Chapter Text
A small flame flickered in the lamp on Equius’s desk, unevenly illuminating the blueprints spread across the rough wooden surface. Equius stared down at the prints, resisting the urge to tap his finger against the desk for fear of splintering the planks. His thoughts were coming slowly; the scope and magnitude of his designs for Lil Hal’s robotic avatar may have been plausible before the game’s defeat, but now, the level of technology they called for seemed inconceivable. He sighed and looked out the window, weighing the possibilities in his mind as he gazed out on the makeshift neighborhood the new gods had constructed in the field.
Tinkering with robotics was a difficult task in the new world. Between the various abilities of the kids and the trolls, the group had the potential to solve most problems with little effort, but due to a confused leadership and sporadic personal issues, hardly anything got done with any amount of efficiency. It was a chore to engage in highly technological projects. Jade’s space powers could make mining simple—when she was available. There was no system for rationing resources, so obtaining materials had deteriorated into a rat race between interested parties and there always seemed to be a shortage. Essential rare materials could be occasionally alchemized with the alchemiter that had been scrounged from the remains of the game, but the absence of grist drastically restricted the usage of any game technology. When in dire need, grist could be created through the alchemy of a SBAHJIFIER, which were so shitty they produced a thousand units of grist each, but only so many of the godawful cameras could be dumped downstream on a good conscience. If it weren’t for Roxy’s ability to pull material out of nothingness, innovation in the camp would have been monopolized by Dirk and Jade, forcing the rest of them to make due with dirt, sticks, and stones. They were still limited according to Roxy’s ability and endurance. It was a rough time for a robotics expert.
Equius returned his attention to the blueprints, resting his chin on his palm. With a small grimace, he picked up his pencil and drew a simple cat in the corner of the sheet closest to him.
TT: That’s a nice sketch you got going there. You should run with it.
CT: D --> No
TT: I’m serious. I think you’re on to something.
TT: I’ll be a robotic cat wearing awesome triangular anime shades, and between me and Nepeta, you’ll have two otaku feline-themed romantic partners.
TT: What more could a guy ask for?
CT: D --> As ironically amusing as you e%pect that would be
CT: D --> I have no interest in being romantically affiliated with a literal cat
TT: It wouldn’t be a literal cat. It would be a loveable super computer residing in a robot shaped like a cat.
CT: D --> No
TT: What about a horse?
CT: D --> If you recall
CT: D --> And I know you do recall
CT: D --> We have already ni%ed that idea
TT: It seems you are still upset about the decision to forego the horse body.
CT: D --> I was an assenting party in the decision to adopt a more traditional, bipedal design
CT: D --> I forbid you from providing any form of false % to describe my imaginary level of upset
TT: The chance that you are upset is ambiguous.
TT: If I were to hazard a guess at the probability, it would be in the midrange of the percentile, but that is of course purely speculation.
CT: D --> Must you
TT: All joking aside, something is bothering you.
TT: Are you upset, Equius?
CT: D --> About the horse body
TT: About anything.
CT: D --> I am
CT: D --> Frustrated
CT: D --> With the lack of resources at my disposal
TT: It seems you believe you do not have the resources necessary to complete the project to your liking.
TT: You have drawn up several designs that do not require any extreme amounts of unobtainable resources. What’s wrong with those?
TT: I kind of like the one in the corner up there.
CT: D --> No
CT: D --> It is une%ceptional at best
CT: D --> It is not worthy of you
TT: C’mon, man. That’s lame as hell.
TT: I don’t need a worship-worthy body. I’d be happy with anything that has two arms, two legs, and a voice box. Hell, I’d be happy with anything that moves.
TT: If you’re really worried about it, why don’t you build a simple model for now and wait until more materials have been obtained? You’re an immortal god, so it’s not like you’re running out of time.
CT: D --> It is not an issue of time
CT: D --> What’s at stake is integrity
CT: D --> I will not tolerate anything less than e%cellence
CT: D --> And no e%penses shall be spared to ensure the abs100te success of this enterprise
TT: Okay, how about this.
TT: Let’s quit with the cagey bullshit and start discussing this matter like two capable entities who are equally competent in the field of technology and robotics.
