Chapter Text
Groupchat. (Rani can we please rename this???)(No.)
Mikhail: next elphnt bring sum cake dwn 4 ur shift
Thomas: how??? did you??? get another phone???
Thomas: i thought we took away the last one………
Mikhail: cummodus
Theo: ofc you took his again 😒
Theo: idk how he’s still here
Thea: no listen because i think he’s doing it on purpose
Thomas: ??? literally why would he do that…
Thea: ^o^ for funsies
Thea: you bring board games to play, Commodus gives Mikhail internet access
Thea: duh
Mikhail: dont 4get my cake when u cum down toemas
Thomas: why would anyone WILLINGLY give MIKHAIL internet access
Thomas: thats like- the worst thing you could do,,,,,,,,,, like hello?!??!
Thea: exactlyyyyyyyy, it's a terrible idea!!! but it keeps his neutrality ;p
Thea: hes too good at his guard job so he does this to compensate ^u^
Mikhail: i dont like how u both ignord me
Theo: i like to believe hes just a dumbass 😊
Thea: i mean thats probably true- buttt my theory is entertaining
Thea: what is life supposed to be if you're not making shit up about your colleagues >;D
Theo: maybe the real idiot all along was you bc who tf does that 😭
Thea: i wish you would have stayed dead
Thomas: HELLO???
Thea: why do you make my afterlife difficult </3
Thea: knew you while you were alive, and now i still know you after death
Mikhail: stil being ignord toemas u btter not 4get abot th cake
Theo: i hope emil and nikolous have to judge u next ♥️
Thea: awe thanks <333 luv you too bro
Theo: 😒
Thomas: no bc i forget not everyone is an only child……..
Theo: i wish i was an only child 🙂
Mikhail: 1ce alone always alone
Thomas: did you- just use 1ce…… for once?????
Mikhail: no
Thea: no he totally did LMAO >U<
Mikhail: toemas i rlly hope u bring that cake
Mikhail: …
Mikhail: He forgot the fucking cake.
Theo: HA
Thomas: i dont understand WHY you even need cake. you didnt even eat the last one I gave you…- 😭
Mikhail: all i askd 4 was cake………….
Mikhail: was that 2 much 2 ask 4…?
Thomas: talking to me over the stolen banana while being right in front of me… why are you like this
Mikhail: i dont wnna speak 2 u rn….
Theo: i wouldnt want to talk to you either if you forgot my cake 🙄
Thomas: why are you agreeing with him?!?!??!?!?! hello!??!?!?!?
Mikhail: toemas abuses me gys can we cancl him 🥺
Theo: yeah we can 🥹
Thomas: ?!?!??! WHAT DID I EVEN DO TO YOU?!?!??!?!
Thea: yeah idk if thats something we can forgive thomas…… you shouldve been sent to hell c(U-Uc)
Mikhail: thats funny
Mikhail: like thats reaallllllllyyyyy funny
Thomas: hes not even laughing btw
Thea: and here i thought i made a good joke :C
Theo: nothing you make is good
Thea: THE RANDOM HATE???
Mikhail: stil cant believ u 4got my cake
Mikhail: this is unforgivable
Mikhail: if only cummodus was here…
Commodus: HELLO EVERYONE!
Theo: oh god you summoned him
Theo: plug your ears everyone
Commodus: I MUST KNOW IF ANYONE HAS SEEN MY HAIRBRUSH
Commodus: IVE LOST IT.
Commodus: AND REALLY NEED IT.
Commodus: LIKE REALLY BADLY.
Commodus: PLEASE ITS REALLY BAD. MY HAIR IS A MESS.
Thomas: no because i dont understand why he types in all caps all the time
Thea: i like to believe its because hes so used to yelling all the time that his banana just knows to put it into caps >u<
Theo: what is with you and headcanoning things today holy fuck 😭
Mikhail: srry cummodus i wood help butt sum1 4got my cake nd now im depression…
Thomas: the concept of being depression
Commodus: YOUR ANSWER IS APPRECIATED MIKHAIL.
Mikhail: at least sum1 here appreciates me
Commodus: CORRECTION.
Commodus: I DO NOT APPRECIATE YOU. I APPRECIATE YOUR ANSWER. DO NOT CONFUSE THE TWO.
Commodus: THANKS. GOODBYE.
Theo: LMFAOOOOO
Mikhail: .
Thomas: DESERVED HAHA
Mikhail: u al hate me
Theo: youre just figuring this out??? 😭
Thea: mikhail whats ur favourite social media app
Mikhail: im not saying
Thomas: oh my god hes in the corner of his cell right now pouting- i canNOT make this up LMFAOOOO!!!!
