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Time passes by just a little faster when Yuta is with the Dreamies. He feels like a little kid again, surrounded by all the youth and joyous laughter. There's no weight of the company or the fans' eyes on him, and he's just free to be himself with the people who, at the moment, really care for him.
All that flies out the window when Donghyuck walks in the room.
Yuta and Taeil don't notice him walk in. It's Jaemin, who interrupts Renjun's wailing at being beaten by a smug Chenle with a loud yell of, "Donghyuckie!" that draws their attention to the boy that just entered the room. Yuta doesn't know what to do and it's evident that Taeil doesn't either by the panicked look thrown his way, so he just sits there with a carefully blank look and stares at Donghyuck.
It shouldn't be awkward. They've known each other for years, they live together, the only time they've ever been awkward was when they first met. So when the three members of 127 have a silent staring contest while the Dreamies watch in confused silence, it's painfully awkward to all parties. Taeil tries to hide and plays with his fingers, Donghyuck's brows furrow as he looks at the two oldest members, and Yuta just sits and stares.
Then the silence is broken by a sleepy Jisung, who pulls himself out of Yuta's lap to blink at the unnatural silence of the room. Jeno, sweet and considerate Jeno, somehow knows that this isn't the place for them to be right now, and pulls up the two youngest in the room and drags them out of the practice room, a confused Renjun and Jaemin trailing after.
The second the door shuts Donghyuck rounds on them with a stern voice that Yuta has never heard on the boy. "Hyung, Taeyong hyung has been texting you about dinner for the past 20 minutes. What's going on?"
At this, Yuta picks up his phone and unlocks the screen, three texts from Taeyong, the most recent from five minutes ago popping up. He feels slightly guilty because he didn't answer, but then he remembers that he and Taeil have been going through their own personal hell at the moment, and that he doesn't need to feel guilty. He has a right to feel and cope how he wants, and if that consists of not talking to his friends, so be it.
"We were busy playing, I guess I just didn't hear it," he answers, slipping his phone in his pocket and standing up. Taeil puts the cards away in their box and stands as well, going over to his gym bag and packing the cards and his water bottle away. Yuta can feel something shift in the atmosphere, with Donghyuck's slight agression and Taeil's apprehension towards the other members, he doesn't know how this conversation will end up. Something in his gut tells him it won't end well though, and he isn't excited for the aftermath.
"What were you doing here anyway? Taeil hyung I thought Johnny hyung said you were going for a walk," Donghyuck says, stepping closer to the other two.
"I changed my mind. There was something I needed to fix with the choreo and Yuta offered to help. Then Chenle came in and we all started playing cards,"
"Oh," is all Donghyuck says, and he keeps looking between the two with a furrow in his brow. Then Yuta suspects he actually stops and looks at them because in one second he looks angry and then the next his eyes are widening and he's reaching out like he wants to touch them, but doesn't. And he whispers "What's wrong?" like it's a secret that only the three of them know.
Yuta looks at Taeil, and Taeil looks back, and even though the other had finished crying over half an hour ago, there are tears swimming in his eyes. He looks tired again, the bags more prominent under his eyes and the lines by his mouth making him look much older. It's more stress than he can handle, with the company and the members pushing and pushing everyone to the breaking point, and now he's falling apart right in front of them.
Taeil was just cracking before, and Yuta had managed to patch him up and strengthen him a little more, but now with the arrival of Donghyuck he's crumbling and breaking apart. He could handle it when it was just Yuta, someone who knew time and time again what it felt like to be pushed under the rug until they had to make more music, someone who he knew would understand how he felt. But now Donghyuck is here, opening the floodgates.
The first tear falls and the bag drops from his hands, and Yuta is there next to him in a second, pulling the older into a hug and just offering silent support. Donghyuck is left confused in front of them, hands still reaching but not yet touching.
"Hyung... What?" he tries to say, but Yuta cuts him off.
