Work Text:
Here he goes. Be careful, he likes to talk to himself.
“Was I just gassed by a flower?”
Puns halts, a bit confused and a bit intrigued. What the kriff? They have that here? Puns walks slowly back towards the strange and probably dangerous plant.
It lets out a puff green smoke.
“The hell is this?”
Puns stands in it, watching the world through the green haze. What is this?
A brother runs past, “Get your head out the clouds and join us!” He yells back at him.
“Yeah, yeah, okay,” Puns responds, not even paying attention. What a strange plant…
A blaster bolt whizzes past his arm.
He jumps, swinging his sniper rifle back into position, “Oh damn, okay.”
“I have the high ground, Clankers! Get ready to be scrapped—oh wait, no, don’t look at me, stop please,” Puns crouches from a pile of plants on top of an outcropping, looking down upon the droids running around like angry flies.
He’s picking them off one by one, seemingly the only brother in the area.
“Is anyone else seeing this? I’m amazing—nuh uh, turn away. I’m not here, I swear.”
They can’t get a clear shot at him so it’s pretty simple, or at least it seems to be.
“Where is everybody, they can’t see me in my glory. Oh please no.”
A commando droid pops out from among the battledroids, sprinting straight towards him, soulless eye sensors glinting in the eerie Felucian light. Trained right on Puns.
“HA, um no, oh no you don’t, don’t come near me! Ah!” Puns shoots down at it, as it jerks and dodges.
“No! Nuh uh, you stay down there! This is my high ground, not yours!” He shouts at it from above, “Get your own and maybe we can talk! Get on my level, Clanker!”
The commando droid begins to climb.
“Ah!” Puns panic shoots it off the side of the cliffside. It crumples and doesn’t get up.
Puns puts a hand to his chest and breathes slowly, as if he just triumphed over a great endeavor and is basking in cathartic relief. “I am the best,” He whispers.
“Puns! Where are you!” Comes through the communicator.
Puns stands in the middle of a small clearing, with five different pathways. He’s all alone. He cradles the rifle to his armored chest.
“I have absolutely no idea,” He responds, staring intently at a garden of plants. Likely food for the nearby village.
He hears a deep sigh through the com, “Just don’t do anything stupid.”
Puns hums, “You got it!”
Puns runs beside his brothers through the undergrowth of Felucia. Feet hammer the ground and he keeps his blaster rifle close. There is an opening in front where the village begins and droids begin to shoot at them.
Puns and his brothers take cover, breathing heavily.
There is a com sent through their feed to all troops from Commander Cody, “Count Dooku has entered the battlefield.”
“What?” Puns exclaims, “He’s here? Like, right now? Count Dooku?”
Another brother shouts at him, “Yes, you heard the Commander!”
“But here? What do you mean he’s here?” Puns flounders.
His brothers groan around him in exasperation.
Puns rounds a corner of a shallow cliffside into a clearing. “AH!”
Count Dooku is right there, battledroids behind him. They lift their blasters and the Count ignites his saber with a flourish.
Puns shrieks and launches himself off the side of the cliff.
“Oh. My. Stars. Is that Obi-Wan Kenobi?” Puns bubbles, the cheeky smile in his voice.
The brother beside him groans, obviously not in the mood to deal with Puns’ greatness, “Yes, Puns, he’s our General, what about it?”
“Wow. Amazing. I’d die for that man,” Puns lauds.
The brother tilts his head, clearly confused, “Yeah, we’re clones, I think that’s the point.”
Puns backtracks, sucking in a breath through his teeth, “Oh damn, I forgot about that.”
Puns comes to a split in the path and chooses to go right. He strides, taking in the scenery, blaster held treasured to his chest.
Around a corner is a decline and turn. Count Dooku comes around the turn and they make eye contact.
“Haha, nope!” Puns turns and runs.
“There he is! The big man himself!” Puns laughs to himself as the men trail behind General Kenobi, “Gotta protect this one.”
The three brothers around him turn and look at him.
Puns looks back, “What? I’m not wrong.”
Puns crouches on a rock and looks through binoculars, “Wow, these things must make me look so cool. Everything is so green now.”
