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He wakes, shaking and still half convinced he's staring a Rishi eel in the eye right before he gets torn to pieces.
His breathing is choked, comes stuttering and uneven, panicked. His chest feels like it’s collapsing in on itself and he can't stop the trembling in his hands or his body.
He feels as if he was about to fall apart completely, like this is his last moment before he dies and there is nothing he can do to stop it because he is not good enough.
The panic in his chest strangles him and through the rush in his ears and the blur in his vision, he thinks he can just make out the sounds of someone murmuring steadily to him. Voice an even, gentle tone as they try to calm him down.
It takes long, long, seconds before the trembling dies down, before his breathing evens out. Throughout it all that same voice murmurs to him and hands gentle on his arms hold him, don’t grip or push or shake, just hold and move up and down slowly until Cutup no longer feels like he is dying.
When he finally feels like he can breathe again he curls into the warm, reassuring arms wrapped around him, grips tightly onto Rex as if he’s the only thing keeping him stable.
In a way, he is, for this moment. Just until Cutup can pull himself together again, remind himself Rishi is long past them, that he made it out. That he did not die there to the eel or to the droids.
The quiet, soothing, litany of words never stop, and Cutup presses his face into the crook of Rex’s neck, letting it ground him.
“You’re alive.” Rex murmurs, “You are safe and you are alive, you made it off of Rishi, Fives and Echo and Hevy are fine, you’re with me, You’re alive.”
It is not the first time he has woken like this. It is also not the first time that Rex has had to bring him back to himself.
He wants to apologize, for being like this, for everything really, but when he opens his mouth all that comes out is a choked off sound.
Rex presses a kiss to his head, holds him close.
Cutup breathes, arms wrapped tight around Rex’s middle, face buried in his neck and legs tangled together. The terror leaching away from him the longer he stays like that, listening to the sound of Rex’s heartbeat and his repeated phrases of comfort.
And he’s right, Cutup isn’t on Rishi, isn’t staring into the darkness as an eel comes out of nowhere and lunges forward, snatches him up and eats him and tears him to pieces and —
“Cutup.” Rex says, voice firm, steady, commanding.
Cutup breathes, chokes, and Rex rubs a hand down his back, says in that same voice, “Eyes on me, Cutup, tell me where you are.”
Cutup shudders, opens his eyes, not sure when he’d even closed them, and pulls back a little. Keeps his grip on Rex as he looks up, meets Rex’s soft, understanding eyes.
He breathes again and his lips feel numb, brain still clouded, “Room,” he whispers, “Your room, with you, on the ship with the 501st, safe.”
Rex nods, “Good, good job Cutup, that’s it, that’s right.”
He exhales, shaky, and whispers, “Sorry.”
Rex shakes his head, taps gently at Cutup’s arm, “Don’t, you’re fine. Happens to everyone.”
He presses into keldabe, closes his eyes, breathes out a quiet, “Thank you.”
It is a thank you for many things. And Cutup knows that even if Rex does not guess at all of them, he will catch some of the most important reasons.
It’s a thank you for this, for not being mad with his sleep being disturbed despite how little he gets. It’s a thank you for helping Cutup through the nightmare and shock. It’s a thank you for the million little things Rex does for him, it’s a thank you for saving him. For getting him off Rishi alive and for helping him through the aftershocks.
It’s a thank you for sitting there, wrapping Cutup in a hug and absolving him of any and all guilt.
Rex kisses him, taps his side softly.
“Course.” He says, easily and Cutup feels such an overflowing amount of affection for him that he doesn’t think it can all fit in his heart.
He ducks his head, presses a kiss to Rex’s neck and tightens his grip for a second, relaxes even more as Rex continues rubbing his back soothingly.
Cutup clears his throat, tries to push away all the bad memories, all the nightmares. Asks quietly, “Were you sleeping?”
Rex shrugs, “Not yet, paperwork.”
Cutup frowns, pinches at Rex’s side, “You’re gonna make Kix hypo you again.”
Rex snorts, “Only if he catches me, I’ll be fine.”
Cutup pulls back, looks up at Rex with a raised eyebrow. Rex grimaces looks away, Cutup nudges him and Rex groans.
“I know, stop it. I’m being optimistic.”
Cutup laughs, and it feels good to do that, flicks Rex, “No you’re being hopelessly delusional, I think Kix has a whole attack plan worked out for if you start avoiding him.”
Rex makes an offended sound, mutters under his breath and Cutup chuckles, doesn’t tell him about the part of Kix’s plans that include weaponizing the shinies and Commander Tano.
Unlike Rex, Cutup has a healthy fear and respect of the medics and does what he’s told.
Rex glares down at him, no heat in his eyes, flicks at his nose, “Oh be quiet, you’re only smug because you’re Kix’s favourite.”
Cutup shrugs, doesn’t deny it, “I’m his favourite because I listen to him.”
Rex rolls his eyes and Cutup laughs, kisses his cheek and feels himself settle just a little more into his own skin.
Rex sighs, wraps his arms tighter around Cutup, presses a kiss to Cutup’s forehead and grumbles, “I listen to him.”
Cutup snorts, “I’m sure you do.”
Rex huffs, flicks his arm and Cutup giggles.
He’s grateful for this, for this man who is doing this to keep Cutup from sinking back into panic, for the fact that they are both alive and that things are calm enough right now that they can have this moment instead of a moment full of panic.
He’s alive, and he’s safe and he thinks he is maybe in love with this man.
He’s happy, despite everything.
It’s the best thing he could ask for really.