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A week in Sanctuary, and Nick was already starting to regret his decision to stay.
It wasn’t that he didn't like being there. The community was a thriving one, but small and quiet, staying true to its name. And it was even more so in the winter, once the snow and ice had settled over everything, muffling the world in a blanket of dazzling white. After the vicious storm the night he and Nora had arrived, snow had started creeping in, earlier than usual this year. Sounds carried farther in the biting air, and so the settlers seemed to have fallen into a persistent hush when outside. The world seemed to still, the snow making everything around changeless.
Winter in the city proper brought with its chill wind a perpetual sense of danger. The hunters that lurked within the crumbling buildings used that stillness to their advantage. Every step you took when crossing through had to be cautious, considered, your head eternally on a swivel. A wrong move could bring a gang of super mutants down on your unsuspecting self faster than you could say "should have stayed at home".
But this far up north, the silence was different. Peaceful. Even in their respectful quiet, the settlers went about their days with happy industry. Well, all except for the Longs. Jun was in a constant state of misery, and Marcy, well, Nick doubted anything could please that woman. Aside from the slight pall the unhappy couple cast over the proceedings, however, the last of the winter preparations were going well.
Nora was helping out with everything she could, taking to it eagerly. She had a joy for learning new skills, and added to her eagerness was, Nick suspected, a need to be helpful. That woman was starting to work herself to the bone for others; always worrying that she wasn't doing enough. Frankly, it was a bit worrying to Nick. If she didn't slow down soon, she looked to be headed towards collapse.
But talking to her….things between them had been strange since their first night here. On the outside, everything was fine. She talked and laughed and was the same Nora who had traveled with him these past few months, going from town to settlement hunting down clues for the direction of the ever-elusive Virgil. But underneath, under the veneer of normalcy, something was lingering from that night. It was beyond the usual sadness that Nora carried like a loadstone around her neck. That he had grown accustomed to. There was only so much happiness a person in her situation could go through in a day before remembering what they had lost coming into this new life. That kind of loss never went away, as Nick knew well enough. Even 200 years later, the ghost of the original Nick’s great love still haunted him. Nora hadn't had even a fraction of that time. She put up a good front though, even when physical and mental exhaustion had lowered her barriers.
But this felt different. Nick couldn't describe it, really, even in the quiet of his own mind. There was tension, as if there was still something bothering her, still something to be resolved, despite all that had been said. She was careful around him, in a way that she never had been before. And he hated it. He hated that he’d been the one to do this to her, to Nora, a woman who was open, even when she was reserved. He’d closed her off, without even meaning to, without even realising how widely exposed the door of her heart had been to him.
In a twisted way though, it made it easier for him. Nick had realised something that night, holding her as she cried. That surge he’d felt, the emotion that welled up every time he saw her; it had a name, one he certainly wasn’t ready to speak, even in the quiet of his metal skull. But he’d felt it before, in another time - another life - and he knew what it was; beyond that, he knew where it led.
It wasn't that he didn't like being in Sanctuary. It was just…too damn hard pretending around her every day and night.
To be truthful, though, while part of him was regretting staying, the rest of him didn't want to leave either. Nora was like that, pulling you in and keeping you close even when you had doubts. She was open, and honest and kind. She cared for people in the best kind of way, always ready to help anyone who asked it of her. Being around someone like that shouldn't be hard, shouldn't hurt.
But it did hurt. It just hurt too damn much, and Nick wasn't sure if he could take it anymore. His poor heart, even in it's current mechanical state, felt like it was being stabbed when she smiled at him, when she was close, when she…God, when she did just about anything.
And he couldn't say anything. What was he supposed to say? She was living, breathing, vibrant, with a heart and a mind and a wit that were all her own. Everything about her was 100% Nora, completely and totally human. And here he was, with stolen memories and a poached name, dreams that weren't his, a broken down body of synthetic skin and metal bones. He had nothing to give her. Nothing to offer but his skills and faith, and his heart in his hands, because he wasn't worthy of her. No matter how much he wanted her, he would never be worthy.