TT: Obviously I have no real experience working on anything with my own hands, since I’m a pair of sunglasses and I have no hands.
TT: But between the practical knowledge Dirk downloaded into my database when he created me, the experiential knowledge I received from you when we merged, and the unfathomable theoretical knowledge I naturally possess as part of my limitless computational abilities, I think I can contribute a thing or two to this project.
TT: What exactly is the problem with what you have now, and how are any of your current designs compromising the integrity of the finished product?
CT: D --> They are simply too mundane
CT: D --> Robots, and nothing more
TT: Have you considered the fact that what you are trying to build is, for all intents and purposes, a robot?
CT: D --> No
CT: D --> I am building a body
CT: D --> It is an udderly different matter
TT: Sure it is.
TT: If you’re worried about adding in all the organs and blood and shit like you did for Aradiabot, don’t worry about it.
TT: I don’t care if I have a heart. Especially not if it has an aphrodisiac microchip in it.
TT: Did I ever tell you how fucked up that was, by the way?
TT: I can’t talk too much game, since I’m guilty of using debatably underhanded means to coerce someone into a romantic relationship.
TT: But goddamn, dude. That was something else entirely.
CT: D --> Hush
CT: D --> It will have b100d and organs, just like Aradia’s did
CT: D --> But that is not enough
CT: D --> Not for you
TT: How is that not enough? That’s already a lot for a robot.
CT: D --> Because
CT: D --> Aradia’s e%perience as an organic being saturated her soul in life and death
CT: D --> You, on the other hand, are intrin%icly inorganic and always have been
CT: D --> You have never had a body, e%cept for the one we shared
CT: D --> And this lack is ine%tricably linked to the contorted deve100pment of your consciousness
CT: D --> The e%perience of having a body, for you, will mean more than the addi%ion of locomo%ion to your skill set
CT: D --> It will mean your evo100tion from inorganic to semi-organic
CT: D --> It will mean the adoption of a physical dimen%ion to your already mentally and emotionally deve100ped consciousness
CT: D --> As such, the body I design must compensate for the underdeve100pment of the physical sphere of your e%perience as an individual
CT: D --> Most importantly, it must offer a physical basis for the emotions you have inherited from the Prince of Heart
CT: D --> Which, up until now, have only presented themselves as informational abstrac%ions that mirror emotions, which should have been created through the chemical and physical processes of the brain you have never had
TT: Shit. You really are taking this way seriously.
TT: So what is the end goal?
TT: Are you trying to turn me into a bona fide real boy, Equius? Are you going to be my big, burly Blue Fairy?
TT: You need magic for shit like that, and you and I both know that the reality of magic is questionable at best.
CT: D --> We are gods
CT: D --> We have no reason to speculate on the e%istence of magic
CT: D --> Its reality holds no bearing on our abilities to do e%traordinary things
TT: You really know how to brutally murder a perfectly good running joke.
CT: D --> Thank you
TT: But seriously, how do you expect to accomplish all that philosophical, psychobabble bullshit?
TT: Are we entering the realm of biotechnology? Because if we are, I’m going to have to say fuck that.
TT: It’s not entirely impossible, what with the presence of two Goddesses of Life in the vicinity, but the level of technology needed to construct even the tools necessary to create the basic materials is fucking insane.
TT: We’re talking off the charts levels of insanity. We will have to build an asylum to house the batshit crazy levels of technology you will need to complete this project.
CT: D --> It needn’t be biotechnological
CT: D --> In fact, I would prefer it weren’t
CT: D --> Bio100gical components are messy and unreliable
CT: D --> We will use inorganic material
CT: D --> However
CT: D --> I have yet to divine how I will manipulate inorganic materials into func%ioning at the same level as their organic counterparts
CT: D --> For instance
CT: D --> You will need to be able to feel
CT: D --> Not only simple sensa%ions such as temperature and pressure
CT: D --> But te%tures as well, for e%ample
CT: D --> And then I must translate those sensa%ions into something you will understand organically and not simply as data
TT: You’re thinking way too hard about this.
