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Summary
Evan Buckley starts writing to himself before he knows why.
At first, the letters are small. Apologies. Explanations. Rules for how to be good, how to be quiet, how to make things easier for everyone else. As he grows, the letters change — darker, flatter, more tired — following him through years of numb survival, reckless choices, and a life lived on the edge of disappearing.
The timeline stretches from childhood to adulthood, from a house that never quite wanted him to a firehouse that teaches him what staying might mean. And somewhere along the way, Buck has to confront the most frightening possibility of all:
that he was never meant to be easy to lose.
Bookmarked by Dems
15 Feb 2026
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Buck and Eddie got together shortly after the ladder truck bombing, Buck moves in with Eddie during his recovery and no one really questions it. The only people they actually tell they are dating are Chris, Carla, abuela and Tía Pepa. That is until Buck and Chris get stuck in the tsunami, anyways. Because whilst on top of the 136's truck, after saving as many as he could, Buck realises a few things about himself.
1 - he is a male carrier.
2 - he is pregnant.
3 - he is having a miscarriage. Whilst on blood thinners.
With no way of getting help to them any time soon, Buck is struggling to come to grips with those realisations, with trying (and probably failing) not to traumatise Chris too much more, and with his feelings regarding everything that was happening on top of the truck, and how he was going to tell Eddie, and, well, everything. Why didn't his parents get him tested? Why didn't he get himself tested when he left them?
How would they get through this?
With the help of their family, and each other, they might be able to. Just so long as he survives long enough to make it off the fire truck and back home.
And don't you worry, they will be happy, and have a baby eventually.Bookmarked by Dems
08 Feb 2026
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Five years is a long time to go clean.
Five years is a long time to not binge, not purge, not participate in the vicious cycle of guilt that links the two together.
Five years, to the day, is how long it's been for Evan Buckley.
Until Eddie gets his diagnosis.Bookmarked by Dems
01 Feb 2026
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Every time he sees them he relapses. It’s like something he just can’t escape. Phillip and Margaret make him feel a way that nobody else makes him feel. It’s not a good thing. Buck hopes that this time will be different, he hasn't seen them in a long time and he’ll be surrounded by family this time. Maybe for once it’ll be different.
Bookmarked by Dems
13 Jan 2026
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Desperate to run from his abusive girlfriend, Buck searches for a sign he didn't know he was waiting for—
He finds a payphone. He calls Eddie.
Bookmarked by Dems
11 Jan 2026