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Tommy Hagan has spent most of his life fighting.
His mother insisted he was a fighter before being introduced to the world, and all anyone had to do was talk to her to feel a kick. When the time for school came around, he quickly proved to the other kids he wasn’t afraid of settling disputes by himself. Holding his own on the playground doesn’t make him popular with his classmates or teachers. He becomes a recurring prisoner of the ‘sit-there-and-think-about-what-you’ve-done’ corner, as evidenced by the growing collection of similar doodles hidden inside the isolated desk.
After an incident involving a stolen toy, Tommy is back in that usual corner and proudly brandishing a bite mark on his arm. Except this time, he has a fellow classmate sentenced to share the desk with him. A few minutes in, Tommy feels a nudge against one of his swinging feet. “What’s that?” The boy next to him points to the new dark lines Tommy adds when their teacher is distracted.
“A dog.”
“It’s an ugly dog.”
“I bet you can’t do any better!”
Tommy is right, the other kid can’t do any better. Two lopsided creatures are left markered in side-by-side at the end of the day, and Tommy can’t remember ever sitting alone again.
Befriending Steve Harrington changes things. He has someone to split lunches with, even if Steve’s lunch is always weird and something Tommy’s never heard of before. He finds out Steve’s house is much bigger and quieter than his. He only sees Steve’s parents once, and wonders if they’re always missing because they keep getting lost in their own house. Both boys are more familiar with the nannies who bustle around and let them have whatever they ask for.
“I prefer your family,” Steve whispers one day after school. It’s the first secret Steve tells Tommy.
“I don’t,” Tommy grumbles back while erasing a wrong answer on his paper. He doesn’t understand why they have homework when there’s already plenty of work at school. “You have a whole house to yourself, and no one tells you what to do! I have to share everything, and Mom tells me no a hundred times a day.” They recently learned that a hundred is a lot, so it seems fitting.
“I still want a brother or a sister.” Steve looks down at his paper as he says it, but doesn’t fill anything out. “And my mom,” His mouth snaps closed like he’s just remembered something. Tommy wants to know what it is, but doesn’t ask. Steve doesn’t like talking about his parents much.
Tommy wonders what it would be like to switch places. He would be able to eat all the snacks he wants without greedy brothers or crying sisters or strict moms. He wouldn't get yelled at for running in the house, not when he’s seen Steve do it before. He’d even be able to stay up past his bedtime because the nannies never seem to notice if Steve stayed in bed. Thinking about it more, he has to admit he would miss his mom tucking him in at night. His brothers are too loud, but at least he always has someone to play with. Besides, as much as he complains, he does like teaching his sister how to say his name.
He still thinks Steve has the better house and much more fun, but maybe Tommy’s family isn’t so bad.
“I already have too many brothers.” Tommy starts up again. “But you can be my best friend. Mom says hers are basically family. So you can be my family too.”
A grin slowly stretches out across Steve’s face. “Promise?”
“Promise!”
The two became inseparable not long after. By middle school, they pick up Carol, who gives Tommy a run for his money when it comes to starting fights and finishing them. The only difference is Carol brings down verbal retribution that leaves invisible bruises.
The second secret Steve tells Tommy is when he’s had his first kiss. Once it becomes public knowledge that Steve kissed the prettiest girl in the grade above them, Rebecca Newman, their trio skyrockets in popularity. The change happens overnight, and soon enough, the three of them have their pick of friends and receive solidified spots in the seventh-grade social hierarchy.
Tommy’s troubles begin a few months after that.
As Steve grows more interested in girls and they flock to him like a social lifeline, Tommy is the first to know of Steve’s latest exploits. A tight, bitter feeling builds up in Tommy’s stomach. He’s jealous, of course. He knows he could never compete with Steve’s looks, but he didn’t think he was that far off either. It doesn’t help his wavering confidence that he’s only spared glances after girls have realized Steve isn’t interested in them.
Others notice, and the jeering from his friends prods at his bruised pride. Steve never joining in doesn’t do much to relieve his frustration. He’s losing miserably despite not understanding the rules or boundaries of the game they’re playing. All he knows is he has something to prove. His solution is Carol Perkins, his second best friend, who was recently dubbed one of the prettiest girls in their grade.
