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Lukas didn't know how to feel about this.
Never had he felt so nervous in his life; not before a job interview, not before any exams, not even the day he decided to confess to Matthias.
He always had everything in control and prepared. When he had to take up the responsibility of taking care of his little brother, he immediately got himself together and found a job that supported them. And when he lost that job, he picked up another one right away. Whatever challenges he faced, he would always find a solution. He always had everything in control.
But today he felt lost.
The piece of white fabric in front of him, which he'd personally dusted and ironed the night before, stared at him in silence. The vast emptiness of white contrasted the chaos in his mind, the silence amplifying his heartbeat. The autumn breeze floated through the window and grazed his skin; even with the cool breeze, his palms were sweating. He wasn’t able to hear the busy footsteps and loud chatters outside the room; the reality he was facing occupied his mind.
He started doing his duty, though he was still figuring how to fight the emptiness and uncertainties in his heart. Fear was still crawling in him that his body went autopilot. He lifted his arm through the sleeve, buttoning up the shirt, trying to remember how to tie the bowtie he had been practising for two weeks following a Youtube video, adjusting the suit jacket that tightly hugged his body.
“Lukas...”
His brother’s voice awoke him from his thoughts.
Lukas looked up and saw Emil’s slightly worried face. He knew his brother; he didn’t like to show too much emotion in front of him. That look reminded him of when Emil found out he and Matthias broke up after their first date because of him, the look that made him feel as if he was the younger brother instead, forcing him to confront his problems.
Emil’s gaze softened at that moment, and he gave his brother a small but firm nod; it was as if Lukas had spoken his feelings aloud, and Emil was conveying that things would be all right.
Lukas rose and hugged his brother; again, another rare gesture, but gentle enough to not crease the perfectly ironed suit.
They didn’t need extra words to understand what it meant.
“Time to go.”
Lukas nodded.
He wrapped his hand around the handle of Emil’s wheelchair and slowly began pushing it towards the hall. Normally, Emil would be protesting, wanting to prove his independence whenever he could, but today was a different day, an important day for both brothers, and he had shown his ability throughout the years anyway.
Bright light shone through the windows as the brothers entered the hall. Lukas was met by some familiar and some not so familiar faces on either side of him; feeling anxious, he chose to focus on the carpeted path, avoiding the gaze of the several figures standing nearby. He couldn’t see Emil’s face, only seeing his tightened fists through his white sleeves. He wondered what was going through his head. Was he nervous like him? Excited and happy? He looked down at the top of his brother’s head, pale golden hair reflecting the light into his deep blue eyes. His hair was styled as he requested, neatly trimmed and layered with style. He remembered always cutting Emil’s hair by himself in order to save money; Emil would complain about an uneven cut (that nobody could possibly notice unless they got very close to him), but he would always end up satisfied. For this special day, they had taken him to a professional and allowed Emil to choose his own style. Sharp edges gave the young man some more personality, while the smart shape gave him a bit of maturity.
Lukas walked past the crowd with a faint smile, trying to use that to mask his nervousness. He looked towards the far end, searching for a pair of soothing blue eyes.
And he found them.
The warm, shining smile that always accompanied those eyes instantly calmed his nerves. Matthias gave him a firm nod, reassuring him that he could do it.
As they approached the end, Lukas averted his sight to a smart young man standing at the end of the aisle. He had grown to a decent height now, shoulders broadened to the point that they could be compared with his own. Standing tall, dressed chic in black, with a pink bouquet in hand.
His eyes had not left the wheelchair the entire time the brothers took their time down the aisle. He held a sincere gaze, full of love and admiration. When he realized Lukas was also there, he quickly acknowledged the older man by catching his gaze. A glimpse of feeling lost, Lukas reckoned, quickly replaced by the confidence he always showed when around his brother.
Lukas had known Leon for a while. When Emil introduced him for the first time, Lukas’s first emotion was relief, knowing that his brother would have company at school; but worry soon followed, as it always did, as he believed no one could understand his brother as much as he did. It was incredible how time had flown. It was just like yesterday when the mischievous boy stepped into their flat for the first time. He had always known that Leon and Emil had a special bond between them, showing it in small ways, like how the boy was able to make his little brother laugh in a way no one else could. If Lukas was being honest with himself, he felt jealous of Leon, jealous of how happy Emil was around him, of his ability to make Emil feel like he was a normal teenager. But most of the time, he was grateful - grateful that someone other than him, or maybe Matthias, understood his brother’s needs, and cared for him as much as he did.