So he was avoiding her, as best as he could without her noticing. But Sanctuary was incredibly small, and he had technically stayed for the winter to help out the settlers, so in the end, he ended up spending most of everyday with her, working at whatever odd jobs the residents needed taken care of.
And every night was spent just 10 feet from her, watching the slow rise and fall of her chest from under a mountain of blankets, wishing that he were next to her, curled under the covers and holding her tight to his chest. It was foolish, and desperate, and it was becoming unbearable.
Looking at her, across that small space, Nick could practically feel her, wrapped in his arms, warm against his chest, the slow tempo of her breath a calming constant. Every second of that night felt etched into his memory. He was so desperate to be nearer to her; but every second she was that close, it was just another reminder of what he was, that he would never have a place in her heart beyond that of a friend.
So when she was bustling around the kitchen that morning, Nick took the opportunity to steer the discussion of the day’s chores in a different direction for her. As she settled down at the table and began to pick at her food, he brought it up. “So, doll, I know we were planning on taking a look at Julie and Steven’s place today, see if we could lend a hand and all,” he started, watching her as she looked up from her meal in curiosity. “But I was talking to Garvey yesterday, and he mentioned that Mama Murphy has just about hit her limit working with Marcy.”
Nora practically snorted at that, shaking her head with a tiny smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. “Why am I not surprised?” she said, leaning back into her chair. “That woman could drive anyone crazy, so it’s admirable she’s been able to hold out this long. Although,” she added, “Mama Murphy does have more of a tolerance towards her.”
“As easygoing as that woman is, she’s still been cooped up in a room with Marcy for the past week.” Nick commented dryly. “Lord knows, that sort of thing does stuff to you. I think she’s desperate for relief.”
“So what’s Preston’s thinking? Sick Marcy on Julie and Steven instead?” There was laughter in her eyes. “She is handy with a hammer. And it would certainly give the rest of us some relief.”
“Something like that.” Nick smirked back at her, Nora’s amusement infectious. “He’s asked me to take a look at one of the turrets that’s acting up again.” Not a lie, although it is a bit of an exaggeration.
“And I’ll take over for Marcy, and help out with the last of the work for the root cellar,” Nora finished, nodding to herself. Something flashed over her face, but it was gone before Nick could think twice about it. She smiled up at him and resumed her slow attack on her food. “Sounds like a plan.”
Nick nodded back, then set about lighting a cigarette as he listened absently to Nora begin filling him in on the news that Trashcan Carla had brought from down south yesterday. He’d managed to negotiate some time away from her; maybe enough so he could rebuild his broken down walls, and stop feeling so damn helpless and heartbroken around her. Though, now that he’d gotten his way, he began to doubt it. Somehow, though, the thought of a day apart from her didn’t fill Nick with the kind of relief he’d thought it would.
* * *
“Bring over that last crate, would you dear?”
Nora crossed the root cellar and brought the crate of jars back over, settling it in front of Mama Murphy, who was taking a brief rest perched on the bottom rung of the ladder. The jars were the result of their morning, spent boiling and pickling mutfruit, carrots, corn and tarberries, and then transferring that into the jars, now sealed tight and clearly labelled. It still amazed Nora how productive Mama Murphy and Marcy had been over the past couple of months.
“So what was it you were saying earlier? Something about a fire?” Nora asked.
“Oh, that’s tradition, that is,” Mama Murphy said seriously. “Every community in the Commonwealth does it.”
“Does what?”
Mama Murphy looked at her in askance, then caught herself, shaking her head slowly. “Sorry, dear. Sometimes I forget you aren’t from around here. It’s an old tradition. When you finish the harvest - like we are now, getting all the food and supplies for winter all stored away - then everyone in the community gets together. Young and old folks, happy and sad, all sitting together for one last meal and a hot fire.” She hoisted herself back onto the ladder, and started taking the jars from the crate Nora held up one by one and stowing them on the shelf. “It’s important, see, because everyone pitches in, just like they did during the harvest, and it reminds us that folks are stronger together.” Mama Murphy paused and looked down at Nora’s skeptical expression. “I know dear. It sounds a bit strange to your ears. But then, you’ve never been through one of our winters. Things can get awful tough for everyone. And when things get hard, folks get mean. They forget who’s family, and things can get real bad when that happens. I’ve seen it again and again.” She resumed with stocking the shelves. “The Harvest Fire helps with that, see. It’s harder to shoot someone when you’ve shared a meal with them, with everyone in town.” She looked thoughtful for a moment, the shrugged. “Not that it doesn’t happen anyway, from time to time. Either way though, it’s just bad luck not to do it.”
