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When Maya woke up she knew immediately what was happening and she internally swore. Her usually-like-clockwork period had started 3 days early.
And her girlfriend - her drop dead gorgeous, incredibly sexy, amazingly kind girlfriend, was asleep beside her.
Because Maya Bishop had a girlfriend now. Who had stayed over.
Another wave of pain reminded her why she was awake, and she nervously (and reluctantly) stood up from the bed and made her way to the bathroom. She stumbled on entry, the pain crippling her for a moment, but Maya just about made it to the toilet.
It was inevitable really, but she still cursed herself seeing that she’d bled through. How could she have been so careless? Weren’t there signs? Did she miss them? And now she’d screwed up because Carina would see and probably be disgusted in her.
She sorted herself out, including having a shower to feel somewhat cleaner, although it was only when she stepped out that Maya realised she didn’t have any access to clothes here. She wrapped a towel around herself and took some deep breaths - why did the pain have to be so bad? Normally she could control it better. She should be able to control it better - Maya Bishop was stronger than this.
The pain settled slightly, and she carefully opened the bathroom door, going back to the bedroom. Carina was still asleep, and Maya caught herself looking for a moment, before she was interrupted by more pain. The only thing that stopped her from swearing out loud was concern over waking her girlfriend. She did eventually make it to the closet, pulling out some period underwear to double up with her tampon, and then finding some PJ bottoms to replace the ones now in the wash before just about making it back to bed, relieved that there didn’t seem to have been much transfer from her leak.
Unfortunately, her efforts to stop Carina from waking were thwarted at the last second, as the pain caused her to fall back in the bed heavier than intended.
Carina stirred, sleepily brushing her hair back and blinking her eyes open. “Maya?”
“Go back to sleep, I just went to the bathroom,” she whispered back.
There was a hum from the Italian, who shifted closer to her.
That was another thing about Carina - she was a hugger. Maya Bishop wasn’t a hugger, at least not in bed.
Except she didn’t mind it with her, and it was far from unusual to find Carina’s left arm draped over her stomach - which is where it had just landed as she shut her eyes again. Normally this was fine, almost comforting, but right now Maya was trying to regulate her breathing to get through the pain - the pain which was right underneath where Carina’s arm currently lay.
“Bambina are you okay?” Carina mumbled, looking up again. “Your breathing pattern is off.”
If she’d been more with it, Maya might have made a comment about Carina recognising her breathing pattern. Right now, however, the walls had gone up. “I’m fine, just sleep. It’s 3am.”
But Carina didn’t sleep. She reached up and felt Maya’s forehead, which Maya instinctively batted away. “Maya-”
“Just go to sleep, Carina,” she turned over to face away from her. She curled her legs up, trying to keep the pain at bay, and cursing herself when a tear slipped out.
She hadn’t slept much, if at all. Carina was still there - her arm had ended up back around Maya not long after she’d dropped off, and Maya hadn’t had the heart to remove it. If she was being honest, it was comforting.
But now it was time to get up. She needed to run, and pain didn’t stop that - it never had.
Except when she stood up, she fell down.
“Maya?!”
Carina was around the bed within seconds, and Maya didn’t want her there. “Leave it, Carina!” she shot back.
Except Carina didn’t move away, she crouched down - getting to Maya’s level. “Bambina,” she started, her voice soft and unthreatening. Her eyes were scanning Maya, clearly doing her best to assess her without touching. “You are clutching your abdomen, does it hurt?”
Maya could hear her internal battle. Half of her screaming to be strong, to not let her weakness show. The other half… well that half saw this beautiful woman in front of her who wanted to help. She could remember when her period would be bad as a teenager when all she wanted was to lie in bed and her Mum to hold her - she never got that. Instead her Dad would scream at her to get up. He’d withhold her food for being weak. He’d shout more when her sprint times were slow.
“My period started,” she managed to get out - quiet, almost subdued. “The pain’s really bad.”
“Oh bella… allora, let’s get you back to bed. I will make you tea and get you painkillers.”