"The reaction video. You guys were commenting about how amazing and good looking everyone was, except for Taeil hyung." He doesn't mention himself, he isn't the one that's falling apart, he doesn't need to make this about himself, "There wasn't a single word said about how great his singing was, or how good he looked. I don't know if you remember, but he said like, two sentences the entire recording. While everyone was praising Johnny and Taeyong over their abs Taeil hyung was sitting there, waiting for someone to say something, and nobody did. That gets to you, especially in this type of job,"
"I... Hyung I didn't mean to—"
"It's not that you didn't mean to, it's that you guys haven't noticed. None of you have noticed that he stays after practice and works himself to the bone, or that he doesn't go to bed until four a.m, or that he doesn't eat. None of you have tried to help, and now look where we are,"
"Well if he would've said something—"
"That doesn't work and you know it. Sicheng and I have tried to figure out something with the company but they ignore us. And we feel like we can't go to you guys because you wouldn't understand. You've never had this problem. You have been in three units now, Donghyuck, three. I've gotten, what? Half an hour of lines in total in our discography?" And maybe now he's making this about him, and maybe he's speaking for Taeil when he shouldn't be, but he's just so frustrated. He wanted to make music to make people happy, to make a name for himself, but all he gets is a second of fame and then it's ripped from his grasp. He's just so tired of it all, and Taeil doesn't deserve to be left out like this when he should be in the spotlight. "You guys wouldn't get what I've gone through, or what Taeil hyung's going through now, but you still could've been there,"
Yuta is never someone who walks away from a problem. He sticks it out and finds a solution, temporary or not. He hates unresolved tension, and finds that there's no point in dragging things out as long as possible.
But he knows they can't go to the 127 dorms like this. He's peeved, and Taeil's upset, and he knows that whatever conversation all nine of them might have tonight will end worse than it begun. So he does the only logical thing he can think of, and walks away.
He picks up Taeil's bag, and keeps an arm around Taeil's shoulders and steers them towards the door. At the entryway, he turns towards a stunned and hurt looking Donghyuck. He feels bad for unloading all of this on the younger boy, but it had to be said, and he feels so much lighter because of it.
"We're gonna have dinner at the WayV dorm and calm down a little bit. We'll come back before 12 but just—give us some time, and then we'll talk. All of us," then he shuts the door, and leads them to the WayV dorm.
The walk there is quiet, only the sounds of Taeil's sniffing and Yuta's nails hitting his phone screen as he texts Sicheng that they're coming to crash their dinner fill the silence. The only words that were uttered between them was a meek "Thank you," from Taeil, and then it went silent again.
It was peaceful, and Yuta enjoyed the sight of the blue-orange sky in front of them.
The second the two 127 members step into the WayV dorm, they're engulfed in a hug by Kun who smells like fruit and something flowery while the rest of the unit watches from different places in the living room. He's mumbling something like "I heard from Sicheng...I'm so sorry...dinner will be ready soon," and Yuta thinks Taeil is crying again by the shake of his shoulders, but he's too busy enjoying the warmth of the embrace to know for sure.
Eventually Kun carefully pulls Taeil away and leads him into the kitchen where they can talk in private and Yuta is left to observe the others in a sudden bought of exhaustion. Ten and Yukhei wave to him from the couch then turn back to watch Dejun, Guanheng, and Yangyang beat each other at Super Smash Bros. It's then that he realizes Sicheng is walking towards him with a small tick to his lips.
"I saw the video. I'm really sorry you're going through this again,"
"Eh, I'm used to it. I'm more worried about hyung, I've never seen him this bad,"
"Well if there's anyone that can help him, it's you, Yuta hyung," and with a small pat on his shoulder, Sicheng leads him over to join Ten and Dejun on the couch.
Everything is smooth sailing after that. Taeil emerges from the kitchen sans Kun and is immediately brought into conversation by Dejun who was replaced by Yuta in the Smash game. The three youngest keep things light, and no one asks about why they're there. It's like how things should be over at the 127 dorm, but they're not, and Yuta appreciates the normalcy.
