Parrot_Assbutt
Fandoms
Recent works
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Tags
Summary
Scenes from the mind of Sammy Lawrence, in debatable order. Disjointed and nonsensical as the song of radio static.
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Day 3 of Writing Stupid Ideas Until Insurance Approves My Medication And I Am Allowed To Focus On Longer Works Once Again by Parrot_Assbutt
Fandoms: The Owl House (Cartoon)
06 Nov 2022
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Summary
What if "Thanks to Them" had ended differently?
What if Hunter had dealt with the Belos threat more directly?Alternate title: Gus is Right, We Should Microwave the Belos Slime
Series
- Part 5 of Crack In A Bag
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Day 2 of Catboying Perfectly Good Men Until My ADHD Gets Back to Manageable Levels by Parrot_Assbutt
Fandoms: Bendy and the Ink Machine
07 Oct 2022
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Summary
It's Halloween at the studio.
Series
- Part 4 of Crack In A Bag
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Day 1 Of Writing Crack Fics Until The Emperor (Me) Gets His Groove Back by Parrot_Assbutt
Fandoms: Bendy and the Ink Machine
24 Sep 2022
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Summary
Sammy's ink hallucinations are recognized and treated much earlier on than in canon. He's still kind of an asshole though.
Series
- Part 3 of Crack In A Bag
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Summary
Sammy was a simple man, with simple needs.
Prequel to "Joey Gets It", written on impulse several years after the fact.Series
- Part 1 of Crack In A Bag
Recent series
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Crack In A Bag by Parrot_Assbutt
Fandom Bendy and the Ink Machine, The Owl House (Cartoon)
06 Nov 2022
Summary
Assorted Crack fics, some connected, others standalone.
- Words:
- 7,294
- Works:
- 5
- Bookmarks:
- 1
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- Words:
- 2,021
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- 999
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- Words:
- 1,821
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- Bookmarks:
- 13
Recent bookmarks
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Gerra of Rivia; or, A Good Deed Repaid by vividneonmanias
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
19 Feb 2026
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Summary
Geralt happens to discover that Serrit is trans, and embarks of his own initiative on a quest to discover an alchemical feminization formula that works on witchers. Just out of the goodness of his heart. Because he's such a good ally.
Serrit, in her gratitude, forces Gerra's hand. In the process, Gerra stops having quite so much bad sex.
Bookmarked by Parrot_Assbutt
19 Feb 2026
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Life's Rough Oceans by TempestRising
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV)
17 Feb 2022
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Summary
There was a reason Geralt was tracking the bard from court to city to backwater bar. "You're being followed."
"By a burly and surprisingly handsome Witcher." Jaskier winked.
"By a slaver."
Or: On the night of his Child Surprise, Geralt started a rumor that inadvertently leads to Jaskier being the target of a sadistic slave trader.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15,519
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 66
- Kudos:
- 1,012
- Bookmarks:
- 191
- Hits:
- 12,069
Bookmarked by Parrot_Assbutt
14 Feb 2026
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If The World Were Otherwise by inexplicifics
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
02 Apr 2022
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Summary
On a lazy summer's night, Jaskier tries to coax Geralt into a game of "What bird would you be?" It goes a little differently than he expected, and Jaskier learns some unexpected things about Geralt's past...and birds.
Series
- Part 35 of Inex Writes Flash Fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,699
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 123
- Kudos:
- 1,951
- Bookmarks:
- 194
- Hits:
- 7,436
Bookmarked by Parrot_Assbutt
14 Feb 2026
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Summary
“Cursed chickens,” Lambert says flatly.
“Yessir,” the farmer says. “They’re layin’ wrong.”
“...Like, out the wrong end?”
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It turns out the chickens are only the start of the Weird Shit this farm has going on.
Series
- Part 36 of Inex Writes Flash Fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,698
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 8
- Comments:
- 119
- Kudos:
- 2,491
- Bookmarks:
- 286
- Hits:
- 9,169
Bookmarked by Parrot_Assbutt
14 Feb 2026
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et tu, dandelion? by windburnt
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV)
06 Jun 2023
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Summary
Before Geralt's threats can go any farther, Jaskier clears his throat, intentionally loud, the way he does when he wants attention from someone, usually Geralt. He tips up his head, flicking a stray leaf from his hair. The tremors are gone. There’s something hard in his expression that wasn’t there before. Gracefully, he rises to his feet.
“Well,” he says. “Guess that’s that, then.” Even in his bedclothes, with blood on his neck, he commands the bandits’ attention like they are his audience. With a flourish, he bows. “Jaskier the Bard, at your service.”
When Geralt and Jaskier are caught off guard one night by a group of bandits, Jaskier has to use some unorthodox tactics to save them both. Geralt catches on - eventually.
Bookmarked by Parrot_Assbutt
14 Feb 2026