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As per usual, it was up to Jane to help her mother’s latest vision for the school come to fruition.
First, it was helping the new isle kids adjust to Auradon on a basic level, telling them to contact her if they had any questions or concerns living here at Auradon Prep. She was just trying to help lessen her mother’s work load as the headmistress. Little did Jane know that this would all become infinitely more complicated because of one absurd request from one red clad pirate, namely Harry Hook, who wanted an honest-to-bibbity crocodile and wouldn’t take no for an answer.
This left her and her mother to sort out getting the lone son of Captain Hook to visit an actual therapist (which was quite a feat in it of itself that included a lot of bribery from them, in the form of lots of candy, and a lot of threats from Uma) to officially verify his qualifications for an emotional support animal. Then there was a whole lot more work and negotiating to obtain a dwarf crocodile (the smallest crocodile in the world) for the pirate to have as a service animal (thank bobbity, Tarzan was such a good sport about it all).
Having overcome the large hurtle that that ended up being (Jane might even call it a hassle, but then that’d be rude, and Jane vowed never again to be rude to anyone like when she’d been hanging around Audrey when the first VKs arrived), Jane was on to assisting her mother in her latest project. This one could be seen as the natural progression of Peers Against Fears, an initiative her mother (with the school board’s support) initially created to help integrate isle children into Auradon by way of extracurricular activities.
This next phase of the project was created to not just further integrate those from the isle, but to also provide some much needed cultural understanding and life skills to Auradonian students as well.
It seemed that, despite the influx of new VK students to Auradon Prep, those born of heroes -princes, princesses, and sidekicks- did not seem to grasp the cultural differences and variance of life skills that the VKs had and they did not.
Something which Fairy Godmother finally found out about when she stumbled upon Dizzy sobbing and locked in a broom closet, inexplicably soaking wet, all because she wasn’t ‘dressed the right way’. (Trying to keep Ceclia from getting revenge on the perpetrators, with Evie’s silent approval, was like trying to keep Harry from threatening to hook his therapist -which was to say, not very successful at all.)
It was the wake up call Jane’s mother needed - and that Jane similarly needed. The young fairy was ashamed that she blindly assumed that just because she was no longer one of the perpetrators of such hate, and that she didn’t outright see the things her fellow students were doing to any of the other VKs, that they weren’t happening. She thought she was better than that, that they were all better then that. She should have known better.
If they were, Audrey never would have gone evil, and Dizzy never would have ended up locked in a closet, sobbing.
So, in light of these new revelations of intolerance and general ignorance from fellow Auradonians, Fairy Godmother and the school board decided to institute a series of weekly guest lectures. These lecturers would teach different life skills as well as the cultural importance and value of them to each class.
However, her mother and the school board were at a loss on which life skills and knowledge of different cultures might be important to incorporate into each guest lecture, wanting to achieve a mix between what the isolated isle students needed and what the clearly ignorant AKs needed.
As a result, a mandatory survey was sent out to all students in order to determine their competency in various life skills as well as gauge general knowledge of cultures outside their own.
The results were… unsettling.
The children from the isle did, in fact, have experience cooking, cleaning, performing basic first aid, and doing laundry. However, their methods were not – optimal. Cooking was simply knowing the difference between rotten food that will cause illness vs. rotten food that just tastes varying degrees of bad. Cleaning, wound care, and laundry all had the same answer: scrub with salt water.
And the Auradonian children were not as competent as the administration had all assumed. The students had no experience – and virtually no understanding – of how to cook, clean, bandage a scrape or do laundry. Their answers included: the maid does it, Mrs. Potts does it, my mother does it, and the enchanted broom/washtub/kettle does it.
The educational discrepancy was astounding in this regard.
The cultural knowledge gap between the children of the isle and those from Auradon was similarly disappointing.
Though the isle children largely knew more about the various cultures of the various kingdoms their parents hailed from, much of this knowledge was clearly stifled from the lack of resources their families had access to. As such, folk stories from the various cultures that made up Auradon, along with other oral traditions, were found to be passed down to many an islander, even if the stories were not from their kingdom(s) of origin. However, things like common activities and celebrations, along with their kingdoms’ traditional dishes, were generally unknown or only vaguely heard about.
