Chapter Text
Hanbin felt at odds with himself. This wasn't where he should be, sitting inside his car, hands gripping tightly on the steering wheel, an anchor, keeping him grounded.
Yet however many times he told himself that he shouldn’t be here, made excuses to justify his conflicting feelings about this situation, he was here.
Inside his car.
Possibly losing his mind.
He took a deep breath, telling himself that it'll be a waste of time to leave. He could've made a decision the past few days to pull out his involvement but Hanbin knew he wouldn't be able to. He was the type of person who always finished what he started and he had already started this the moment he said yes.
Besides, Hanbin didn't want to give him the benefit of quitting. He wanted to see him, no matter how many times he told himself he didn't care anymore. He wanted to ask for explanations. He wanted to know what happened then, what went wrong, what he lacked. It had been more than five years and he still wanted answers.
If this was the only place he could get it then fine, he'd face it. Even if it was a dating program.
Hanbin laughed.
For anyone who knew him, they knew that he wasn't the type of person to care about these kinds of things. He never found any comfort or entertainment in watching dating shows. He always believed that love — at least the love that he longed for — needed time to grow to be the best it could be. He didn't believe in love at first sight — it honestly just seemed impossible — and he especially didn't think that love could grow in the twenty-five days of this dating program.
But all his beliefs seemed to go out of the window the moment he saw his name in his email. After five years of not thinking about him, that one single moment suddenly gave him all the flashbacks he had been burying. He remembered the good times; he remembered the worst times. He remembered him, and the fact that there was a possibility of seeing him again made Hanbin immediately say yes, not caring for the consequences.
Now he was here.
Still inside his car.
Hanbin took another deep breath, counting loudly from ten, hoping that would be enough to calm him down. He did that a lot at work, so he hoped it would work for him, not only with his clients.
After he finished counting, he grabbed his backpack and his suitcase and finally got out of his car, not feeling any less nervous than when the day started.
The house was inconspicuous at first. If Hanbin hadn't been paying attention he would've missed it.
The only way towards the house was through a small black gate that would only allow one person at a time to enter. Behind the gate were stairs going upward, and Hanbin sighed as he picked up his suitcase, carrying it up the stairs. The stairs themselves weren't that long, but it was definitely a hard climb, especially when you're carrying a lot of bags. Hanbin wasn't looking forward to grocery shopping.
What welcomed him above the stairs was a small garden, a stone walkway in the middle, guiding him towards the front door. When he entered the house, it was quiet. There were no shoes in the foyer, confirming Hanbin's suspicions that he was the first to arrive.
He grimaced. He was always known to be punctual.
He removed his shoes, grabbed some slippers from inside the drawer and left his suitcase and bag just beyond the foyer, making sure it wasn't on the way, before deciding to look around the house.
By the foyer was a small hall, leading to a set of stairs, one going up and the other going down. From the right of the hall was what seemed to be a dining area. There was a door on the other side of the room and when Hanbin checked, it was a bathroom. On the left side of the hall, meanwhile, passed an open archway was what looked to be the kitchen.
He opened the fridge, noting that there wasn't anything inside apart from bottles of water. There were spices on the kitchen counter — salt, sugar, and pepper — but nothing else. They should probably list everything they would need and it looks like they needed a lot.
After looking around the first floor, he decided to go up first.
There was a small landing that had a carpet, and three bean bags scattered around it. The landing led outside to a big terrace. There were two sets of hanging benches that could sit around four people — Hanbin tried sitting down and counted how many of him would fit.
At the end of the terrace, there was a door that opened to a small room. There was nothing inside apart from two more bean bags and a small table in the middle. Hanbin wondered what this room was for, but he guessed it was for anyone who might want some privacy.
He walked back inside the house and started looking around. On the left of the landing was a room. There were two beds inside, and a bathroom inside. On the right of the landing, just across the stairs, was another room — two more beds, and another bathroom.
There was nothing else to see on that floor, so he decided to go down to what he thought would be the basement.
The basement was bigger. On the right of the stairs were two more bedrooms — both with two beds and each with a bathroom inside — tucked away in a sort of corner, doors facing each other. There was another room, similar to the room on the terrace. Small enough to fit at most four people, with a hanging chair, a bench, and a small table. Outside, just beside this table, was another bathroom.
What occupied most of the basement, situated at the center of the floor, was the living room.
There were two big couches, perpendicular to each other, and across one couch were two armchairs, with a table in the middle of them. There were a couple of shelves around the room, mostly filled with books and board games. Beside the shelves were a keyboard, a rack with two guitars, and even a violin. Hanbin remembered being asked what kind of hobbies they had and what objects they wanted to see at the house. He guessed these would be the things the other people suggested. It made him wonder if one of them was a musician.
Outside of the basement was a big backyard.
There was a big table that could double as their dining area with twelve chairs. Hanbin wondered if that meant something especially since they only had eight beds, or the producers thought it would be more economical having excess chairs. Still, Hanbin didn't question it much. Whatever surprises the producers had was something he'd rather not guess.
Instead, he noted the grill on the table, thinking about everything he could cook. (He wasn’t particularly great at cooking but there are some things he could do).
Hanbin walked towards what looked like a shed. He wondered if this was another private room only to find sports equipment inside. Everything that they could possibly do was provided for them. They could stay in the house and they wouldn't be bored. Hanbin wondered how long those things will be used until they get ignored, having other pressing matters be of importance to them. Besides, they only had twenty-five days and Hanbin was sure those days would be spent feeling emotions, rather than playing games. Still, Hanbin was grateful there were things like these to do. At least, he'd have something to distract himself with.
Finding nothing else to see outside, Hanbin walked back inside the house, and took a seat at one of the armchairs. It was then that he realized there was a note at the table.
It was the rules of the house, and it read:
- Revealing your age or occupation is strictly prohibited. The producers will inform you when you are allowed to share this information.
- Talking or giving hints about your past relationships is not allowed. This will be revealed at the proper moment.
- It is highly encouraged to go back to the house every evening. In case you will not be able to get back please inform the producers.
- All things inside the house are allowed to be used for entertainment purposes, but please return it to its proper place once you are done with them. We encourage keeping the house clean and orderly.
Failure to follow these rules will result in appropriate punishment.
Hanbin put the note down, sighing. They seemed simple enough, but a house running on emotions was likely to be messy, and he wasn't sure it would be easy for them to follow these the longer they stay here. Still, he hoped that whatever drama would ensue from putting exes together would be enough.
He sat and waited, taking the note from the table again, reading it until he had memorized every bit of it.
Won cursed. First, he cursed his inability to follow directions well, and second, he cursed his pride. He should've taken a cab, especially since he was going to a part of the city he had never been to before.
But he told himself that cabs were expensive, and that public transportation was cheaper and accessible. If he had known he'd be missing his stop, he would've convinced himself harder because now he was lugging his heavy suitcase beside him, walking up a slope.
He should've taken a cab, he thought to himself again. Scolding himself seemed like the only thing he could do to distract him from his body now feeling fatigued. He looked at his phone map again, checking if he was close, and fortunately, it seemed like he just needed to turn a corner and he'd be face to face with a black gate.
Won couldn't wait to sit down. He really needed to rest.
As he walked up the slope, he looked at every gate, making sure he wasn't going to miss this one anymore. Fortunately for him, there was only one black gate in the vicinity. Won took a photo and sent it to the producers, asking them if he was in the right place. Thankfully, they responded that he was and suddenly he was feeling hopeful that it was all finally going his way. Only, when he opened the black gate, he groaned again, grimacing at the sight in front of him.
"Stairs?" he exclaimed. "The universe is really out to get me," he huffed out, grabbing his luggage with both his hands and started to walk up.
