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Guy’s been away on Oa handling Corps business for four and a half days now. He misses Michael.
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A roomba, a raccoon and a new recruit by Bergen, happyaspie
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
11 Oct 2024
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Tony always knew that Queens was a bit of an unhinged neighborhood. So of course it was going to be during a visit to Queens that he once again fell victim to a robot attack. The ‘robot’ being an overexcited roomba that responded to voice commands awfully well.
Whoever made this roomba was clearly operating on that fine line between genius and insanity.
Which meant Tony needed to meet him. -
Instant Kill Mode by Isnt_it_pretty_to_think_so
Fandoms: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Iron Man (Movies)
07 Feb 2021
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"Is there a reason you're calling this late at night?" Tony asks, worried in spite of himself. "Tell me what's going on, kid."
“Everything is one-hundred-percent fine,” Peter says. “Seriously, I've never been better. But I should let you know I have about thirty bricks of cocaine in my bedroom. Also, Karen won't let me turn off Instant Kill Mode. Also, Walmart discontinued my special razzleberry pink squeezy lemonade. Which isn't related to tonight's patrol, I'm just bummed about it.”
Or: The five times Instant Kill Mode is activated +1*Runner-up for the Soothes the Pain Award in the Iron Dad 2021 Creators Awards.*
Series
- Part 1 of Chaotic Peter
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what a big heart i have (better to love you with) by crazyassmurdererwall (smartalli)
Fandoms: Teen Wolf (TV)
18 Nov 2019
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Stiles has a massive thing for Derek Hale.
This is not news. Stiles, after all, has been carrying a torch for Derek ever since they bumped into each other at a taco cart at the start of his freshman year.
But what is news? With no hope of ever capturing Derek’s attention, Stiles is thinking it might be time to let that torch go. Try to let it burn out.
(Derek might have something to say about that.)
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"Are you going to buy anything else?" Professional Eyebrows says and Stiles would like to buy him. A cup of coffee. On a date.
He just ends up pointing at the crate of whatever the fuck is behind Professional Eyebrows' head and says, "Uh, a box of that stuff."
P.E. turns, glances at the crate, and raises an eyebrow at Stiles. "You want a box of charmed rattlesnake tail?" God, magic is so fucking weird.
"Yeah." Stiles nods because he's making an ass out of himself. The hipster vampire browsing in the corner is not so subtly laughing at him. The sooner he leaves the better.
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The one where Derek Hale is a Professional Werewolf Witch who owns a magic shop and Stiles fails at being smooth on a regular basis.
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Or, five times Stiles and Danny’s colleagues had no idea what was going on. And one time they did.
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the three rules of beacon hills high (there is a cult in school) by graveltotempo
Fandoms: Teen Wolf (TV)
11 May 2020
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there are three clear cut rules in Beacon Hills High School:
1. Do not hurt Stiles Stilinski, unless you want his friends after you
2. Do not hurt Stiles Stilinski’s friends, unless you want him after you
3. Do not flirt with Stiles Stilinski, unless you want his boyfriend after youSeries
- Part 9 of The Hale-Stilinski Pack
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And with that Stiles' slightly-creepy-still-mostly-just-amusing afternoon (and night) came to a dramatic, screeching halt. Because no absolutely not NO was Stiles allowed to be attracted to a stupid, pixelated avatar that was slightly influenced by Derek Hale's character. No.
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'"It's just a sandwich," Isaac mumbled around the food in his mouth, crunching a little between words. Derek firmly believed there was no such thing as 'just' anything where Stiles was concerned.'
Stiles begins to take on the role of the Pack Mom. Derek is confused and upset.
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Stiles’s life was so much easier before his BFF got super powers. “But, so, werewolves have super strength, right? And super speed. And better vision, and better muscle control, and healing powers, and stuff. And some of that’s probably, like, genetic, if you can be born a werewolf. Right?”
“Yeah,” Scott says. From the perplexed look on his face, he doesn’t yet know where Stiles is going with this. “So?”
