Chapter Text
“Cas don’t do this. Please!”
Dean’s voice was on the edge of breaking as Cas flew out of the house, her hands fumbling her keys almost dropping them as she slid into her car and started the engine.
She couldn’t look back at him, not now. She’d never go if she did. She could hear him pleading outside of the car as she pulled out of the garage, and at the last moment before she put the car into gear, she looked up the driveway at Deans tear-streaked face.
Their eyes met and she saw more tears well in his eyes and he fell back against his own car, grasping it with all his strength, looking a moment from collapse. Which was exactly what he did when she ripped her eyes away and sped off down the quiet street.
She could see him in the rearview mirror, slumped on the ground with his hands over his face, sobbing.
Cas felt her own tears begin to fall, and it was dark by the time they finally stopped. She finally pulled into a gas station, she’d been driving for hours. She didn’t even realize where she was headed, but now she knew there was no where else she would be going except to the comfort of her big brother.
Because this is what Cas did when she didn’t know what else to do, run.
She got to Gabriel’s house on the beach in California a day later, the clothes on her back, and a few others she had purchased at Target along the way were all she had. Well almost. she picked up the small duffle from the passenger seat and walked up to Gabriel’s house.
“Cas?” his eyes were wide with shock at seeing his baby sister so far from home, and with no warning. He looked behind her, expecting to see Dean behind her, but then again-the puffiness of her eyes should have been the first hint something was wrong. He instantly wrapped her in a hug and pulled her in the house.
After she had sobbed into him for what seemed like hours, Cas finally pulled away sniffling. She looked at Gabe with those big blue eyes and blurted out the reason for her flight to his door from halfway across the country.
“I’m pregnant.”
His eyes widened, even as Cas began to sob again.
He finally got her settled down and in bed in the guest room. Gabriel considered calling Dean, but he needed to hear more from Cas first. A sudden anger flooded through him as he considered that maybe Dean had thrown his sister out once learning of her pregnancy, but he couldn’t reconcile that to the Dean that he knew loved Cas with all his being. So he realized that this was Cas doing what she always did when faced with anything she didn’t think she could handle. She was running.
Cas woke the next morning with sore eyes and her arms wrapped tight around her abdomen. The abdomen that now housed a being that was half Dean, half her. Then she remembered the shocked look in Dean’s eyes when she’d told him, how the excitement she had been expecting from him just hadn’t been there. She realized now that he was probably just processing the news. Considering how he had started crying- something Cas had never seen him do- when she’d lashed out at him and then run.
She replayed the confrontation in her head.
“I know this isn’t what either of us planned but it’s happening, so if you don’t want it you don’t want me.”
“Cas!”
“So sorry I ruined your life plans, you don’t have to worry about me ruining another minute.”
“Cas!”
He’d yelled her name as she ran out the door, barely remembering to grab her phone, purse and keys before fleeing.
But Cas, being the stubborn fool she was, had already ruined the best thing that had ever happened to her, and now she was just going to have to start over. She’d find a job, a new place to live. She curled up in a ball and let the sobs take her again.
Dean called in sick from work for a week and spent the whole time curled up on Cas’s side of their bed, sobbing into the scent of her pillow.
Considering her job back home as translator for a big consulting firm, taking a temporary job at a daycare was a bit of a step down. And that was an understatement. But after a month of mooching off of Gabriel and fending off his questions and his looks, she had dragged herself out and gotten her own place.
A fully furnished apartment, because Cas just didn’t have it in her to do the whole shopping for furniture deal. It reminded her too much of doing it with Dean when thy had gotten their house.
The next step was getting a job at the nearest establishment, that just happened to be a daycare with an opening for a teacher, and in about 6 months, a baby.
So that’s how she had ended up three months after running out on the love of her life, sitting on the floor surrounded by a room full of three year olds, her hands resting on her own protruding belly, smiling and sliding toward a little boy who was asking her to help him build a house from blocks. If only she could just rebuild her own home with these blocks.