Lukas observed the young man’s face, sincerity and determination were the only things he saw in his eyes, still very youthful, but the growing maturity was apparent. Lukas noticed a small glint in the corner of Leon’s eyes. Tears maybe? That would be uncharacteristic of him, although Lukas had to admit, he hadn’t acted quite like himself when he’s around Matthias. Perhaps people do act differently when they were in such situations.
Leon looked anxious.
Why would he be anxious? He wasn’t the one losing something important today. Was he worrying about the future?
Lukas recognised that look, he had seen that on Matthias (and himself) when they first decided to start their relationship, not knowing what was to come, but still full of excitement and promise. Perhaps he and Leon weren’t that different after all. He took a deep breath, raised his arm and lightly patted Leon’s shoulder. He was the older one- he should be the one who guides them.
He then turned to Emil, who raised his head a little with a gentle smile, a determined glance full of emotion that he didn’t like to express verbally. And Lukas understood. It was time to let go. He reached for Emil’s hand and led it to Leon, joining their hands together and giving them a squeeze, symbolising his blessing.
He had always known that this moment would come, that one day his baby brother would leave him to pursue his dream, spreading his wings to reach beyond the horizon. He had secretly wished that Emil would need his help and stay by his side for the rest of his life. Emil was all he had when they were younger. But Lukas had Matthias now, just like how Emil had found Leon. It would be selfish of him to stand between him and his happiness.
Now, sitting on the first row of the crowd, with Matthias’ arm securely around his shoulders, Lukas’ eyes didn’t stray from the two young men. Matthias’ warmth gave him security and strength. He was reminded that his life had only gone better and better with Matthias by his side, and he knew he wanted Emil to experience this too.
His brother was the most precious person he had known. They stood by each other during difficult times, supporting each other when their parents had abandoned them. One would think Lukas was the perceptive one of the two, but Emil’s sharp eyes couldn’t be outclassed; he had the ability to detect his brother’s emotions every time, knowing right away when something wrong was happening. Lukas wanted to protect him forever, but he also knew that Leon could provide something he couldn’t, and that he’d have to accept this truth. Besides, Emil deserved all the happiness in the world.
The officiant started his speech, but the young couple in the middle seemed to not even notice, as they didn’t tear their gaze from each other. It’s like magnets of the opposite charges, a key to a lock, a final piece to an unfinished puzzle. The love between Emil and Leon created a bubble, wrapping the two into one, as if it was creating a shield, the pair fighting in sync against anything coming against them. Lukas saw the longing gaze between them, and the biggest smile he'd ever seen on Emil’s face. He was surprised by it. What kind of magic did Leon possess to have turned his little brother into the happiest person on Earth? Why can’t I bring out that smile from Emil?
But Lukas eventually understood that he and Leon served different purposes in Emil’s life. And from the emotion lingering between Leon and Emil, he knew this would be what his little brother needed from now on; the freedom to fly, and a partner to go on life adventures with.
Lukas’ internal monologue was cut off as Leon began sharing his vows, his hand gripping a piece of paper with full strength. From his seat, Lukas could somewhat see lines scribbled out towards the top in blue pen. His voice was confident and resolute, the previous uncertainties had all flown away. With Emil by his side, he was fearless. His vows flowed like water, creating a river from the deepest part of his heart. The man was ready, ready to embark on this new journey, ready to create a family with the love of his life.
Matthias laid his hand on top of Lukas’, giving him a tiny squeeze. Lukas knew what he was trying to convey - the love between Leon and Emil resembled the one between Matthias and himself. Sure, they might not express it the same way, but love is love; it is still the strongest bond that connects two people together, no matter what race, age and shape they were.
When Emil exchanged his vow, his voice was powerful, his pronunciation was clear, as if he was declaring his love for Leon to the whole world, even though Leon would understand without a single word. Lukas admired this Emil, this strong, self-assured Emil. He let out a sigh of pride when Emil finished his speech. His little brother is now fully grown up indeed.