When he was at the top of the stairs, he felt his legs melting beneath him. He wanted to lie down, and probably sleep for the rest of the day, but he was expected to be at his best today, especially because this was a dating program, and he couldn't have his first impression of him be someone sleeping on the first day of "work."
Catching his breath, he dragged his luggage to the house.
There was only one pair of shoes in the foyer which meant there was only one person in the shoes at the moment. Won hoped he hadn't been waiting too long and won’t indulge Won in too much conversation. He really wanted to rest.
He left his luggage beside the other luggage in the room, and started looking around the first floor. There wasn't anyone there, so he immediately decided to look for them on the top floor.
Unfortunately, they weren't there either. Won's luck really was taking a blow today. Hopefully, that wasn't going to be an indication of the rest of the program. He actually wanted to do well in this program, whatever that "well" entailed.
Just don't break down today, he whispered to himself, as he made his way downstairs.
The other man was sitting on an armchair when Won got down. He was reading something, thus not noticing Won's approach. When he did, he immediately stood up, and smiled at him awkwardly. Won smiled back, hoping the nerves that he was feeling weren't evident.
"Hello," the man muttered, still standing, as if waiting for Won to find his seat.
Won decided to sit at one of the couches perpendicular to the armchair the man was sitting on, thinking that was the best place for this not to be awkward. It was close enough that it didn't look like he was staying away, but far enough that it didn't seem as if he was trying to encroach on the man's personal space.
Won sat down.
The man followed, before offering his hand. "I'm Sung Hanbin," he introduced.
Won shook his hand, saying, "Seo Won."
"Your last name is Seo?" Hanbin asked.
Won nodded his head.
Then, they lapsed into silence. Won knew this would happen — first meetings were often awkward. Won had prepared conversation pieces before he got here, but the softness of the couch was dragging him down, and he started feeling his eyes flutter close. It took a single movement from his companion for him to jolt awake, blinking multiple times to keep himself from falling asleep again.
Hanbin was busy putting a note back on the table, before looking up, eyes widening in shock, as if he was guilty for being caught doing something.
"I was trying to be quiet," Hanbin whispered, finally putting the note on the table, and bowing his head in remorse.
Won sighed. "No," he started. "I'm sorry," he whispered, feeling his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. "I'm not supposed to be falling asleep—"
"It's fine," Hanbin interrupted. "You must be tired."
Won grimaced. "I missed my stop earlier and had to walk here," Won admitted sheepishly. So much for giving a good impression, he thought. It was fortunate for him though that Hanbin was still the only one here. He didn't want to explain himself to more people, though he was sure the circumstances would be different if there were more people who were talking to each other.
Hanbin looked as if he genuinely didn't mind that Won had fallen asleep, albeit just for a few minutes.
"Have you drank water yet?" Hanbin asked. "I can get you a bottle from the fridge."
Won shook his head, standing up. "I'll do it," he muttered, still feeling embarrassed and not wanting Hanbin to serve him. They didn't know each other enough to do that. Instead, he excused himself, saying he probably need to walk anyway.
Hanbin just nodded.
Before Won walked up the stairs, he noticed Hanbin reaching for the note on the table again.
Jeonghyeon had a resolve the moment he accepted the invitation to join the program. He promised himself that he wasn't going to break in this program. He'd show a confident front. No one in the house would ever think he was weak. No one would think that his heart was breaking, or that just a thought of his ex was enough to plunge him into misery. Jeonghyeon would convince everyone that he was strong, that he came here to find love again. That he could find love again.
As he walked towards the house — a bag slung over his shoulder, taking two steps at a time — he practiced what he had to say. He hoped that there was someone in the house already. Though there was novelty of being the first one, he wasn't sure how well things would bode if he was left with his thoughts.
He counted the number of shoes and luggages on the foyer when he entered.
Two people are here already, he noted.
His facade started to crumble once he saw the house. He was in awe of how big it was, and there's a tugging at the back of his head about a certain memory which he quickly shook away. This was not the time to reminisce.
He was just preparing to walk up the stairs when he heard someone cough behind him. He turned to his left, seeing someone standing on an open archway, with an empty bottle of water in his hand.
Jeonghyeon smirked. "Hello," he greeted. The other man hiccuped, and Jeonghyeon watched him as his cheeks started to redden. He sighed, crushing the bottle in his hands, before offering his hand. "Hello," he greeted. "I'm Won."
"Jeonghyeon," he introduced. "Are you the only one here?" he asked, though he knew there was someone else. Only, where he was, was a question Jeonghyeon didn't have an answer to yet.
Won cocked his head to the side, gesturing to the stairs. "He's downstairs," Won muttered. "I went up to get a bottle of water."
"I can see that," Jeonghyeon said.
Won scrunched his nose, though Jeonghyeon wasn't sure what that meant. Still, he felt uncomfortable, as if he was being judged. He didn't say anything though, repeating the mantra he had devised.
He was strong. He wasn't weak. He could do this.
Instead, he gestured to the stairs.
"Lead the way," he said, and Won seemed to be happy to do just that.
They didn't talk as they went down the stairs, but the moment they got to the landing, the other man stood up and greeted them. Something about him made Jeonghyeon falter. He held himself in the way that Jeonghyeon wanted to hold himself, but unlike Jeonghyeon who was chanting in his head so his resolve won't crumble, this man seemed genuinely unfazed.
"And here I thought you were just getting water," the man teased Won.
"I picked him up upstairs," Won answered playfully.
Jeonghyeon just watched them, wondering how close they already were despite having only met. (Of course, there was the fact that they could be exes, but would they really be close like this despite having had a relationship?)
"I'm Hanbin," the man introduced, offering a hand towards him. Jeonghyeon swallowed, before shaking his hand in return. "Jeonghyeon," he replied.
They sat down on their seats, and Jeonghyeon immediately sat beside Won. He didn't want the room to feel like a conference so he wanted to sit close, but if he was being honest with himself, behind the wall that he was building, he wanted to be closer to the two of them the way they were close with each other because he also wanted to be comforted by their proximity.
So he sat close, not close enough to allow them in, but close enough so when he needed something he could just reach out.
That would be enough for now.
Hao was a determined person. He liked to think that if there was something he needed in life, he would just go and grab it, not minding what he would sacrifice. To have the life that he lived, Hao had sacrificed a lot.
But as he stood by the gate of the house he was going to call home for the next twenty-five days, suddenly he didn't feel as determined.
There were many reasons why he shouldn't be here, one of which, and the most compelling was the fact that he shouldn't really see his ex again. They really shouldn't see each other again, given their proclivity to mess. In fact, when Hao said that they were better off without each other, he meant it as a fact, and not just something he said to appease his feelings, to justify the chaos that had become their relationship.
And yet it was seeing him again that convinced Hao to stay.
Maybe this time will be different. Maybe, after having done it too many times, they finally learned from their mistakes, and all will be good. Maybe this time it'll work.
A rational part of his brain still rooted him in place, in front of the gate. Some part of him was wondering if he still had time to say no, to just go and forget about this. He didn't need to be here. He was sure his ex had other people, other "exes" the producers could invite. If there weren't any, maybe his ex wouldn't mind not participating. Besides, if he had specifically asked Hao to participate, shouldn't Hao not attending matter to him?
He groaned.
"Hello?"
Hao heard himself scream. He looked around, only to see a tall, very handsome — almost godlike — man, wearing a suit, standing behind him, looking almost apologetic at having scared Hao.
"Are you a participant as well?" The man asked, gesturing to the gate.
"A— what?" Hao asked, his mental synapses seemingly shutting down. For some reason, he couldn't process whatever this man was saying.
The man told him the name of the program, bringing Hao back to reality, and yes, he was part of the program as well, an information he now shyly provided.