Nora offered her hand, and Mama Murphy accepted it, coming back down the ladder cautiously. “Well, I think it sounds like a nice idea.” They started gathering up the emptied crates and stacking them in the corner to be used later. “What with the snows coming in early and all, everyone around here seems a bit glum. It’d be pleasant to have one last big meal together before winter really kicks off.”
Mama Murphy smiled at her in a flash of wrinkles and broken teeth. “That's the spirit, dear.”
* * *
It wasn't necessarily a bonfire, per se, but it was certainly larger and hotter than the normal evening fire. The settlement had gathered together, mostly due to Mama Murphy’s insistence that it was bad luck to ignore custom. She had apparently - according to Preston - been giving everyone lectures for the last month or so. It seemed that the speech she had given Nora that morning hadn’t been a new occurrence, at least. Not that it took much to convince the small group of settlers to show up. They were settling in for what looked to be a long winter; not to mention, their first winter season in a new settlement, with any number to unforeseen challenges. Soon it would be too cold to eat gather together like this outside. Even now it was frigid, the ground covered in at least an inch of snow. It had come early this season, and when it had started at the beginning of the week, Mama Murphy had predicted a long winter. The thought of that added to the quiet the snows brought, and everyone was huddled close to the fire tonight. The usual laughter and easy company of the group was still there, but underneath it lingered a gnawing worry.
They arrived a bit late to the gathering, Nick trailing in Nora’s wake. He had seemed a bit reluctant to go; not, Nora thought, out of any real dislike of social gatherings. She suspected it had more to do with the worry that he was still an outsider to these settlers. And true, Marcy had been treating him with the sort of distant loathing that she usually reserved for Nora, although obviously exacerbated by the fact that Nick was very visibly a synth. It made Nora bristle, but in the end, Marcy treated everyone that way. There wasn’t much Nora could do about it - other than seethe anytime she opened her mouth - especially after Preston had brought up how invaluable Marcy had proven to be at farming, not to mention after seeing the results of her work first-hand in the root cellar. She and Jun had a talent for it, apparently, and it was thanks to them that Sanctuary had any resources at all. Nora wasn’t about to alienate one of the tiny settlement’s best workers, even if she was unbearable sometimes. She just had to hope time and distance would eventually soften Marcy’s prickly demeanor.
But the other settlers, after a brief hesitance, had taken to Nick pretty naturally. Stories of the synth detective from Diamond City had made their way all over the Commonwealth, apparently, and another set of hands was always welcome. She could tell some of them were a bit put out by his appearance at first, but there were more important things to be worrying about, and she hadn’t heard of any problems. It made Nora hopeful; sure, it was a small settlement, but if these people could accept a synth amongst them, even with all the paranoia surrounding them, then maybe others in the Commonwealth could too. Nick had been right the other night when he’d said that changing people’s minds was hard. It would be a slow thing, but Nora was willing to try it.
The other night...thinking about it made Nora a bit maudlin. She knew in her heart that she had said the right thing. But it still felt wrong, not having Nick by her side. He’d been avoiding her all week, or trying to. Not obviously, but she could tell. He needed time to mull things over, she understood that. It was just that it was hard, giving him time.
Nora wasn’t always the most patient of women - the irony of which was never lost on her after she had taken so well to the sniper rifle. But if she had a plan, a clear path to follow, she could wait forever. It was what had made her a good lawyer, and now a decent sniper; set the trap, and wait for the prey to fall in. Here, now, she didn’t have a plan. It made her anxious, not knowing how long it would take him.