The words were practically foreign to Maya, who immediately shook her head. “I have to run, I just need to get up and I’ll be fine,” she bit back.
Except she couldn’t get up. The thought of moving even an inch right now seemed impossible, and she hated that. Her mind was screaming at her - she could hear her Dad’s disappointment in her head.
But she could also see Carina, and how much she wanted to help, and that soft look in her eyes. And Carina kept trying.
“You cannot run right now, but that’s okay. You are allowed to rest, bambina. Let me look after you? Just a little? Un po’?”
The more she talked, the more Maya felt herself giving in. She wanted the comfort, she craved it. She’d craved it for years, and maybe she could let herself have it.
Just this once.
Carina could see the anguish going through Maya’s mind, and it was understandable. It was only a few weeks since Maya had come to realise the truth about her Dad’s treatment, and she was still coming to terms with that. This was probably the biggest challenge since that day.
That day Maya had apologised, Carina had seen the pain and conflict in her eyes. That day, Maya had lost a part of her identity, and Carina knew that navigating that would be far from easy. They’d already had a few hurdles, but she’d been doing well. Today, however, Carina could only imagine how Lane had spoken to Maya when she’d had period pain in the past. The way Maya was fighting it, trying hard not to show her pain, and still trying to go running. But she was getting somewhere. Maya was opening up, albeit very slowly, and Carina would help her, in her own way, in Maya’s own time.
“Can you…” Maya started. She paused, but Carina just waited. “Can you help me up?”
“Of course,” she replied, internally beaming at the achievement, but not showing it. Carina moved closer, carefully putting her arm around her girlfriend and helping her to stand. “Into bed?” she asked tentatively.
There was small nod, and Carina smiled softly, helping Maya into bed. She sat down on the edge beside her, stroking Maya’s hair back. “Well done, bella. I know that wasn’t easy.”
“Don’t call me bella, I’m not beautiful right now,” Maya mumbled, looking away.
Carina reached to Maya’s left cheek with her right hand, gently making her look back. “Maya Bishop, you are always bella to me. Your period is natural, it is nothing to be ashamed of, and nor is the pain. Is it always this bad?”
“Not always, most months I can handle it, but sometimes…” she didn’t finish her sentence, instead wincing in pain.
“Okay, it’s alright. Do you have painkillers in the apartment?” Carina questioned, but she wasn’t surprised when Maya shook her head. “Then I will go to the store, but first I will make tea. Do you want anything else?” Another head shake, but also not a refusal of Carina’s offer to help. It was progress. “Try to rest,” she leaned down and kissed her forehead before going out to the kitchen.
Seeing Maya in pain had awoken something in Carina. Only a few weeks ago had they both said ‘I love you’ for the first time, and now Carina could feel it blossoming deeper. Every small effort Maya put in reaffirmed her decision to forgive her - this being no different.
Once tea was made, she took it back to the bedroom, and was relieved to see Maya had fallen asleep. Having predicted this, the tea was in a flask which she left on the side. Carina found some paper and left a note by the flask, heading out to the supermarket.
07:12.
She’d only slept for an hour, if that, but Carina wasn’t here. Maya blinked again, spotting a note next to a flash.
Gone to get supplies. Drink the tea, I’ll be back soon.
C x
Carina had gone to the store before 7am to get things to help Maya through this pain. Nobody did that for her. Ever.
She sat herself up a little, wincing slightly. The internal conflict was still fighting hard. Her brain was adamant she didn’t deserve this, and that she should get up right now, but she resisted and instead picked up the flask from her side, flipping the lid and taking a sip. The warmth was perfect as she felt it run through her body, her head resting back. There was still a lot of pain, but it helped a little.
When she heard the door open, Maya felt relief wash over her, as she realised how much she didn’t want to be alone right now.
Well that was a new feeling.
The bedroom door opened slowly, and Maya watched as Carina walked in, her movements speeding up a little when she saw her awake. “How are you feeling?”