The man offered Hao a hand to shake, introducing himself as Kim Jiwoong. Hao shook his hand, introducing himself as well, almost mechanically, like he was programmed for this, but he was shutting down on the inside. He wanted to scream, to scold himself for being such an idiot and to not act prim and proper, especially when Jiwoong looked as if he had everything under control.
He felt embarrassed that this was the first impression he was giving off to this man.
"Did you see any of that?" Hao mumbled, gesturing to the place he was standing and hoping Jiwoong understood what he was trying to say.
Apparently not understanding, Jiwoong leaned closer towards Hao to hear him better. Louder this time, Hao repeated his words.
It took a while for Jiwoong to understand what he was saying, but when he finally understood what Hao was pointing out, he shook his head, like a child pretending he didn't steal candy when he actually did.
"I didn't see anything," Jiwoong said, nonchalantly. If Hao hadn't known better, he would've been impressed by Jiwoong's acting. Still, Hao just shook his head accepting that this was his fate.
"Thank you for pretending," he just said. "Would you mind not telling anyone about it?"
Jiwoong made a zipping motion on his lips. Grateful, Hao smiled before gesturing for the gate. They needed to enter soon anyway, and Hao didn't want to keep Jiwoong waiting, especially since it seemed he was just waiting for Hao to move. .
When Hao opened the gate, he groaned at the sight of the stairs. Today really wasn't his day, huh?
"Do you want me to help you with your bag?" Jiwoong asked.
"I can manage," Hao said, not wanting to encroach anymore on Jiwoong's time. The latter nodded, as if knowing that he couldn't push this further when they just met. Hao told him to not wait for him and just go, because Hao knew that he was going to take his time going up.
But for whatever reason, Jiwoong took his time, lazily walking up the stairs as if he was sightseeing. He was pointing out things in the surroundings. About how there are azaleas in the garden, or that there's a fish pond with koi inside. Hao was grateful for the distraction because it helped with carrying his bag up. As he listened to Jiwoong, he couldn't help but feel that maybe he could do this after all.
Jiwoong wouldn't say that he was a kind man. In fact, he would think he wasn't given the things that he had done in his life. There were people he had hurt, people who had mattered to him.
Men like that weren’t considered kind.
When he saw Hao at the front of the gate, at first he wanted to step away. There was no time limit on when they had to get to the house, just that they should arrive during the day. Jiwoong could just excuse that he had work to do that he couldn't leave early from, or that he had somewhere else he needed to be at first.
But watching Hao looking frustrated, torn even — Jiwoong didn't want to assume, but he thought he might be concerned about the program — it made Jiwoong feel sympathy for him, because honestly, that was how he felt the past few days. The thought of being here had kept him up all night, and even as he walked towards the house, everything rational felt as if it wanted to flee, because the rational thing in his mind was to just go and run away.
He was good at running. Why would he stay now?
Somehow, knowing that he wasn't alone made him walk towards Hao.
It was a good conversation, a good first meeting. Jiwoong hadn't felt comfortable with meeting a stranger for as long as he could remember but talking to Hao had been… fun. Hao was charming in his own way, and though Jiwoong didn't really think of him as anything yet, didn't feel as if there were any interest yet — would he know, he wondered, if he had started liking someone else — he was glad that Hao was the first one he met. Though he wasn’t going to consider them as friends yet, if this closeness between them continues, Jiwoong somehow wished he'd be someone Jiwoong would be able to talk to when an opportunity arises. Jiwoong just hoped the feeling was mutual.
They left their things at the foyer where all the rest of the items were.
Seeing the bags and the messy shoes in the foyer made Jiwoong stop and remember why he was here in the first place. He was reminded again that there was going to be many people here, and one of them would be his ex.
He could feel his heart beating so fast he could hear it.
"Are you alright?" Hao asked, having started walking in front of him. He had looked back at Jiwoong just as he was walking downstairs.
Jiwoong nodded his head, breathing in deeply.
"I get it," Hao muttered, smiling at Jiwoong encouragingly. "This whole thing is overwhelming."
"Yeah," Jiwoong replied with a guffaw.
As soon as he got his bearings back, feeling that he was in control of his limbs again, he followed Hao below.
There were already three people downstairs when Jiwoong and Hao arrived. They seemed to be talking about something but once the sounds of footsteps echoed through the room, they stopped and looked up at them.
"Hello," the man closest to the stairs greeted them. He smiled with sincerity, welcoming them as if he were the owner of the home and they were all merely visitors. The other two people stood behind him carefully, waiting for something to happen.
"Hi," both Hao and Jiwoong said at the same time.
Another man behind the pseudo-owner laughed, looking over at them curiously.
"Did you two come together?" he asked, waving his brows in a teasing manner.
Jiwoong felt himself blush, before immediately explaining, "We've met at the gate."
He explained so quickly as if he needed to clear the air as soon as possible that everyone around him. Even Hao regarded him strangely. Jiwoong tried to act nonchalantly, as if it was only a simple explanation… nothing else.
"I'm Kim Jiwoong," he then introduced, hoping the conversation would move to introductions, and so he would avoid interrogation.
Hao followed in introducing himself which prompted the three to introduce themselves as well. In order they went: Hanbin, Jeonghyeon and Won.
After the introduction, they all took their seats.
Hao decided to take the empty seat beside Jeonghyeon, whilst Jiwoong sat beside Hanbin on the empty armchair. For a while, they remained silent, not knowing what to say. Jiwoong was going to suggest for them to continue the conversation they were having before he and Hao walked in but somehow he couldn't quite find the right words to say.
Fortunately, Hanbin decided to talk.
"Have any of you eaten?"
As if on cue, Jeonghyeon's tummy started rumbling, causing awkward laughter around the room.
Jeonghyeon shook his head as an answer, before saying, "Don't mind that," he explained, trying to save himself from embarrassment. "I'm used to not eating so it's fine."
Won, from beside Jeonghyeon, started looking through something inside his bag.
He dug out what looked like a bar of chocolate, or maybe it was a protein bar. For whatever reason, seeing it made Jiwoong want to ask for one as well. Jeonghyeon took the bar silently, not wanting to complain anymore; besides, his stomach had been growling and he would really need to eat. Who knows how many people they were still waiting on?
As if realizing that he was staring, Won dug into his bag again and passed Jiwoong a bar.
"Oh," he muttered, grabbing the snack. "Thank you."
Subsequently, Won started passing everyone a snack, which the group received wholeheartedly.
"I have co-workers who hate eating on time," Won explained even though no one asked. Hao, happily eating the snack bar, muttered thanks under his breath which somehow, gave Won a reason to smile.
Just as they finished eating, and before anyone could ask another question, somehow coughed behind them.
Gunwook had his whole life planned out for him ever since he was young. There weren't days where he didn't know what he needed to do. Every hour had a task and he did those all on the dot. He had exactly eight-hours of sleep, woke up at the first vibration of his alarm, went to university, attended all his classes, and he would still be able to manage his extracurricular as long as he timed it well.
He had never been in a relationship after high school — to the frustration of a lot of people who vied for his attention; he just didn't have time. Once Gunwook put his head into something, he made sure to keep it there. He couldn't afford any distractions.
So, why, for the life of him, was he joining a dating program?
When he was invited by his ex to join this program, he laughed about it, said he'd join just for the fun of it. At first, he didn't think that he'd be allowed to leave, but when he asked his supervisor about it, he seemed even more excited than Gunwook was. (Disclaimer, all Gunwook had been feeling was dread, and not excitement). It would be a good break for him, his supervisor said, and they all knew Gunwook needed a good break.
So, feeling as if he had no choice, he packed his bags and counted the days until he needed to get here. Now that he was here though, all he wanted to do was go.
Why did he allow himself to be talked into this? Of course, he could rarely say no. It was one of the reasons why it was so easy to dictate how it was to live his life, because he just went with it. Gunwook didn't have a plan for himself, so how was it different to just say yes to this?
