Work Text:
Ian was used to his bipolar disorder by now. He was on his meds, he managed them well when he felt they were off, did what all his doctors told him to do and found his way back to steady. He had occasional down swings but they were never as bad as the first time and he had Mickey by his side to help him through them.
What he wasn’t used to was for the roles to be reversed.
They were married for four months when Ian woke up one day, at 4am, to the sound of his husband crying. He rolled over and slid his arm around Mickey’s chest, pressing his bare torso against his back. Mickey wasn’t fully sobbing but Ian saw his shoulders shaking and heard his sniffling.
“Mick? What’s wrong?” Ian asked in a sleepy voice and Mickey didn’t answer. It seemed like he couldn’t, he even resisted Ian’s little tug on his arm to try and get him to roll over onto his back.
“Okay.” Ian said softly, holding Mickey tighter and kissing his neck.
He wasn’t going to press for answers, Mickey would talk to him when he could. Ian was secure enough in their marriage to know that Mickey wouldn’t hide anything important and he knew his own mental health enough to know that sometimes people just get really fucking sad for no reason. Poking and prodding it wasn’t going to make it any better.
So Ian held his husband for an hour, kissing his neck, rubbing soothing circles onto his chest with the tips of his fingers while Mickey cried silently. When he heard Mickey’s breath even out and felt his chest start to rise and fall steadily Ian gave it another few minutes then kissed Mickey’s hair, slowly pulling himself away and getting out of bed, sliding the door to their room closed behind him.
“Fuck” he whispered, wiping errant tears from his own eyes and going downstairs. He was hoping the early hour would mean the house would be quiet but he got to the kitchen and saw Lip sitting at the table nursing a cup of coffee.
“Hey” Ian said quietly, walking over to the pot and pouring himself a cup.
“Hey” Lip muttered back.
“Fred still not sleeping through the night?” Ian asked, going to join Lip at the table.
“Yeah construction schedule at the house has Tami and I juggling him alot. Didn’t go down easy but he made it til almost 5am this time, which is an improvement. I got him back down in the RV and figured I’d let him and Tami have a few extra hours. What are you doing up so early?”
It was an innocent question but Ian heard the concerned tone and saw the look on his brothers face. Early rising was one of the warning signs of Ian’s manic swings.
Ian shook his head and waved his brother off.
“Not me.” Ian said, answering the question Lip didn’t ask. “It’s uh, it’s Mickey. He woke up crying.”
Lip put down his coffee. “Shit, what’s going on?”
“Haven’t asked yet. Just held him til he went back to sleep. Trying to remember the shit he does for me when I get like this. It’s all kind of a fog I never really remember the details.”
Ian scratched the back of his head and sighed, feeling like a shit head for not knowing how to take care of his husband.
“Treat it like the flu.” Lip answered simply. Ian raised his eyebrow and Lip just nodded.
“Yeah uh, that’s what he told us worked the best the first time. Let you stay in bed and treat it like it’s the flu. Bring him regular morning shit like coffee but also stuff like toast and water, things that are light on his stomach. When he feels better get him some of his favorites but stay away from booze, depressants won’t help. And just stay with him, just be there and be quiet or talk about stupid bullshit and try and make him laugh.
Ian felt more tears well up in his eyes. “Fuck. He does all that for me? When I’m half fucking comotose and not answering anyone?”
Lip just nodded. “I mean yeah. None of us knew what to do back in the day. He kind of taught us what worked for you.”
“Shit.” Ian said, blown away once again by the intense love he had for his husband. “He really does so much for me Lip.”
Lip took a sip of his coffee and shrugged. “So return the favor.”
Ian wiped his eyes. “It’s not like he has bipolar though.”
“Fuck that man, sad is sad. Just take care of him. And make some toast for yourself.”
“No meds on an empty stomach I know.” Ian said, getting up to get the bread.
“Make sure he sees you take them. He’ll feel a little better if he sees you take care of yourself.” Lip said, getting up and taking his coffee with him, he opened the back door and turned to check that Ian was okay.
“You’re a good dad Lip.” Ian told him and his brother smiled then headed back out to his sleeping baby.
