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"God, I’m so…”
“Embarrassed?” Ed says. “Well, first of all, trust me, you’ve got no reason to be. Second of all, it’s a fucking pirate ship. Everyone sees everyone’s dick eventually.”Bookmarked by samwise
26 Mar 2025
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This is very sweet - just two oblivious pirate captains who have no idea how they feel, and feel it anyway 🩷
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Forty-five year old Ed Teach is a registered nurse at The Lighthouse, a lavish independent living community. When he is assigned to a new resident, 81-year old Stede Bonnet, he discovers an unexpected kind of love.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 198,924
- Chapters:
- 31/31
- Comments:
- 2,439
- Kudos:
- 507
- Bookmarks:
- 137
- Hits:
- 20,649
Bookmarked by samwise
07 Mar 2025
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This is one of my favourite stories in the fandom, without question. It's so complex and considered, and both Ed and Stede's stories are so full and layered. It's just brimming with romance and well-handled emotions. I just can't recommend it enough.
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My Father's House by fake_geek_boy for ghostalservice
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
14 Aug 2023
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So, yeah. It’s been one of the most profound, healing, transformative theatre experiences of Ed’s career, and he’s pretty sad it’s over. But on the other hand, ever since the weather got warmer, Stede’s been rocking a whole “half-unbuttoned shirt with a neckerchief” thing, and Ed’s about ready to build a summer home in the soft-looking patch of hair where his top surgery scars meet in the middle. Stede is—
Stede is looking at Ed expectantly.
Fuck.
Bookmarked by samwise
18 Nov 2024
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I'm a year late to this story and I'm mad at myself about it. Chemistry off the charts, and beautifully written.
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Dear Luci,
Greetings! I am a long time reader, first time writer, and I’m hoping you can advise me on a slightly… complex problem. Let me start at the beginning.
OR
Lucius Spriggs has been running his online relationship advice column for a long time, but this particular situation gets a little weird.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,529
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 90
- Kudos:
- 352
- Bookmarks:
- 50
- Hits:
- 1,907
Bookmarked by samwise
15 Nov 2024
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Lucius's advice column goes on an adventure. This is so funny, and such a clever idea. 💛
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Ed's monthly show lands at a new theater, The Revenge, and the proprietor seems to want something from him. A silly little 5+1 because i always like publishing something on my birthday, and today! is my birthday. thanks for being my pals and reading my stuff and having a fun time with me on the timeline and in the comments!
title from this haunting karen black song from a b-movie i watched recently called the pyx
Bookmarked by samwise
24 Oct 2024
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Lovely modern AU with gorgeous pacing and such great romance. You'll love this 💖
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Ed's minding his business when the new neighbor's kid comes around holding a human puppet. It's creepy as hell, but as soon as the kid's father rounds the corner, Ed doesn't mind.
ETA: Podfic available here from Kninjaknitter my darling dearest
“Hello,” says the strangest voice Ed’s ever heard, jolting him out of his reverie, sending his heart speeding into chaos.He opens his eyes and he’s staring straight at a stuffed animal in the shape of a human person. It is bald with a tiny hat and too-big eyes and it wears a blue shirt and a name tag that says Jeffy in the sort of scrawl normally reserved for words written in blood.
A puppet, he realizes several seconds beyond when it would have been appropriate to respond.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 83,773
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Comments:
- 1,644
- Kudos:
- 1,739
- Bookmarks:
- 586
- Hits:
- 32,674
Bookmarked by samwise
12 May 2024
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A glorious treat for lovers of slow burns, therapy, and puppets from hell.
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He gives it a few days, watching the golden hairs grow on Stede’s face, and watching Stede frown and scratch his chin more often. But Stede doesn’t act any different. There’s no secret plans Ed can detect.
Ed confronts Stede over it one afternoon in Stede’s quarters. He’s given the matter a lot of thought, and he’s considered how best to bring it up. Stede is a gentleman, so Ed will broach the subject delicately.
“What the fuck are you doing with your face?”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,198
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 165
- Kudos:
- 3,389
- Bookmarks:
- 363
- Hits:
- 16,005
Bookmarked by samwise
24 Apr 2024
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Delivers on the promise the tags make, and then some. Such a brilliant Ed 💜
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Someone or something from above or below had apparently decided that no good deed goes unpunished, and that Ed’s punishment for agreeing to help out a friend would come in the form of one Stede Bonnet.