It was at the end of the fourth month that Gabriel finally told Dean where Cas was. It wasn’t that he hadn’t talked to Dean in the past few months, in fact he had been lying to him weekly since the first week Cas had arrived on his doorstep.
“Gabriel? What wrong? Is Cas ok?”
“Woah slow down buddy. She’s fine. Well. More or less.”
There was a silence on the line. Gabriel had told Dean that he was in contact with Cas, but never that she was actually there with him. He was pretty sure Dean was going to kill him.
“About Cas though, um shesherewithme”
The silence was even thicker, he could actually feel Dean’s anger over the miles.
“She’s what.” the low coolness of his voice almost frightened Gabe, you know, if he’d been any less of a man…
He cleared his throat.
“She’s here, in California, with me. She’s been here the whole time.”
That’s when Dean exploded.
“YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE YOU LIED TO ME? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? HOW COULD YOU HIDE HER FROM ME? I did nothing…” the last few words were almost a whisper.
Gabriel felt his heart clench in his chest for the other man. He was seriously hurting.
“I’m sorry Dean. I promised her. But I can’t take this anymore either. She’s a mess and there’s no way I’m going to be the one she’s yelling at when she pushes that thing out.”
Gabriel flinched at his own words, that was Gabe, always trying to use humor when it was completely inappropriate. Fortunately Dean ignored him and he heard the clicking of a keyboard over the line.
“I’ll be there tonight.” click.
Gabriel sighed an dropped his phone in the table. He knew he was doing the right thing, Cas was hurting and there was nothing more he could do for her. She needed Dean, just like she’d always needed Dean.
Cas ate dinner every night with Gabriel. It was his plan, because he seemed to think she wouldn’t eat if he didn’t make her. It was probably true, she probably wouldn’t be eating if she didn’t have this thing in her belly to take care of. She loved the child so much, but couldn’t help the trepidation that came with the thought that her baby might look just like Dean, and she didn’t think she could handle that.
So she walked in Gabriel’s house with a plastered smile that faded instantly when she walked into the kitchen.
There, standing with his back to her, leaning oh so casually against the counter, was Dean Winchester.
It was almost like he felt her presence because as soon as she walked in the room, he spun around.
For a moment there was endless silence, just staring wide eyed at each other.
Then he took a step towards her.
And Cas ran.
She turned and sprinted as fast as her seven month pregnant belly would let her.
It had been four months since she had seen Dean. He’d never come before, but she assumed that had been because she threatened Gabriel’s life if he told Dean where she was.
And from the guilty look she’d glimpsed, he had caved and told.
It was raining, but Cas just pulled up the hood on her jacket as she stood on the beach in the dark, arms wrapped around her body. She thought it was a bit chick flick, running away to the beach. Even more so when she heard Dean’s deep voice say her name from a few feet behind her.
“Cas.”
She shivered and it wasn’t from the rain. It had been four whole months since she had heard his voice, and it had the same effect on her it had the day she heard it for the first time. She didn’t turn around, but he continued.
“You never let me answer. Cas, you never stopped to hear what I would say!” He had to shout over the pouring rain.
She always hated when he shouted, but the emotion she felt in his voice was almost enough for her to turn around.
“Why did you leave Cas?”
He hadn’t heard him walk up right behind her, his words echoing right into her ear. She responded without turning around, she feared she would loose her resolve if she looked into those beautiful green eyes.
“You weren’t ready for a child. You always said there was so much more you wanted to do before you had a family. We would just hold you back. You weren’t happy when I told you.”
Saying it out loud now sounded pretty pathetic. Her mumbled confession didn’t sound like enough reason to have put them through the last four months like she had. She was surprised when his arms snaked around her waist and rested on her protruding belly.
“Cas, you and this child are all I want to accomplish in life. Having you with me has always and will always be my greatest accomplishment.”