A choice he didn't make solely by himself. Always with the influence of others.
Sighing, he pushed the gate open.
He was here already, and if there was a place where he could at least make his own decisions, then maybe it was here, despite how unorthodox this place was. Something Gunwook had decided to do was to make this experience as fun as he could make it. He had already said yes; he was just going to make the most out of it.
When he arrived at the basement where he saw all the other people sitting down, passing each other some protein bars, he couldn't help but stop by the bottom of the stairs. These were all the people he was going to live with for the next twenty-five days. Someone here could be someone he could fall in love with. Or maybe someone could be his new best friend — not that he was looking for one, but he definitely would love to have a couple of new friends.
Still, these were all the people he needed to impress.
Suddenly the pressure of the whole program started crashing down on him. He needed to be good in this house. He needed to be his best self, and just thinking about that made him feel nervous. What if he messed up and made a fool of himself? What if people saw him as something other than the persona he wanted to show? What if people hated him? What if he hurt people?
He shook his head, deciding that this wasn't going to be how he faced this. He was here to rest, take a break. If falling in love happened to him in between this then he'd accept it, but right now, he was just going to enjoy himself.
Enjoy the dates. The free food. The good bed.
He was going to enjoy, he repeated in his head.
Gunwook wasn't going to overthink this.
Instead, what he'd do, was just to live this.
He'd be the star of the show if he needed to be. All he was sure of was that he was really going to have fun.
Finding the right time to interject the conversation, he coughed to announce his presence.
Everybody looked at him with wide eyes, surprised that someone had arrived, but they also seemed wary of him. Gunwook furrowed his brow in confusion. He was wearing an all black outfit, hoping it was neutral enough so he wouldn't stand out but it seemed to have the opposite effect.
Somehow, Gunwook felt as if the people around the living room were scared of him.
He coughed again as he walked closer towards them and introduced himself. "I'm Park Gunwook."
Then he smiled. hoping it was enough to ease the tension — that he seemed to cause — around the room.
The man closest to him, the one sitting at the arm chair at the very end, stood up and offered his hand, introducing himself as Sung Hanbin. Soon enough, all the rest of the group started introducing themselves.
Jiwoong — Gunwook noted that he was very good looking, and would be keeping an eye on him.
Hao — he was silent, almost nervous around him. Gunwook was going to have to be careful around him and make sure he acted only nicely towards him.
Jeonghyeon — Gunwook thought of him as some sort of tough guy. He didn't smile, instead he just shook Gunwook's hand firmly.
Won — cheerful and seemed to be the only one really happy to have Gunwook there.
Once the introductions were over, Gunwook decided to sit beside Won seeing as he was the only one who seemed to want him there.
They lapsed into silence and Gunwook tried to rack his brain on what to say, but before he could say anything, someone else was bounding down the stairs.
Taerae was a prideful man. Though it was hard to admit, he was going to admit it. The thing was, this whole thing was a result of his pride. He wanted to prove to his ex that he was doing fine, that he hadn't been kept up multiple nights for the past few weeks at the thought of seeing him again.
No.
Taerae was prideful enough to act as if he was fine.
And that was what's worse, right?
If Taerae could be honest for a minute, he would say that this whole thing was eating him alive. The thought of seeing his ex again, to try and talk to him as if he was a stranger (but wasn't he actually already a stranger to Taerae), to pretend that him smiling at other people, going dates with other people, won't break his heart over again just as it had broken when they broke up.
Taerae thought that he had managed to rebuild the broken pieces already, that nothing about this man could touch him again, but the moment he saw the invitation in his email, he found himself agreeing. Largely due to his pride.
He cursed.
Really, Taerae couldn't blame anyone for his luck. He brought this upon himself and now he was facing the consequences of his actions. He could do this, right?
Taerae took a deep breath and counted to forty. (Why forty, he didn't really have an explanation, only that it was the first number that came to his head). Once he was done counting, he counted again. He repeated this exercise until his mind finally settled, and his heart calmed down; until his hands no longer shook, and he wasn't solidly planted to the ground.
He counted until he could finally move from his spot and push the gate open.
There was a flurry of conversation when Taerae arrived — names being passed around. He kind of felt bad that he had to come in at that moment because another round of introductions would have to be made. He bet the first one to arrive would probably have memorized all their names by now.
The conversation halted to an awkward silence, which also made Taerae stop in his tracks. He knew this was the best time to interrupt, but he somehow didn't want to become the center of attention by breaking the silence. Still, the couches looked soft, and standing awkwardly by the stairs was uncomfortable, so he finished his descent waiting for someone to notice him.
It was a big man, broad shouldered, square head, with a thick set of hair that looked that turned toward him first. He seemed intimidating, but once the thought crossed Taerae's mind, the man smiled, welcoming him in.
"Hello," Taerae greeted when more people started to notice he was there. "I hope I hadn't been interrupting," he added as some sort of conversation starter, though he wasn't entirely sure where the conversation would go.
Another man, the one who had been closest to the stairs, who, when he smiled, seemed to create whiskers in his face, said, "You didn't. You're just in time."
A round of introductions started again. The man with whiskers was named Hanbin. The big, broad shouldered man, with a cute smile, was Gunwook. There were other people that Taerae tried taking note of. He just hoped he'd be able to remember names fairly quickly.
Jiwoong was a handsome tall man that was rather quiet. Opposite in energy, but similar in stature and looks was Jeonghyeon. He had softer features, more childish. Both of whom were his type but he wasn't going to think about that.
Won and Hao seemed more feminine in their beauty. They seemed like angels descended to the Earth. Pretty described them better than handsome. Hao was quieter but there was some sort of mischief in his eyes that he hadn't really let people see yet. Taerae wondered if they'd get along. Won though was easy to get close to, which was why Taerae sat beside him, putting himself between Won and Gunwook. He talked a lot, asked questions and directed conversation. He and Hanbin seemed to be the team that orchestrated conversation in their little group. Taerae wondered if they had been used to this, to match each other's energy.
He filed that information for later.
"Oh," Taerae exclaimed, seemingly remembering something. "Did any of you bring a car?"
Hanbin and Gunwook raised their hands, both affirming that they did.
"Does anyone else know how to drive?" Gunwook asked.
Jiwoong and Jeonghyeon raised their hands.
"I don't have my car with me right now but I'm planning to get it during the program," Jiwoong said, explaining that he was having it fixed.
Jeonghyeon admitted that he just knew how to drive, but he didn't have a car.
"At least we have enough designated drivers," Taerae muttered.
"And we can go to multiple places to buy stuff," Won said.
All in all, it seems that they were well-equipped in case there was a need. There were people who knew how to drive, and people who knew how to cook. Whatever kind of surviving inside the house it seemed that they'd be able to do.
Only Taerae wasn't sure about their emotional resiliency. Still, that doesn't seem like something they'd end up talking about, only to find out about. Besides, Taerae doesn't think this was a conversation that was proper for the first day of meeting each other.
All he knew was that without his friends, he'd need someone to talk to, so he eyed everyone well, watching how they acted to see who he'd be able to confide in.
It was going to be hard work, but Taerae needed to let go and finally trust someone again.
Woongki was feeling elated. He had woken up on the right side of the bed after a good 8-hour of sleep, and now he was feeling as if he could conquer the world, and maybe he would. He was going to start the program he had been looking forward to for the past few weeks.
He was going to see his ex, go on dates, meet new people and possibly fall in love.
It was going to be an amazing twenty-five days, and Woongki couldn't wait to start.
When he walked into the house he noticed there were many shoes and bags already scattered by the foyer. He didn't bother to count. He'd be able to find out how many people were there already once he saw them, and he wanted to see them immediately. He was basically basking in excitement, his whole being radiating from every scenario he could think of in his head.