He ignores his phone, which is a bad idea. Taeyong has texted him again (he actually read it this time) and said that whatever the two missing members needed to talk about, he would listen (ever the mother of over 18 twenty-year-olds). Johnny has also texted him (it's salt bae, but with hearts, because he's a sap and loves dead memes) and that's all that needs to be said. Mark has just sent a heart (the one made with a less than symbol and a three, he hates emojis with a passion) and warms his heart, knowing that even though they have no idea what's wrong, assuming Donghyuck hasn't told them, they'll still support him. Maybe he shouldn't be too petty just yet.
Kun calls everyone to eat sometime around 8:30, and they wash hands and settle down at the table to eat stir fry and gamja jorim. There's laughter, love, and Yuta feels full from it all. Taeil is also looking a lot better, mouth wide in a smile as he recounts a story to an enraptured Guanheng and Yukhei. He's thankful, and thanks whatever god that's up there for these people who have managed to keep him afloat for so long.
And with the tick of the clock as 9:17 rolls around, they both know that they have somewhere they need to be, both equally dreading as the fated conversation grows nearer. They say their goodbyes and their thank yous, and then they're heading back to the 127 dorm, unease growing around them.
Taeil says, "Thank you," again, in the same way he did hours before, but instead Yuta is met with a starry sky rather than a blue-orange one. He says, "Anytime hyung," in response, and then they're met with the big white apartment building, looming dangerously in front of them.
Yuta takes a breath, steels his shoulders, and walks towards the entrance, Taeil in tow.
It's like time has repeated itself, because when Yuta opens the door to their dorm he gets an armful of Taeyong, hair tickling his cheek. He can see over the leader's shoulder that the rest of 127 is packed into the sitting room together, a drama Jungwoo no doubt picked playing on the TV.
It's hard to wrap his mind around that he's come full circle in a matter of hours, tired and disappointed when he should be elated at seeing his friends again. He barely registers that Taeyong moves from him to Taeil because he's busy looking at everyone else. They're watching the exchange closely, faces a range from concerned to curious to stressed, in Donghyuck's case. He can't help but feel a swell of anger towards the other members, but calms down and prepares for the rough night ahead.
Taeil goes to put his gym bag in his room, and Yuta and Taeyong make their way to the couches. He opts to sit alone in an armchair while Taeyong settles in between Jaehyun and Donghyuck, the younger leaning his head on Taeyong's shoulder. It's dead quiet, no one saying a word to each other until Taeil gets back in the room. Yuta feels like he's drowning in the tension.
Taeil opts to sit on the floor, and everyone waits for someone else to do something, until Taeyong finally bites the bullet and states, "Donghyuck didn't tell us why you ate dinner with WayV, so do you want to explain that first?"
"Donghyuck and I got in an argument. I got mad at him and Taeil hyung got a little upset so I decided that we needed to calm down before coming home," he doesn't hesitate to say, because it's true. He wants to yell in their ears and say "See? I can take responsibility!" but that in itself would be irresponsible, so he doesn't.
"What was the argument about?" Doyoung asks, quick and to the point. He's standing behind the chair Jungwoo's sitting in, arms crossed and eyes narrowed as he looks between Donghyuck and Yuta. It's rare that the two ever get in an argument, so to know that Yuta and Taeil had skipped a meal with their members because of said argument really shocked everyone in the room.
Taeil pats Yuta's foot to get his attention, and just simply says, "Thank you for standing up for me Yuta, but this isn't your fight," and steadily looks at everyone in the room. Yuta wants to protest, to protect the older from the pain and rejection he's been feeling for years because it is his fight, has been for years, but knows there's no point to it. Taeil is standing tall now, metaphorically, and is steadily explaining to the members what's been happening the past few weeks. It's obvious to Yuta that Taeil is done crying, and that he wants to fix this issue as soon as possible.
"When we had to film our reaction to the 'Kick It' MV, I got really excited to watch it because we had worked hard, and we had all practiced for days and weeks to make everything perfect. I knew it was going to be better than a lot of the other stuff we've done, and I was right, it was great." And he pauses to take a deep breath, and Yuta puts a hand on his shoulder to let the older know that he's here, and that he'll always be by his side. "And when I watched it with you guys, I was excited to see myself on screen and see how you guys would react... But you didn't. You didn't react at all. To me or to Yuta, who might I add, did a lot for this comeback. And it- it hurt. And I couldn't help but think that I let you guys down or that I messed up, so I just kept practicing and practicing and pushing my limit until Yuta caught me today." Some eyes turn to Yuta, but he doesn't look away from the man sat below him. "And he talked to me, and he listened, and then the Dreamies came in and played cards with us for a while. I felt like I didn't have all this pressure on my back because I was free to just laugh and have fun and not worry about what people thought of me,"
"Hyung we never meant to make you feel like that," Taeyong says, eyes big and imploring.
