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Walking home from a late shift at the mission desk, Iruka heard Naruto well before he saw him. While that wasn't uncommon, Naruto's voice wasn't usually quite so slurred.
"Hey, hey, Sai!" Naruto yelled, "w'ke up already! You hafta show me where y'live! Oi! Sai!"
Iruka heard something hit the ground, and winced a little: that wasn't the sound of someone breaking his own fall - it was the sound an unconscious body made when it hit the ground. Naruto, what have you gotten into? Iruka thought, turning to head toward the source of the noise. And how did you drag Sai into it? From what he had heard of the newest member of Team Kakashi, Sai was very unlikely to have initiated the kind of hare-brained trouble Naruto excelled at getting into.
When he reached the boys, Naruto was sprawled on the ground next to Sai, pushing at his shoulder, not noticing that he was knocking Sai's head into the street with each shove. Sakura stood above the two of them, hands on her hips, glaring, to no apparent effect.
"Sai!" Naruto whined, "this'sn't funny! Sakura-chan din't mean this when sh'said you sh'd take it easy!" She sighed, and rolled up one sleeve, gloves already on.
"Naruto-" she said, warningly. Iruka stepped forward.
"Naruto? Sakura?" he said, and the boy's head snapped around to him, surprise plastered across his face. Sakura looked at him in relief.
"Iruka-sensei, thank god."
"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto exclaimed, pushing himself up, falling flat on his behind, and trying the exact same thing again, ending up flat on his back in the street. It was very like Naruto, Iruka thought, remembering how many times he'd watched a much younger Naruto try, and try, and try, regardless of previous failures. He bent down and offered Naruto a hand up. Naruto grabbed for it, and Iruka hauled him to his feet, steadying him when he nearly fell. Sakura knelt next to Sai.
"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto exclaimed, pointing at Sai and nearly falling over entirely, "Sai's beina'bastard! H'wont get up!"
"Naruto," Iruka said sharply, "there's no need to yell. I'm right here, and I'm sure the people who live in the next street over are trying to sleep." He thought he heard Sakura snicker behind him, but wasn't certain.
"Iruka-senseeeiii!" Naruto howled, stamping his foot and nearly toppling the two of them over. Naruto grabbed Iruka's arms and fell into his chest, dropping his head onto Iruka's shoulder. His breath was, Iruka thought, probably strong enough to keep him drunk on the smell alone.
"Sakura," he asked,"do I want to know why Naruto is too drunk to stand up and Sai is unconscious?"
"No," she said, "you really don't. I don't, either."
Naruto looked up at Iruka, squinting a little, and said, very distinctly "'s'not my fault. Stupid Kiba said we couldn't hold'r'liquor!" And he was right, from the looks of it, Iruka thought. He closed his eyes for a moment, resisting the urge to bury his head in his hands. Sakura sighed again, and stood, walking over towards Iruka.
"Naruto," he said, very evenly, "you got into a drinking contest with Kiba?"
Naruto seemed to revert to his ten- or twelve-year-old self, because he almost cringed, before clenching his hands into fists and protesting loudly, if rather incoherently. Something about a bet, and the Hokage, and Iruka decided to stop listening, handing Naruto to Sakura.
"How is he," he asked, gesturing at Sai.
"Unconscious," Sakura said, "but otherwise fine. Now that someone has left him alone!" Naruto sputtered, and Iruka bent down to take a closer look at Sai. He appeared to be unconscious, but when Iruka stretched out a hand to pick him up, Sai's hand snapped out to grab him by the wrist.
"Aah. Sai. How are you feeling?" Sai's eyes snapped from his hitae-ate to his face, and then up to Naruto and Sakura. Since Naruto seemed to be more interested in a nearby lamppost than in introducing them, and Sakura looked like she had her hands full, he continued, "I'm Umino Iruka. I was Naruto and Sakura's teacher at the Academy. It's a pleasure to meet you." Sai stared at him, looked back at his face for a long moment, eyes tracking across Iruka's scar, and then let go of his wrist.