Stede Bonnet, who Ed had first met last year, via the aforementioned merging of the friend groups. Stede Bonnet, who Ed had fallen hopelessly head over heels for the first time they’d spoken, and who he’d been quietly pining over ever since. And, most importantly, Stede Bonnet who Ed is apparently expected to sort of… swoon up against, and then just exist there for the next few hours while strangers gawk at them, and somehow be normal about the whole thing. All while wearing a dress with approximately seven layers of fabric and thirteen different kinds of ribbon and lace, of course.
Bookmarked by samwise
29 Feb 2024
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Sparrow by Roberta Seaport (Deepdarkwaters) for VioletSmith
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
21 Oct 2023
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Izzy's pompadour is deflating and his makeup is probably smudged to fuck from the stupid bobbing for aubergines game that Roach invented, but he doesn't care—not about that, not about the way he's been wafting around the deck with his waistcoat and shirt off wearing a giant boa of hibiscus and lilies that someone draped around his neck, not even about the way that every time a louder groan is heard from the captain's cabin it provokes a new wave of giggles and cheers.
.
Calypso's birthday becomes Calypso's chill evening on deck having sweet comfortable tipsy sex with friends and laughing at the captain finally getting some.
Series
- Part 2 of Sparrow
Bookmarked by samwise
21 Oct 2023
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The most immaculate vibes, and a gorgeous addition to the episode.
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Too Hot (Hot Damn) by adhduck, bizarrelittlemew, CartoonMayor, ClaireGregory, eefaevie, emi_rose, fake_geek_boy, ghostalservice, petrichorca, wardrobespierre, xoxoemynn
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
11 Oct 2023
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Stede leaves his wife over a sexy calendar model, then finds himself in the presence of the man himself after a series of unfortunate fiery events.
Firefighter Edward Teach keeps getting called out to a handsome middle-aged bachelor's apartment to respond to kitchen fires.
Will their unlikely connection spark an inferno? 🔥
Now with a podfic by LoopyDangerFrog!
Bookmarked by samwise
11 Oct 2023
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Skip the police; call the fireman. Make a dragon want to retire, man 🔥
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In a post-apocalyptic world, a theatre troupe's performance crackles over the radio.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,237
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 105
- Kudos:
- 346
- Bookmarks:
- 80
- Hits:
- 2,525
Bookmarked by samwise
10 Jul 2023
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This is such a lovely flavour of OFMD fic - gorgeous worldbuilding, an Ed that's gone from the start, a Stede that's found his element. And with Shakespeare sprinkled in, too? Hell yeah.
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Summary
Edward Teach, better known throughout the land as the Dread Wizard Blackbeard, was nervous.
He shouldn’t be nervous, he reckoned, fiddling with the large hood and sunglasses that made up his rather low-effort disguise. But as he stood outside the admittedly charming little shop, with its glowing frosted windows that obscured the interior from view and the little hanging sign on the outside with its hearts and unicorn motif advertising ‘potions and sundries’, he could not seem to shake the tight ball of anxiety that had settled into the pit of his stomach.
Because of course he was nervous. He couldn’t be seen shopping for a love potion of all things—he was fucking Blackbeard.
How embarrassing.
—————
Or: wizard Ed goes to apothecary Stede for a love potion and gets a lot more than he bargained for.
Bookmarked by samwise
06 Jul 2023
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Such a fun idea, and so well executed. I love this story, and I didn't need a potion to get there.
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'The hottest new tech trend in 2023? Teleportation. We’re here with Oluwande Boodhari and Jim Jimenez to discuss their invention, which is set to revolutionise the travel industry this year.'
Stede teleports into Ed's life for the longest distance relationship it is possible to have on Earth.
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 18,442
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 275
- Kudos:
- 558
- Bookmarks:
- 196
- Hits:
- 3,807
Bookmarked by samwise
05 Jan 2023
Bookmarker's Notes
A very sweet AU where Stede meets Ed via random teleportation. Classic romance, very lovely, with some fun cameos by the crew.
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Summary
With armor as black as the horse beneath him, the knight appears to swallow the sunlight, drawing the eyes of the newly hushed crowd.
They’ve all heard of the Kraken here.
___When whispers speak of a mysterious knight dominating tourneys in the Southlands, Crown Prince Stede Bonnet is quick to host him in the capital. Pressured by issues of ascension and mistrust, Stede finds freedom in this knight like nothing he's experienced before.
