functionally_immortal
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"We should talk about Eliot," Alec says, at the same time Parker says, "We should have sex in a hammock."
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 27,697
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- 1/1
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- 331
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Bookmarked by functionally_immortal
15 Feb 2026
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If I Must Starve (Let it be in Your Arms) by Igneum807
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV)
17 Apr 2020
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Summary
The witchers of Kaer Morhen have never been comfortable with gentle touches. It just isn't who they are. But when Geralt arrives to spend the winter with his brothers looking more relaxed than any of them have felt in years, all due to the affection of a human bard, Lambert and Eskel grow curious. They wonder what it would be like to be touched or held without fear.
When Lambert runs into Jaskier in a small town in Redania, it's the safest he's felt in years. He and his brothers need touch and kindness more than they're willing to admit, and all Jaskier wants it to help , if only the witchers would let him.
Geralt and Jaskier are together, all the other relationships are platonic with a good helping of touch-starvation on the side.
Series
- Part 1 of If We Must Starve (Let it be Together)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 31,259
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Collections:
- 27
- Comments:
- 1,651
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- 14,709
- Bookmarks:
- 2,649
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Bookmarked by functionally_immortal
14 Feb 2026
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home is nowhere, therefore you by Ark
Fandoms: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
30 Jan 2020
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"Right, well," Jaskier says, when he halts before Geralt. Up close, he looks much more nervous. There is sweat on his brow and his collar is damp with it, and his teeth keep catching on his lower lip. "True love's kiss. There's—ah—there's nothing to it." And he bends, the utter imbecile, and kisses Geralt full on the mouth.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 18,134
- Chapters:
- 2/2
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- 15
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- 849
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- 19,360
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Bookmarked by functionally_immortal
13 Feb 2026
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The Accidental Warlord and His Pack - Recommended Reading Order by inexplicifics
Fandom Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
23 Sep 2025
Summary
This is the Accidental Warlord and His Pack series, reorganized in an order that makes a little more sense. It's not precisely chronological, since some of the backstories are set well before With a Conquering Air, but it should flow nicely.
If you're interested in talking about this series, please come join the Discord server!
- Words:
- 669,445
- Works:
- 53
- Bookmarks:
- 2,137
Bookmarked by functionally_immortal
08 Feb 2026
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With a Conquering Air by inexplicifics
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
28 Mar 2020
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From the kinkmeme: AU Warlord!Geralt receives Tribute!Jaskier as a sacrifice to appease him in every way possible. Jaskier has no choice on the matter and he’s fully aware of the awful rumours that have spread about Geralt and his ruthless conquests. (But we all know those aren’t legit.) A classic angst with a happy ending please! A dash of smut to heal those scars and a sprinkle of new found love!
Jaskier arrives at Kaer Morhen knowing his family gave him up without a second thought, and absolutely sure that the dreaded Warlord of the North will value him even less than his own blood did. But the White Wolf and his pack are not what Jaskier expected...and if he's unreasonably lucky, Kaer Morhen might become far more of a home than Lettenhove ever was.
...He is, in fact, going to be unreasonably lucky, because the Warlord of the North is a far finer monarch - and a far better man - than Redania's king has ever dreamed of being.
Series
- Part 1 of The Accidental Warlord and His Pack
- Part 1 of The Accidental Warlord and His Pack - Recommended Reading Order
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 27,880
- Chapters:
- 7/7
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- 70
- Comments:
- 2,389
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- 29,269
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- 6,682
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Bookmarked by functionally_immortal
08 Feb 2026