They were greeted by Preston, with a weary smile for Nora and a tip of the hat for Nick, who returned the gesture quite seriously. The two of them had some kind of history together; Nora supposed if she asked either of them, they would happily tell her. But for now, the curiosity was just a passing one, so she wasn't all that motivated. And besides, if it ever became pertinent, she knew they would bring it up themselves. Whatever their former acquaintance, though, it seemed to have created a lasting respect for each other, in Nick particularly, which Nora found interesting.
Nora peeled away from the two of them, heading over to Julie and Steven. The two of them had shown up not long after Nora and the others had started Sanctuary, the very definition of down at the heels. The couple had settled in pretty well, from what Nora had heard. And after this first week, she had decided she liked them. Steven was straightforward and honest, in a quiet sort of way, a refreshing break from Marcy’s brutal bluntness. Julie was a bit more serious, but still nice enough.
After swapping the day’s news with each other, Nora settled down with them for dinner. The conversation seemed comfortable all around the fire - always excepting the Longs, of course - and as the night progressed, Nora caught Mama Murphy smiling sagely over at her from across the blaze. The Harvest Fire appeared to be doing its job.
But her attention kept wandering all night, no matter who she talked to. He was like a lodestone, drawing her thoughts and gaze. Every move he made, every shift and nervous gesture caught her eye. After two hours of trying to keep up a distracted conversation, the gathering finally started to disperse, and she felt a shameful swell of relief. She should have enjoyed tonight; according to everyone, this was to have been one of the last good nights before the winter storms settled in.
Nick was dominating her thoughts, however, in a way that she really hadn't expected. He was distancing himself from her; she knew that. And she understood that he might need time to mull things over. But in all honesty, Nora was getting impatient.
They walked back to her place in silence. The quiet was becoming the norm, this strained stillness, each party not quite knowing what to say. It was wearing on her nerves; the feeling that there was something deeply unresolved between the two of them.
She stepped through the door first, setting the lantern down on her rickety little table, the shadows coming alive at the movement, jumping up the walls and away from the slivers of orange light. The quiet snick of the door closing told her Nick was inside. She turned around to find him standing at the door still, his beaten right hand still on the handle. She almost said something, and then realized she didn't know what to say. Goodnight? Swell party? Gee Nick, I noticed you were avoiding me and I think now is perfect time to confront you about it. Nothing felt right to her, the words all turning to ash in her mouth.
When he finally looked up and noticed her watching, he didn't seem to know what to say either. Nick forced something like a smile, and said “Nice little soirée, wasn't it, doll?”
Nora nodded, looking to the side and running her arms absently. “It was. I'm glad we went.”
She waited on a casual remark, a joke, any response that sounded like her Nick. All Nora got was a shift of the feet, like he was trying to decide which way to bolt. Nick rubbed the back of his head, with what she was starting to recognize as a nervous gesture. “Well, doll, this old frame is starting to feel the day's work, so…” He wandered off, catching her expression. She wasn't sure what Nick saw, but he dropped his hand and tried smiling again, the effort wasted. “I'll see you in the morning, doll.”
He hesitated, then walked by her, heading for the couch. She picked up the lamp and followed, sitting down on her bed and starting to pull off her boots. She dropped her scarf and coat in a heap at the head of the bed, and slid in, burying herself under the covers. Nora stared at Nick from across the room for a moment, then reached out and turned the knob on the lantern, immersing them in the darkness. “Goodnight, Nick.”
Nora made up her mind, staring at the shrouded rafters above her. She would give him his space tomorrow morning; and if nothing changed, then she would track him down and force him to talk. There was only so much of this silence that she could take.
* * *
“I heard I’d find you two over here.”
Nora’s cheery voice cut through Sturges and Nick’s quiet discussion over the water purifier, laid out on a tarp they’d spread to protect the components from dirt and sand from the shore. Nick looked up sharply, a sudden pang in his chest that he silently cursed himself for. She was making her way down the snowy hill, wrapped in her coat and scarf, hands shoved deep into her coat pockets. Her smile grew as she got closer, and the two of them climbed to their feet, Sturges less stiffly, wiping his hands on a greasy rag and offering it to Nick to do the same. “Any progress?” she asked, coming to a stop and nodding at the half re-assembled purifier between them.
