, twenty? A day? Where are you off to next, the other side of the country, or the other side of the world? And no of course I can't come with you because it's not in this timeline, it's not in this moment, and you don't have a choice, you have to leave, you have to leave me...she never left me, she never went anywhere, she was always here, the only one. The only one who stayed..."
Karkat fell apart in wracks of tears, and as stubborn as he wanted to be, he couldn't. He was desperate for love and so he turned sideways and curled into Dave's arms, and Dave wrapped them tighter around him, resting his chin on the top of Karkat's head as he turned into a little ball of sobs.
"I'm sorry." Dave said, very softly. He lifted one hand and ran it through Karkat's hair, avoiding his horn because now was not the time for that. Karkat truly fell apart then, he no longer had a reason to hold himself together, and he cried silently while Dave held him, not moving, not speaking, just being there.
"I loved her, too," the human said, after a long time. "I was always so grateful to her for taking care of you, for me."
Karkat's fingers wrapped themselves tightly into the bunched cloth of Dave's shirt. His claws poked holes in it. Dave normally would have yelled, something about how all Daves had to always look the same and none of them could be marked as different from any other. But he didn't say a word about it this time.
Karkat heard a sniffle, and he dared to raise his head. He saw a thin river of clear liquid on Dave's cheeks. Lips quivering with pain, Karkat leaned forward and kissed him, and then their lips were a flurry of motion, chaste kisses, but fervent and desperate, as if any amount of love could fill the emptiness. Karkat held Dave back, tightly, unwilling to let go of him.
"I'm so sorry, Kar, I'm sorry...I tried to save her, you know. I tried. I went back for her six times. Every time, every damn time, she forced me to rescue some innocent citizen instead, some child, some old lady, some dude with a baby. She wouldn't let me go for her. And then the loops became enormously complicated; six of me in the same place at the same time was all I could handle, I had to ask Aradia for help to untangle the mess I'd made, I...I..."
Karkat crushed his lips against Dave's then and leaned, pushing him down onto the bed, and the two held each other, clutching desperately for each other's love, their kisses the only good thing in the universe; the only weapon they had to keep the darkness at bay, the only light that shined at all, a thing to give them life.
Moments later, there was another soft puff of air, and Karkat opened his eyes to see the cold black shades of an uncrying, uncompassionate Future Dave staring down at them.
"It's time to go." he said to Current Dave, and Karkat couldn't take it.
"No!" he whimpered, like a child/wiggler, and he clutched at his Dave's shirt, his claws sinking deeper than he'd meant them to, scraping Dave's chest.
"Don't go this time! Don't leave me again! I have nothing now, I have no one, I can't...I can't..."
He knew what was coming, what always came. An apology, wrapped in cryptic words, a goodbye kiss, and then emptiness.
So when the Dave he held wrapped his arms tighter around him, crushing him to him, his brain gawked in disbelief, and his bruised heart dared to soar with hope.
"I'm not leaving you." he said.
"You have to. The time loop dictates..." Future Dave began.
"You can tell time to go fuck itself." Dave said, and Karkat's heart dared to beat with hope that this time, maybe, Dave would stay, just a little longer...
"What?"
The shock that registered on Future Dave's face was odd. Seeing any kind of emotion on Dave's face was odd...
"I said, time can go fuck itself, I'm not leaving him. Not now."
Future Dave's mouth inched open in shock.
"That's not...that's not what I did. This is not what happened...you're creating an offshoot, you're going to kill yourself and probably him too..."
"I don't give a fuck," Dave spat. "I'm tired of this bullshit running around, I'm tired of leaving him, I'm tired of hurting him. I don't give a flying monkey's shitstain if we die. I'll face it. I'm not leaving him."
Karkat's heart beat furiously, the love he felt simultaneously repairing and tearing him apart. He watched in shock as Dave reached up and removed his shades, revealing his Karkat-blood colored eyes, and then the universe hiccupped as Dave cracked the shades in half.
"There. Now I'm not you anymore. I don't have to go."
Future Dave's eyes probably grew wide behind his sunglasses, as his mouth fell open, and he pulled out his turntables and began to spin them, to leave. But before he succeeded, a shadow appeared behind him, and then a sword slashed him clean through his middle. Karkat clung ever tighter to Dave, and he felt even Dave jerk a bit, as he supposed watching himself die wasn't a thing even he could get used to.
The body fell to the floor, and the shadow stepped forward to reveal yet another Dave, this one much, much older. He was probably in his mid-sixties, had thinning hair and tired wrinkles on his face, which could easily be seen because he wore no shades.
"Best decision I ever made." he said, as he dialed Caledscratch back to broken and captchalogued it. He knelt down and placed his hand on the shoulder of the dead Dave and pulled out his turntables. He looked up at Dave and the two of their eyes locked, uncovered, in the soft light of the room. Older Dave then shifted his gaze to the sniffling Karkat, and he smiled with an expression of complete and utter pity.
He then looked back and younger Dave, square in the eyes.
"Welcome to the alpha timeline, kid," he said. "Don't worry. You won't have to leave him again for a long time. Years."
And then he was gone, dead Dave with him, and the two younger boys gaped at the place where he'd been.
"You...you would have died, to stay with me?" a disgustingly, cull-worthily weak troll voice squeaked out eventually.
Dave swallowed, hard, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat before he spoke.
"Yeah."
Karkat's hands were on the sides of Dave's face instantly, his lips crushing his in gratitude, joy, and love. Dave actually gave a chuckle, a relieved sort of noise, before he levered himself up with one arm and flipped them over, covering Karkat with his body, holding him together, protecting him.
"Don't you tell anybody how desperately I need you, ever, do you get that, Strider?"
Dave only brushed his fingers through Karkat's hair and planted a soft kiss on Karkat's forehead.
"Oh, I won't need to say a word," he said. "They'll all see how desperate for me you are. You can't hide it."
"Fuck you," Karkat spat, and Dave smiled.
"I'd rather fuck you," he said, and Karkat's heart started to race as Dave nibbled at his neck, and his heart started to forget about his pain, just for a moment, just for right now.
"Yes, yes, oh, please, take me out of my misery..."
"I will," Dave whispered softly, directly into his lover's ear. "You heard what I said. You're not getting rid of me for a long time. Years."
They stopped speaking after that, both of them all too willing to become lost in the heat of passion, and Karkat's heart shined again, life had a point again, and he knew he could go on. He knew he would go on; Dave had told him so himself. And as Dave's fingers removed the miserable funeral clothes off of him, Karkat's sadness went with it, and he couldn't help but think Terezi was only laughing at them as she watched them pervertedly from some dream bubble, laughing because Karkat was such a basket case, laughing because she loved him anyway, and now, without a doubt, he knew Dave did, too.