Mikhail: no bc u al wil judge me… nd u wil make evn more fun ov me…
Thea: this is a safe space don’t worry, theos main platform is twitter but we dont make fun of him for that C:>
Theo: yes you do???
Thea: youre my brother its a bit different
Thomas: i used to use instagram reels a lot. before i died i was slowly starting to use reddit a little more-
Thea: see thomas is a soon to be incel redditor but we aren't making fun of him! >O<
Thomas: incel>>!>>!?!!?
Thomas: i literally had a girlfriend-
Theo: “had” 💀
Thea: ANYWAY- just tell us!!! consider this a bonding moment :3
Mikhail: fine.
Mikhail: i use…
Mikhail: youtube shorts…
Thomas: .
Thea: oh…!
Theo: youtube shorts 🥀
Mikhail: u said u woodnt judge…
Thea: i was expecting like twitter or something, not youtube shorts
Theo: ARE YOU LIKE FIVE LMFAOOO
Theo: YOUTUBE SHORTS BAHAHAHAHA
Thea: out of everything you choose youtube shorts ToT
Thea: that’s worse than reddit ToT
Thomas: youtube shorts is wild LMFAO 😭
Mikhail: U AL DESERVE 2 DIe.
Thomas: HE BECAME A PUDDLE BJSJSSJJSJSJS
Thomas: *attached is an image of Mikhail, on the ground, in the form of a puddle. He is a literal puddle of water. There aren't many objects surrounding him, but there seems to be a plate, a banana, and a hairbrush nearby.*
Theo: SULKING BY BECOMING A PUDDLE
Theo: AHHAHAAHAHA
Thea: wait is that commoduss hairbrush in the corner? O.O
Theo: oh my god yeah it totally is 💀
Thomas: … no one tell commodus…
Thomas: i didnt want him coming down here because his voice echos off the walls so bad it hurts
Theo: 💀
Theo: and you were right for that
Thomas: thanks…- you get me fr fr
Theo: eugh it’s gotten a lot more dirty since i was first down there tho
Thea: oh yeahhhhh jeez it totally has, and i’ve been down there more recently-
Thea: do neither of the elephants clean???
Thomas: i wasnt aware that was something we were supposed to do…
Theo: its not but you should because WHy would you want to stay in a dirty cell for hours at a time
Mikhail: o ya cant imagn that.
Thea: oh look hes back
Thomas: unfortunately so
Mikhail: toemas ur going 2 hell
Theo: first the cake and now the photo? are we sure hes perfectly neutralllll LMAO
Thea: maybe he isn't a tomato… maybe he's just a vegetable like most people <:(
Mikhail: yeh mayb u guys shood jst send him 2 hel
Mikhail: wood solve a lotttttt of problms
Thomas: i dont find this funny.
Theo: womp womp 🤣
Thea: oh no hes turning into a facebook mom ToT
Theo: stfu
Commodus: THOMAS.
Thomas: hahahahah….. yeah…?
Commodus: IM COMING DOWN TO THE CELL
Commodus: I REMEMBER LEAVING IT THERE
Commodus: ILL BE THERE SOON
Thomas: id rather go to hell then have to deal with this
Mikhail: that cood b arranged
Thomas: .
Thea: can we circle back to the dirty cell
Thomas: no lets not
Thomas: because i know ill have to be the one to clean it- and i dont want to…
Thomas: who knows what lurks on the ground-
Mikhail: dirt probly
Theo: if you guys just kept it cleaned in the first place thooooooooooooo
Thomas: it was like this when i got here…!
Thomas: oh god.
Thomas: i can hear him approaching….
Thea: commodus?
Thomas: YES. I SWEAR HE HAS A THEME SONG THAT FOLLOWS HIM EVERYWHERE
Thea: HAHSJSJSJJS
Thea: i wish i had a theme song that followed me everywhere :(
Theo: you do, its called entry of the gladiators 😊
Thea: wow that was surprisingly nice of you…
Mikhail: HA thts soooooooo mean HAHAHA
Thomas: thea do you know the classic clown music…
Thomas: because thats what that song is-
Thea: youre dead to me theo
Theo: oh noooo 😐 how tragiccccc 😐 im so sadddddd 😐
Thomas: guys hes here.
Theo: yeah i hope you suffer 🫶
Rani: You are all extremely annoying.
Thea: OMG HEY RANI!!! o/
Rani: Hello, Thea.