Carol is notoriously hard to take out, but she agrees quickly and tells Tommy it’s about time he asked. They get ice cream, linger up to the last minute of her curfew, and share a quick kiss before she runs inside. The next day, they hold hands in the hall, and Tommy is the one everyone stares at for once. Whether or not he embellishes the details of their first date is no one else’s business. On the way home, Steve slaps him on the back and sounds happy for him. It’s a complete success.
Which is why Tommy is confused when he notices that all too familiar jealousy resurfacing after Steve shares he’s finally taken Anne Carper on a date and snuck her into his room.
“It was incredible, man.”
“Cool.” The usual enthusiasm Tommy gives him is subbed for clipped praise. He can’t tell if he’s irritated at Steve or frustrated with himself for being upset over nothing.
Steve picks up on the shift immediately. “What? What’d I say?” The bed creaks as he rolls onto his side and leans against his arm to squint over at Tommy.
“Nothing.”
“Liar.” Steve almost sounds upset. “You’re making that face you always do when you pretend not to hate something.”
Normally, being reminded that his best friend can read him so well is a comfort. Now, it feels like a heavy rock is pushing down on his chest. Tommy channels his distress into a temperamental scowl and moves to grab his stuff. “Maybe I just don’t care about the latest girl of the week, Harrington.” Hurt flashes across Steve’s face, and Tommy takes that as a good sign. If Steve is mad at him, he won’t bother looking past the obvious.
Tommy storms out of the house and, for the first time since kindergarten, they don’t speak for over a week. Neither of them really apologizes once his bad mood dissipates. Without any fanfare, their trio drifts back together like magnets. Guilt pinches at him when he realizes Steve is quieter than normal.
“Do you have a problem with the girls?” A few days after everything settles, Steve brings it up. He’s always been braver than Tommy, despite what people think.
The two are in Tommy’s room now. It’s smaller than Steve’s, so they have to crowd together on the bed, a leg tossed over a shifting back or an arm resting against a firm side. “What girls?” Tommy briefly forgets playing dumb only works for teachers, not Steve.
“Very funny. I just,” Steve runs a hand through his hair, a nervous tick. “It’s harmless fun, and it’s nice to— I don’t know, be wanted. I can’t figure out why it always gets to you.”
The rock is back on his chest, heavier than ever. Forcing a grin, Tommy playfully bats at Steve’s shoulder. “It’s not the girls, Steve. Since when do we not tell each other everything anyway?” He hopes Steve will never know the honesty isn’t exactly mutual.
“If you don’t care, what was with you last time?”
“Carol and I had a fight, that’s all. I didn't want to hear ‘bout all the fun you were having while I was in the dog house.” It isn’t a complete lie. The two had argued, but it wasn’t anything he hadn’t dealt with before, and their fights never interfered with his mood around Steve.
Predictably, the topic is dropped in favor of Tommy coming up with a believable story to match his fake excuse.
Steve seems to abandon his suspicions, the incident is quickly forgotten, and everything goes back to normal. At least until it happens again. And again. And again. Tommy gradually becomes better at blocking his warring emotions and has excuses on hand for when he slips up. His dad is pestering him about his future again, his brothers won’t let up, or the teachers are being worse than usual.
To counteract all of Tommy’s hard work, Steve’s stories become more detailed and frequent. He starts bringing his girlfriends– if they can even be called that– around to get into trouble with the three of them. Tommy copes by mocking them with just enough subtle malice that it gets under their skin. He credits the mastery of that skill to his time around Carol. Osmosis or whatever it’s called.
In ninth-grade, Steve decides to host a party to make use of his perpetually empty house. It’s a hit, and, once everything is in full swing, most of the school is there. The party is well underway when Tommy lumbers through the kitchen in search of another drink he shouldn’t be having. Out of habit, his eyes sweep the nearby rooms for Steve. It doesn’t take long for him to notice movement near the stairs. He catches Steve whispering into a giggling girl’s ear as they ascend the dim staircase. Steve’s arm is wrapped securely around her waist, even as he sways to the side. He’s close enough that it looks like his lips are brushing against her skin.
