beanboop
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Summary
Astarion’s coming to your tent every night with honeyed nothings on his tongue. Trouble is, you’re starting to smell hints of bullshit. The closer y’all get, the further apart you feel. And then there’s the fucking brainworm cult.
These two losers must cheat, stab, and flirt their way to the heart of a cult. And to…whatever it is between them.
Series
- Part 3 of these two shitheads
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 188,503
- Chapters:
- 102/104
- Comments:
- 3,302
- Kudos:
- 2,954
- Bookmarks:
- 271
- Hits:
- 111,901
Bookmarked by beanboop
25 Dec 2024
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Summary
After the Battle, Winter seeks a different alliance.
Bookmarked by beanboop
17 Dec 2024
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Summary
Your brain stutters.
1. Breasts are hot.
2. Astarion is hot.
3. Bite the titty.
“Please,” you say and nod.
You can feel his gloat. Then he’s biting and the pain spikes right through your tit to slam hot between your legs.
Or: Eleanor is trying to spread holiday cheer. Astarion is trying to spread Eleanor’s legs. This one’s fluff and porn.
Series
- Part 5 of these two shitheads
Bookmarked by beanboop
16 Aug 2024
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Summary
After tripping a mad wizard’s trap, Astarion—now blinded—must navigate the Underdark with Eleanor back to their crew. These two shitheads must cheat, stab, and flirt their way through flooded caves, monsters, and something hunting them in the dark. All while very confusing feelings begin to muddle up Astarion’s Very Simple plan.
Sequel to Feeding Alligators
Series
- Part 2 of these two shitheads
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 109,532
- Chapters:
- 43/43
- Comments:
- 1,706
- Kudos:
- 2,593
- Bookmarks:
- 297
- Hits:
- 66,464
Bookmarked by beanboop
15 Aug 2024
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Summary
Turns out, it’s not heart disease that gets you. Not a car crash, the second coming, or even a plain old slip in the shower that removes you from this mortal coil.
It’s motherfucking aliens.
Your Uncle Randy would be so proud.
Or: two losers cheat, stab, and flirt their way to a win.
Series
- Part 1 of these two shitheads
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 157,727
- Chapters:
- 72/72
- Comments:
- 2,641
- Kudos:
- 4,091
- Bookmarks:
- 686
- Hits:
- 114,516
Bookmarked by beanboop
15 Aug 2024