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A thousand souls snuffed out in the span of minutes, and millions more erased, as if they never had existed. It was as jarring as a thousand light bulbs suddenly exploding, shattered glass flying, and the rest being torn from their fixtures completely, no shattered glass left over, no filaments. No bulbs.
The sudden darkness left Obi-Wan reeling, floundering about, unable to see anything in the Force, but still able to feel the shock and pain and betrayal of her fallen brethren.
nonoNO NOno OBI-WAN ru-
That had been the worst part. Not the knowledge that thousands of Jedi had been killed, not the pain at the sudden, violent loss of life, but the betrayal.
NoCodyohForcewhywhy why-
Somehow, though their actions said otherwise, she knew it wasn’t the clones fault. They had been betrayed, all of them, by the Sith Lord, the one hiding in the Senate.
By Palpatine.
(Oh, her boys, her poor boys, her Cody why-)
It hurt. Every breath was a desperate gasp for air, every blink pushed away tears. Her chest felt hollow, her soul felt like it was being simultaneously ripped apart and compressed into a black hole, her head ached from suppressing tears and her lungs burned from the ashes of Mustafar oh Anakin oh Force WHY-
But she couldn’t give in to the pain. Not now. Not when there were people who desperately needed her. People were depending on her. Padme was depending on her. Her little ones were depending on her.
She had to carry on.
Padme was gone.
It was fitting. The senator who fought so desperately for democracy died with it. (Obi-Wan was secretly relieved. Padme would have been crushed knowing the democracy she fought so hard for had fallen at the hands of her husband ohAnakin-)
Padme wouldn’t suffer a lifetime of that knowledge.
The facility they were in was dark, the night cycle dimming the lights in the quiet hallways. Padme’s children (twins they were twins oh Padme oh Anakin-) were under observation in the small nursery, not yet released into the care of their guardians. (In the morning, they would be separated for the first time in their very short lives, the cruelties of the world putting a galaxy-wide divide between two souls created side by side.)
Obi-Wan sat on the other side of the window, the pain and chaos of the past few hours finally catching up with her. Her shoulders trembled with every breath, and her hands shook under the weight of the datapad she held.
“Where will you go?”
Bail broke the silence, his words even and measured, ever steady as he had been since arriving. He, too, watched the newborns through the window (and how Obi-Wan knew he longed to sweep the girl into his arms and take her home, Leia, his new daughter, Padme’s daughter-)
“Tatooine.” The words stuck in her throat, “Luke has an aunt there. Beru.” He had spoken of her, when he first became Obi-Wan’s padawan. Beru had been his sister in everything but blood, a guardian, a playmate, a friend ohAnakin-
Bail nodded. “Take care of yourself.” He looked pointedly at the datapad. “Luke isn’t the only one relying on you now.”
Obi-Wan looked down at the offending medical report, the words glowing in the dim lighting, finally registering in her mind.
She nodded slowly. Cody had always chastised her about taking care of herself. She had always thought he was overreacting, releasing his stress and worry in the form of mothering her.
She gave a sad smile at that thought. Cody wouldn’t need to mother her anymore, because now she’d be-
Obi-Wan crumpled. Cody. Her Cody was gone. Qui-Gon and Ahsoka and Anakin and Padme and her Cody ohForcewhywhyWHY-
She sobbed, her heart aching, wrenching itself into pieces. She cried for her master, for her friends, for the younglings, for Luke and Leia and Padme and Anakin and all of her men. She cried for the past and the future and all the What-Ifs and Could-Have-Beens. She cried for the plans they had made, that would never be. She cried for Cody, and for herself, and the life they would never have together. She cried for the quiet nights and peaceful days, the meals and the kisses and the baby. She cried for everything she lost, everything she would never have, everything she wanted for herself.
She cried for her Cody, and the child he’d never get to meet.