The brothers below him shake their heads. They don’t seem impressed.
Puns walks up an incline to the top of a sheer drop and looks out over the Felucian fields. “Huh,” he grunts.
He looks directly down. Count Dooku is striding directly beneath him, battledroids trailing behind him.
“Huh.”
Puns raises his rifle and shoots three shots, destroying three droids.
Count Dooku glances up.
Puns freezes, “Oh, don’t do it,” he mutters.
Count Dooku jumps.
“Oh, Imma yeet myself outta this one,” he stutters and throws himself down the incline.
Puns comes over a hill and looks below, hand raised to shield his eyes. The gesture is for aesthetic more than anything else. He is wearing a helmet.
He puts the binoculars to his face. He surveys the battlefield slowly. He stops.
“Oh, would you look at that, it’s General Grievous,” he mutters.
He raises a com and speaks to the general feed of the battalion, “Hey, so, General Grievous is here.”
Puns is in the middle of the thick of it, droids all around him and his rifle is clunky in his hands at such close range. Somehow, it’s just him and General Kenobi.
Probably because he got lost again. Then the General popped out the wilderness like spring flower. And the droids were following him.
He shoots a droid. The rifle is clunky, but he’s not inept.
“One shot one kill,” Blast, “One shot one kill,” Blast. Puns creates a rhythm.
“One shot,” A droid flies through the air and Puns whips around and shoots it down, “One kill.”
“Nice shot!” General Kenobi compliments.
Puns shrieks like a fangirl. The General complimented him.
“I don’t believe we’ve met, trooper.” The General says, out of breath and standing glorious before Puns, “You’re one of the new members of my battalion, yes? May I have your name?
“My name,” Puns blanks, “Yes, you may have it.”
The General looks confused and then understanding blooms, “Oh, you must be Puns.”
Wow, how did he know his name? Must be a Jedi thing.
It’s still him and the General. Puns is nervous, so he starts to talk.
“You come around these parts often?”
The General laughs, “No.”
“Huh,” Puns responds. They walk a little more.
“Is the green smoke from the flowers dangerous?” Puns asks his General on their little stroll through the Felucian wilderness.
The General blinks, “Green smoke?”
Puns pokes one of those strange plants with his rifle. It puffs out smoke.
“Wow, this one’s yellow?” Puns remarks, transfixed. He looks back up at his General, “Is that bad?
The General grimaces, “I have no idea.”
“Puns, please get out of that smoke.”
“Yes sir!” Puns sings.
“Puns, please, I know that one is orange, but we don’t know what it means,” The General gently admonishes. He gestures to his right, trying to make it look enticing, “Just stay close to me, Puns. Right here, by my side.”
“You got it, sir!” Puns chirps and hops to the side of his General.
The General sighs.
The com finally beeps.
“Oh, wonderful, Cody?” The General answers.
Puns can only hear one side of the conversation.
“No, of course not. I’m with Puns. We’re alright, not to worry.”
The General sighs, “He’s a great shot and…” The General glances at him, “Interesting company.”
Look at that, another compliment.
“Wow, the sky is such an unsatisfying color.”
“That it is, Puns. That it is.”
The General whips out a lightsaber.
Puns raises his rifle.
An ugly cough.
Puns sucks in his breath, “Stars, he should really get that cough looked at. Sounds chronic.”
Puns is taking out the surrounding droids, when somehow, he and his General switch places.
Now his General is fighting droids and Puns has a problem.
“Uh, General.”
General Grievous is coming, stalking towards him.
“A little help!”
There are four lightsabers raised and he’s got some sort of lung condition.
“General!”
Grievous launches himself at Puns.
“Obi-Wan!”
The General jerks and force pushes Grievous away.
Pun is surprised, “Damn, I can’t believe that worked.”
“One shot—eh” Puns trips and shoots. The bolt flies through the air and knocks a blue lightsaber out of one of General Grievous four hands, “One kill?”
General Grievous spins and makes eye contact with Puns.
“I’m sorry,” Puns whispers.
“No! I’m sorry! It was an accident!” Puns runs.
He turns and sees General Grievous crawling towards on all fours, faster than a man could ever run.