“Just finishing up, actually,” Sturges replied for the both of them. “Fixed the intake motor, changed out the filters, now we’re just taping the beauty back up a bit tighter.” He slapped a heavy hand onto Nick’s shoulder, catching him by surprise. “Your boy here is pretty handy at this sort of thing, Nora. I can’t believe you haven’t brought him ‘round to stay before.”
Nick could see the amusement in Nora’s eyes at as Sturges manhandled his shoulder. She shook his head and produced a smile for her benefit. “Always seemed to have some other work in the way,” he said, handing the rag back over and taking couple steps towards her - escaping the mechanic’s excessive friendliness with the added benefit of being closer to her. He took in a deep breath, and there she was; the scent of hubflowers on a winter’s day. “But I’m around to help now, so I hope it soothes any scorned feelings,” he said, with a dry grin for Sturges.
The man snorted, tucking his rag into the belt under his coat. “And I heard from Nora here that you’re lookin’ to stay all winter?”
“That’s about the size of it,” Nick replied, avoiding Nora’s gaze. He was already committed; but saying it aloud seemed to make it more...final. He was here now for good. As if he could have left Nora’s side, anyway.
“Well, in that case,” Sturges announced, “I’m happy to have you on board. It’ll be nice to have someone else mechanically inclined around here.” He thrust a broad hand out to Nick, who took after his flash of surprise; most people, when they noticed the state of his hand, weren’t all that inclined to trade palms with him. Sturges, for his part, didn’t seem to notice the hesitation. “Good working with ya, Nick. I hope you don’t mind finishing up here?” He gestured at the purifier. “I’ve got to go have a quick chat with old Gravy up the hill, before he goes on patrol.” He started trekking away through the snow before Nick could answer, waving over his head and calling out without looking back, “Come see me if you ever need a tune-up, yeah?”
Nick was left standing with Nora, who chuckled quietly to herself. “And here I thought I was the only one who called Preston that.” She shook her head. “That man is something else, isn’t he?”
Nick nodded. “He’s a good fellow. Not a lot of folks like him around these days,” he replied. He was rewarded with a coy smile from her.
“Not sure there have ever been a lot of people like him around,” she said, a joking gleam in her eye. “But I’m glad to have him here. He’s level headed, with a good eye for fixing things. More than that, really; he probably could have been an engineer, Pre-War.” She made her way past him and knelt by the tarp, taking in the bits and pieces left waiting to be assembled. “Do you want any help with this? I’ll be the first to admit that I’m terrible at this kind of thing, but I’m happy to give it a go.”
He shook his head and joined her. “Says the woman who took to weapon modding like a fish to water.” He knelt down, ignoring his stiff joints and the quick glance that told him Nora noticed it, even if she was too polite to say anything. “Nah, don’t worry about it. Nothing I won’t have finished in a few minutes.”
“Mind if I keep you company, then?” she asked, settling in a bit more comfortably.
“Did you need to talk to me, doll?” Nick asked, curious and a bit apprehensive. She’d been giving him a bit of space over the past couple of days, like she knew what was going on in his head - although, Nick doubted very much she actually did. If she had half of an idea of how he was starting to feel about her, he wouldn’t blame her for leaving him behind altogether.
“Not really. I just wanted to see how you were getting along.” There was something about her smile that changed when she said that, made it so it didn’t quite reach her eyes. But then, something about the way she was sitting before the tarp made it clear that she wasn’t leaving anytime soon. So, with no other recourse available, Nick got to work.
They settled into silence, Nora looking on as Nick screwed, taped, and tied the components of the purifier back together. His picture perfect memory, so good with the small details - and one of the factors that had initially drawn the original Nick to detective work - came to the fore here. Nick resented the original Valentine for a lot of things; the memories, the burdens and pain he’d left him with not the least of it. But if there was one thing he was grateful for, it was the sharp recall, honed by years of experience, both before and after the war. It may have come with it’s own set of problems, particularly after a rough case, but it never failed, and in Nick’s eyes, hard as it was sometimes to live with it, it was a worthy price to pay. The pieces went together without any trouble, and after a few minutes, he was nearly done.
