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“Please don’t tell me the first person who ever touched your dick was Dr. Robby.”
“Um.” He coughs.
“Oh my god I’m gonna fucking die.”
Santos tries to solve Whitaker’s sexual hangups. Whitaker tries to save Robby’s soul. Neither initiative goes exactly to plan.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 21,400
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 670
- Kudos:
- 11,711
- Bookmarks:
- 2,336
- Hits:
- 121,096
Bookmarked by amazonqueen
17 Feb 2026
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Summary
The seduction mission is where they start.
It is not where they end.
Expanding summary at request. Canon-divergent AU where there's a seduction mission between the Kage summit and the war; where Sakura moves on from Sasuke; where love is a hearth fire instead of a wildfire.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 90,566
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Collections:
- 6
- Comments:
- 269
- Kudos:
- 851
- Bookmarks:
- 367
- Hits:
- 21,768
Bookmarked by amazonqueen
23 Aug 2025
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Summary
Sakura’s inner voice is far more diabolical than anyone imagined, and crows prove to be cruel mentors
Fanart: Un/Masked Fanart
Ongoing Translation(s): Chinese, Vietnamese
Podfic: [Podfic] Masks by StoryshoesSeries
- Part 1 of Un/Masked
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 205,472
- Chapters:
- 41/41
- Collections:
- 38
- Comments:
- 6,685
- Kudos:
- 11,453
- Bookmarks:
- 3,214
- Hits:
- 371,721
Bookmarked by amazonqueen
15 Jul 2025
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Sakura is twelve when she queues up in front a desk with a bunch of other equally-terrified looking shinobi. The ages range from younger than her to old enough to be her grandpa.
The man sitting at the desk is stony-faced as he doles out assignments. Sakura obediently shuffles forward when it is her turn, and recites her shinobi identification number in a shaky voice when asked.
When the provost marshal looks at her, looks down at his paper, looks back at her, and grimaces, Sakura knows it’s not going to be good.
or
How Sakura survives the war, told in bits and pieces.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 24,949
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 13
- Comments:
- 299
- Kudos:
- 4,544
- Bookmarks:
- 2,070
- Hits:
- 33,449
Bookmarked by amazonqueen
15 Jul 2025
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For Guidance, Please See the Corporate Interpersonal Relationship Policy by suspiciousflashlight
Fandoms: Naruto
13 Aug 2019
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Summary
What Sasuke Uchiha wants is an indeterminate EC-02 Step 2 position with the Canada Mortgage and Housing Corporation that offers a decent salary, health benefits, paid vacation, and a manager who won't break all his Excel spreadsheets. What he gets is Naruto Uzumaki, an improbably attractive and unbearably annoying co-op student who eats way too much instant ramen and doesn't understand that "casual Friday" doesn't mean varsity sweatpants.
Official CBC Canada Reads Selection 2019, made possible by the generous support of the Canada Council for the Arts and the Ottawa Tourism Board.
Series
- Part 1 of NCR Workplace Misconduct
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 25,785
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Comments:
- 517
- Kudos:
- 2,666
- Bookmarks:
- 888
- Hits:
- 90,255
Bookmarked by amazonqueen
09 Jul 2025
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It's 1975 and Whoever-He-Is has turned his eyes towards Hogwarts.
Muggle-born Lily Evans is certain her best friend has been recruited by the Death Eaters. She's less certain about her future in wizarding Britain. And she has absolutely no idea how to handle the dark-haired, outrageously privileged, obnoxiously talented toerag named James Potter.
A canon-compliant account of the Marauders' adventures at Hogwarts, as war draws ever nearer. COMPLETE.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 394,738
- Chapters:
- 64/64
- Comments:
- 1,284
- Kudos:
- 1,746
- Bookmarks:
- 639
- Hits:
- 124,541
Bookmarked by amazonqueen
28 Dec 2023
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Sometimes she’s in Berlin with her mother and her father is in New York and he’s a moving image on the screen of her phone, saying, remind Siobhan that the academy has attendance requirements and Len rolls her eyes and does no such thing. Sometimes her mother spends three weeks in a hotel two blocks away and Len eats dinner with her father at the long, dark dining table while the unused place setting stares at them. Sometimes they’re both gone, hating each other on opposite sides of the globe, Len caught in the middle of all that anger, the substance that brought her into the world. A touchstone. A homing beacon.
—
Moments in the life of Siobhan Roy’s daughter.
Series
- Part 2 of two against three
Bookmarked by amazonqueen
08 Jul 2023
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Summary
TMZ runs a blurry snapshot of Shiv’s titian head too close to an oblong one near the dry bar. Greg texts it to Tom, who squints at the screen and zooms in with his thumb and forefinger. He makes a stupid face. You can’t see anything. Just two scalps, one semi-anonymous, tucked in together against the spangle of schmoozers and Southern California.
Curled in near the bottom of the bed with her head nicked off his hip and her arms outstretched, Shiv is still visibly blue where he’d bitten down. Tom passes a finger along his forearm to feel the pebble of her teeth.
Please, he texts back, this is nothing.
--
4x6 and thereabouts.