He pressed his lips against her shoulder, his body now pressed entirely against hers.
She sighed, she had missed the feeling of his body against hers. How they fit together so perfectly. For a moment she forgot why she had ever left. Then again after his little speech, she still wasn’t sure why she had left. Maybe she’d just been so used to never having what she wanted, she knew Dean would have to be lost to her as well. Cas let herself lean back against his warmth.
“I love you Cas, and I love our child. I would never give you up for anything.” His words rumbled in her ear, all the way down to her heart and the floodgates burst.
The tears fell on her face along side the rain and she spun around and dragged his face down to her own, kissing him. His hands seemed to be released from a bond and began to fly across her body, touching every part of her he could reach, pressing as hard against her as he could with her belly between them.
When Cas started giggling Dean pulled back to look at her she bit his bottom lip to curb the laughter and gestured to the space between them, at Dean attempting to curl himself around her stomach.
“This isn’t as easy as it used to be.”
He kissed her nose.
“Nope. And it never will be easy again, but if you come back to me, we can do it together.”
His pressed his forehead to hers, praying with all his might for her to just say yes.
“Okay”
She said it so quietly Dean almost didn’t hear her.
“Cas?”
She pushed back sniffing.
She wiped her face of the mix of rain and tears.
“Okay.” she said louder, nodding. She reached up to touch his face, wiping his tears. He covered her hands with his own.
“You’re freezing” he rasped. She laughed, more tears falling out of her eyes down her rain streaked cheeks.
He took her hand and pulled her back up to the house.
Dean and Cas tumbled into the house laughing and soaking wet. Gabriel met them at the door with towels and a smirk, but they just took the towels and Cas ignored the smirk in favor of smacking her brother and then throwing her arms around him, successfully soaking him and silencing his protests by whispering a thank you into his ear.
Then Dean swept her up in his arms, not even mentioning the extra weight added on by their child. When they reached the guest bedroom Dean gently put Cas on her feet and the laughing stopped when the clothes started coming off, Dean gently stripping off Cas’s soaking clothes.
He knelt in front of her gently kissing her stomach. She threaded her fingers through his wet hair, sighing softly as he lavished her belly with affection, murmuring his love to both Cas and their child growing inside her.
The next morning Cas woke with the comfortable feeling of having a naked Dean spooned behind her, one hand protectively resting on her stomach. She felt the baby kick and felt Dean stiffen behind her.
“Did you feel that?” Cas whispered.
“Yeah”. His voice was rough from sleep, and something that sounded suspiciously like awe.
“Were having a baby. I never really felt like it was real before… But now…” he kissed the back of her neck as a wave of guilt passed through her. She turned to face him.
“Dean I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She didn’t know what else to say, how could she justify taking this from him?
How could she have taken these moments- the doctors visits, the first movement, seeing the baby for the first time… She had told the doctors she didn’t want to know what it was, partly because she realized it wouldn’t be fair to Dean.
Dean just wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead, her nose, and finally her lips.
“It’s ok Cas. It’s ok. We’re together now so it’s ok.” He kept murmuring into her hair as he pulled her closer.
She didn’t deserve this, she didn’t deserve him. She had run out on him and taken his child away with no immediate plans to return and here he was consoling her. She let the sob escape her throat and just clung to him.
They stayed there another week before getting in Cas’s car with Dean at the wheel, saying their farewells to Gabriel with the promise from him that he would fly in for the birth, and setting off.
It took some time settling back into a routine, and it really took time for Dean to get used to being with a very pregnant and hormonal Cas. Especially when she was calling him at work telling him she needed tacos now or she was going to throw up all over some very important clients. He, of course, told his boss he had a family emergency… Every day at 2 o’clock… And ran to Taco Bell, where they had starting having his order ready for him when he came in the door. He knew Bobby understood, and never said a thing. Even when he came back very rumpled from a very…vigorous thank you from Cas.