Contrasting this, Auradonian children had little understanding of cultures outside of the kingdom they were born in, citing their knowledge of other cultures in the form of various kingdoms leaders and general stereotypes of the region.
Thus, the guest lecturers were chosen from a group of willing volunteers from all across the United States of Auradon (some of which were likely more voluntold, in Jane’s opinion), and the guest lectures began.
Which is how Jane finds herself here, almost late to her own guest lecture course. At the behest of her mother, she is the one to assist any of the newest guest lecturers with any last minute questions or concerns. At this point, it is more than last minute and feels like the last half a century in Jane’s frazzled mind. She’d woken up late today, didn’t have time for breakfast, and has half of her mind on the various reports and schedules she's helping to keep for King Ben and her mother- and it just hasn’t been a very happy bibbity-boppity day.
“Are you even listening to me?” comes an irritated voice.
“Huh?” The young fairy snaps back to the present, having been lost in her thoughts of the unfairness of it all and the mounting anxiety that she was going to be late for her own class. “Yes! Yes, of course! I meant no disrespect.”
“Uh-huh,” Emperor Kuzco says, studying her with a critical eye before ultimately dismissing it.
“Sure, sure. Whatever you say.” He shrugs. “Back to my main point, then- are you absolutely sure I can’t throw any of these kids out the window?” She hopes he’s joking.
“Ya know, emperor style?” He’s not. Oh bibbity! “Just in case any of them get any ideas about mouthing off towards me. I need them to know Emperor Kuzco doesn’t mess around,” he tells her. “I’m the tough, but cool teacher, ya know?”
“Um...” She wants to say she doesn’t know, because she’s never had him for a guest lecturer before, but that’d probably be considered rude, so she just sticks to the main issue at hand. “Emperor Kuzco, throwing people out windows is sort of against the law here in Auradon, especially underaged ones.”
He laughs. “Good one!” When she doesn’t join in, his smile drops. “You are joking, right?”
Jane makes a conscious effort to smile politely at him, even though, internally, she’s comparing his line of thinking to one Harry Hook. (Not that she’s trying to be rude by comparing the two, but their questions and requests were just so… difficult.)
The ruler of the Kuzconian Empire scoffs, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes. “What kind of kingdom is this?”
Jane makes a show of innocently checking her watch. “Oh bibbity!” she exclaims, only half-acting. “I have to run to my next class now, but remember what I said- no throwing anyone out of windows!”
Turning quickly on her heel, not waiting for a reply, she walks as fast as she dares (not wanting to seem like she is running away from him, because that’d be rude and not to mention against protocol when dealing with any sort of royalty). She can just hear her mother’s voice in her head telling her that she should have been more accommodating to the eccentric ruler, but Jane is way past caring at this point - even if it will probably come back to haunt her later.
Oh! Why can’t more guest lecturers be like Queen Tiana? All she ever asks is, “Should I teach the kids how to make my family’s gumbo recipe or my world famous beignets? What do you think?” Easy questions! Not deranged questions! (Oh bibbity! That was too rude for Jane to even think!)
“I hope we don’t get another lecture on the importance of llama groomin’,” Jane hears Harry Hook’s voice say as she rushes to turn down the hallway that leads to her class.
“Oh!” Gil exclaims, walking besides the red clad pirate. “I liked the llamas.”
Fairy Godmother’s daughter finds herself continuing to eavesdrop on their conversation as she follows them down the hall, heading to the same designated classroom.
Harry looks at the blond in disbelief. “They were eatin’ ye out of house and home.”
“No,” Gil laughs. “They were just eating what was in my clothes.”
“Same difference.” The darker haired teen waves his hand dismissively.
“Don’t you mean, ‘same thing’?”
Uma’s first mate draws up short, stopping right before the entrance to their classroom to turn and fully face Gil. “Ye wanna keep bein’ able to carry Betsy?”
It’s then that Jane notices the baby crocodile in the blond’s arms.
Oh Bibbity! Jane thinks. Harry brought his emotional support animal out again, something that technically isn’t allowed, as all animals, even most emotional support animals, had to stay within the student’s dorm rooms at all times (but, bibbity, Jane is tired and the adolescent fairy doubts she or her mother will ever have the proper energy needed to reprimand and enforce more rules upon the troublesome pirate. So the croc will most likely continue to stay wandering the halls in the secure hold of one of the pirate crew’s arms. Hopefully. And until that becomes a problem, Jane, at least, is vowing to stay silent on the matter).