“Fi-” Maya started, but stopped herself. “Sorry, habit,” she sighed.
Carina shook her head, “it’s okay, bella, I understand. Can you tell me how you’re really feeling?”
“Like my uterus is twisting itself into knots,” she sighed. “It’s awful. It hasn’t been this bad in ages, and it had to choose when you were here.”
“Bambina I’m glad it did. Not that it’s hurting, I never want you in pain, but I’m glad I’m here - you should never have to handle pain alone.”
That struck a chord. Another thing she’d never been told before, another thing that made Maya’s heart lurch and her brain struggle. She’d always fought pain alone - that’s how it was. She didn’t entirely know how to handle all this.
It seemed that Carina caught onto her struggle and she changed the topic slightly. “I have bought many things, including a hot water bottle. I may have got carried away, actually, but I am going to be here all day for anything you need.”
“You’re on shift today,” Maya mumbled, not looking up currently.
“I got cover, I’m all yours today,” she gently took Maya’s hand to get her to look up. “Can I make you the hot water bottle?”
Carina was asking her permission at every step, while gently guiding her the right way. Maya appreciated that, because right now she wasn’t entirely sure what she was meant to do. She nodded, and Carina left the room again with a promise to return shortly, with Maya immediately feeling the loss of her presence.
She returned to sipping the tea, trying not to let her brain slip into difficult places while on her own - because that, she realised, was the problem now. Carina was her safe place. Maya could open up with her - slowly, but she was learning. Once Carina was gone, the voice that haunted her was back. There was nobody to save her from it, nobody to tell her it wasn’t real. She was fighting it, but between that and the pain it was a lot.
Too much.
By the time Carina returned, there were tears spilling out - she hated that. But Carina had seen her cry before, and nothing bad had happened, so by logic this time would be fine too.
Her theory was proved right when Carina immediately rushed to her side, placing a tray down on the side table and handing Maya the hot water bottle. “Hey, here, put this on,” she told her. “Is the pain getting worse?”
Maya shook her head, carefully placing the hot water bottle over her lower abdomen and half-hugging it in place. Carina was still looking at her with concern, and Maya knew what she had to say. She took a deep breath, promising herself that admitting what she was about to admit did not make her weak. “It’s so hard to rest, I’m so used to pushing through. When it was this bad my Dad would throw water at me to get me up - make me run further because I was slower - I just… I had to be good at hiding it.”
Any time they would talk about her father, Maya would see Carina tense up a little, as if preparing for a fight. Not with her - with him. In fact Maya was fairly sure if the two of them came face to face, it would not end well for Lane Bishop. Carina was a scary woman when she wanted to be.
Not now though. Now she was gently running a hand up and down Maya’s arm. “You don’t have to hide anymore,” she spoke softly. “Have you ever had a scan to look at why your pains are so bad?”
“Why would I need that?” Maya asked quizzically. “Pains are normal, right?”
Carina hummed. “They can be, but when they’re this debilitating we should have a look.”
“It’s not every month,” Maya shrugged. She didn’t want to make a fuss over this.
“We don’t have to go now, just have a think about it. I can see you, or I can ask Dr Wilson, whatever you’d prefer. When you’re ready,” she told her.
Maya didn’t reply, because she wasn’t entirely sure what to reply, and to be honest - she was shattered. Once again, Carina read the situation perfectly. “For now, I’ve bought some light food in, some water, and there’s some painkillers there if you want them. I can go and make myself busy elsewhere-”
Before she’d even thought about it, her hand had shot out and grabbed Carina’s. “Stay? Please?”
The smile that bloomed on Carina’s face was so genuine, like she’d been secretly hoping Maya would ask.
“Absolutely,” she squeezed the hand that had grabbed hers before letting go and walking around the bed. She stripped her jeans and jumper off, climbing back in beside Maya and wrapping her arms around her.
The way her body relaxed in Carina’s arms was some kind of magic. Between her and the hot water bottle, Maya finally found herself able to shut her eyes again.
It wasn’t a lie, per se, it was more an omission of the truth on Carina’s part.
