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It’s late afternoon on a hot summer day and Mike is pacing around his room lap after lap of stress. He had recently made a discovery about himself that was eating him alive from the inside out.
Mike Wheeler is a queer.
It all happened last Saturday when the party decided to have a lake day.
The whole crew rode together with Lucas, he was the only one with a car. Lucas was driving with Max in the passenger seat, Will, Mike, Dustin, and El all crammed into the backseat. It was a very tight fit considering the fact that the car was only meant to fit three people in the back but they were determined to find a way to make it work.
“We have to be getting close, right?” Mike asked, trying to grab the map from Max but he could barely move his arms.
“How about you be patient and stop whining, but, yes, we're almost there.” Max groaned, this must have been at least the fiftieth time Mike had asked.
“That’s easy for you to say, I can’t even look to the side without almost headbutting someone!” Mike argued.
He was stuck right in between Will and Dustin, their legs practically plastered together.
Will had asked for a window seat and El gets motion sickness so she has to have a window to look out leaving Mike and Dustin to sit in the middle. Within the past few months El and Dustin had been getting quite close so Dustin took the spot next to El leaving Mike next to Will.
Mike definitely didn’t mind though. He and El had been broken up for roughly two months, and while they were still good friends Mike really didn’t want to be sandwiched next to her for forty five minutes straight.
Then there’s Will. Mike and him have known each other since kindergarten and were already close as friends so what's the harm of being close physically as well.
“Well luckily for all of us we’re basically there.” Lucas interjected as they finally made it to a dirt road that led them to the lake.
As soon as Lucas parked all of the doors of the car swung open as they all filed out.
“It's so beautiful.” Will beamed looking out at the gorgeous waters.
The lake was rather small but still spanned out about a thousand feet. It was surrounded by trees creating pockets of shade along the shore, the shore itself was made of a rocky terrain, and there was a dock not too far from where the road ended.
The party set up their blanket chairs on the shore near the dock.
Dustin was the first one in the water running off the dock cannon balling straight in. Max quickly followed suit dragging El and Lucas along with her.
“Will, are you coming?” El called out waving her hand inviting him over.
“Yeah, just give me a second!” Will answered, taking off his shirt and throwing it aside on a random chair.
Mike glanced up as Will began running to go join their friends in the water, he looked good, like, really good, had he always had such nice arms or was that new? Regardless Mike watched as Will jumped off the dock splashing water everywhere.
“Mike, come on!” Max yelled, but Mike wasn’t paying any attention. His gaze was fixed on Will.
He look incredible for so many reasons, his hair stuck to his forehead dripping water down to the tip of his nose, the way his face was almost sparkling as the sun hit the droplets sprinkled across his skin
Before Mike could even register what was happening El and Max had snuck up behind him and dragged him into that lake laughing as they did so.
After an hour ish past Dustin called for a snack break.
They got out of the lake and made their way over to the blanket while Lucas went to go grab the food from the car.
As they all sat around eating random chips Lucas had thrown into the car before the trip but Mike was completely zoned out staring out at the lake drowning out the sounds of his friends chattering.
His mind drifted back to the moments before Will had jumped into the lake.
He had always thought Will was good looking on some level… but like on an objective level. Like he had nice eyes, good hair, a cute nose, and soft lips. Anyone who looks at him could see it but earlier that was different.
It was as if his heart had stopped and his lungs collapsed. Will wasn’t just pretty, he was… Hot.
No that can’t be it, can someone be hot in a like a supper one hundred percent totally platonic way? Like I would kiss you but have it mean nothing…
No, Mike would kiss him and have it mean everything.
Shit.
What the hell does that even mean Mike doesn’t even like guys! Well maybe Harrison Ford, but celebrities don’t count, well there was Mathew Cole from 8th grade biology. Mike was kind of obsessed with him but that just because he was cool or whatever.
Shit… is he gay?
No he dated El for years that has to count for something! Maybe they didn’t quite click but so what? Some people just don’t work together.
Mike thought back to when they would sneak around hopper in the cabin to kiss, although Mike never really liked kissing. The mechanics of it made sense but it didn’t feel like anything, just pushing mouths together for the sake of romance.
Once again his mind wanders back to Will. The thought of kissing him, pulling him close, holding him by the waist, it all seemed a whole lot better than just pushing mouths together…
Come to think of it, he's never really ever thought about any girl like this, not even El.
Ok… maybe he is actually gay, fuck.
“Mike!” He heard Max yelling, snapping him back to reality. “You seriously need to work on your staring problem, jeez.”
Unbeknownst to Mike while he was off in his own mind his eyes had drifted off to Will, of fucking course. His face immediately reddened he hoped he could just pass it off as sun exposure.
“You’ve been staring at Will literally all day.” Max pointed out.
The air went still around them, Mike wished he was a turtle so he could hide in his shell, Max staring him down almost daring him to say something, Lucas glancing between Mike and Max like he was waiting for a bomb to go off, Dustin and El sat there waiting for someone, anyone to make the next move, and Will he almost seemed to be blushing but that doesn’t make sense unless, shit, Mike is making him super uncomfortable.