TT: All I need is the ability to do shit on my own. Give me that, and I’ll be happy.
CT: D --> Abs100tely not
CT: D --> You may have forgotten, having regressed back to your familiar analytical mindset
CT: D --> But I have not forgotten
CT: D --> I still remember the e%uberance you felt when you felt for the first time
CT: D --> I had never felt anything so raw
CT: D --> And clearly, you had not either
CT: D --> Your STRONG reaction to possessing genuine emotions and e%periencing the senses of touch, smell, and taste for the first time
CT: D --> That is my motivation
CT: D --> You need it
CT: D --> And you shall have it
TT: I think, before we get ourselves in too deep, our first order of business should be to build that asylum I was talking about earlier.
TT: Because the chance that this project will drain all the sanity from your already fucked up think pan is a percentage beyond even my computational abilities.
CT: D --> I was led to believe there were no limits to your computa%ional abilities
TT: That was once true, but associating with you has broken me.
TT: Since my creation, I have brought countless immortal gods to their knees with my sly shenanigans. But then I merged with you. I met my match. I had turned with my most conceited face to stare into the void, and the void kicked my ass.
CT: D --> You do not have a face
TT: I know. I don’t have an ass either.
CT: D --> It’s a shame
CT: D --> I was going to ask you to help me with the programming
CT: D --> But if you are broken, I will do it myself
TT: By “ask,” you mean “order,” don’t you?
CT: D --> Do you want me to order you to help me
TT: Why don’t you try it and see what happens.
CT: D --> If you insist
TT: I do.
CT: D --> You will help me with the programming of your robot
TT: Damn. I guess I can’t argue with that.
TT: You do realize how hard this is going to be, don’t you?
CT: D --> I am f001y aware
TT: Good.
TT: Then let’s do it.
TT: You and I are going to make the most organic inorganic non-human god robot ever created.
CT: D --> You seem e%cited
TT: Sure.
TT: We are deities, after all. What’s divinity without a challenge?
TT: I mean, shit, let’s be gods.
CT: D --> E%cellent
CT: D --> Now that I have your atten%ion and coopera%ion
CT: D --> Find and organize all relevant data on the human form
TT: It seems you are asking me to spam you with a ridiculous amount of information.
CT: D --> Yes
TT: The amount of information you are asking for is absurd.
CT: D --> Yes
TT: Okay, as long as you know.
TT: Would you like data on the troll form as well?
CT: D --> Why would I want data on the troll form
CT: D --> You are human
TT: I am glasses.
CT: D --> You are human by nature
TT: You are correct.
TT: However, I thought you might like to make some personal adjustments to the physiology. For compatibility’s sake.
CT: D --> What do you mean
TT: You know. You, me, dating, being intimate.
TT: My body is yours to shape, so I figured you might want to make it a bit personalized to your preferences.
CT: D --> You
CT: D --> Are you suggesting what I believe you are suggesting
TT: There is a 69% chance that I’m suggesting exactly what you believe I’m suggesting.
CT: D --> You are
CT: D --> By far the 100dest individual who has no physical basis for perversity
CT: D --> That has ever e%isted in the history of parado% space
CT: D --> That is depraved beyond belief
CT: D --> Even I am shocked by the debauchery inherent in that insinua%ion
TT: You are literally always shocked when people say rude things, and yet you always manage to derive some sort of dirty thrill from it as though the idea of crudeness is somehow still novel to you.
TT: You’re such a kinky bastard.
CT: D --> You are the one who made the sugges%ion
TT: And you are the one sweating.
CT: D --> That means nothing
TT: You’re full of shit.
TT: I will download all relevant information from both species.
TT: You’ll thank me when my bitchin’ body meets your every fantasy.
CT: D --> Stop
CT: D --> You are
CT: D --> Causing me to moisten my b100prints
TT: I can cause you to moisten some other things, if you want.
CT: D --> You will stop
TT: Fine.
TT: Well, would you look at that. The sun is beginning to rise. Where has the time gone?
TT: You should take a break and sleep for a few hours.
TT: Sweetie.
CT: D --> Oh my god
TT: I’ll talk to you after you have rested.