It was about then that Nora finally broke the quiet. It had taken her longer than he’d expected; but then again, maybe she’d just been giving him the opportunity to finish his work in peace.
“It put you out, didn’t it,” Nora looked up from his work to study him, a serious cast to her face. “When Sturges slapped your shoulder?”
The question was a bit out of the blue for him; certainly not what he’d been expecting. Nick didn’t answer for a moment, mulling it over. It had made him uncomfortable, but he couldn’t put his finger on why. “Yeah, doll. It did, but there’s no real reason it should’ve. Man was just being friendly, is all.” He kept his voice neutral, hoping she would drop the subject.
“True,” Nora agreed, smiling faintly. “Sturges is a pretty friendly guy.” She continued watching him work for a moment, and then continued, dashing his hopes. “But you’re not used to being touched, are you?”
There something about the way she said it that made it less of a question, more of a statement. Nick stopped his work, wiping his hands on his pants and looking at her from across the tarp. She had the bit between her teeth now, and no mistake. He could hem and haw over this, but in the end, she would get the truth anyway. Might as well make it as painless as possible. “These days, most folk would rather jump in a rad-filled lake than touch a synth. They’re afraid, Nora, and they’ve got good reason to be. A lot of people have turned up dead or just disappeared altogether over the years, thanks to synths.” He turned his attention back to the parts. “I don’t blame them for being scared, for keeping their distance.”
“Doesn’t make it any easier to live with, though.”
Nick stopped halfway through screwing the seal back on over all the components. Sometimes...Nora could use words with surgical precision, cutting to the heart of the issue without the kind of trouble that everyone else had. She seemed to be expecting an answer. Much as he had admired that about her, it was turning out to be an unsettling skill for Nick. Painful as it was to say it, he continued with honesty, unwilling to lie to her. “No. It doesn’t.”
That seemed to end it for Nora, and Nick finished up with the seal after about another minute or so of quiet. He started packing up the tools and materials he and Sturges had brought down, bringing Nora out of whatever reverie she’d been in. “Is that it?” she asked.
“That's it,” Nick responded. “We just have to hook her back up to the rest of the rig, and then we’ll know if it works.” He got to his feet, the section of purifier in hand, and made his way over to the makeshift pier that led out to the main body of the machine, his heavy boots sinking a bit into the icy sand. After a few more minutes of fiddling, he had the component rigged up to the rest of the purifier, all ready to go. He stood up, and with a look at Nora, flipped the switch.
For a few tense moments, there was silence. Then the engine came to life, humming with power; and with an abrupt gurgle, so did the intake valve. Nora gave a startled sounding laugh as the purifier started chugging up water, and Nick looked over at her, bemused. She shook her head and waved a hand in apology as he came back onto the shore. “Sorry, it just surprised me, is all. It was silly.”
Nick grinned at her from under his hat, the tension between them evaporated, for the moment. “Surprised that it works? Or surprised that I was able to fix it?”
Nora huffed out a breath, hugging her coat closer. “You know what I mean.” She cocked her head to one side, and invitation. “Walk up the hill with me?”
Nick nodded, shoving the small roll of tools into the interior pocket of his jacket. “Sure, doll.”
Nora began walking up the hill, and Nick followed, boots crunching on the ice and snow. They reached the remains of the stone cobbled path that followed the river’s edge, the hum of the newly repaired purifier receding into the background. Nora turned to look at him, opening her mouth to speak, when she stopped herself, eyes catching on something in the distance. Nick turned to follow her gaze in a sudden movement, wary of danger; then he realised what had captured her attention.
The skyline was stunning from here, a snowy picture illuminated in the gold and amber tones of the setting sun. Deep blue and purple shadows were just now beginning to make an appearance, filling out the scene. Nick continued up the slope, taking the last few steps to stand next to her. He felt a warmth kindle in his chest, watching her take in the beautiful landscape. Her eyes were alight with wonder, an emotion that was too much of a rarity these days. It was a bewitching sight to behold.