“No I haven’t.” Was all Mike could manage to get out without spontaneously combusting. All six of them sat there in awkward silence.
“I’m getting back in the water.” Max said abruptly standing up. Just as before, the rest of the party followed close behind her except for Mike and Will.
Will watched Mike intently waiting for him to do something.
After what felt like an eternity Will finally stood up holding his hand out to Mike “Do you wanna join the others?”
“Oh, um, no I think I’m just gonna stay here for now.” Mike mumbled, after hearing Mike's answer Will began to sit back down “You can though, if you want.” Mike rushed out, he didn’t want Will to miss out just because he was having a slight crisis. But the look in Will's eyes as he walked away almost seemed like he was hurt?
Had Mike said something wrong he didn’t mean to. He just wanted Will to have fun and not be stuck with him instead of actually enjoying the lake. Did he want to stay on the shore or something?
The rest of the day passed as Mike sat on the shore watching the water move, occasionally sneaking glances up at his friends, or should he say friend.
Eventually they all packed up and crammed themselves back into Lucas's car.
It had been maybe twenty minutes and Mike might actually be in hell now.
Not only is everyone tired so no one is talking but Will Byers, the boy who Mike just today realized he Likes is passed out on his god forsaken shoulder! Will's entire side is practically glued to Mike.
Mike looked past the boy on his shoulder and tried to ignore the feeling of being sealed together with his best friend by looking out the window watching as they drove past countless trees that eventually transitioned into shops and businesses which was followed by random neighborhoods.
Will and El were the first to be dropped off, their house being the closest to the lake.
“Will,” Mike whispered softly into Will's ear, “Wake up, you’re home now.”
“Huh?” Will sighed as he awoke from his nap, blinking hard trying to figure out where he was.
“We’re at your house.” Mike said as he opened the door for Will.
“Oh okay, bye guys.” With that the two youngest Byers made their way inside their home.
Mike assumed the car ride would resume its previous silence. Unfortunately he was mistaken. Dustin looked at Mike then back to make sure the Byers home was out of sight before asking.
“Dude, what was that?”
“What was what?” Mike asked completely clueless as to what Dustin was referring to.
“That.” Dustin said, gesturing his hand back and forth between Mike and where Will would have been.
“What?” Mike asked once again, quickly getting annoyed.
“You and Will.” Max answers from the front seat.
“What do you mean? Nothing happened.” Mike argued back.
“Will, wake up, you’re home.” Dustin mocked in a high pitched and breathy voice clasping his hands together and aggressively batting his eyes. “You looked like it was your personal duty to escort him home.” He continued gaining an approving chuckle from Max and Lucas.
“I don’t sound like that and no I didn’t!” Mike yelled, going red in the face “you guys couldn’t even see me from there why the hell are you laughing!”
“We could hear it in your voice.” Lucas said through a laugh.
“Whatever.” Mike gave up on fighting them and just slumped down into his seat until he was home again.
After both Dustin and Max were dropped off at their respective homes Lucas pulled into his driveway leaving Mike to walk home. It was next door.
Once Mike walked through the door he was greeted with the low mumbles of the TV his father was glued to. Everyone was already asleep so Mike as silently as possible climbed up the stairs and slid into his room closing the door behind him.
As he pulled on his pajamas he was left to recount the day in his head and face the ugly truth.
He is a freak, and he can’t tell a single soul.
He doesn’t want to imagine what would happen if he told anyone but he does anyway, he can’t help it. His head is immediately flooded with thoughts of being disowned and abandoned by his friends and family, then never speaking to him ever again. The entire town of Hawkins, Indiana finding out, making him the target of insane bullying and harassment. He’ll have to flee to the next town over, start a new life alone, until he finds a new family that doesn’t know what he is.
Even if he did manage to run away he can’t outrun the truth, he is a walking sin. God himself hates Mike's existence; he can't escape that, he’s damned himself to eternal damnation, to hell, all because he had to go and have a crush on Will Byers.
Mind still racing he forced his eyes shut and went to sleep.
Now a week later it is all Mike can think about and it’s crushing him. Pacing around his room each step causes the floor boards to creak.
He needs to tell someone but who the hell is there? His parents are out of the question, Nancy probably wouldn’t hate him but he can’t risk it and Holly is too little.
Lucas and Dustin are both maybes, they have never said anything bad about gay people and always stood up for Will when assholes called him slurs. So maybe they would be okay with him but at the same time Mike doesn’t want to cause any awkwardness between the party. Max is also out of the question regardless of whatever her opinions are. Mike will not be mushy with her.
Will is also an immediate no, obviously.
It would be weird to bring it up to El. Well maybe she should know why Mike doesn’t like her like that but does she even know what being gay is? Maybe in the past Mike would have gone to Jonathan but for whatever reason Jonathan didn’t seem to like Mike as much anymore.
Who does that leave well there’s Steve and Robbin but he doesn’t know either of them well enough.
Um… who else…Joyce?
