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Deanna wished she had actually looked at the street before walking into her next door neighbors house to feed their dog. If she had she might have noticed the car sitting there, and wouldn’t now be having the incredibly awkward moment of being face to face with her ex boyfriend in his own kitchen.
They had started dating near the end of high school, when they realized how convenient it would be to date your next door neighbor. They had been best friends since they were five, it just happened.
But then the girl next door had become the still living with her parents at twenty and working at a garage part time while taking a few classes at the community college girl.
And the boy next door had become an ivy league scholarship winning college boy. And after seeing a picture appear on her Facebook newsfeed of her supposed boyfriend macking on some redhead, she had come to the realization that they couldn’t kid themselves anymore and promptly dumped him.
She had blamed it on the picture, no matter his protests that she had thrown herself on him and someone just *happened* to take a picture of the moment. Sure, she was pissed about the picture, but in reality it was just realizing that they would never work. Not in the real world.
But standing in the kitchen of the Novak’s house when they were supposed to be out of town staring down Castiel Novak was not what she had planned when she had ducked under the garage door to feed their dog. it was the closest she’d been to him in two years. He’d gone overseas with his older brother Gabriel last summer so she’d thankfully been spared that, and it hadn’t been too difficult to avoid him over holiday breaks, either through working over time or just hiding in her room. But there was no avoiding him now.
“what the hell are you doing here?”
It just blurted out of her mouth before he could stop it. The hell Deanna, he lives here…
Apparently Cas read her mind.
“I live here Dean…” the nickname caught her off guard. He was looking at her with those stupid blue eyes, head slightly tilted- like he was trying to read her soul or something. She back away further from him and crossed her arms.
“yeah but aren’t you supposed to be at school or some shit?” she’d never really been a lady in her manner, and as much as her mother tried to reign her in. hell she worked at a garage with a bunch of men, what could they expect of her?
“summer vacation. Don’t you have it?” she forgot that community college ran later than most schools. She just grunted and walked past him, letting the dog back in and heading back to the garage door.
“Deanna wait.” she stopped, but kept her back to Cas.
“Do you want to stay for a bit?” he asked her, and she thought she heard that tone in his voice, the ‘Deanna, do you want to have sex’ tone. She gritted her jaw. The last thing she wanted to be was college boys summer boredom fling before he could get himself back to his smart, interesting ivy league girls.
She whirled around and before she could stop her own mouth, told him as much. His blue eyes opened wide.
“No, Dean, I didn’t…I wouldn’t…” he stopped and ran a hand over his face with a sigh, leaning against the door frame.
“You know I haven’t dated anyone…since you.” and before she could help herself she blurted
“Well I have.” she wanted to hurt him like he’d hurt her.
She could see in his eyes that she had. It was sort of true, she’d had a couple of one night stands after she’d broken up with Cas, her revenge on his supposed wild college ways.
But now here he was saying he hadn’t been with anyone else…in two years. Or maybe he had, just not *dated* anyone.
Still, she had to get out of here now. So before he could say anything else, she fled out the garage door.
Deanna lay in bed that night trying not to think if Cas, of his eyes, his body, what it felt like to have sex with him, to kiss him…
Then her phone buzzed and she realized she had been doing just that. Thinking about Castiel. And of course it had to be him texting her, didn’t it.
Come over?
She responded immediately so he wouldn’t get any ideas that she’d had to think about it.
No.
She put her phone on silent and went to sleep.
Cas knew he’d fucked up as soon as he’d seen a camera flash while Anna was straddling him, shoving her tongue down his throat. He’d been drunk enough at the time to accept her advances, even encourage her, kissing her back.
But as soon as that camera flashed, he’d gotten that flash of sobriety and Deanna’s face against the back of his eyelids.
He’d shoved Anna off making excuses that he needed the restroom and locked himself in, sliding to the floor against the door.
Who was he? He had never thought he would be a cheater, but here he was, still tasting Anna’s fruity lip gloss against his lips. He hated himself. But then the picture had gone viral, the reserved Castiel Novak unleashed… And he had lost the only person in the world that mattered.