"Umino Iruka," he repeated, then said, tonelessly, as if reciting a lesson learned by heart: "Academy instructor. Parents dead in Kyuubi attack. Graduated, 11; chuunin, 16. No apparent higher ambitions. Cleared of suspicion in the theft of a sealed scroll four years ago. Irrationally fond of Uzumaki Naruto and of the Sandaime's teachings." He blinked, and for a moment Iruka saw something flash in his eyes, before his expression went entirely blank again.
"Um," Iruka said, a little taken aback, "Yes, that's me. Let's get you standing up." Sai let go of his wrist, and pushed himself up, onto his knees, and then onto his feet, glaring at Iruka as if to forbid any help.
Sakura looked at the two of them, and pulled Naruto's arm to get his attention.
"All right, Naruto," Iruka said, "you're heading home." Naruto looked at the three of them and smiled hugely.
"Iruka-sensei!" he said earnestly, pulling out of Sakura's grasp and lurching over, "We have to teach Sai how to sing!"
Iruka sighed. It was going to be a long night.
* * *
Kakashi was curled up on Iruka's couch with a book when a familiar voice in the hallway said, "No! No, Iruka-sensei, you have to make it spin first! See-" Iruka's voice cut him off.
"Naruto. No."
"Awwww-"
Kakashi looked up as the door opened and Iruka herded in Naruto and Sai, making an apologetic face over their heads.
Sai looked around slowly, obviously cataloging entrances, exits, hiding places and potential weapons, then standing against the door. Only experience let Kakashi tell how very disoriented Sai was: he hid it well, thanks to his ANBU training. Naruto looked around the room as well, and did a double-take when he saw Kakashi. He tugged on Iruka's sleeve.
"Iruka-sensei" he whispered, "Kakashi-sensei is in your apartment!"
Iruka's lips twitched, and Kakashi thought he might start laughing right there.
"Yes," Iruka said, "so he is."
Iruka walked into the kitchen, and Naruto stared at Kakashi suspiciously while Sai stood perfectly still, eyes flicking around the room. When Iruka came back out, he handed one of the two glasses of water to Kakashi, nodding towards Sai.
"Oh, no" Kakashi said, holding his hands up, "you brought them home. You get to feed them."
Iruka made a face and walked over to give Sai one of the glasses. Sai took it, but made no move to drink. Iruka went to give Naruto the other glass - he tipped it back immediately, spilling almost as much water as he drank. Sai didn't move.
"He's not going to drink," Kakashi offered. "He didn't see you pour it."
"Of course," Iruka replied. "All right, Naruto, there are two futons in the closet beside you. Go ahead and get them out. Kakashi, please don't let him destroy the apartment. Sai, if you will come with me, we'll get you some water." Sai's glance flicked over to Kakashi for confirmation.
"Kakashi-sempai," he said, and Kakashi recognized his tone immediately.
"Go with him," Kakashi said, voice as flat and expressionless as Sai's had been.
Naruto yanked open the closet door, nearly pulling it off its hinges, and pulled at the futons, which fell on top of him. Kakashi heard water running in the kitchen and called "You may need to take a sip first," as he got up to lift the futons off of Naruto, whose helpless flailing was doing no good at all.
A short time later, Naruto was curled in a sort of nest of blankets, his jacket and shoes tossed haphazardly in a corner. Sai had folded his jacket precisely, placed his shoes by his left side, and his bag and pouches by his right, in easy arm's reach. Kakashi saw him slip two kunai under his pillow before he slipped under the carefully untucked blankets. He lay still, eyes open, and when Iruka went to turn the lights off, Kakashi stopped him.
"He'll sleep better in the light." It was one of the first things you learned: fighting in an unfamiliar place was always easier when you could see, and an ANBU operative who didn't expect a fight to break out at any moment was likely to die young.
Kakashi pulled Iruka into the bedroom, and closed the door behind them, making a quizzical face.
"I think they got in a drinking contest with Kiba," Iruka said. "Sakura wasn't very clear. But when I ran into them, Sai had almost passed out, and Naruto couldn't find his way home. He seemed to think that if he just made enough shadow clones, one of them would find his way home for him."
Kakashi laughed. "Only Konoha's top knuckleheaded ninja would forget the way back to his own house."