Lukas’ attention was broken by the sound of the audience, murmuring in excitement to watch little Peter stumbling across the hall, carefully holding the little white cushion he’d been assigned to. He turned further and saw Berwald and Tino, their faces filled with pride, encouraging their son to finish his task. It reminded him of when Emil was little, and how excited he would get every time Emil made some progress at his physical therapy session. He had so much potential, even with his physical disabilities - he never let them become an obstacle between him and his goal. And he would, Lukas was sure, only go further from now on.
Leon smiled down at Peter as he approached the couple. The man took one of the rings from the cushion, sliding it onto Emil’s ring finger with great care. He took the remaining one and placed it in Emil’s stiff hand, slowly guiding his own ring finger through the ring. There were shivers, making it harder for Leon to put the ring on, but they still made it, with the power of teamwork.
When the officiant announced them husbands, the two couldn’t wait for another second to join their lips together - they were kissing before the officiant could finish his sentence. Leon held Emil’s face like he was the most valuable pearl in the world. The guests applauded in joy, some teary-eyed, every person was completely mesmerised by the beautiful scene before them. Everyone could feel the love in the room. And Lukas felt it too. It wasn’t until Matthias brought him closer and wiped the tears from his eyes that he realised he was truly happy for his younger brother.
Lukas’ smile did not falter a bit when he watched Leon holding Emil’s hand, leading him down the aisle, going further and further from him. Emil was officially gone from his life now, but knowing he would be living an even better one made it easier for Lukas to let go.
The garden was decorated with fairy lights, bouquets adorning each table, and plants scattered throughout the area showcasing a mixture of eastern and western culture. The lake at the side of the venue reflected the shimmering moonlight, adding an extra feel of serenity. Leon and Emil had insisted on planning the wedding by themselves; they had only asked Lukas to bake their wedding cake, refusing all other offers for help from Lukas and Matthias. Lukas recognised some of Emil’s favourite flowers, aesthetics and colours in the decor. He could tell Leon had made extra effort to appease his now-husband, as most of the decorations were clearly personalised for Emil; but the small details - like the round tables instead of several long rectangular ones, low lights but still bright enough and the inclusion of several of Leon’s favourite dishes - showed that Emil did not compromise Leon’s preferences for his.
Lukas was grateful he had Matthias by his side. Dining at the same table as Leon’s family made him a bit uneasy. He didn’t know if anyone was judging them by the lack of their parents, but Matthias’ smile made the worry flee from his mind. Next to him sat Emil, whose eyes never left Leon the entire time while he fed him. He saw Leon ignoring his still full plate while making sure he wiped Emil’s lips clean. Leon was experienced, almost as experienced as he was, because of course, after so many years of dating, Leon had no problem taking care of his brother.
Emil’s napkin slid from his lap, Lukas instinctively turned to pick it up, but Leon was quicker. Ah, indeed, my little brother doesn’t need me anymore, he thought with a smile.
After the dinner, Lukas mustered up all his courage to propose the toast as Emil’s Best Man. His speech was short and heartfelt, as he didn’t want to take the spotlight from the newlyweds - but, he admitted to himself, he was also too shy to show his true emotions. He expressed how proud he was of Emil’s growth and that he was starting his own family now. He noticed Emil’s appreciative nods as he finished, and sat to pass the attention back to the couple. Matthias led the guests to an applause, congratulating the couple once again. And Lukas smiled, as this was the expression he wanted to see from his brother.
“I would like to thank everyone who is here with us today. I have never thought I could achieve so much in life. Thank you, Leon, for showing me all the possibilities I could have. I remember when you found out that I couldn’t stroll at the beach because of my wheelchair, you spent the whole month looking up tutorials and materials to make me a beach wheelchair. I was so shocked and happy, you don’t even understand.”