It was easy to detect where the voices were coming from so Woongki immediately ran down the stairs, but he stopped, corrected his manner and acted more professional the more he saw faces.
It was the person at the edge of the sofa who noticed him first.
He stood up, bowing in his arrival, catching the attention of everyone else, who quickly followed after him.
Woongki, who had been used to these kinds of attention — and loved it — giggled, gesturing for them to stop.
"Oh, it's just me," Woongki muttered, which somehow earned a quick laugh from everyone. He stood before them, bowed politely, before finally introducing himself.
"I am Cha Woongki," he said. He didn't know what else to say because he knew there were certain rules with programs like these, and he wasn't entirely sure what he was allowed to reveal.
It didn't seem like it mattered what he revealed because once everyone else introduced themselves, they only introduced their names.
Woongki ended up sitting at the last empty seat, just beside Gunwook.
"Have you guys been here long?" he asked the moment he sat down.
"Oh, right?" Taerae interrupted. "Who arrived here first?"
Won gestured to Hanbin, who looked kind of sheepish, especially once he was asked how long he had been there. "Just a couple of hours."
All of them groaned at how long he must've been waiting. He waved his hand as if saying that it hadn't bothered him. "It's fine," he said. "It was nice seeing everyone come in," he just said, consoling them.
They settled into quiet conversations, waiting for more people to come. They had passed out the rules making sure everyone was on the same footing, before eventually starting to talk about what they could do for dinner.
Just as they were talking about what their favorite flavors of chicken were, there was a ringing that echoed around the hall, making them stop.
"Was that the doorbell?" Won asked.
"Is someone not coming in?" Jeonghyeon wondered.
Jiwoong and Hanbin, the two who were closest to the stairs, stood up. Jiwoong eventually offered to go up, saying he needed to stretch his legs. When he came back, he was holding onto an envelope.
A series of surprised and intrigued sounds echoed around the living room, everyone eager to know what it was that Jiwoong was holding. He gave it to Hanbin, saying it felt like a big pressure to be the one to open it. Hanbin accepted it gracefully, opening the envelope as fast as he could.
As soon as he removed the note, he read loudly, "Welcome to Begin Again, a program to find second chances in love, whether with someone new or someone old. For the next twenty five days, we wish for your stay here to be fruitful. You will be able to experience several activities throughout the days in order to get to know each other better.
We are happy to have you here, and we are excited for the journey you will embark on while on the program.”
There was quiet after, as if no one really knew what to say.
"Is this us then?" Hanbin ended up saying, breaking the silence.
Jeonghyeon gave Hanbin a look, raising his brow in suspicion. "Are you expecting someone else to arrive?"
Hanbin just shrugged, seemingly unperturbed by the question. "There are twelve seats outside. I just thought that maybe there'd be twelve of us."
Jeonghyeon didn't look convinced but he let the topic go.
Woongki, not wanting the atmosphere to turn awkward, clapped his hands in front of him. He looked down at his watch and seemingly satisfied with the time, he addressed everyone.
“I think we could settle in our rooms first,” he started, “And then we can decide on who will cook and go to the grocery for the day.”
Everyone seemed to agree with this idea so they went about choosing rooms. To make it easier for everyone, they did several rounds of rock-paper-scissors to determine the roommates, and who got to choose the room first.
The roommates were as follows: Jiwoong with Hanbin, Hao with Gunwook, Won with Jeonghyeon and Taerae with Woongki.
Jiwoong and Hanbin picked the room at the basement alongside Hao and Gunwook, whilst the other two pairs got the rooms upstairs.
Soon enough, they gathered their bags and started unpacking, telling everyone that they should meet at the kitchens in an hour to discuss plans for dinner.
[Interviewer: We know it’s early but who caught your attention the most the moment you saw them? ]
Hanbin: Hao? He looked so interested in everything it was kind of contagious. I wanted his enthusiasm
Won: Woongki! He was very present and made sure of that when he walked in! He definitely left a good first impression
Jeonghyeon: Won. He was very friendly when I came and he kept talking to me so I’m very grateful
Hao: Hanbin. He was very kind to everyone. I remembered his name the most afterwards
Gunwook: Hanbin! He was very caring to me. He was like the older friends I have in school.
Jiwoong: Won.
Taerae: Gunwook. He was very big and intimidating when I saw him but as soon as we talked to each other he became very soft. The complete 180 definitely threw me off so I remembered him well
Woongki: Jiwoong. He’s very handsome it was hard not to look at him
As soon as the door closed, Hanbin crashed onto the bed. He groaned loudly, as if trying to expel the nerves still seeping into his bones. Jiwoong just looked at him with a smile on his lips, knowing exactly what Hanbin was feeling.
“Was welcoming everyone tiring?” Jiwoong asked. He had started unpacking, needing his hands to start doing something.
“Honestly, keeping the nerves at bay was more tiring,” Hanbin answered.
Jiwoong looked at him curiously. “You didn’t seem nervous.”
Hanbin shrugged. “I really never thought I’d be in this kind of program,” he ended up admitting. He didn’t want to start dumping his qualms on Jiwoong — and he wouldn’t even fault Jiwoong if he ignored him — he just somehow needed someone to let it out to.
“I feel you,” Jiwoong said. “I never thought I’d find myself joining this either.”
Hanbin raised his head and watched Jiwoong unpacking, back towards him. Maybe it was just because the position of the closet didn’t really allow them to talk face to face, but seeing the tension in Jiwoong’s muscles, Hanbin knew he didn’t want to have this conversation face to face. So he laid back down on the bed, eyes focusing on the ceiling instead.
“Why did you join?” Hanbin eventually asked.
Jiwoong didn’t answer for a while, and though the silence was unnerving, Hanbin didn’t push Jiwoong to answer. Besides, if he was asked about it, he wasn’t sure he would be able to answer either.
He groaned, suddenly realizing something.
“I’m sorry. I immediately chose a bed without asking you,” he muttered.
Jiwoong laughed lightly. “That’s fine,” he assured Hanbin. “I actually wanted the bed closer to the door anyway. I might have to leave at random times of the day, so it’s better if I don’t disturb you in the process.”
“I’m an early bird,” Hanbin said. “I usually wake up early anyway.”
Jiwoong didn’t comment on that anymore, filing this information for a conversation they could have later on. Instead, he kept quiet and continued unpacking, prompting Hanbin to start unpacking as well.
“Which bed do you want?” Hao asked once they got to the room.
They heard the door click on the other room, making them wonder if they should close their door as well, but they decided to keep it open. There weren’t going to be secrets here… at least not yet.
“I’m fine anywhere,” Gunwook asked, sitting down on the floor and starting to open his suitcase.
“Well then,” Hao started, walking past him. “I’ll get the bed closest to the wall,” he said, dropping his things on the bed.
Gunwook nodded, putting things — mostly plushies — on his bed.
“You like plushies?” Hao said, smiling as he watched Gunwook pile his bed with an assortment of cuddly dolls.
Gunwook smiled. “I love them,” he said. “I like having something to hug while sleeping.”
“That’s cute,” Hao muttered. He let Gunwook finish unpacking his things first before he worked on his own. As he waited, he walked around the room.
There was a bathroom in each of their rooms, and two wide closets for their things.
The room itself was big.
Hao even thought that they could fit another bed and another closet, if that was needed.
“Aren’t you going to unpack?” Gunwook asked.
“I’ll let you finish,” Hao said. Instead, he took a pile of clothes from on top of his dresser and decided to change. He wanted to be comfortable for the rest of the night. Who knows what will still be happening?
“Do you think there’s an activity tonight?” Hao asked.
Gunwook shrugged. He was mostly finished with his things, and had already closed his suitcase, though Hao could see some things peeking out of the suitcase. He didn’t pry as to what was still remaining inside. If Gunwook wanted to say something, that was a decision he should make on his own.