"I know Taeyong, but I still felt that way. I know it may sound stupid to some of you but not getting any praise for the hard work I did, when all Jaehyun or Johnny had to do was wear low-cut shirts, hurt me." And they all know how that feels, to be stood up by someone who's better looking or more popular to fans, when they put in more effort. It's frustrating, but now that they were in a pretty popular group, they didn't have to worry about that anymore. They were the good-looking and popular people, they thought they were unstoppable. "So I just shut myself off, and no one noticed that either," he pauses for a second, then looks at Donghyuck as he continues, "Well, Donghyuck I think you noticed, but you just didn't do anything," and it isn't accusatory, just factual, but Donghyuck still looks like he's about to cry.
"Anyway, when Yuta and I were playing cards with the Dreamies, Donghyuck came in because Yuta wasn't texting Taeyong back, or something like that, I don't really remember. That doesn't matter. Donghyuck and Yuta only got into an argument because Yuta was explaining why I was upset and sort of got snippy at Donghyuck. It wasn't an argument, really, Yuta just said some things in a mean way," He did, he's not gonna disagree there, "and he knew it would be a bad idea for us to come here after that, so we went and ate with WayV. That was it,"
But that wasn't it. That was barely scratching the surface. There are uneven scales here, one being the fair treatment and support of all idols, and the other being putting the pressure on a few members of a group, and tossing the rest aside. Not to mention the cruel standars they're set up to daily by fans, family, management, hell, even the government. They're working against the odds, fishes tring to swim upstream, and they're drowning. He tries to find the silver lining, the flicker of light in the dark, but sometimes he feels hopeless, like the cycle will never end.
But then the light appears, and Taeyong is crying and pulling their oldest into a hug, whispering "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," into his neck. Jungwoo joins, and pulls Doyoung with him, and then everyone is on the floor hugging and crying and Yuta thinks he hears laughter somewhere, but can't quite make it out. It's a wonderful sight, watching his family comfort each other after a tense moment, but he knows this is what they were made for; to break down and build each other up again, stronger and sturdier that the first time. They wouldn't have made it this far if they didn't.
He's pulled out of his reverie when he feels a hand tug his arm, and looks over to see a teary Donghyuck who looks five seconds away from bawling. All he says is, "I'm sorry hyung," and then he's burying himself in Yuta's lap and sniffing into his shoulder. It takes the older five seconds to realize what's happening, but then whispers, "It's okay, Donghyuck-ah," and starts weaving his fingers through the youngers hair.
Nobody moves for quite a while, the seven dogpiled on the floor and the two in the armchair being too comfy to move. There are whispered apologies from everyone, and they take turns for around half-an-hour complementing each other and cuddling like grown men do. It's fine, it's normal, and Yuta wouldn't have it any other way.
They all move to the couches, Taeil and Yuta change into sleepwear, Taeyong and Doyoung make popcorn and other unhealthy snacks, and they all pile onto the couches and chairs and watch movies all night. Their managers get pissy at them, and Yuta really wants to flip some of them the bird, but Doyoung just puts his hand down and shakes his head. Apparently Donghyuck called the Dreamies over and five tired young adults traipse into the 127 dorm (it's 2 a.m., they are all so getting in trouble tomorrow) and make themselves comfy between the older members. Johnny facetimes Ten, and then it's a 21-people even with some of the people just a few blocks away. Yuta never wants the night to end.
And when everyone is worn out and tired, and the TV screen is black and the sounds of the city fill in the silent spaces, Yuta slips off into sleep with Donghyuck on his left and Taeil on his right, love settled deep in his heart, a promise of a good day far off in the horizon.