Theo: omfg.
Rani: Hello to you too, Theo.
Thea: hey so rani what are you doing laterrrrrr
Thea: got any planssss or somethinggggg hahahahah
Rani: Hm, I don’t have much more to do for today, I could take a small break.
Thea: PERFECT.
Thea: I’LL BE RIGHT THERE!
Rani: See you soon then.
Theo: sometimes you just gotta stare at the imaginary camera with a deadpan expression because what the fuck was that bullshit
Mikhail: do u think theyr aware tht wer aware
Theo: absolutely not 🥀
Theo: no one here is aware of anything that happens on this ship
Theo: like i think its pretty obvious
Mikhail: if i wasnt lockd up i cood tel who wanted who
Theo: 🤨
Theo: sure you could….
Mikhail: yah i cood
Mikhail: thxs 4 the belief
Theo: wait
Theo: where did thomas disappear to
Theo: i dont wanna be suck here alone with you
Mikhail: toemas is talkng with cummodus
Mikhail: except its a 1 sided cnvo
Mikhail: gues we no which elphnt is th alpha
Theo: oh im sure you would care about that.
Mikhail: what.
Mikhail: tea-o
Mikhail: cum back
Mikhail: what did u mean
Mikhail: dont just leav??????
Thea: looping back to what thomas said about commodus having a theme song hes absolutely right because i JUST passed him and tell me why he does actually have a theme song following him
Thea: i SWEAR he didn’t always have a musical aura
Thomas: literally what i was saying
Thomas: why can i feel his presence in my ears before he even appears
Thea: big fan of how this only just started happening
Thea: do you think he carries around a speaker hidden on him or do you think he just naturally does that ?:3
Thomas: ehh
Thomas: logically it should be the first-
Thomas: BUT i wouldnt be surprised if it was the second…
Thomas: HOWEVER it would be really funny IF he just carries a speaker around
Thomas: but consider… BOTH of them!
Thea: both? what do you mean by that? 0.0
Thomas: he naturally has a musical aura but he uses a speaker to project it
Thomas: he bluetooths his aura to a speaker LMFAO 😭
Thea: LMAO COULD YOU IMAGINE
Thomas: he would play sound effects from it i just know it
Thea: HE WOULLLDDDD
Thomas: actually im pretty sure he does use sound effects
Thomas: during my conversation with him i heard his music and different effects for when something funny happened!?
Thomas: it was like- having a live laughing track but it wasnt laughing-
Thea: oh commodus never change…. never change… UvU
Mikhail: do u evr think abot how 3 diff ppl here all have th startng their nams
Thea: theo and i are the originals thomas is a cheap copy
Thomas: rude???
Thea: ok but mikhail why do you type like that T-T
Mikhail: wat do u meam
Mikhail: i typ perfectly normaly
Thomas: no the hell you dont what 😭
Thea: like why do you type as if you’re running out of time. are you like- illiterate?
Thomas: caught that reference
Thea: you get me
Mikhail: Oh, do not mistake the way I type as a mark of my intelligence. I am perfectly capable of typing “normally”, I just choose not to as it is a waste of time.
Mikhail: Why would I, an archangel with an execution nearing closer with every cycle, waste my time on complete sentences when you can understand me perfectly fine with shorter ones?
Mikhail: A great writer is able to convey thoughts in a few words after all.
Mikhail: tldr; i like typng like ths cuz its fastr
Theo: yknow what hell yeah i support
Mikhail: thxs
Mikhail: you neber told me what u meant by tht earlier btw
Theo: and youll never know until later
Theo: bye
Mikhail: .
Thomas: mikhail thought he cooked but all i got out of there was that he was lazy~
Thea: HAHAH YEAH-
Rani: Thea, are you almost ready?
Thea: HAHA YEAH UH JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES AHAHA-! >///<
Rani: Perfect, see you soon.
Mikhail: theres a word 2 describ these 2
Thea: K GUYS IM GONNA FINISH GETTING READY HAVE FUN YOU TWO HAHA
Thomas: bye thea!
Mikhail: by tea-a
Mikhail: dont get judgd
Thomas: and then there was two….
Mikhail: ofc i get stuc with the guy im right nex 2
Mikhail: entrtanmnt is dead
Thomas: i have uno-
Mikhail: UR ONLY JUST NOW TELNG ME?!?!?!?!?!?
Mikhail: UR SO FAKE
Thomas: youre literally next to me just talk to me like normal
Mikhail: fine ok butt u bettr start shufflng tht dec.
Thomas: yeah alright…….