“Well, yeah,” says the blond, looking down with a smile at the animal laying contently in his arms.
The red clad teen rolls his eyes before laying a hand on the other teen’s shoulder, starting to steer him into the classroom. “Then stop correctin’ me, eh?”
His second mate nods, causing Harry to smile. “Good,” he says, as he pushes his friend further into the classroom, following closely behind. Relieved, Fairy Godmother’s daughter enters the classroom, with just seconds to spare before the final bell rings.
Jane smiles as she looks around the room, determined to gain back a genuine good mood since she’s been without one since she woke up this morning. But it slowly starts to fade as she surveys the scene before her.
There’s Harry, who’s leaned back in his chair with his feet up on his desk in the back of the room, Gil, who’s situated in the seat next to the other teen (plus one crocodile), and Audrey and Chad, who are both seated near her in desks closer to the front, along with the other various students filling the classroom, both isle and Auradon in origin.
But there is no guest lecturer or any other faculty member present (unless one counted Jane herself).
This is odd, she thought.
The young fey didn’t know who their particular guest teacher would be for this seminar (she had yet to memorize the list of potential lecturers and the school board was constantly adding new ones to their list), but they should already be in the classroom by now.
It’s then that her eyes are drawn to the opposite side of the room by a faint breeze.
“Who left the window open?” she asks the students gathered in the front row.
Audrey hardly looks up from filing her nails when she answers, “I don’t know. Why don’t you ask the resident troublemakers?” She gestures back towards the pirates. Harry notices the attention and wiggles his fingers at Jane with a smile and a wink while Gil grins and waves happily at her.
The blue clad fairy only sighs, before a lone, irrational thought pops into her head. Did someone get thrown out the window?
Fearing the worst, with echoes of one eccentric emperor’s voice running through her head, she runs to the window. Looking out over its ledge, she sighs in relief. Nothing.
She runs her fingers over the necklace Carlos gave her, seeking the comforting feel of the metal on her fingertips. Everything is fine.
She nods to herself, letting go of the chain around her neck to step back and close the window. But, just as she reaches for it, she hears the shrill cry of a bird.
Looking up, she spots a giant hawk flying high in the sky. She admires it for a second before it spins into a dive heading straight toward her.
Jane drops to the ground, allowing the bird to gain entrance into the classroom, barely clearing a few inches above her crouched form.
The rest of the class barely has time to do more than gasp and stare in shock at this new turn of events before the hawk transforms into a hulking, polynesian man with long, dark hair. The new arrival strikes a pose, holding a large white hook, the sight of which immediately has Harry dropping his feet from up atop his desk and onto the floor as he straightens in his seat.
The stranger grins. “Hey-hey! It’s Maui! Your favorite immortal demigod!”
Silence greets this proclamation, with many students still trying to catch their breath from the man’s abrupt appearance. As the silence continues, the man’s grin starts to falter.
Jane, rising from the floor, gathers up enough courage to ask: “Who?”
His grin drops for a second before returning as he seems to get an idea. “Ho-ho, I see. Did Moana put you up to this? I mean, how can you not remember me? I’m the one who pulled up the sky and stole you humans' fire. If it wasn’t for me, you puny humans would never have been born.”
“Oh! Oh!” Chad raises his hand excitedly. “I know Chieftain Moana!”
Maui’s face falls flat. “Yeah, no.”
Gil speaks up next, looking sheepish. “Excuse me, Mr. Demigod, sir..?”
“Speak, kid.”
“Um, I grew up on the isle, so I have no idea who you are…”
Maui sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Okay. Who else here is from the isle?”
At least a third of the class raises their hands. “Fine, you all get a pass on not knowing what a great honor it is to be in my marvelous presence.” The demigod then turns his gaze to the rest of the class. “Everyone else, minus 10 points.”
The Auradonians groan, and Jane uses the distraction to quietly find her way to her seat, legs shaky from being scared not once, but twice in such a short period of time. Holding a hand to her chest at her desk, she can feel her heart beating a bit too fast.