Her period had started that morning too, but she’d decided not to bring that up just yet. She didn’t particularly get bad cramps, but it always left her a little drained, and Carina suspected that if she mentioned it then Maya might pull back from letting her help.
When she opened her eyes, she realised that Maya was now facing her. “Watching me sleep?”
“Mmm, it has healing properties,” Maya mumbled. “I took some painkillers. It was really bad when I woke up and they were there and… it helped.”
Carina reached up and brushed some stray hair from Maya’s face. She wasn’t going to make a big thing of it, but she was proud. “Good, I’m glad. Do you want me to refill the hot water bottle?”
“No, I’m too cosy,” she smiled slightly, the first time Carina had seen that today and she immediately felt the flutters in her chest - Maya’s smile always had that effect, especially the one she reserved for Carina.
She’d left her hand resting against Maya’s cheek, gently stroking her thumb. “Never thought I’d get you in bed for the day.”
“You have definitely had me in bed for the day before,” Maya teased - a sure sign she was feeling at least somewhat better.
Carina rolled her eyes, “you know what I mean, bella.”
Maya hummed, her face turning pensive. “Can I ask you something?”
“Always,” Carina replied, figuring it was going to be something period related.
And she wasn’t entirely wrong.
“The Tylenol bottle was already open, but you only bought it this morning. Did you need some too?” Maya asked, one of her hands coming to rest gently on Carina’s hip, making small circles with her finger.
Carina gave a sheepish smile, “what is it you say? Busted? You got me. My period started this morning too, but honestly I’m okay - I don’t really get bad pains, I just took the Tylenol to ward them off so I could focus on you,” she explained.
“I’m so lucky to have you,” Maya sighed happily. “And I am still very cosy…”
“But you’re Maya Bishop, and you can’t stay in bed all day - especially now the pain has eased?” Carina finished the sentence for her. It had only been a matter of time before Maya would want to move.
Except she knew the painkillers would only last so long, and she wanted Maya to keep resting - so a plan was required.
“How about we move to the sofa, get the blankets out, and put on one of those action movies you insist are good?” she suggested. “We could order food too if you’re up to it?”
As if on cue, Maya's stomach grumbled a little, making them both chuckle a little. “I guess that gave me away. I am quite hungry…”
“It's lunchtime now, what do you fancy?”
They'd started the movie with their food, delivered from a nearby restaurant that did amazing salads. Maya didn't want anything heavy, so she'd settled on chicken caesar (light on the sauce) for hers. Carina had gone for something with swordfish, which Maya honestly didn't even realise was a thing.
A few minutes after they'd both finished, Carina had gathered the dishes and put them to one side. Maya instinctively snuggled closer, placing her head on Carina's shoulder. She was comfy, but something wasn’t quite right.
She shuffled a little, grunting in annoyance when it still wasn't right. Carina must have noticed, because she paused the film and looked down. “Is it hurting more?”
Maya shook her head. “Something isn’t right, but I don't know what.”
“Do you want to lie down more?” Carina suggested, but Maya shook her head. She loved Carina's shoulder. “So not the position… ah! I know.”
Carina would do that - have an idea, but not actually tell Maya what it is. At the very start of their relationship it would make Maya nervous, but so far nothing bad had come out of these ideas, so she had started to trust her. Though she did doubt that briefly when Carina pulled her blanket off her and put it to one side. She immediately pulled a disgruntled face, but it didn't last long as Carina then unwrapped her blanket fully, resting it over the two of them before gesturing to Maya to rest back on her shoulder.
That simple change had Maya feeling so much closer to her girlfriend.
She'd officially become the clingy girlfriend, and she didn't even care.
Once she was settled, Carina somehow managed to get the second blanket back and resting over her. “So you don't get cold,” she explained, kissing her head softly before pressing play again on the movie.
Maya almost cried.
Carina cared for her, so much that she knew all Maya needed in that moment was for them to both be under the same blanket.
And that's when she knew Carina was the one.