Actually that might work. Joyce is the type of person who knows exactly what to say to comfort someone and right now Mike desperately needs comfort. On top of that she always defended Will when anyone said anything about him being different and made sure he was cared for so maybe she would be okay and at least tolerate him and she has always been like a second mother to him.
Mike wouldn’t tell her the whole truth about Will but he could at least get the gay part off his chest.
As he pieced together what he would say Mike raced down the stairs yelling some excuse about Lucas inviting him over to watch some new movie and running out the front door.
Mike grabbed his bike from the garage and peddled as fast as possible.
The sun was beating down on him, rays warming his skin, beads of sweat forming as he flew down the streets on route to the Byers, a route he knew by heart. After the upside down was destroyed they managed to move back to their old home, despite the pain in that house there was still joy beckoning them to stay.
Pulling into the driveway he was a mess. The fear was suffocating; he could barely catch his breath, throwing his bike to the ground and approaching the door.
Hand trembling he reached up and knocked on the door.
He stood there waiting but before the door even had the chance to open Mike was backing away slowly as if it were a wild animal. Just before Mike took a step off the porch the door opened.
“Oh hi Mike, I wasn’t expecting to see you today.” Joyce said sweetly “Sorry Will isn’t home right now. He should be back in around thirty minutes.”
“I- umm I actually want to talk to you.” Mike stuttered. Shit okay he can’t back out now.
“Alright, come inside.” She said, guiding Mike to the living room couch “What’s going on?” Joyce asked in a gentle tone.
Mike sat down next to her staring at the ground, his foot uncontrollably tapping against the floor as he tried to speak. He opened his mouth yet no words came out his mind was completely empty, just a blank void of crushing darkness.
Joyce reached out and grabbed his shoulder reassuringly, nodding slightly wordlessly encouraging him.
“I, umm, a few days ago I figured something out and I don’t know what to do.” Mike began his voice shaking as he spoke “It’s been stuck in my mind and I can’t tell most people… you were the only person I thought might be ok with it.”
“My parents would probably freak out and, I don’t know, you’re like a second mom and I kinda need that a bit right now.” As he rambled his eyes began to sting from holding back tears.
He looked up at Joyce for the first time since he sat down and saw the way her eyes were looking at him, she seemed very concerned.
“I’ve been really in my head about it and I just have to tell someone.”
“Mike, what's going on?” Joyce asked, trying to keep her tone steady.
“I-“ Mike started, the words breaking in his throat. “I-“ he tried again but no sound came out, the tears in his eyes finally broke free streaming down his face. “I’ve never said it before.” Mike whispered, wiping his tear stricken face with the back of his hand. “I can’t do it.”
“It's gonna be ok,” Joyce began moving closer to Mike, grabbing his hands. “You can tell me anything, alright? I won’t be mad or ‘freak out’.”
“Ok.” Mike sighed, gathering his words.
“I’m a freak…” Mike muttered fresh tears already flowing across his cheeks.
“What?” Joyce asked, watching Mike trying to figure out what he was saying.”What do you mean a freak?”
“Like I shouldn’t exist, like God hates me and made a mistake making me. I’m dirty and disgusting and nobody should ever love me because if they did that would be a sin in itself.” Mike whaled, bringing his knees up to his chest curling into himself.
“Mike, you're not a mistake.” Joyce tried to comfort him but mine pushed her hands away.
“Yes I am! I shouldn’t be this way!” Mike yelled not at Joyce but at himself, at the world.
“What way?”
“A queer.” After finally saying it aloud Mike broke sobbing into his knees his whole body shaking with each sob his breaths fast and wild.
“Oh honey,” Joyce said as she brought him into the tightest hug she could. He melted into her embrace, hugging her back trying to catch his breath.
“You are not a mistake, do you hear me? You are an incredible young man and nothing can change that.” Joyce said firmly, holding onto his shoulders. “There is nothing wrong with you or anyone who’s gay.”
“But-“
“No buts, I don’t care what you were told growing up, there is nothing wrong with love.” Mike looked up at her his face still glistening, eyes still red, “Really?” He asked quietly.
“Yes, really.”
“But the news, my parents, the church, the laws, everything says it is. If everyone’s against it, how can it be right?”
“How can it be wrong to love someone?” Joyce retorted. Mike searched for an answer trying to prove her wrong but he couldn’t. How could love be wrong? Why is caring for another person such an issue just because they’re both men or women?
“I don’t know…” Mike trailed off “I guess it’s not.” The realization feels like it’s lifted fifty pounds from him, like for the first time in days he can hold his head up without the shame burying him.
“It’s not.” Joyce confirmed, Mike couldn’t help but smile, maybe he wasn’t a freak… maybe he could experience love too.
At that Mike leaned in embracing Joyce once again.
“Thank you,” Mike said quietly into her shoulder “and I meant what I said earlier, you really are like my second mom.”
Joyce held him even tighter using her sleeve to dab away her tears “Thank you Mike, you know you're always welcome here. No matter what.”
“Yeah I know.”