A quiet thought breaks past Tommy’s inebriated defenses, and he wonders what it would be like to be her. His focus drifts to imagine being the sole focus of Steve’s charm. To be faced with that same coy, gentle smile Steve saves for those girls. To have his best friend’s lips brush against freckled skin instead of—
—and the veil is ripped away. Tommy throws himself towards the sink and violently empties all contents from his stomach.
It has to be the alcohol. That’s it. He isn’t like that. He isn’t one of those people his father and brothers always whisper about.
He can’t be.
Forcibly pushing away the fear and replacing it with determination, he marches back towards the basement to find Carol. She’s right where he left her, annoyed that he had taken so long when their friends were waiting to play another drinking game. He tells her he’s bored with drinking games and has a better idea. She’s more than receptive, and not long after, he’s tracing Steve’s footsteps up towards the second level with Carol giggling on his arm.
He likes Carol, and she likes him. That should be enough.
After that night, it gets harder and harder to convince himself of that. Every new girl brings back unwelcome thoughts Tommy shouldn’t have. Dangerous voices in the back of his head insist the source of his jealousy was never Steve. The nameless girls who pass through Steve’s orbit are to blame. He hates that they so easily get what he aches for, something he will never be able to have.
When the two of them make the basketball team together, just like they vowed they would, Tommy dreads the locker room. There, Steve isn’t the only one he has to worry about. He trains himself to say all the right things. He knows if he slips up, just once, they'd all be able to tell. If they catch him staring too long, they’ll know every sick, disgusting thought he’s ever had. Every friendly nudge or arm over a shoulder is practiced and kept carefully casual. When Steve initiates contact, all he can do is hope he hides how much that touch burns and how much he wants to lean into it despite that.
Insecurity breeds hatred, and Tommy can truly say he hates himself. His fighting nature is repurposed when he turns that self-loathing outward and decides to take it out on anyone who makes a good outlet. The first time he spits out names he’s terrified of being called, a part of him shudders and cracks apart. It takes a few more times for it to get easier. Steve never stops him, and Carol doesn’t care. Whenever he’s at his worst, he tells them he’s defending Steve’s crown. It’s eat or be eaten during the last years of high school, everyone knows that.
Tommy stays a fighter throughout high school and hopes everyone is too busy staying out of his way to notice how afraid he is.
That is, until Steve falls in love with Nancy Wheeler and decides she’s worth leaving everything behind. Tommy has never dated outside of Carol, even if they’ve had breaks with the intention of fooling around elsewhere. Still, watching Steve avoid him in the halls is the first time he experiences heartbreak. It’s enough to prove there are certain problems he can’t fix with violence.
After trying and failing to find a new purpose in Billy, Tommy decides he’s tired of fighting.
When it’s time for graduation, he takes a page out of Steve’s book and runs. He packs his bags, lies through his teeth about coming back and settling down, and escapes as far as he can from Hawkins.
Life in Chicago is nothing like Tommy imagined, but it’s still everything he dreamed of.
After he settles in college, uncovering truths that kept him up at night doesn’t seem as terrifying somewhere new. In Hawkins, being honest with himself or anyone else was never an option. Beyond simple acceptance, he’d spent too long lashing out and targeting others who reminded him of himself to turn back. In Chicago, the weight of his past falls away. No one knows him, so he can start fresh and try building a life for himself that isn’t driven by hatred.
With time and new friends, the anger constantly buzzing in his veins quiets. He finds the courage to be better and realizes why Steve never looked back.
Carol becomes one of the few people who knows just how much he’s changed. He’s terrified when she insists on visiting him towards the end of freshman year. She can’t be talked out of it, broken up or not, and is already packing when she calls. He knows there’s no point in hiding anything anymore, especially with how nosy she is. Her first night, he sits her down and offers up a vulnerable piece of himself. He had expected her to rage, tear him down, and run off to tell everyone who would listen.
Instead, she holds him while he cries and dampens his hair with her own tears.
He loves Carol, and she loves him. It may not be what they initially had in mind, but for him? It does become enough.