Lukas remembered too, the day Leon showed up outside of their flat with a chair made of PVC tubes. The chair didn’t look very stable, but it did work very well at the end, and Lukas had to admit that he was quite impressed by the boy. But what surprised Lukas the most was how carefree Emil could look when he was on the beach wheelchair. He had never seen that smile before. A smile of pure bliss, gratefulness and confidence. Emil had always had to be carried to the beach because of the limitation of the traditional wheelchair. Even though he could still feel the sand and the water, taking a walk alongside the coastline was a different feeling. Lukas remembered the peaceful shadows of the two teenagers, chatting and joking, and simply enjoying their youth. Emil looked like he was free from his cage, his wings assisted by a trusted companion. Lukas realised he wasn’t worried, instead, he was inspired. Maybe he had underestimated the potential of his little brother too. He had only known to protect him, to raise him, but he had forgotten Emil’s need to explore all the possibilities in life. Perhaps this wasn’t his role. Perhaps this role should be filled by a different person, who loved and cared for Emil in a different way. And if Leon was that person, Lukas wouldn’t ask for a better one.
“I knew at that moment you’re the one, the one I can depend on, the one I want to see the whole world with. It was the happiest day in my life when you told me that you felt the same. Leon, I can’t express more how grateful I am to call you my husband. I love you.” Emil’s voice started to waver, tears of joy started flowing. Leon was the same too, unable to hold his emotions and let it pour. He leaned in and gave Emil a deep kiss, both quivering from happiness.
After the applause died down, Emil turned to Lukas’s direction and took a deep breath. “Hey, Lukas.”
The brothers met each other’s gaze, and for a moment, Lukas even forgot Matthias was there,
“Thank you for taking care of me for so long. We don’t really go sappy, but,” he shrugged his shoulders, “fuck it, let today be the exception. I know I don’t say that enough. You really are such an amazing brother. You’ve endured so much without even a single complaint.” He paused for a moment. “I honestly don’t know how you do it. Man, if I were you, I would’ve kicked this annoying little bastard out long ago.” This got a few chuckles from the wedding guests. “Jokes aside, thank you for accepting who I am and who I love, because I would’ve never achieved this without you. I love you, brother.”
Lukas was stunned.
Of course, the two brothers didn’t express their love for each other very often. And even though he knew it deep down in his heart, hearing it straight from Emil struck him harder than he could imagine.
Lukas leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Emil’s shoulders. It really did feel incredible, Lukas regretted a little that they didn’t do it this often. He also felt Emil’s pressing his palms on his back, letting him know that he received his love. Lukas’ navy suit had already creased a bit, but he couldn’t care less about it. After he let loose of Emil, he passed the microphone to his partner in life. Leon stood up and began his speech,
“Hey there... Husband.” Leon gave Emil a flirty look, his big smirk earned an embarrassed flushed face from Emil and light giggles from the guests. “Wow, I still can’t believe I can call the most beautiful and handsome man on Earth my husband, like, what have I done in my past life to earn this?” Emil’s blush continued to spread, but Leon knew it’s time to be more serious, even though he would love to see the redness grow more. “Emil, you always said how much I’ve helped you but you have helped me a lot too. You taught me to care, to share and to love.You showed me how to break your limits, how strong a person could be. My days have gotten better and better every single day since I met you. My heart beats faster when I’m with you, I feel so alive whenever I see you smile. And… Wow, do I sound like those cliché love songs now? But that is exactly how I feel. I’m probably not gonna say this again, ‘cause, oh my god, even I myself am getting goosebumps from it, but I will make you know and feel the same for the rest of my life. I love you, my husband.”
Emil’s face was still in a mix of tears, embarrassment and affection, but Leon’s speech pulled him once again back into their pool of love. It sounded light-hearted, but Emil knows how deep Leon must feel to say such words, they were both very similar in this way after all. Emil looked at Leon in the eyes, the glint in his eyes shined so bright like the full moon, reflecting the light from his sun. Emil’s lips closed, his breath turned into giggles, and Leon followed suit.
Lukas snorted reflexively, closing his eyes for a brief second to savor this moment. He loosened his hand in Matthias’ palm, pulling him closer to lean against him. He felt Matthias’ lips pressed against his forehead, his arm tightened to pull him deeper into the embrace. He saw Leon soothing Emil’s back and wiping his tears affectionately. When Emil calmed down, Leon continued,
“And um, Lukas. Thank you for trusting me with Emil. I know how hard it is to let another person take care of your little brother, but I promise I will take good care of Emil. I will protect him and make sure he won’t shed a single tear because of me. You and Matthias have shown us how amazing it is to love a person, and I would do the same with Emil too. I am so excited to join the family. Thank you so much, Big Brother.”
