Archive of Our Own ^beta

In the interest of privacy, I will be keeping things as vague as possible. Thank you for understanding.

I [18M] am a public personality. Despite still being in high school, I work as a detective and often appear on television. The public has given me the moniker of Detective Prince. I would like to avoid giving out any further details.

Today, at 1:00 PM, I had a television appearance at the tv studio in Akasaka. While I was there, I ran into a boy [17M] and had a rather enlightening conversation with him. While I did say that he is [17M], truthfully I was not entirely certain of his age. He would not tell me no matter how many times I asked, and I had to steal his records from the Police Department by climbing in through the vents.

After my interview, I noticed that he stood all alone in the back of the room while his friends abandoned him. I felt something akin to pity seeing his depressed and lonely expression, so I approached him to make polite conversation. I made sure to rehearse what I was going to say a couple times before I reached him to properly demonstrate my superior intellect. He seemed very impressed with my knowledge of Hegel and even asked to hold my hand and exchange numbers. I normally do not cater to fans, but seeing him standing by himself reminded me of myself when I was young in the foster system. Spurned by this similarity – I was an unwanted child too – I decided to give in and exchange phone numbers.

It has only been a couple hours, but my phone has run out of space with all the cat pictures he keeps sending. I may need to get a new phone. My father monitors this one and he appears to interpret the recent influx of photographs as a sign of teenage rebellion.

Hello Reddit! I am posting this on behalf of my cat friend because he does not have thumbs. The last post by u/fsdklafji was deleted by moderators for violating Rule 1: English only. It actually was in English but his paws are not suited for typing. Sorry about that!

Before I start, I just want to say that all opinions are his own! For one, I don’t refer to having a crush as a mating ritual

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So my human went to play the game with a stick and some balls. I’m not sure why, but he invited this really sketchy dude to play with him. Now, I’m generally pretty accepting of weird people (Panther: that’s a lie) but this dude is really strange. Like, we’re pretty sure he can understand me and is secretly a supernatural hitman who has been causing mental breakdowns. That kind of weird.

But my human invited him anyway. Fine. Whatever. But that’s when it starts getting really weird.

So the sketchy dude, who I will call Bob for convenience, leans over to hit the balls, and then my human keeps staring. And staring. When I asked him what he was looking at, he said he was checking if Bob had a gun in his back pocket. Do humans normally bring guns with them everywhere? I know I said that Bob is an assassin but I don’t think even he would do that. But my human assured me that it was completely normal and then went back to looking.

And even weirder: Bob would check too when it was my human’s turn. Technically he was arrested on assault but it’s all false charges, I promise. So there really was no reason for Bob to suspect my human of having a gun to begin with. Not to mention, he made this face and I’m pretty sure he said “fascinating” at one point! Isn’t that weird?

It got too weird for me and it was past my bed time (7 PM) so I left without him and went back home. I almost got kicked out of the train multiple times, but thankfully I managed to fool the humans by pretending to be dead.

So Reddit, AITA for leaving my human to fend for himself? I don’t think I am. I mean, with the amount my human was looking, I’m sure he would’ve told me if Bob was actually carrying a gun.

today, i went to a cafe with a friend. i’ll call him martin. so martin is super popular right and has a lot of fans, so he got spotted in public pretty easily. he wanted to leave right away but i told him nah, i got you, and i gave him my sweatshirt and also my glasses and ruffled up his hair so that he’d be disguised

that worked for a bit and we managed to finish our drinks. but then when we were about to leave, i was like hey, can i have my stuff back. and then he goes oh! and gives that really fake smile like he actually forgot even though he probably was waiting for me to bring it up to cause psychological damage. makes sense since he’s a supernatural hitman so he’s probably used to all the mental warfare, but that’s besides the point

so anyway he only gave me my glasses back. the sweatshirt is a limited edition featherman red sweatshirt that i found on a bench last year so it has a lot of emotional value to me. but martin wouldn’t give it back despite the fact that i told him it was my future dead boyfriend’s favorite sweatshirt

and then he just left

there’s no moral to this story. he still has my sweatshirt. how does one solve these problems. can someone doxx him for me please