—————
Ten years after leaving Hawkins in his rearview mirror, Tommy sits on a barstool while the man next to him overexplains his job. The conversation isn’t exactly riveting, but the guy is nice and decent company. Not to mention, undeniably hot. Tommy lifts his glass to his lips as the other blatantly follows the motion. He would be lying if he said that doesn’t do wonders for his ego.
“...but, anyway, I’m new to the city and still figuring things out.”
“You’ve got any friends or family here?”
“Some family. I’m here tonight hoping to make a friend or two.” Nothing about his tone suggests a desire to stop at friendship.
Tommy’s lips quirk upwards into a smirk. “I’d be happy to show you what the city has to offer.”
“I’ve already gotten a glimpse, and I like what I see.” The suggestive tone doesn’t go unappreciated, but Tommy can’t help but focus on how sincere his expression is. It’s a nice change of pace and enough to convince Tommy to see where this goes.
Tommy motions vaguely in the direction of the nearest exit. “In that case, I think I’m ready to get out of here, if you are?” Carol had seen them talking earlier and would put two and two together. She was the one who wanted to come here in the first place so Tommy could let loose and ‘get his world rocked’ after a stressful week at work.
Regardless, he’d make it back to his apartment early tomorrow morning so they could enjoy her last day in the city together.
The man, who introduced himself as Andy earlier, doesn’t seem to have any objections. “Y’know, I was thinking the same thing.” He waves down the bartender and graciously pays before sharing a conspiratorial glance with Tommy. They both down the rest of their drinks and shuffle towards one of the exits while straying far closer than necessary.
It doesn’t take long for Andy to wind his arm around Tommy’s waist. Once they reach a dimly lit hallway, Tommy is bold enough to ask for a kiss. One kiss becomes several before they stumble out into what looks like a half-concealed alley. The typical sounds of the city drift in the air around them, and while the area is known to be relatively safe, they both pause to listen for nearby bystanders before resuming what they started.
Tommy’s nearly gotten Andy’s shirt untucked when the doors behind them are thrown open and they both spring apart on instinct. Andy’s a few inches taller and facing the wall Tommy’s pressed up against, so he blocks Tommy’s view of whoever’s entered the alley. Keeping his hand on Tommy’s hip, Andy sends an unimpressed look over his shoulder. “Hey, man, this spot is kinda occupied at the moment. Ya’ mind giving us a few?” The phrase a few being a well-known, polite way of saying ‘don’t come back out here for a while’.
The interruption doesn’t faze Tommy much because he’s been caught in this situation more times than he’d like to admit. He focuses on clearing his head. If he’s prepared, it will be less annoying if the other party is stubborn and forces them to save this for later.
The obscured newcomer responds with a nervous, embarrassed chuckle. “Yeah, sorry ‘bout that.”
Tommy’s blood turns to ice. He’d recognize that voice anywhere, but he can’t help but nudge Andy out of the way to confirm with his own eyes. The man is retreating back into the building already, one hand poised to reopen the door while another holds an unlit cigarette. He casts one last apologetic look their way, and Tommy’s stomach drops when their eyes meet.
“Tommy?”
Tommy had expected Hawkins to catch back up with him eventually. He’d always imagined word would travel to one of his siblings and, then, his parents would know just what their youngest son gets up to. Or, on the rare occasions that his family visits to check on him, they would run into a loose-lipped friend and ask who he’s been seeing. A few times, he imagined someone from town traveling through and recognizing him somewhere they shouldn’t. Whatever the case, he decided he’d deal with the consequences when the inevitable happened.
Except now he’s not sure he’ll survive to see the consequences of tonight, let alone deal with them.
Out of every scenario, he’d never expected Hawkins to catch up with him through Steve Harrington, his childhood best friend and first love.
The spell breaks when Andy clears his throat and awkwardly steps away, which leaves Tommy fully exposed. “Do you two know each other or something?” In a more stable state of mind, Tommy would wonder what his expression must look like for Andy to sound so disappointed and resigned over such a brief interaction.
In his current state of mind, he has no answer to give, and Steve quickly breaks eye contact to flee back through the ajar door.
It’s impossible to know if seconds or hours pass once the door slams closed. Andy’s mouth is moving and he's stepping closer, but Tommy’s completely underwater and doesn’t have the strength to push towards the surface.