“I honestly just want to rest,” Gunwook admitted, smiling sheepishly.
“Right,” Hao said. “I never knew nerves can be so draining,” he explained.
Gunwook found himself laughing in understanding. “It does zap your energy, huh?”
Hao nodded his head, and pouted his lips. “I would really just enjoy some food right now, and maybe a few drinks, and then go have a long night of rest.”
“Ahh!” Gunwook exclaimed, imagining the scenario. “That would be really nice,” he muttered, crashing onto the bed as Hao started unpacking.
“Am I allowed to sleep first?” Won muttered, lying down on his bed as soon as he finished changing.
He had only removed the clothes he changed into, before lying down on the bed, deciding that he was just going to unpack when he was feeling less like he wanted to go to sleep.
“Long day?” Jeonghyeon asked.
Won nodded his head, yawning into his jacket sleeves.
“Did I tell you I got lost?” Won mentioned.
Jeonghyeon raised his brow, dragging his bag in front of him and started unpacking, placing his hygiene kits inside the bathroom.
“On the way here?” Jeonghyeon asked, when Won hadn’t elaborated. He looked over to where Won was lying down wondering if he was already sleeping.
His eyes were closed, making Jeonghyeon assume he was, until he eventually answered, his eyes opening, though it was very obvious he was trying to keep himself awake.
“I got off at the wrong stop,” he mentioned, yawning again. “And instead of grabbing another ride, or taking a cab, I walked.”
Jeonghyeon tried not to laugh. “That does seem tiring,” he mentioned.
Won hummed his agreement.
“Go to sleep,” Jeonghyeon said. “I’ll just tell everyone you’re tired.”
“Thank you so much,” Won muttered.
Jeonghyeon watched as he grabbed the blanket and covered himself. Jeonghyeon turned the light off the room, only using the light from the bathroom to finish unpacking.
Woongki and Taerae’s room was the farthest from the stairs. There was a terrace beside their room which added a particularly pretty view outside of their window.
“I can’t believe I’m here,” Taerae said, finding himself laughing at the ludicrousness of the situation. Woongki, who had already started piling his things on the bed, seemed to be jumping in excitement.
“You seem to be enjoying being here,” Taerae muttered.
Woongki just smiled, and shrugged. “I don’t know,” he answered, feeling rather honest. Though he didn’t know these people, he still wanted to show the best of himself — the real him. “I just like meeting new people.”
“Are you planning to find new love here?” Taerae asked, starting to unpack his things. Woongki slid down from the bed where he was laying down earlier and started doing the same as well.
“If it happens it happens,” Woongki answered.
Taerae grinned. “You seem so nonchalant about all of this,” he muttered, smiling sadly. “I feel like I’m going to explode with nerves.”
“I don’t usually get nervous,” Woongki admitted, “As long as I knew I prepared myself well, then there’s no need to be nervous.”
Taerae smiled. “That’s a great way to approach things, and I wish I could’ve done the same but—”
“This isn’t something you can prepare for,” Woongki finished for him, to which Taerae nodded in affirmation.
They stayed silent for a while, both not knowing where to go from there. Though they wanted to say something — not used to having awkward silences around them — they had so many things in their minds, so many things to think about, that they didn’t even mind the silence.
“Are you here to find love, as well?” Woongki eventually asked.
Taerae shrugged. “I don’t know, either,” he admitted. “I mean I would love to find someone to like,” he said, biting the bottom of his lips, contemplating whether it was okay to admit things so early on in the program.
“But?” Woongki said.
Taerae found himself smiling again, wondering why Woongki seemed so good with people, how easy it was to talk to him despite having only met him today.
“But I think what matters to me more is that I wanted to finally have the ability to move on.”
“I’m sure we’ll be given a lot of opportunities to test our feelings.”
“I hope we just get clarity at the end of it,” Taerae whispered.
Woongki did something surprising after that. He raised his hand and offered it to Taerae. A handshake, he clarified.
Taerae just looked at it, surprised.
“Whatever happens in this program, I hope we can become friends.”
Taerae shook Woongki’s hand, smiling at him. “Let’s be good friends.”
After an hour, they gathered in the kitchen (aside from Won who had still been sleeping, which Jeonghyeon explained to the rest of the house), and decided on who would be on cooking duty for the night, and who would do the grocery.
Jiwoong, who was fairly confident in his cooking skills, decided to stay. Taerae, having little experience, and also wanting to learn, decided to help him out.
Gunwook, though only knew how to make simple things, decided to stay in the house as well, saying he didn’t entirely trust himself to not to be too distracted while doing the grocery. That many options would make him get one of each.
A sentiment people found endearing.
Hanbin, though, wanting to stay and cook as well, realized that out of everyone who was left, he and Jeonghyeon were the only ones who could drive and Jeonghyeon was already insisting for him to come.
It was his car; he should drive. So, Hanbin decided to join the grocery team. There would be other days to cook anyway.
So, Woongki and Hao joined Jeonghyen and Hanbin to go grocecry shopping.
They all agreed to let Won sleep, and have him just help with cooking whenever he woke up.
Once they’ve settled the division, they took another thirty minutes to decide on the menu for dinner — to know which ingredients to buy at the grocery — and whatever else they still needed to buy for the upcoming days they were going to spend in the house.
After that, the grocery team left.
“Did any of you see a grocery on the way here?” Hanbin asked, buckling his seatbelt.
Hao sat on the passenger seat after winning a game of rock-paper-scissors against the other two.
“I think there’s one nearby,” Jeonghyeon said. “Just go right at the bottom of this hill,” he said, using his hands to gesture the directions, “And go straight until you reach it.”
“Do you know this neighborhood?” Hao asked.
Jeonghyeon laughed, before shaking his head. “I just saw a donut shop while walking towards the house and slightly remembered that there was what looked like a grocery store in front of it,” he explained, with a shrug.
Though Hanbin trusted his judgement, he still looked it up.
True enough, there was a grocery shop nearby a donut shop — though not entirely in front of it. They would still have been able to see it following Jeonghyeon’s direction. Regardless, Hanbin thanked Jeonghyeon and started driving towards the grocery store.
“Did you all ever expect to be part of something like this?” Woongki found himself asking.
He was met with silence, everyone was deeply thinking of the question.
“Who does?” Jeonghyeon muttered.
Woongki smirked, because he was right. This wasn’t a situation you would think to find yourself in.
He sighed, wondering what they could talk about, because though he was okay with silence, it was too awkward for comfort, and he’d rather not talk about something mundane — like the weather.
He didn’t bring that up, though, instead he leaned closer to the back of Hao’s seat and asked, “What’s a hobby you guys have?”
“I play the rubik’s cube,” Jeonghyeon answered, first.
Everyone made different sounds as a reaction. Woongki scoffed, Hanbin hummed in interest, and Hao exclaimed his awe.
Jeonghyeon turned to Woongki, feigning offense. “You asked.”
“I didn’t think it'd be that niche,” he said. “I thought you were going to say you draw or something.”
Jeonghyeon shrugged. “I do like making arts and crafts sometimes.”
“I used to dance,” Hanbin said. “I mean I still do sometimes if I can find time between work, but yeah, I feel like that’s the biggest hobby I have.”
They all turned to Hao, expectantly.
He was quiet for a minute, brows scrunched in concentration, thinking of a good answer to the question posed.
“Well,” Hao started. “I do like playing instruments. Piano, violin,” he shared, even though they had already known his prowess in playing the violin. “But I also just like reading,” he muttered, feeling shy as if it wasn’t worth sharing.
“Reading’s good for the brain,” Hanbin said, as if assuring him. “Also, there’s a keyboard and a violin at the house,” he started, remembering the instruments he saw earlier that day.
Jeonghyeon made a sound of surprise. “Guess they prepared that for you.”