----
Ian came back into the room carrying a tray full of toast, a bottle of water and two cups of coffee.
“Mick?” He quietly asked as he climbed into the bed, balancing everything carefully and setting it on the bed between them. Mickey hummed and turned on his back slowly, his eyes were still red and his cheeks were stained with tears.
“Hey babe” Ian said, reaching over to brush back Mickey’s hair. They only ever break out the pet names in their quietest moments. “You feelin better?”
Mickey grimaced but tried to sit up. “I don’t know...I don’t know.” he said, shaking his head.
“Okay” Ian said simply. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want. I brought coffee and toast and water. Figured we could hang out in here for a while, just us.”
Mickey wiped at his eyes and tried to sit up. “What time is it? You need your-”
Ian held up his weekly medicine container and shook it. “I’ll take them after we eat. Let me take care of you right now okay?”
He offered the bottle of water and Mickey reached for it and uncapped it, taking a big swig and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
“I’m sorry.” Mickey said shamefully, putting the bottle back down. Ian shook his head and touched his husbands cheek.
“You don’t have to be sorry for being sad Mick. You don’t even have to know why.” Ian leaned in and kissed Mickey’s forehead. He pulled back a little and Mickey’s hand came up to Ian’s wrist.
“Kiss me for real.” He said quietly and Ian gladly obliged, leaning in and giving his husband a soft kiss on the lips. They pulled apart slowly and Ian nudged the water.
“Drink more of that. You want the toast with peanut butter or jam on it?” Ian asked. Mickey reached for the toast with the jam. Ian smiled, he knew his husband so well.
Mickey took a big bite and avoided Ian’s eyes as he chewed. He reached for the coffee and Ian turned the mug so Mickey could grab it.
Ian ate his own toast and used his free hand to rub soothing circles on the small of Mickey’s back.
When they both finished eating, Mickey put his mug down and Ian moved the tray off the bed. He held up his pills and the water bottle and took them while Mickey watched, that put a small smile on his husbands face, but just for a second.
When Ian’s hands were free, Mickey took them in his own, his fingers rubbing over Ian’s two rings.
“This was always the first thing I tried with you. Back in the day.” Mickey said quietly. Ian nodded and let Mickey play with his fingers.
“I don’t know what came over me. Just woke up feeling so fuckin...heavy.” He explained, looking up to meet Ian’s eyes.
Ian nodded again. “You don’t have to be bipolar to have depression.” He explained. Mickey nodded and squeezed his husband’s hand.
“But I’ve never been fucking happier.” Mickey said in a small voice.
“I love you, we’re married. We both have decent jobs and a nice PO with only a year to go. Fuck man we’re window shopping for houses and building up fucking joint bank accounts. I finally feel like I have a fucking famliy. So why am I suddenly bawling my eyes out?”
Ian scooted closer and gathered his husband in his arms, kissing the top of Mickey’s head.
“Because depression doesn’t make any fucking sense. Something could have triggered you last night or maybe something in your dream. Or maybe all of the happiness you feel is so new and foreign that your body doesn’t know what to do so it’s trying to balance you out. Who fuckin knows?”
A few moments passed and the two men just held each other, breathing each other in. Mickey eventually broke the silence.
“So you think I’m depressed?” Mickey asked, pressing his wet cheek into Ian’s neck.
“I think you have depression, yeah. After everything life has put you through I’d be a little worried if you didn’t. Doesn’t mean you can’t be happy.” Ian assured him.
Mickey pulled away enough to look Ian in the eye again. “I am. I fuckin love being your husband Ian.”
Ian touched Mickey’s cheek again. “And I love being yours. This is the happiest I’ve ever been. And I’ll still feel that way if we spend our entire day off in this bed crying and hanging all over each other.”
Mickey leaned in and gave Ian a soft kiss. “Yeah?”
“To have and to hold. Sickness and health.” Ian reminded him. “Let’s just take care of each other.”
“Yeah.” Mickey agreed, settling into the bed and cuddling against Ian’s chest. “Yeah lets do that.”