Guessing that she wouldn’t be leaving of her own volition until the sun had fully set, Nick tapped her lightly on the shoulder, gaining her attention. She looked to be on the verge of apologising as she tore her gaze from the horizon, but Nick stopped her before she could get anything out, gesturing towards the wall that ran alongside the path.”Feel like sitting for a spell, doll?” He was hesitant, but Nick was altogether less inclined to spoil such a lovely sunset for her.
She eyed him for a moment, skeptically amused. “On the ledge? What are we, schoolchildren?”
Nick tucked his hands into his trouser pockets, rocking back onto his heels a tad. “Well, doll, if there’s one thing I’ve learned over these long years, its that you never stop learning.” He peered at her from under his fedora. “And also, that you’re never too old to do certain things.”
She grinned at him, and started towards the wall. “Something to the tune of 200 years might have to disagree with you on that one.” Nora climbed onto the stone and sat, swinging her legs over the edge. She patted the parapet next to her. “Come on, us bicentennials need to stick together.”
Nick was already joining her, copying her motions and swinging his legs up and over. Nora sighed expansively, leaning back on her hands and gazing out to the horizon. “The world’s changed so much,” she commented, a melancholy note slipping into her voice. “It’s hard to believe this is the same suburban haven I moved into with Nate more than a year ago.” She paused, then lifted her arm and pointed out in the direction of Concord. “See that rise of buildings over there? There used to be a Super-Duper Mart close by where I did all my grocery shopping. And a block away, in that direction,” she shifted her arm, like the needle of a compass, “was the Fallon’s where Nate and I went shopping for baby clothes.” Nora dropped her arm to her lap and leaned forward, her face taking on a sad cast. “It’s not just the places, though, or that the seasons and plants have changed, or even that there’s radiation everywhere. The world has just become so…” she trailed off, at a loss for words.
“Empty,” Nick finished for her. She glanced at him, and nodded sharply.
“Everything used to be so vibrant, you know? Not just the trees and houses; it was that there were people everywhere. Doing their chores, going to work, living their lives. Everyone had a place to be, and so did you.” She stopped for a moment, considering her words. “They still do; but everything’s less. All that people work for these days, no matter how hard they try, is impeded by a constant struggle to survive.” Nora’s voice got real quiet then. “It just makes me wonder how anyone could survive growing up in a world like this.”
Nick watched her fidget for a moment. “You’re thinking of Shaun, aren’t you?” She nodded, a soft motion. “You know, I wondered the same thing myself when I first woke up out here.” She glanced at him in mild surprise. “Thing is, people are more resilient than you seem to give them credit for. More than that, folks are adaptable. We always have been, the children especially.” He looked down at his lap, then back up at the horizon; anywhere but her. “Shaun will be fine. I know...I know that it feels like we’ve gotten nowhere searching, or that we’re at a standstill; I know you're scared for him, that we may never find him, or that he’ll be hurt or -” Nick bit his tongue before he said the wrong thing. “But we’ll find him, Nora.” He forced himself to meet her eyes. “We’ll find him if it's the last thing I do. I promise.”
There was a gleam in her eyes that caught the light of the sun, a trace of tears that didn't fall. She pulled in a shaky breath; nodded, holding his gaze. “Thank you, Nick.
He gave her a few moments; she more than deserved them. She dabbed at her eyes with the edge of her scarf, a sudden shiver shaking her shoulders. He considered lending her his coat for a brief moment before remembering how cold it was. The freezing temperatures didn't bother him as much as it did living people, but it was still terribly uncomfortable.
She still looked like she was going to say something, like the words were pulling on the tip of her tongue and she just couldn't spit them out. It was a bit odd; Nora wasn't usually the type to keep her opinions to herself between them. But then again, everything had been off since they got here. He felt like his life in Diamond City was very far away right now; as if Sanctuary was another world where time ran slower and words were difficult. It made him feel off-balance. Nick had always had his words to back him up, lay out a cover behind which he could retreat. Without that, he was vulnerable; Nick wasn't sure why the right words refused to come when he called in them, but he wished to God they’d start listening again.