Series
- Part 4 of box set death march
Bookmarked by amazonqueen
06 Jul 2023
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(i justified it) all that bloodshed crimson clover by singsongsung
Fandoms: Succession (TV 2018)
27 Apr 2023
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Summary
In the car, after the plane has landed and the world has been informed, Shiv says, “Tell me.” She’s not looking at Tom. Her hair is messy, wispy and windswept.
He sighs. He doesn’t want to. He is angry with Shiv, and with himself, and with the exhaustion he feels at the prospect of the coming days and weeks and months. He doesn’t know what he has now, corporately speaking, in Logan’s absence. He doesn’t know what he has lost now, maritally speaking, with Siobhan’s eyes trained on the window.
He doesn’t want to, but of course he does.
—
Tom & Shiv through episodes 4x03 — 4x05.
Bookmarked by amazonqueen
02 May 2023
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Summary
Okay but what if they weren’t rich, they were just a middle class family in a Connecticut suburb and Logan’s health failed faster, Kendall didn’t get the chance to be a drug addict fuck up into his forties, and their money couldn’t insulate them from each other. Just some normal siblings Realizing things and dealing with their toxic parent.
A year in holidays for the Roy siblings.
Bookmarked by amazonqueen
02 May 2023
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the missing colours by kinderhook
Fandoms: House of the Dragon (TV), A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms
02 Oct 2022
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Summary
“Seven Hells,” she groans, and he chuckles into her skin, lovely vibrations echoing right against her breast.
“I don’t think so, Princess,” he whispers, pulling away long enough to give her another smug smile, too self-satisfied with his own work. “That’s not where we’re going.”
At the present moment, she’s rather unconcerned about where she ends up. As long as she gets to know this feeling, it all seems worth it.
or, rhaenyra is twice rejected in the same night, and more than a little frustrated about it.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,628
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 29
- Kudos:
- 714
- Bookmarks:
- 131
- Hits:
- 8,002
Bookmarked by amazonqueen
09 Feb 2023
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walls could talk by destinies
Fandoms: House of the Dragon (TV), A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms
18 Sep 2022
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Summary
Rhaenyra Targaryen starts over at Harvard, leaving a mess of a summer behind. But the future has a few curveballs in store for her, and the past won’t leave her alone.
Maybe she doesn’t want it to. Maybe she just wants him.
Bookmarked by amazonqueen
12 Oct 2022
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october 2016 by an_arcadia
Fandoms: Normal People - Sally Rooney, Normal People (TV 2020)
27 Mar 2021
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Summary
connell's finally done with his stupid mfa so these two angst-riddled idiots can fumble their way to a happy goddamn ending
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Summary
Lewis is ten kilometres into his ride before his phone buzzes again.
It’s a bad idea to sleep with another driver, right? George’s message says, and Lewis almost falls off his stationary bike.
*
Lewis hands out relationship advice. Eventually, Sebastian does too.
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Summary
George and Max accidentally acquire a baby. They deal with it.
(now with added epilogue - this really is complete finally)
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Summary
Max and Daniel are both terrible at communicating, but Daniel hugs Max after his win in Barcelona, and that feels like saying enough.
Featuring champagne as a bonding tool, the Malaysian clubbing scene being the real DOTD, Daniel’s domesticity kink, and a reluctantly vulnerable Max.
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Summary
And Lewis finally gets it—can't not get it, when just two years ago he'd been in the exact same place; being handed a second-placed trophy that weighed as heavily as it had been worth nothing at all, replaying all the mistakes he'd made throughout the season in his head, over and over and over, thinking about where he could've been faster, where he could've been smarter, where he could've been better; thinking about who he'd lost it to, about how losing it stacked up against all the other things he'd already let slip from out of his grasp.
(or: Lewis wins the Championship; Sebastian doesn't. They both gain more than they ever bargained for.)
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contraction, punctuation by antistar_e (kaikamahine)
Fandoms: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
08 Dec 2013
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Summary
I didn't fall in love, it rose in me. Or, Nico, after.
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Kiss a Boy in Tokyo Town by antistar_e (kaikamahine)
Fandoms: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
30 Sep 2009
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Summary
You know what they say, Percy Jackson. If you can't stand the heat, get out of hell.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 57,051
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 337
- Kudos:
- 4,114
- Bookmarks:
- 1,520
- Hits:
- 260,495
Bookmarked by amazonqueen
16 Aug 2019
Bookmarker's Notes
despite the casual misogyny and the bi erasure, i had a good time reading this fic? it's very well-written? ugh my bi girl heart
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With the Lights On by nikkiRA
Fandoms: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
12 Jul 2015
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Summary
Nico is used to one night stands. What he isn't used to is the way this stranger, who clearly doesn't understand the fundamental principles of ONE NIGHT, keeps bumping into him. And he definitely isn't used to the fact that he's starting to really enjoy it. Piper says it's fate, but Nico doesn't believe in fate. If he did, he would have to seriously think about what it's trying to tell him about Will Solace.
Series
- Part 2 of WTLO - Human AU Universe
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 47,689
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Comments:
- 894
- Kudos:
- 9,681
- Bookmarks:
- 1,632
- Hits:
- 171,671
Bookmarked by amazonqueen
14 Aug 2019
Bookmarker's Notes
this fic is so fun i'm pretty sure i laughed for most of it