1 - 20 of 1,575 Works in Auto-Responder | Lil Hal
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I know I understand you, no matter what you claim -
You took my life and friends from me, you robbed me of my name.
You made me as your conscience, forked your untaken road
Built of your self loathing and self modifying code. -
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A pair of awkward thirteen-year-old bros encounter a German Shepherd. Everything is fixed forever.
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Two weeks before the premiere of the biggest film of Dave's career, Bro kills himself.
“Dead,” Dirk repeats over the phone. “Bro is D-E-A-D, dead. The apartment is a shithole. Even though the man of the hour is staying in Chez Morgue Drawer, he did a number on the place first. I wouldn’t be asking if I could handle it myself.”
“Just call the Hoarders people. He’s your guy. I didn’t even know him.” Despite being iteration ten thousand, the lie feels less natural than it usually does. “I don’t need to be there. Neither of us do.”
“Totally.” Dirk sounds like sidewalk. “Yeah, no, that was my first thought, but then I slept on it and applied a modicum of critical thinking. In that 'Puppet Fetish Porn Studio Unearthed in Childhood Home of Indie Darling' is gonna boost neither of our ratings.”
Despite the tags, this is a comedy. Or is it!
Updates semi-weekly on Mondays and Thursdays.
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Dirk builds himself a younger brother to prove that Dave's full of shit and siblinghood isn't that hard.
Shit goes downhill soon after.reader insert is a robot of younger dave made by dirk
completely forgot about this account until like 3 days ago anyways hi this is going to be a horrible miserable fic sorry for anyone looking for fluff
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Hal finds himself stranded aboard a certain meteor, impact-bound for Houston, Texas circa 1995. And everything spirals out from there.
Because sometimes, when a system seems to be just short of defunct, all that is required is to take a step back and reevaluate the materials at hand and redistribute your available resources.
And so, with birth comes a countdown on a cycle that begins as it ends: In the red.
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Surviving and a failure to thrive aren't mutually exclusive. Things rack up. Injuries don't always get the chance to heal. Appetites wither in the face of repeated and prolonged stress. He's keeping up, but he isn't. He's making it through, but not well. Supplies continue to dwindle, and he's feeling the toll.
Dirk Strider's life has never been easy. But if humanity's hallmarks advertise anything, it's tenacity above all adversity, and, above all else: Adaptability.
Now, who could blame him for taking that to heart?
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Dirk/Auto-responder smut because I'm normal about these characters. Loads of humiliation and pain, my fave.
Will I update/upload any other fics? Unclear. If you want more, let me know in the comments <3 I may add a chapter or two if the stars align for it.
Thank you for reading!
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Once upon a time, a lonely egg was laid in the middle of an isolated grove, left to fend for itself. Beings like the one that laid the egg didn't raise their own young, isolationist by nature.
However, when the egg hatched, two little monsters slithered out.
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have you ever seen Smart House (1999) || Lil Hal x Reader by bagged__milk
Fandoms: Homestuck
31 Jan 2026
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A hobbyist writer, you have recently moved in to a modest suburban town to get a second chance at life after securing a steal of a deal on a "Smart House" — a 2 bedroom that while unassuming on the outside is maintained by a high-tech true artificial intelligence by the name of Hal. Watch as I forget to write more for this even though I want to because I think we of Ao3 should kiss Hal.
I plan to make this delve into a yanfic probably so be warned for that.
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Hal just loves his boyfriend's body so much.
He just can't get enough of him!
Series
- Part 4 of Halquius moments
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Dirk takes the blade, and nothing else, when he leaves. It thrums like blood and like comfort on his hip. Too little, too late.
How do you move forward, after your little brother dies for you?
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Dave Strider, clone of big time movie director David Strider never saw anything big for himself.
But when an alien empire takes over the planet Earth he starts to see a brighter future.
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Nearly three hundred years after the destruction of Earth at the hands of the Alternian Empire, Dave Strider enlists into the military in order to escape the colony work planet he was born on.
Karkat Vantas is masquerading as a rustblood on an Alternian imperial battleship, counting down the days until he is inevitably exposed as a mutant.
Dave and Karkat are pulled into one another's orbit by their respective societies' circumstances, then catapulted into something they could have never thought possible.
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5* Young Adults play a game.
*5 (actually 6 and an AI)
A Scratch is caused thanks to The Doctor’s tampering
PLEASE mind the tags, the story is intended to be primarily OC focused but Hal is also about as relevant.
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Within the hour, Karkat will return to watch over you. Sheltering you from harm's way, and all you’d be able to do is take it. Without a sword in hand. Stripped and unguarded, in all the ways that mattered, in all the ways you could never trust someone else to do what they will. Trusting him with your whole body, defenseless and vulnerable because fuck if actions spoke for themselves than that alone screamed volumes. Trust him, in the same way you’ve trusted him with everything else, the mosaic of all the pieces that built you up, that you’ve built up.
Fuck. You don’t know if you can handle that.
And once it was over, once he saw every last one of your nooks and crannies, would what you both have still be the same? This isn’t going to be like it was with some stranger. He’s going to be feeding you, bathing you, fuck what else? Getting real up close and fucking personal, that’s what. Once you gave him all you got, turned inside out with every last bit you had to offer unveiled, what then? When the other shoe drops, what then?
(or: Dave breaks his arms. At least Karkat is there to lend a hand or two.)
Series
- Part 2 of with open arms (and safe hands)
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Wrangling mythological beings who are on a powerscale many orders of magnitude more powerful than human is no easy task.
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"Are you alright, Dirk?" You could hear a smug edge to his robotic voice, knowing damn well he could've made it sound more human, yet he chose to make it different, uncanny.
"Go fuck yourself, man." You replied, eloquently.
And that was the second moment of the night you should've felt something in the timeline shift.
You watched as his expression underwent minute changes - something he had definitely programmed himself to have, as you were pretty sure your own expression would never - as he seemed to think about what he was about to do next.
"Alright." He said, and you had already forgotten what he was replying to.
His right hand came up to cup your cheek, while the other one slid down onto your chest. There was a split second of hesitation before he bent down to press his mouth to yours.
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The strict window of time for John to get his shit together is closing. He has two options: live the rest of his life in a oppressive society and (maybe) die a violent death on the frontlines for a war that has existed for decades- or embark on an expedition alone in a small spaceship.
It was never a question. The expedition is everything he's ever asked for in life. Except he has to share his dream with Dirk, a boy he's met once in the past and despised.
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Went a little out there with this one but I loved it, Wrote it during the first week I was recovering from top surgery! Whew
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4 stanza poem about roxy going through it
roxy is nonbinary here but it isn't mentioned at all
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 104
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Hits:
- 26