Hao felt himself flush as he waved away the statement. “There must be someone else who knows how to play.”
They all decided to find out later that night.
Soon enough, Hanbin was maneuvering towards an empty parking space. Woongki groaned, not realizing that the trip would be so short.
“What about you, Woongki?” Hanbin asked as they all filled out of the car.
“What about me?” Woongki asked.
“What’s your hobby?”
Woongki grinned. “Making people smile,” he said.
And like magic, all three of them found themselves smiling.
“See?” Woongki said, cocking his head to the side as if proving his point. “I feel like I do a good job at it.”
He didn’t wait for any other reaction. Instead, he hurriedly walked towards the grocery, while the three of them followed closely after him.
Won woke up around the same time that the grocery team left.
He still looked sleepy, eyes not fully open.
“Did everyone leave?” he asked, seeing only Gunwook by the kitchen, an empty jar in front of him, and packets of juice laid out.
“Jiwoong is outside, taking a call,” Gunwook said, pointing to the glass windows overlooking the garden at the front of the house. Jiwoong had his hands on his waist, his back facing them, talking to someone on the phone. The windows offered enough noise protection that they couldn’t really tell what he was seeing.
“Taerae said he had packs of food in his bag and he just went to get them,” Gunwook added. “The rest are at the grocery store.”
With a nod of his head, Won walked towards Gunwook, curious about the juice packets in front of him. He read the label, and then the ingredients.
“Are these fitness drinks?” Won asked, a slight smile forming on his lips.
He watched the pink paint Gunwook’s cheek, slowly turning a brighter shade of red.
Gunwook looked away. “One of my best friends is a health buff,” he explained, with a loud cough. “I sort of just got influenced.”
Won didn’t tell him to explain any further. Instead, he walked towards the fridge to see what they had. They had lemons, and on the table, some oranges.
“We could make fruit juices with these,” Won said. “I have some leaves in my bag that we can add.”
Gunwook raised his brow curiously.
“Why do you have… leaves?”
Won just smiled, saying, “I like making tea from scratch,” he said, before running back towards his room, feeling himself actually wake up.
At the grocery, Hao stayed beside Hanbin because Hao had the list. However, he told Jeonghyeon and Woongki to get some stuff for the house like table napkins, hand soap, and whatever they thought they might need. (Hao had to reiterate that they needed to prioritize what was on the list so they wouldn't overspend).
Having established what they needed to do, Jeonghyeon and Woongki went their separate ways.
Something about being alone together, something about the way they eyed each other curiously, and immediately decided to start at the far end of the grocery, possibly away from the listening ears of Hao and Hanbin without having said anything, gave away a sort of connection.
“What are you doing here?” Woongki whispered, still looking cautiously around him, not wanting even strangers to hear their conversation.
“What are you doing here?” Jeonghyeon returned, also extremely curious.
“I can’t believe we’re meeting each other again in a dating show,” Jeonghyeon added, slumping down on the shelf.
“And a show about being with your exes as well,” Woongki said. He eyed Jeonghyeon cautiously, thinking of something. “I wonder who here would’ve chosen to date you.”
Jeonghyeon grimaced. “Hey,” he argued. “I’m not the kid I once was.”
Woongki smiled. “Still, it’s so funny that we’d end up meeting here.”
Jeonghyeon sighed, giggling at the coincidence before telling Woongki that they should start shopping or else they’d be explaining. . It would do no good to not have work done especially if they got distracted catching up. That would just yield questions he knew both Woongki and him would not be able to answer.
“How are you though?” Woongki asked, looking through the shelves, to see if there was anything they would need. “How has life been for you?”
Jeonghyeon shrugged, unsure what he was allowed to say. Sure, Woongki was a childhood friend, but he was still a contestant on the show. He was sure the same rules still applied to them.
“It’s been good,” he answered. “I’ve been satisfied.”
“How vague.”
“I’m not entirely sure how much I can reveal to you,” Jeonghyeon admitted.
Woongki just nodded in understanding. “Well,” he started. “It’s nice to have someone to talk to, at least, about all of this.”
“Is there a lot you want to talk about?” Jeonghyeon goaded.
Woongki shrugged. “With this kind of program, I would think there’s a lot of talking that would be involved.”
Jeonghyeon grinned. “Like they said, communication is key.”
“I know,” Woongki said.Jeonghyeon cleared his throat, feeling something stuck in the middle of it. Some sort of uncomfortable, dry feeling. Maybe he needed water? He thought. Whatever it was, he decided to change the topic to more shallow conversations, like where Woongki had been living, or the weather outside.
Seemingly knowing that Jeonghyeon didn’t want to talk about the program, and what led them there, Woongki made sure to stir the conversation away from any of it. For sure, there would be days where that’ll be the only thing they would talk about.. —------------------------------------------------
“Do you think this will fit all of us?” Hao said, looking at the wrapped meat in the fridge. Hanbin had been in charge of pushing the cart, while Hao was left to pick out ingredients, which was proving to be difficult, because Hao kept overthinking if the amount of food he was buying was enough (and if he bought enough, he was worried about the price).
“Just buy extra,” Hanbin told him. “We can always keep the leftover ingredients in the fridge to use another day.”
“That’s true,” Hao said, putting two packets of meat on the cart.
“So,” Hao started. “What brought you here?”
“To the city?” Hanbin asked, grabbing a bottle of vinegar.
Hao looked at him, as if wondering if he was being serious with the answer he gave. Hanbin just raised his brow, feigning innocence.
“I mean,” Hao huffed. “To the program.”
“Closure,” Hanbin said. Vague enough to not reveal anything, but clear enough to understand.
Hao nodded his head slowly, as if trying to wrap his head at the thought of that.
Hanbin just looked at him curiously. “What about you?” he asked, curiosity getting the best of him. He wanted to know too.
“To move on,” Hao answered, looking sadly at the ingredient in his hand. “To finally be free of the clutches of the relationship.”
He let out a small chuckle. “Sorry for dumping that on you.”
“Was it a bad relationship?”
Hao shook his head adamantly. “It was just…” he stopped, putting his tongue between his teeth, in deep thought. “Repetitive.”
Another answer vague enough to not reveal anything but Hanbin understood it enough, so he didn’t push for more explanation.
They continued shopping. Talking instead about food, asking each other what their favorite food was. If they knew how to cook and why they learned (or why they haven’t).
Hao talked about exploring the city to try out new food when he had just moved to the city.
Hanbin admitted that his mother had always cooked for him and his siblings but once he had started living alone, he was forced to learn (though that never stopped his mother still packing him lunchboxes).
For the rest of the trip, all they talked about was food, trying their best not to return the conversation to anything awkward. They wouldn’t talk about love, or relationships.
They will talk about food and they will have a good time talking about it.
Jiwoong was quiet, and though Taerae had always been good at setting up a conversation, he somehow didn’t know what to talk to Jiwoong about.
The two of them decide to set-up the backyard table, after everyone decided that it would be better to eat there for their first dinner. It would be more festive, more memorable that way.
Regardless of all that, having been left alone with just the two of them made things a little bit awkward, and Taerae just didn’t know how to proceed.
“You know you can say something,” Jiwoong muttered, after he finally placed the last of the plates on the table.
Taerae released an awkward laugh, not realizing his discomfort about the situation had been obvious enough to notice.
“I didn’t really know what we could talk about,” Taerae muttered. “I mean, we don’t really have a lot we’re allowed to talk about.”
“Do you always cook?” Jiwoong started. Taerae was grateful that Jiwoong was trying to work these out, whether he was doing it to appease Taerae or because he didn’t like the silence either.
Regardless, he was glad there was something to talk about no matter how trivial it was.
Eventually, over an hour later, the grocery team returned. Hanbin offered to help with cooking despite Jiwoong and Taerae complaining that they already bought the grocery; he should rest.