“Ah! Hells, that’s terrifying!”
General Grievous laughs and knocks Puns down with the lightsaber-less arm. Puns hits the ground hard on his back.
“Um, help!”
General Grievous lifts a green lightsaber to bring down upon Puns.
“Yeesh, no!” Puns panics and shoots his rifle again. It knocks the lightsaber out of General Grievous’ claws.
General Grievous howls and Puns rolls himself down an incline.
Puns shoots down droid after droid. “Stop, please, everyone, that’s enough now.”
And suddenly it’s just him. “Huh, yeah. Thank you. Very considerate.”
He turns and slips. “Yah!”
Puns looks at what he slipped on. A lightsaber.
“Woah, really? No way.”
He picks it up. It ignites a pretty green and hums pleasantly in his grip.
“Damn, this is super dangerous,” A pause, “Where’s the other one?”
Puns drops back into the fight by the General, who seems to be doing just fine. He’s got General Grievous on the run and he’s waving around two blue sabers.
Must have found one laying around somewhere.
Epic.
“Puns,” The General prompts.
“Hmmm?” Puns hums.
The General reaches out a hand. Puns stares at it for a moment, and then reaches out to shake it.
“Very nice, Puns, but I would like the lightsaber you have managed to acquire from Grievous.”
“Oh, yes, sir. Here you go.”
The rest of the Battalion has found them, and his brothers come marching out of the woods.
Puns runs up to them, “Guys, guys, watch this.”
He pokes a flower and blue smoke puffs up in the air. He looks at his brothers to see their awed expressions. They aren’t impressed.
Puns is disappointed, “What, you don’t think that’s pretty damn neat?”
They pat his back on the way past.
“That’s pretty neat, Puns,” one says, “The Commander is waving you over.”
“General?” Commander Cody questions.
The General raises a hand, “Yes, Cody, now I know what you mean.”
Puns blinks.
Commander Cody claps a hand on Puns’ shoulder, “Good job, Puns.”
Puns blinks, “What?”
The Commander walks away.
“Wait, what?”
Bonus:
Count Dooku sits in his cushioned seat on the Separatist cruiser. Grievous stops beside him, coughing and growling.
“You’re upset,” Dooku comments.
“That damned clone,” Grievous growls.
Dooku raises a brow, “That strange one with the sniper rifle?”
Grievous coughs and narrows his sickly eyes, “Yes, I will crush him.”
Dooku laughs.
Bonus +
Before the campaign on Felucia.
“Cody, I’m a bit worried. Some of your men are concerned about one of the new recruits to our battalion.”
Cody nods.
“They are not sure that… that he is up for the task, Cody,” General Kenobi sums it up.
Cody nods, “Puns is more than he looks, General, both on and off the battlefield,” He pauses.
“And he’s one of the best snipers I’ve ever seen.”
General Kenobi sighs, “I’m trusting you, Cody.”
Cody nods.
After the campaign on Felucia.
“Cody, what a choice you have made.” General Kenobi comments with a laugh.
Cody nods.
“Did he come in as a new recruit or did you pick him yourself.”
“Myself, General,” Cody responds.
General Kenobi nods, impressed, “And how did that happen.”
“I interfered with his decommissioning.”
“I do hope Master Ti helped.”
Cody nods.
“But how did you know he would perform so… enigmatically?”
Cody doesn’t answer.
“So, you took quite the gamble.”
Cody shakes his head, “It wasn’t a gamble, sir.”
General Kenobi stares at the men preparing to leave.
“Something on your mind, General?” Cody probes.
“Puns.”
Cody nods, “He does that.”
“He really is more than he seems.”
Cody shrugs, “He survived, didn’t he?”
General Kenobi looks at him, “Yes, a fight with Grievous. Masters have fallen by Grievous’ hand.”
Cody snorts, “He survived more than that, sir.”
General Kenobi raises a brow, “Oh?”
“I believe his exact words to me were ‘That angry old man and I had three too many special moments together.’”
General Kenobi blinks, “Dooku?”
Cody nods.
General Kenobi smiles, “Puns. He’s a strange one.”
Cody nods.