Audrey stands up. “Last time I checked, guest lecturers weren’t allowed to give grades,” she tells Maui.
“Well this one does, princess.”
“But that’s not fair!”
“Life’s not fair, cupcake. Now!” The demigod claps his hands together. “Today's class will be about sailing; wayfinding.”
“Yes!” Harry shouts, throwing his fists in the air.
“Ah, I see we have a proper sailor over here,” Maui makes his way back to Harry’s seat. “What’s your name, kid?”
“Harry Hook.”
“A Hook-boy, eh?” The demigod crosses his arms and places a hand on his chin as he contemplates the teen. “Now that’s a family that understands the importance of a good hook.”
“Of course,” Harry says, as if that’s a matter of fact (which, Jane supposes, it probably is for him), “and unlike these ungrateful whelps, I actually know the story of Maui and all his exploits.”
“You do?”
“Of course. I’d be a poor excuse for a pirate if I didn’t.” Beside Harry, Gil looks sheepish as a blush spreads across his cheeks and he sinks down into his seat, clutching at the croc in his arms.
“Oh?” The man crosses his arms and looks down his nose at the teen. “Then how did the sun get up there in the sky?”
“Ye lassoed it.”
“Alright. How did coconuts come to be?”
The pirate wrinkles his nose in thought. “Those furry rock things?”
“Oh! Uma mentioned those,” Gil happily exclaims.
Maui raises an eyebrow at the pair's strangeness. “Yeah,” he says. “Those furry rock things.”
“Oh, well- why didn’t ye jus’ say so?” The red clad pirate smiles charmingly up at the towering demigod before him. “Ye killed an eel, of course.” Harry looks around to his fellow classmates as if to make sure they are all following along with his knowledge of old lore before looking back at Maui. “And then ye buried its insides six-feet under.”
“And what else did I do?”
Harry snorts. “What didn’t ye do? Ye pulled islands from the sea, yer the reason we have grass, fire, the tide, even the very breeze to put wind in us pirates’ sails. Me da and his men talked about ye alot.”
Maui lets out a low whistle, a grin lighting up his face as he drops his arms back down to his sides. “Alright! Finally! Someone who gets it!” He heartily pats Harry on the back.
Harry grins widely up at the demigod while trying to covertly touch the large hook in his hold. Maui pointedly bats the teen’s hand away. “No touching the hook.”
Harry pouts. “But I want te touch it.”
“Yeah, no. But you get an A+.”
Audrey scoffs, rolling her eyes. “On what grounds does that pirate deserve an A+?”
“Hook appreciation.”
While the rest of the class is focused on this short exchange, Jane notices how Harry takes his crocodile from the arms of Gil. She can only hope he doesn’t mean to do anything that would cause issues like, say, throwing it at the distracted demigod. Jane accidently gives herself a mini-panic attack just thinking about it and all the ways anything involving the rather impulsive pirate and his crocodile facing off against a literal demigod could go.
However, instead of doing anything she imagines, Harry innocently (for once) raises his crocodile in the air, gaining the man’s attention, bringing said animal closer to the demigod’s face, and says proudly, "Look at me croc. Her name’s Betsy.” And Jane has to stop herself from laughing, or facepalming, or bursting into tears, because of all the ridiculous things he could have done, Harry’s suddenly chosen to act like a child participating in the elementary school activity of ‘show and tell’.
To his credit, Maui doesn’t question it. “Nice,” the long-haired man says, scratching the pet underneath her chin. “You know,” Maui says conversationally, “I can totally turn into a crocodile.”
Harry’s jaw drops in amazement. “No way?!” And Jane is convinced he’s been replaced with a literal five-year old.
Maui leans in slowly, much to the red clad pirate’s anticipation, just to whisper, “Way.” He winks and then, in the next moment, there’s a fully grown crocodile on the floor in the demigod’s place, much to the surprise of the students, judging by the gasps and shrieks filling the room -but Jane doesn’t pay any attention to that, because the world stopped making sense for her today around the time Emperor Kuzco asked her if they had a special lunch menu for emperors.
“I did not sign up for this,” Audrey loudly proclaims from her seat.
The manic pirate ignores her in favor of placing the adolescent dwarf crocodile down on the floor in front of the transformed demigod, giggling with glee as he watches the reptiles’ start to communicate via a series of hisses, grunts, and growls.