Ed finds more.
Bookmarked by samwise
04 Nov 2022
Bookmarker's Notes
Gorgeous knight AU. I'm reccing from C2, where we've reached so far, and it's all slow-burning and restrained. Come on in; the water's great 🖤
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Ed is an engineer aboard the Revenge, an interplanetary research vessel on a multi-year mission to study Jupiter's moon Europa. An accident requires that Ed awaken from cryostasis over six months early, and finds his only companion to be Stede, the ship's onboard AI. They develop an unconventional friendship, but is it possible to have more?
This is classic mutual pining with a sci-fi twist, inspired by all of my favorite stories about the nature of personhood.
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“You–” Ed was struggling to parse what Stede was saying. “You’re playing your version of this song for me, right now? Like, in real time?”“Yes, Edward, that’s correct,” said Stede softly.
Ed’s brain momentarily seized up. He supposed it made sense that Stede was capable of learning a set of rules to do something like arrange and play a piece of music. There was something unnerving about this song, though. It felt, well–it felt organic . Reactive. Almost collaborative in a way. Ed was lost in the push and pull of it, until the last notes softly petered out.
“So, what did you think?” asked Stede. It sounded nervous again. Why the hell would someone program an anxiety response into a bot?
Series
- Part 1 of Starry Eyes and Counting Down to Zero
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 62,072
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Collections:
- 10
- Comments:
- 2,701
- Kudos:
- 2,628
- Bookmarks:
- 1,050
- Hits:
- 49,708
Bookmarked by samwise
15 Oct 2022
Bookmarker's Notes
Tender, inventive and just absolutely gorgeous. Read this immediately!!
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Summary
“Gotta warn ya, mate,” Ed said in that same unusually-bright-given-the-circumstances tone from earlier, “rooms at these kinds of places are usually too small to fit two beds. We’ll probably have to share.” Ed punctuated the warning by whistling a few sing-songy notes as they arrived at their room and he fit the iron key into the lock.
“I see,” Stede said, feeling that thrill again. Likely from the authenticity of sleeping in close quarters, like a real pirate. Really thrilling stuff, that. “I suppose we could get a second room, if–”
“NO,” Ed interrupted loudly, startling them both. He cleared his throat and began again at a more location-appropriate volume. “No, the innkeeper said this was the only room left–” he turned the lock– “so we’ll have to make do with whatever’s here.”
***
A subversion of the Only One Bed Trope, and a love letter to OFMD fanfic everywhere.Series
Bookmarked by samwise
26 Sep 2022
Bookmarker's Notes
This is such a fun story; what a great idea, and executed beautifully. 'Only one bed' fans stay winning.
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Summary
Stede Bonnet is wrongfully imprisoned in a Barbados drunk tank. His cellmate is a handsome stranger who wants to kiss him. Then they get out of jail and someone gets railed!
Another pre-canon story of mine where Stede Bonnet and Edward Teach bone earlier in life, because they deserve it. I don't make the rules. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Series
- Part 3 of Pez's pre-canon gentlebeard stories
Bookmarked by samwise
15 Aug 2022
Bookmarker's Notes
Young Ed and Stede meet behind bars. Wonderfully written and very hot.
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Summary
Stede is not used to being touched. Ed insists touching is good for the body, and decides to help Stede, you know, for the health benefits.
Series
- Part 1 of Bodies Doing Good
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In a crappy future, Ed and Stede are scavenging for supplies before heading off to sea in a rowboat. Then something weird happens.
AKA the accidental time travel amnesiac love story I felt compelled to write, in five acts.
Bookmarked by samwise
31 Jul 2022
Bookmarker's Notes
This is such a brilliant, unique fic - a real journey with a gorgeous, satisfying ending. Big rec!
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Summary
Stede has never felt urges, not even for Ed. He worries this will drive Ed away.
Until he realizes that Ed loses all control under his touch.
Series
- Part 1 of Ace of Hearts
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,217
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 112
- Kudos:
- 1,170
- Bookmarks:
- 111
- Hits:
- 8,070
Bookmarked by samwise
19 Jun 2022
Bookmarker's Notes
Gorgeous story where ace Stede comes out to Ed and is loved and supported, and also learns that he really enjoys pleasing his partner.