“I don’t think I know how to rest,” Hanbin joked, but there was an underlying implication with the statement that neither Jiwoong nor Taerae wanted to point out. It was the first day; neither of them thought it was a good thing to dig up baggage just yet.
“Well,” Jiwoong said, talking first. “We could use the help. That way we can eat immediately.”
Taerae, for most part, was quiet. He didn’t know if it was because they were roommates, but Jiwoong and Hanbin settled into a comfortable conversation. Though he was often kept in the loop of the conversation, for the most part he was just quiet. So, he just watched.
He looked at the other people around the kitchen.
Apart from Hanbin, only Woongki from the grocery team stayed and helped in the kitchen. He was sitting at the table occupied by Won and Gunwook, the three of them actually talking about something Taerae couldn’t hear.
Jeonghyeon and Hao were somewhere else — probably sleeping, he thought.
The atmosphere in the house seemed still, like they were all attending a party, and catching up after years of not seeing each other. Despite the awkwardness of having only met a few hours ago, the way they settled onto the role they had to play inside the house so quickly was scary.
Taerae wondered how long they could keep pretending that everything was alright, because his anxiety was boiling at the bottom of his stomach and he wasn’t even sure he could eat.
He felt a hand on his wrist, stopping him from what he was doing.
What was he doing?
He looked down at the “thing” he was doing, and realized he had been chopping on air — the carrots apparently he had already pushed back.
Then he noticed the hand on his wrist. Jiwoong had his hand lightly encircling Taerae’s wrist, the one holding the knife. Jiwoong cocked his head to the side, brow raised.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
Taerae giggled awkwardly. It was the first day. He wasn’t going to talk about things. Not here. Not yet.
“Overthinking,” he just said, admitting the small truth of it.
Neither Hanbin nor Jiwoong asked about it, but it gave Taerae a pass.
He continued cooking alone, trying not to think about anything else apart from the food.
Another half hour later and the food was finally done. They all gathered at the backyard table, a slight breeze blowing around them.
Drinks were passed around. Most of them drank Won and Gunwook’s lemon basil iced tea, but some, like Jiwoong, Won and Hao, decided to drink cans of beer.
Woongki and Won managed to keep the conversation going throughout the dinner. They talked about hobbies, favorites: music, movies, books, and all the other things they could talk about without revealing too much. Did they enjoy cooking? The type of food they would eat on a rainy day? Where they wanted to visit as a vacation spot. It felt like a blind date involving eight people.
Soon enough, the night darkened, food had been eaten, and the glasses of beer multiplied.
Only Gunwook didn’t drink — saying he’d explain once he was allowed to talk about his job — making everyone curious.
While in the middle of a debate on whether a cheetah would be faster than a sports car in a race — there were no rules established in this made-up race so anyone could win, naturally but it was a good topic of conversation — their phones started ringing.
One by one, all of them retrieved their phones and read the message that had just arrived.
“How was your first day in the house? Did anyone leave a good first impression? Send them a message. All messages will be sent to the person anonymously”
Jeonghyeon found himself laughing, just looking at his phone, as if staring at it longer will make the message read something else.
“It’s finally here,” Won muttered, biting the bottom of his lips, wondering which of the people there he’d send a message to. They were all lively characters, and a lot of them had different impressions than the others but these messages were some sort of statement. He needed to consider carefully who he was going to send their messages to.
Soon enough, the noise from the earlier debates started to die down, as each of them carefully considered who to send their messages to.
The first to finish was Hanbin, just shrugging when people looked at him surprised at how fast he was to finish. Eventually, one by one, they all put down their phones.
Once Won was done — the last one to send his message — they all decided to spend the next hours inside the living room, especially since the night started growing colder, though whether that was from the cold air or the general atmosphere of the room, they couldn’t really tell.
They were in the middle of a very intense game of Monopoly, with Woongki amassing lots of buildings and thousands in cash, meanwhile Jeonghyeon was in debt and was stuck in jail because he couldn’t really pay, when their phones started pinging.
Jiwoong, who wasn’t playing with the rest, checked his phone first. There was a notification about an unread message on his lockscreen. He unlocked the phone to read the message that said, “Thanks for the food. You’re a great cook and a good conversationalist.”
Another message soon arrived after, reading, “Your ex didn’t choose you.”
Jiwoong sighed, putting down his phone. He grimaced, wanting to laugh sarcastically at the irony of it all. Sure, you’d get a really good message from someone random, but then they had to hit him with the fact that it wasn’t from the person he was wishing it to be from.
He shook his head, downing the can of beer he was holding, and rising to get another one from the kitchen.
Taerae, having just finished his turn, looked at his phone next. There was one message.
“You don’t have new messages,” his notification read, only to be followed by a message that said, “Your ex didn’t choose you.”
He scoffed, putting his phone down immediately. Did they really have to tell him that he didn’t have any messages? Not getting one would’ve been easier to stomach. Still, he kept up with the appearances, and held his smile throughout the game. At least, he was doing well in the game. He couldn’t say the same about the program.
Hanbin, who was walking to the kitchen with the empty glasses, accompanied by Gunwook, who was holding the empty plates, picked up his phone after stashing the glasses on the sink. “You have two new messages,” his notification read. He swiped up his phone to read the messages.
One of them read, “You really took care of us well. Thank you for that.”
The other read, “I had a good impression of you so I just wanted to message you to let you know that. I hope we get to know each other more.”
He found himself smiling, even when the message that his ex didn’t choose him came up after.
Gunwook furrowed his brow as he read the message that came up on his phone. “You don’t have new messages,” and “Your ex didn’t choose you.”
Not wanting to think about it too much, he pocketed his phone immediately, grabbing some food from the kitchen instead and deciding to just enjoy the night as it was. It was the first day anyway. He wasn’t going to let this faze him.
The game soon ended, and the rest of the team decided to play another board game. As they took their places around the table, Woongki opened his phone to see that he had a message he hadn’t noticed arrived. The message read, “It’s nice to see you again :P”.
He grimaced. It was easy to tell who it was from, especially with the emoji. Just as he was about to pocket his phone, another message arrived. “Your ex didn’t choose you.”
He bit his tongue and looked around the table, at everyone, looking at his ex particularly longer than the rest, before settling back into the game. He was going to win this one too, at least that’s what he decided to think about that night.
Hao opened his phone to read the message that arrived. Immediately, he found himself smiling. “You're the one I want to get to know more.” He pocketed his phone, ignoring the other message that came in as he joined in the game.
Jeonghyeon was fixing his hair on the phone camera when the message came. It read, “Let's make memories together. It was nice meeting you.” That made him smile, wondering who it could be that messaged him. He was just about to read the message again, when another message appeared in his inbox. “Your ex didn’t choose you.”
So, this was how it was going to be? Jeonghyeon thought. Was he going to be told everyday about how he wouldn’t be chosen by his ex. He felt the cool exterior he had been putting up slowly slipping, and he wanted to go. He wanted to have time for himself, but he knew that going somewhere by himself will just make him cry, and he didn’t want to leave that kind of impression on anyone. So, he breathed in deeply, shook his head, as if shaking the incident away from his head, and focused on the game.
He wasn’t going to think about it, he told himself. He wasn’t going to think about it.
Won opened his phone to two new messages.
One of them read, “It’s nice to see you smiling again,” while the other read, “The drinks were really tasty. Thank you for making them and keeping me company.”
But he barely understood the second message, instead he fixated on the first one. He didn’t even need the third message to come, to confirm to him who it was from.
“You were chosen by your ex”
He sucked in a breath, trying his hardest to not let the tears fall.
The game had started and he chose not to join, instead, he laid down on the sofa, and read the message over and over again, as if reading it will make it change.
But it didn’t.
And somehow that hurt even more.