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   Rules For (fake) Dating an Italian by poorlittlegreenie

   Fandoms: The Bear (TV 2022)  

   • Mature
   • No Archive Warnings Apply
   • F/M
   • Complete Work

   29 Sep 2024

   Tags

   • No Archive Warnings Apply
   • Sydney Adamu/Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto
   • Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto & Richard "Richie" Jerimovich
   • Natalie "Sugar" Berzatto
   • Emmanuel Adamu
   • The Berzatto Family - Character
   • Fake/Pretend Relationship
   • Spoiler alert: Carmy did not write that sign
   • so much yearning it will make you sick
   • Miscommunication
   • miscommunication so bad it should be studied in psychology textbooks
   • Mutual Pining
   • Sydney being her awkward little self
   • Carmy acting in a way that is so strange...
   • Happy Ending
   • attempts at humor (with varying levels of success)
   • The Berzatto family is its own warning I think
   • Richie's a little bit confused but he's trying to be supportive
   • Discussions of Michael's death
   • Discussions of Suicide
   • Mental Health Issues
   • this is a silly story please don't take it too seriously
   • they're in-character to ME
   • remember when Carmy said 'i've never had a girlfriend' ? I took that very seriously
   • author has never actually been to chicago
   • so if chicago sounds suspiciously like manhattan in this story don't mind that
   • the masterworks of Mr. Billy Joel
   • movie references as plot points
   • Angst with a Happy Ending

   Summary

   WANTED: Female, aged 20-30, to be my date for Christmas eve dinner with my Italian-American family. Must be willing to eat my mom’s cooking. No physical intimacy required. No strings attached—I will drive you home after. 4pm-10pm, 12/24. Salary negotiable. Call Carmen: (773) 555-0901.

   OR: The one in which Sydney just needs a job, and Carmy will die before he proves Richie right.

   Series

   • Part 1 of Complete 'Rules For (fake) Dating an Italian' Collection

   Language:

   English

   Words:

   100,000

   Chapters:

   10/10

   Comments:

   858

   Kudos:

   3,313

   Bookmarks:

   892

   Hits:

   67,718

   Bookmarked by losingthegame

   18 Jul 2025