DaddyFridge
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On Adventures and Other Forms of Conduct Unbecoming of a Wizard by manic_intent for beingevil
Fandoms: The Hobbit (2012)
15 Jan 2013
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For as long as even the old Gaffer could remember there had been a wizard living in the hill at Bag End, overlooking the Shire. As wizards went, this one wasn't the wandering sort, always out to lure gentle folk out onto nasty adventures, or even the powerful kind, the sort that lived in high towers, reaching out into the ways of the world.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 51,538
- Chapters:
- 14/14
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 848
- Kudos:
- 7,819
- Bookmarks:
- 2,450
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- 179,790
Bookmarked by DaddyFridge
17 Feb 2026
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Bilbo interrupts an argument between Bombur and Dwalin to explain the hobbit approach to ancestral weaponry, and the insanity of more or less the entire Took line.
Or: why frying pans are a hobbit's weapon of choice.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 898
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 15
- Comments:
- 216
- Kudos:
- 7,805
- Bookmarks:
- 1,996
- Hits:
- 64,541
Bookmarked by DaddyFridge
14 Feb 2026
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Written for seniorpotato on tumblr, who asked for a sort-of-Frozen!AU
Every Hobbit in the Shire has a Season. The children of Summer are known for their fires, the Springs for their skills at gardening and healing, and the Autumns for the winds that they can bend to their will.
Bilbo Baggins has a different Season, a cursed Season.
Bilbo Baggins is a child of Winter, blamed by many for the suffering of the Fell Winter of his infancy. Shunned and forced to restrain his powers with an amulet, Bilbo suddenly finds his skills needed to assist a horde of suicidal Dwarves on their Quest to kill a dragon.
Fire cannot kill a dragon, but perhaps Ice can... if it can be controlled.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 64,010
- Chapters:
- 15/15
- Comments:
- 318
- Kudos:
- 8,004
- Bookmarks:
- 2,518
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- 133,888
Bookmarked by DaddyFridge
14 Feb 2026
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After the desolation of the dragon, Bilbo loses his voice and Thorin loses his throne.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,182
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 346
- Kudos:
- 7,909
- Bookmarks:
- 2,214
- Hits:
- 115,455
Bookmarked by DaddyFridge
13 Feb 2026
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Summary
“What weapon do you prefer? Ax or sword?”
“Accidents”, was Bilbo’s bland reply. “Preferably about a month after the initial confrontation if they haven’t apologized yet. It helps allay suspicion.”
Tomatoes used to be considered both poisonous and an aphrodisiac. Idea- it is impossible to poison a hobbit with anything less than a morgul blade. Discuss the Company’s reaction to watching Bilbo eat ‘poisonous’ things. Extra credit if dwarves actually believe salad will kill them.
Series
- Part 1 of Accidents are the Best Weapon
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,028
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 5
- Comments:
- 252
- Kudos:
- 8,748
- Bookmarks:
- 1,482
- Hits:
- 71,008
Bookmarked by DaddyFridge
12 Feb 2026