“So what if you have condom-defeating supersperm?”
Stiles has a lot of research to do. He decides Derek's kitchen is the place to do it. Derek probably regrets giving him a key.
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In which Stiles ships Derek/nice things almost as hard as I do
Or
Stiles definitely starts off thinking it’s fucking hilarious that Derek-sourwolf-Hale does crosswords and cares about scuffs on his furniture.
But at a certain point, and he can’t pinpoint exactly when, “fully functional adult couple” somehow becomes a massive fetish of his. Derek in sweats and bare feet, nudging his glasses up his nose while he does the Sunday crossword? Unff. Derek filling out forms to get some renovations on his property approved? Oh God, yes. Derek putting away groceries and bitching that the corner store was out of the right type of Greek yogurt? Take me now, Stiles thinks, worrying at his lower lip with his teeth.
This can’t be normal.
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The problem isn’t that Stiles is stubborn. The problem is that people keep hitting on him.
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If there's one thing Stiles Stilinski knows, it's that Deputy Derek Hale absolutely Does Not Like him. The only reason Derek even tolerates him is because their kids are worryingly codependent.
So Stiles is understandably confused when a very feral Derek shows up in his backyard after a call gone wrong and proceeds to move in with him.
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"I accept your body!" Stiles says hurriedly. "I accept you. Sexually."
There is a pause. Derek says, "Thanks."
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Erica is giggling somewhere in the background. “I think he’d like exactly what you’d like, mom.”
Or, a 5 Times fic wherein Stiles doesn’t realize he’s been accidentally co-parenting a gang of furry teenagers/displaying Perfect Mate Characteristics, + the 1 Time Derek enlightens him.
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"Derek fucking Hale!"
The shout rang through the bar and for a long moment nobody moved. It was like something out of a movie. Everything just stopped; the music cut off; one of the servers had frozen mid-pour. Grady would have laughed if he weren't holding his breath. The kid straightened his shirt, a glimpse of stomach showing the curling edges of a tattoo on his hip, and strode toward where Hale was sitting in the dark corner. As one, every supe in the place turned to see Hale's reaction; the last person to try to confront Hale in here had left with a broken hand and a whispered threat that the next time Hale would rip their throat out. With his teeth. Unsurprisingly, Hale's face was set in its usual glower, although it seemed a bit softer around the eyes. It took Grady a second to realise Hale knew the kid.
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“I’ll bring it to the cleaner’s and give it back to you,” Stiles said, and then Derek didn’t see his jacket for three weeks and just assumed Stiles forgot all about it.
Only then he does bring it back and, well. It doesn’t smell like smoke anymore, that’s for sure. It holds a weeks-old sort of chemical scent, he assumes from wherever Stiles brought it to be cleaned, so faint Derek would hardly notice if he weren’t looking for it. Under that, a hint of Derek’s own scent. All overlaid with a whole lot of teenage boy. Like Stiles threw it on the ground and rolled around on top of it for a year or so.
Stiles keeps scent-marking Derek, and it's going to drive Derek crazy.
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Stiles would have asked who in their right mind thought a kissing booth was a good idea for a fundraiser, except – oh, right – he’s on a lacrosse team populated entirely by male models.
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"Holy crap! Why the hell did you lie to incredibly powerful magical beings with trust issues? How was that Plan A?"
Derek says, "We're not arguing about this, it's already done."
"Like hell we're not fighting about this," Stiles says, indignant. "What were you thinking?"
"I was thinking it was worth the risk if it kept you alive! And it worked, so drop it."
"You had no idea that it was going to work!" Stiles throws his hands up. Why is Derek the most frustrating werewolf in the history of ever, why is Stiles even helping him, why is this his life? "Why did they even believe you in the first place?"
Derek says, "You reeked of me," which is unfair. Stiles only smelled because he'd gotten covered in Derek's bodily fluids trying to staunch the bleeding.
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Stiles doesn’t exactly mean to start cleaning up after everybody, it’s just that, well, sometimes he thinks Derek turned them into actual animals.