elengel
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Tea Towels and Other Weapons of Courtship by sportfucker (SportFucker)
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
26 Apr 2025
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Summary
Draco Malfoy thinks he's courting Hermione Granger.
Hermione Granger thinks Draco Malfoy is experiencing a very slow, very polite breakdown.
Nothing about this is graceful.
They're both doing it anyway.Expect:
-missed signals
-disaster courtship rituals
-deeply amused Slytherins
-Ginny Weasley gives dating advice
-a tea towel that counts as an act of war
-"this is fine" energy
-Hermione Granger, missing every signal
-Draco Malfoy, sending them like distress signals from a sinking ship
-nothing, absolutely nothing, remotely gracefulChallenge: April Showers Bring May Flowers
Aster:
Patience, elegance
Required Tag: Cultural Misunderstandings or Slow Burn -
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Summary
The patrician watched, fascinated, then gestured to a plate of iced biscuits beside the teapot. “Please, help yourself. The cook’s daughter bakes them; I’m told they’re very good.”
The Stealer of Souls and Ultimate Reality considered them carefully, and then took a pink one. He placed it on the saucer beside the cup. “THANK YOU.”
Vetinari has a conversation with Death.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,005
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 45
- Kudos:
- 210
- Bookmarks:
- 24
- Hits:
- 766
Bookmarked by elengel
05 Jul 2025
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Summary
It’s the smell of it. Chemical. Bitter and sharp as a raw edge on metal. Just a hint of it as she passes him at breakfast — but enough to stop her dead, mid-step.
There is Wolfsbane in his tea.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 199,233
- Chapters:
- 49/60
- Collections:
- 70
- Comments:
- 10,541
- Kudos:
- 33,804
- Bookmarks:
- 8,948
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- 1,871,704
Bookmarked by elengel
09 Feb 2025
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Summary
If Severus Snape had more than a token amount of control over his own life, he would not have chosen to relive 1991, and he certainly would have appreciated being allowed the luxury of his own body. However, since this was the situation he found himself in, he was hell bent on making the best of it. On the whole, he expected he’d do a better job of it than Potter, and why not? After all, as a fully trained wizard with a mastery in potions, nearly two decades experience in espionage, and knowledge of the future — he’d certainly expect to do better than an arrogant teenager more focused on quidditch than his responsibilities.
In which Severus Snape learns that being The Boy Who Lived is rather more difficult than he would have expected and he overthinks everything because being a ten-year-old is boring.
Series
- Part 2 of Suffer the Children
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 153,736
- Chapters:
- 41/41
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 832
- Kudos:
- 1,152
- Bookmarks:
- 289
- Hits:
- 40,628
Bookmarked by elengel
15 Jul 2024
Bookmarker's Notes
It was a nice chapter. I liked the parallels between Lily and Hermione. Thank you.
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Tags
Summary
A grave error made by Lockhart turns the wizarding world on its head. It ends quite badly for him, but he inadvertently does manage to save the wizarding world.