Nick eyed Nora as another shudder ran down her spine, visible through her overcoat. She rolled her shoulders and hugged it closer, oblivious to everything but the crystalline view before her. It was spectacular, Nick had to admit. The sun had truly begun it’s descent now, illuminating the snowy landscape in a gentle wash of gold and orange. From here, they could see the line of buildings that marked Concord, and Lexington beyond that, a shadowed foreground for the watercolour horizon. The air itself seemed to hang, frozen into a perfect moment, ready to shatter at the slightest movement.
But frankly, the better view was at Nick’s side, shivering in the cold. Nora’s chestnut hair was tucked behind her ears, a few curls falling loose. The sun was caught in it, bringing the glowing undertones of honey and copper to life. Her skin was pale in contrast, lips almost bloodless, even the tiny smattering of freckles left over from the few months of Commonwealth sun she’d experienced fading into the background. Something about her eyes though; the way they were still fixated on the landscape in wonder, the way her lips parted the tiniest bit, the way he could hear her breath catch. Something about her in this moment made Nora the most beautiful damn sight Nick had ever seen in this broken down world.
He made a low noise in his throat to get her attention, and held out his arm in an invitation. “Come here, doll. No need to freeze to death admiring a view.”
She looked over at him in something akin to surprise, as if she hadn’t expected this kind of invitation from him. As if he was the kind of ungentlemanly cad who would let a lady shiver herself to pieces. But he gave her a small smile, a crook of the mouth, and she scooted over to press against his side. He wrapped his arm over her shoulders and felt another piece of his heart break, fracturing like glass under a hammer.
Nora exhaled sharply as her shivers began to subside. “You weren’t kidding about the winters these days. It’s like the cold mutated with everything else and came alive.” She pressed herself into him a bit more, relaxing. She seemed to speak almost to herself. “God. You’re just so warm.”
He let himself chuckle dryly. “Well, glad this old rustbucket could be of service.”
She stiffened when he spoke. At first he thought it was from the cold, but then she said, “Don’t. Please, Nick.” Her voice was quiet; low and almost sad, and for an instant she suddenly sounded all of her 200 years. He caught himself, and looked down at her, concerned. She didn’t look at him, though. Her gaze remained fixed on the horizon, unreadable from his position. Nick felt a tightening in his chest, and all the melancholy of earlier seeped back in. He wasn’t sure exactly what had made her sound like that, what was going through her mind; but he had done it. A woman like Nora deserved better than him, as a friend, as a partner, as...anything else. He could only bring her sadness, and she deserved so much more.
Nick looked back out to the horizon, rasped out a quiet apology. “Sorry, doll.”
Nora sighed, ran a hand over her face, and let it drop back to her lap. “No, I’m sorry. It’s just...can we just sit here for a bit? Admire the world around us and not worry about tomorrow for once?”
Nick nodded, the pang in his mechanical heart getting stronger. He pulled her closer, then, realising she couldn’t see his nod, and spoke. “Sure, Nora. Sure.” His throat was tight, his voice sounding sad, even to him, and he could have kicked himself for that. But she leaned into him anyway, tipped her head onto his shoulder and continued watching the sun lower itself from the sky. He joined her, pulling his gaze away and trying to enjoy the view. Something about it had dulled, though; the light wasn’t as golden, the snow wasn’t as pristine. The skyline was just a shadowy jumble of battered and collapsing buildings, worn down by the storms of the centuries. The scene had lost its splendour, all because he’d opened his foolish mouth and ruined the moment. Nick felt a surge of intense bitterness, surprising in it’s strength. This was the kind of sunset that wouldn’t be along for quite some time, and Nora should have had more than just one peaceful moment to enjoy it, a moment marred by his presence.
As if in response to his thoughts, the wind picked up the tiniest bit, gently lifting and twisting Nora’s stray curls. Nick glanced over east, where the wind was coming from, and spotted a long smear of dark grey on the horizon. The overcast in his heart was beginning to be mirrored in the sky, it seemed. There would be a storm tonight, if the clouds on the edge of the sky were any indication; and after that, a long, hard winter.