Now he had the chance, he knew there was nothing he wouldn’t do to get her back. Despite his screwups and Deanna’s blatant hatred towards him, Deanna and Castiel belonged together. Always had, always would.
The next morning as Deanna was walking out the door to her car, she almost stumbled right over Castiel sitting on the front step. Her heart twinged as she recalled all the times over the years the two of them had sat on those steps, just quiet or talking for hours. Her jaw clenched and she brushed past him towards her car.
“Deanna wait.” She didn’t stop.
But she forgot how fast Castiel could be when he wanted to. His hand was slamming over the car door keeping it closed before she even realized he had gotten off the stairs.
“Deanna, listen to me.”
“Why.” she finally looked him in the eye and glared, crossing her arms over her chest.
He didn’t respond immediately so she went on, pushing him away from the car.
“I have to go to class.”
She caught the look of pain in his deep blue eyes and it almost made her stop, but then the image of that girl straddling him with his tongue in her mouth flashed in her mind and she yanked the car door open and got it.
Castiel just stood there as she pealed out, leaving him shrinking in the rearview mirror.
“You know, I think you’re being a bit hard on Castiel dear.”
Deanna glared at her mother over her dinner and stuffed another bite of chicken in her mouth. When the rest of her family just kept looking at her she sighed and looked at them.
“He cheated on me, am I supposed to just smile and let him back in?”
Sam frowned and stared at his plate but her mom and dad had those horrible pitying faces directed at her. It just made her more angry.
“Everyone deserves a second chance Dean.” her father said, giving Mary a meanful glance, and for a moment she wondered if there wasn’t some personal experience speaking there that no one had told her about.
Deanna just shoved her chair back and left the room.
An hour later, there was a soft knock on her door and Sam slipped in. She rolled her eyes and shut her laptop.
Her brother was more of a girl than she was sometimes, and from the look on his face and the way his hands where shoved in his pockets she knew this was going to be one of those times.
Sammy wanted to talk about feelings.
Deanna just looked at him, eyebrow raised and waited for it.
“It was just a kiss Dee! It’s not like you’ve never made mistakes before. And he apologized and said he didn’t mean it and he loves you and I know you love him and you’re miserable and grouchy without him and I miss him too and you should just suck it up and get back with him.” it all came pouring out in one breath and after he just sat there staring at his hands.
Deanna huffed in amusement.
“If you miss him so much, why don’t you get with him?” the look of horror on Sam’s face made her actually laugh out loud.
“No Dean, I miss him because he’s like a brother to me. And if you married him someday we really could be brothers.”
She rolled her eyes, covering the small mixture of pain and thrill of Sam mentioning her marrying Castiel.
“What I’m not good enough for you, you have to pimp me off to get yourself a brother?” she smirked at Sam, but he just shook his head, bring his head up to look her in the eye and of course there were tears building up in his eyes.
Sammy was such a girl.
“You can’t take anything seriously can you.” he stood up suddenly.
“That’s why you broke up with Cas over something so stupid. Because you couldn’t even take the best thing you had seriously.”
Before she could yell that he was wrong, that she had taken their relationship seriously and that’s why she’d ended it, he had fled out the door, slamming it and then his own door behind him.
Deanna was furious now.
How dare Sam accuse her of not caring. Of saying Cas was the one hurt here.
She happened to glance out the window in her pacing and cause a glimpse of Cas in the window across the yard.
If they both stood at their windows they could see each other, which had always been great when they were kids, writing each other secret messages, and then when they got older for…private shows.
Now she stood just out of his sight, but she could see him.
His back was to the window and in the dim light from his bedroom she watched as he stripped off his shirt and pants and turned to the window.
He put his hands on the frame and rested his head against the frame.
Deanna let herself look her fill on his naked body. She could only see tue top half, but that was enough.
He was so beautiful, her Cas. Not that he was her Cas, but she did take his virginity, she thought smugly, so he was always going to be a little bit hers.
Of course that made it work the other way around too, since he had taken hers.
She pushed the thought away and just watched the flex if his muscles as he breathed and moved and dammit she wanted him.
So bad. It had been far too long since she had touched him.
But when she looked up to her face, the lust turned to plain old longing.