Lukas was at a loss for words.
He had always thought today would be the day he lost his younger brother; never had the thought of gaining another younger brother crossed his mind.
Of course, Leon had been with Emil for so long that it felt so normal to have him around the household. He had always treated him as a young brother, too, worrying about his grades and life choices when they came up. They were only adding an official title to him as his brother-in-law.
Things will still remain the same, except a little bit more independence for Emil, Lukas found himself thinking. It’s not like Emil getting married means I’ll never see him again. He spared a moment to internally laugh at himself for ever thinking Emil’s marriage would end their relationship as brothers.
He stood up and approached Leon, giving his new brother a gentle hug to truly welcome him into the family.
And now, Lukas fully understood that nothing could break their bond; their family would only continue to grow.
The speeches, and perhaps the alcohol too, had loosened the attendees up. The lights were dimmed and the guests followed Matthias’ lead to gather around the empty floor. Lukas let himself be surrounded by Matthias’ broad arms, to be spoiled with love. He’d noticed that Berwald and Tino had left earlier, as Peter had fallen asleep shortly after the dinner.
Everyone surrounded the dance floor with anticipation, their focus on the newly-wedded couple.
Leon pushed Emil’s wheelchair to the centre of the spotlight, and the prelude of a song started to play. The youthful sound of the violin invited the couple to join together. Leon held both of Emil’s hands, his movement subtle and slow. It wasn’t the dance moves that mattered, as it was really just time for the pair to enjoy each others’ company; but even just that was captivating to everyone present. They were tired from the emotional ceremony, yet their smiles did not falter, as their eyes lingered on one another. Leon raised his arm to do a twirl, but was caught off-guard when Emil pulled his arm slightly, tugging Leon down onto his lap; the glow on Leon’s cheeks only intensified. He brought his hand to Emil’s face, caressing it gently, while Emil nudged the control stick to steer his wheelchair. They were spellbound, eyes locked with utmost passion. The two turned in circles, with enamored kisses in between, as though they were proudly showing the world their love.
Lukas melted further into Matthias’ hold as he watched Emil and Leon’s first dance. It was fascinating how graceful a dance on four wheels could be. The lovebirds weren’t very skilled in using their wings, but together they coordinated perfectly, their bodies flowing in sync to the melody. Their duet was not loud nor intense, but the fire burning within them was incessant.
Even when the music stopped, the couple was still attached, refusing to be separated from each other.
With the applause of the audience, Leon rose to his feet and took a bow with Emil. They then turned to Lukas, as Emil approached him with a smile. Lukas was confused, but he understood the signal Emil was sending him, so he followed his guide to the centre. Another set of tunes dropped, this time led by the deep bass of the cello. Emil looked up to his brother with a smile, and slowly drove forward to meet him. The brothers swayed gently to the music, though there was a hint of awkwardness between them. Emil reached his arm out, gesturing his brother to hold his hand, but Lukas went in for a hug instead. Their hearts beat at the same rhythm as the music; they shared the warmth brought by the circulation of the same blood. It reminded them that the familial bond between them had never faded and would probably stay the same. They used to only have each other, but as their lives grew, more people had joined them; first Matthias, and now Leon.
But no matter how big their family grew, their love as brothers would still remain the same.
The night continued with more dancing and drinking. Lukas had lost track of who caught the bouquet tossed from Leon, but he was sure that everyone was enjoying their time. He was delighted that everybody, especially Emil, enjoyed the wedding cake so much - the wedding cake he’d made. He would have to thank Matthias for his encouragement and Berwald and Tino for helping him out.
Matthias had a great time teasing Lukas about how much he’d cried through the day and how well he “danced” with his brother. Lukas could only reply with a pout and a playful hit on his head.
“Sometimes your little brother grows up, and that’s okay,” Matthias had said; and, he admitted to himself, he had to agree.
Lukas realised that not only had Emil grown up, but so had he. What he’d initially perceived as a loss ended up being a gain. His little brother had once again proven to him that life has no boundaries and that there were infinite possibilities out there to find. He was excited to see what else Emil could achieve, and what challenges he could overcome. He would still worry about him, naturally, but he knew that Emil would be stronger with Leon, and together, they would fly further and further beyond the horizon.