“Um… Harry-” Gil starts to say, but the first mate puts a finger to the blond's lips without even looking at him.
“Shhh!”
After a long moment of Harry obsessively staring at the crocodiles (as the rest of the class chose not to risk the semi-sane pirate’s wrath by further talking), the demigod transforms back into a human.
“What’d she say? What’d she say?” Harry asks, scooping up his precious pet from the floor, eyes darting back and forth between the small croc and the hulking figure of Maui.
The demigod’s face takes on a serious expression. “She said you were awful and that she hates your guts.” Harry’s shoulders immediately droop as he gazes dejectedly down at his pet, eyes suspiciously wet.
Maui lets the moment hang for only a moment before breaking out into a wide grin again. “Nahhhh!” He pats the pirate heartily on the back once more before pulling the bewildered teen into a warm side hug. “I’m just playin’ with you.” At the spark of hope in Harry’s blue eyes, the demigod continues, “Nah, nah. Betsy says all is well and you,” he pokes Harry in the chest, “are an awesome pet owner. The best, in fact. I’ve never met a more satisfied pet.”
Wow, Jane thinks, impressed by this turn of events and in slightly better spirits. Maui is surprisingly adept at handling children -or the teenage approximation of them, anyways.
Harry looks in awe at the praise, hanging on every word as he holds Betsy to his chest and leans into the older man. “Really?”
“Yup. A+, kid.”
“Oh! Come on!” Chad Charming suddenly speaks up. “Now you're really giving out unfair grades! What about the rest of us? Don’t I get an A+ too? How about an A+ for my awesome hair?”
“I’m sorry. Who are you?”
And now Jane gives in to the urge to facepalm. So much for being good with children.
The blond prince sits up straight in his seat and puffs out his chest in pride. “I’m Chad Charming.”
The demigod looks him up and down, raising an eyebrow, unimpressed. Turning back to Harry, he asks, “Friend of yours?”
The pirate takes on a look of disgust, wrinkling his nose in repulsion. “Not even close.”
The man looks back at Chad and simply states, “F-.“
“What?!” Chad appears as if he can’t fathom how such a statement could dare to be uttered towards him. “But that’s unfair!”
Maui snaps his fingers, pointing at the blond. “Z.” He looks back at the teen still under his arm. “Can I give him a ‘Z’?”
Chad appears to give up furthering his argument, sitting down in a sad huff and laying his head down on his folded arms.
Jane, recovered from her disappointment, attempts to salvage the situation. After all, maybe the demigod just doesn’t know any better.
She raises her hand.
“Yes, you,” Maui points, “with the pink bow.”
“Um- a ‘Z’ doesn’t really exist as a grade,” she informs him.
“Wow. Thank you for reminding me of the thing I don’t care about.”
She smiles uneasily at the backhanded praise.
“Z for you too.”
And that makes her smile fall.
Audrey suddenly stands. “This is ridiculous! You’re clearly showing favoritism!”
“No I’m not.”
“Then what do you call this?” She gestures to the two sea-loving men, as Maui still has an arm draped over the young pirate’s shoulders.
The long haired man scoffs, rolling his eyes. “That, my dear, is me helping out a troubled youth who clearly didn’t receive enough hugs as a child.” He looks down at the teen in his grip and shrugs. “Probably.”
The pink clad princess lets out a cry of frustration.
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Later, in a nearby classroom...
“Hey,” a voice says, “You isle kids don’t really have any parents, do you?”
Uma snorts. “None worth mentioning,” the captain replies, not bothering to look up from her book at the prissy princess who’d spoken. “Why?”
“Because, isn’t that your boyfriend out there?” she asks, causing the teal-haired girl to look up and see the pastel clad Auradonian pointing out the window that overlooks the grounds of Auradon Prep.
The young sea witch rolls her eyes with a sigh, but dutifully gets up from her seat to look out the window to see what her classmate is pointing at.
What greets her is the sight of a tan, hulking man with long hair leading a group of students in the direction of the docks with her first mate tucked underneath his arm, crocodile and all.
She blinks. “What the fuck?”
“Right?” the Auradonian besides her says. “It looks like he just got adopted.”