There were tear tracks as well as fresh tears sliding down his face and suddenly she didn’t care about him being to good for her, or the fact that he’d cheated on her (sort of).
She loved him. She always had and always would.
She moved out of the shadow and slowly started stripping off her clothes.
She didn’t look at Cas, she didn’t want him to know just yet what was happening.
She just stripped like he had, giving him this much. And when she stood, naked, leaning against the window, she finally looked over to his window.
He was staring at her, eyes wide. And before he could rip his gaze away, Deanna gave him a small smile.
They just stared at each other across the gap. Even as far as they were from each other, she could see a muscle in his jaw twitch. She knew he was hard. His jaw always twitched when he got hard, like he was never expecting it.
Deanna grinned at him and reached for the white board she kept by the window.
You home alone?
He nodded.
Want some company?
He nodded again, biting his lip.
Deanna left the window and quickly threw on sweatpants and a tshirt, not bothering with undergarments- they were just going to come off when she walked into the house next door anyway.
She slipped out the back door with practiced ease and crossed the yard, jumping the fence. Cas was waiting at his back door, dressed only in a pair of dark blue boxers and a t-shirt. He let her in silently and closed the door behind them. There was a moment of just standing there, awkwardly not looking at each other before Castiel spoke.
“I’m sorry.”
He didn’t lift his head, and Deanna could feel the complete weight of his words through his gruff voice.
She shook her head taking a hesitant step towards him.
“No, Cas. I’m sorry. I’ve been punishing us both for far too long, and you don’t even know why.”
Cas’s dark head shot up at that, the confusion written all over his face.
“Not because of Anna?” he looked so worried, as if he was trying to think of what other horrible thing he had done.
Deanna almost laughed, settling with a slight smile before continuing.
“Yes, I was mad about that. But truth is, it was just an excuse to break up with you with out bringing out my own issues.”
Cas looked hurt so she put a tentative touch on his arm and went on.
“When you went to college, I had a realization. I’m not good enough for you, you have so much going for you- Ivy League college, intelligence, good looks, a future… I don’t have that. Sure, I’m attractive, but all that’s ever going to get me is cat-calls and hook ups. I’m twenty, I live with my parents, I might finish my two year community college degree in about 5 years, and I work at a garage with a bunch of smelly guys. I got nothing.”
Cas opened his mouth to say something, but she squeezed his arm, cutting him off.
“People like me don’t belong with people like you. I wanted to get out before you realized that and left me.”
Cas yanked his arm away now, angry. Deanna didn’t back down though.
“How dare you make my decisions for me.” he growled, blue eyes hard as stone. “You had no right to decide what or who is or isn’t good for me!”
Then suddenly the anger was gone, his head dropped, shaking slowly.
When he looked up again, the stone was gone from his eyes replaced by the azure pools that she loved so much. He reached for her, cupping her face.
“Deanna, I love you. I always have and always will. To me you are perfect. I don’t care if you never move out of your parents house… Unless it’s to move in with me. I don’t care if you don’t think you’re smart, because I know you are. And I don’t care if you don’t think you’re worth anything, because you are worth everything to me.”
Deanna felt the tears spring from her eyes before she could stop them. Cas just dipped down and kissed them off her face, first on the left cheek, then the right. Then when a sob escaped her mouth, he stopped that too with his mouth against her own.
She melted into his arms as they relearned each other, memory kicking in to guide the way. Cas wrapped his hands around Deanna’s waist and lifted her, she wrapped her legs around his waist and he began to move to the stairs, never once releasing her mouth as they ascended the steps to his bedroom. After a few stops pressing against walls and doors, he laid her down reverently on his bed.
After, neither of them bothered to move, just curled up into each other and fell asleep. Just as they were nodding off Cas heard Deanna speak ever so softly.
“I love you Cas.”
He gently kissed the back of her neck and pulled her tighter against himself.
“I love you Dean.”
When Cas went back to school in the fall, Deanna went with him.
They moved into a small apartment and she got a job at a nearby garage.
On the day he graduated, he proposed to her. She said yes.
They moved to California when he got a job at Stanford.
They had their first child six years to the day that they got back together that night in late May.
Many many years later, when they looked back at those years apart, they just laughed at their stupidity and lived on together.