The time passed quickly though and the next thing Dean knew he was being awoken by a very calm Cas saying her water broke as as soon as she had a shower and something to eat they needed to go to the hospital.
He, of course started panicking and running around getting their hospital bag ready while Cas just calmly went about her routine. He couldn’t believe how calm she was! She was going into labor for christs sake! But that was Cas, always calm. Unless, of course, he was late bringing her tacos… Then she was very un-calm.
By the time they got in the car to head to the hospital, Dean had nearly pulled his hair out, Cas looked perfect, and the sun was coming up. Cas called Gabe from the car and then called Sam, telling them both what was going on and getting two identical responses.
“Oh my god! I’ll be there right away!”
When she hung up after the second call she turned and and smiled to Dean.
“Gabe should be here in a few hours and Sam is going to meet us at the hospital.”
And then she closed her eyes and went to sleep. He shook his head, slightly exasperated. How had he ever ended up with such a remarkable woman? Sure, she could be weird, stoic, and socially awkward, and didn’t do well with strangers that she wasn’t getting paid to talk to… but she was amazing. And she was his. And so was the baby that was about to get pushed of her body. He reached over and placed a hand over her belly, feeling his child moving around, trying to get out he supposed. Cas’s eyes fluttered open and she smiled serenely at him.
“Are you ready to meet our child?” She asked softly. He just nodded, a lump forming in his throat. Within the next 24 hours, he was going to be a father.
It turned out to be a lot sooner that than, after 5 hours Gabriel ran in looking harried and wrapped Cas up in his arms before shaking hands with Dean and Sam. And as soon as they settled, Cas let out an ear shattering scream. The nurse came running in and said that her labor was progressing rapidly and they would need to move to a birthing suite immediately.
Four hours later a doctor was handing Dean a little blue bundle and saying
“Congratulations Mr. Winchester, it’s a boy.” And he looked between the face of his son, and back up into the tired but glowing face of the love of his life and spit out the first thing that came up.
“Marry me?”
Cas’s eyes widened and he noticed the doctor and nurses slipping into the background to give the couple some privacy.
“What?”
He moved closer, his son still cradled in his arms, and knelt down beside Cas.
“I love you Cas. You’ve given me everything: love, happiness, peace, a son… Will you give me the honor of being your husband?” She opened her mouth to respond but all that came out was a sob.
He reached up to touch her face worriedly, but she covered his hand with hers and nodded. He could see now they were tears of happiness, a smile shining through her eyes and finally reaching her face.
“Yes, yes of course I’ll marry you” She finally managed and he leaned over and kissed her. He felt the little bundle in his hand protest to being squished between his mother and father, so Dean leaned back laughing.
“So what should we name him?”
Cas tilted her head thinking.
“How about Joshua. Joshua Dean Winchester.” He felt his eyes fill with tears.
He had seriously cried way too many times in the last few months. Dean looked down at his son… Joshua. Yes, it fit perfectly. And Cas wanted to name their son after him too… It was too much. He let the tears fall as he kissed his son’s tiny head.
“Welcome to the world, Joshua”
The next time Dean watched Cas run out the garage door, almost dropping her keys, he wasn’t crying and feeling his heart rip out of his chest. This time he was leaning against the door frame, wearing only a pair of sweatpants and laughing as his flustered wife tried to get into her car.
“This is all your fault!” She called over the car at him, but he just shrugged and kept laughing.
She was wearing a t-shirt and a pair of his sweatpants that she had grabbed off the floor in her haste. She had just gotten home from being out of town for a few days and Dean had jumped her the moment she had walked in the door, and now several hours later she was rushing to pick up their sons- now there were two- from school.
Dean had told her to let them stay late, but Cas had glared and he didn’t dare try to keep the woman from her babies any longer.
So there she was speeding off the road away from him, except this time, he smiled as he closed the door behind himself, she was coming back.