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Commander Ki-Tong snorted as he scanned the area around him. Around him, the residents of the planet - “humans” - moved without even noticing him. Granted, they looked exactly like he did in a lot of ways, enough that most of them could probably be mistaken for a Kree at first glance. (Apparently at least a few of the higher-ups had initially thought they were a lost colony, but blood tests done on a few captured humans disproved that).
Their world would be the Kree’s soon, without a doubt.
These “humans” were still primitive in their technological advancements - they’d only gone to their moon a few years ago! And ballistic weapons could be effective, yes… until you ran out of ammunition.
The planet was fairly distant from the main Kree empire, and that seemed to be the main reason that it had never been conquered before.
He would scout the area some more, then finish his report for this country. “Mexico”, it was called. Their food was good. He’d have to revisit a few of these eating establishments if he ever came back.
The pet shop would be his next stop. Animals were all the rage in so many places, maybe he could find a new species for the Empire’s use and be rewarded.
Back in the ship, Joli-Tu absently typed in his report to be delivered to the higher generals on the planet, with his analyses on how they might be able to infiltrate Earth society and perform spying acts to weaken them from within.
Now all he had to do was wait for his commander to return-
Then, he heard it.
A scream. Over the comms system, one that was so loud and high-pitched he thought for a second that someone had snuck a baby onto the ship and done something horrible to it, and he got to his feet before logic hit.
But the only other person on the comms system was the captain.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHAAAAAAAIIIIIIII!!!!!”
That was… also the captain? How had he gotten back so fast?
Later records would determine that the Commander Ki-Tong had set a new record for the fastest covering of a .8 kilometer stretch in skintight armor. Roughly a minute and a half.
“RETREAT! OPEN THE DOOR, NOW!!”
Completely caught off guard by the screaming, Joli-Tu let his screaming commanding officer in without any further questions, watching in shock as the totally off-kilter Kree stumbled over to his command chair, and hammered a sequence into it, watching as the ship lifted off with more relief than he could remember ever seeing from anyone. “Thank the Intelligence, they’re not pursuing us. We can still make our report…”
“Sir, what’s wrong? Why-” Joli-Tu was cut off by Ki-Tong raising a hand.
And saying three words that made his heart stop for a second.
“They have flerken.”
“. ..Sir ?” Joli-Tu’s voice came out at an unnaturally high pitch, and the look on his face would have translated as fear to any species in the galaxy. He didn’t care.
He had heard the stories. Of experiments gone wrong, of facilities and entire platoons devoured by gaping maws that could gulp down tanks. Of endless hunger, that could never be stopped or reasoned with. Of - even worse - intelligence.
The power to do all this and know exactly how and what to do in order to make it effective, to most effectively oppose the Kree.
And anyone else who crossed their paths.
Ki-Tong gave a sharp nod. “Yes. YOU HEARD WHAT I SAID! FLERKEN! THE MISSION IS IN A BLACK HOLE NOW, WE ARE ABANDONING THIS PLANET! THIS WORLD IS INFESTED WITH FLERKEN! I am not sending our troops into an ALL THEY CAN EAT BUFFET!!” Ki-Tong’s screech was undisguised in how hysterical it was, before he sat back, shivering like Joli-Tu had never seen anyone shiver. “They - I saw them. There were nearly a hundred of them, all locked in these low-tech cages without any other restraints I could see. I don’t know if the humans have just hidden their restraints, or tamed them, or…”
Ki-Tong settled down. “The generals can go have sex with a Skrull for all I care. I am not spending ONE MORE SECOND on this death trap, and I am telling everyone I know that they’d better steer clear for their own good.”
“Why do you think he left so quickly?”
“I don’t know. Gotta say, I’ve never heard anyone scream that loud before, though.”
“Rowr.”
“Oh, hey there girl! Who’s a good girl?” One of the humans smiled and began scratching Chewie on the head. The cat purred in a tone not unlike a Flerken saying in their language “leave or be lunch.”
It sounded a lot like what a few of the cats had meowed earlier at Ki-Tong.
Most of the galaxy would never discover there was any difference.