Steve Harrington had just seen him kissing another man. After years of no contact and a fight they never fully resolved, he had stumbled into Tommy’s biggest secret. Without warning, Tommy is thrust back into his younger years when fear had an unrelenting vice grip on his mind, and he felt impossibly small. After everything, he’s still at Steve’s mercy, and the thought forms a lump in his throat.
A sharp squeeze on his arm breaks through. Suddenly, Andy is in front of him again, and his words are fading back in.
“Are you okay? Talk to me, baby, what’s wrong?” His soft tone, which previously made Tommy warm, just makes him sick.
“I have to go.” Tommy doesn’t spare Andy a parting glance before breaking away.
Passing through the doors, he has no idea where he’s going. There’s only blind panic driving his footsteps, telling him to run and escape, but not allowing him to go beyond the shadows of the establishment. As he staggers against the wall and avoids the crowd, he can’t help but feel like everyone’s eyes are on him and their judgment is pressing in. He wonders how much worse the situation would be if he passed out on the floor.
“Tommy?” He tenses again on instinct when he hears his name, but the familiar red hair that inches into his line of sight brings sparing relief. “Hey, what is it? I thought you left.” Concern is etched across Carol’s face. Tommy tries to respond, but nothing comes out besides a panicked exhale. “Was it that guy from earlier? Did he do something?” She positions herself in front of him now, and it’s almost comical how she tries to shield him when he’s so much bigger.
Working his mouth, Tommy pushes past his heavy tongue and tries again. “Someone saw us.” Saying it out loud makes everything so much worse. “I don’t know what he’s doing here, but he saw. Carol, he saw us.” The first words release an uncontrollable flood, and he sounds borderline hysterical. Carol quickly deciphers the situation, if the mirrored panic in her eyes is any indication.
“Tommy, I need you to breathe and calm down.” The words are harsh but calming in a way only she can manage. “Who was it?”
“St–Steve.” The name doesn’t feel right anymore, and his lips stutter over it.
Carol is silent for a few moments before slowly maneuvering him towards an open booth that’s still largely out of focus for most of the patrons. “Stay here. I’m going to fix this, I promise.” Tommy doesn’t doubt she’ll try, but this type of situation isn’t fixable.
Once she disappears, Tommy grips the table and focuses on trying to quiet his roaring mind. The surface is slightly sticky. That sensation, coupled with the cool wood, helps keep him in the present. Steve knew, and there was no changing that. The best solution Tommy can come up with is calling his family and giving them a warning of what’s coming. He tries to imagine their reactions being positive, but comes up short. He supposes he might not have a family long after this.
There’s a slim chance that Steve won’t say anything. Whenever Tommy finds it in himself to ask after him, he hears of how much good he’s done for the Hawkins community. That would be reassuring if most good people in Hawkins didn’t still echo stern, traditional opinions fitting of a small town in the middle of nowhere. Steve being good doesn’t mean he’ll be good to Tommy, especially after everything.
Tommy is left fluctuating between mental clarity and blinding panic for what must be close to twenty minutes before someone else slides into the bench across from him. To his dismay, it’s not Carol, or even Andy.
Steve, looking everywhere but at him, slides a drink over before fiddling with his own.
Tommy starts to wonder if this is a nightmare. Perhaps, he’ll wake up back in his lived-in apartment and laugh at himself for conjuring up such a horrifying scenario. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before, even if this one takes the cake.
“Hey.” Steve finally attempts before clearing his throat awkwardly.
Feeling defensive and too exhausted to run in circles, Tommy pushes the drink aside and levels him with the nastiest glare he can manage. “If you’re going to out me, just tell me and go.” Steve has the audacity to look bewildered and, then, almost hurt.
“I’m not going to say anything. I’m here too.” The last statement is pointed, as if Tommy’s an idiot.
“I know you’re here too.” Tommy notices neither of them is willing to say the silent implication aloud. “Just because you’re here doesn’t mean you won’t say something.”
A hand rises to scrub Steve’s face. “I wouldn’t do that to anyone.” He sounds disappointed that Tommy ever thought that he would. Tommy searches his face for signs of deception or false sincerity, but all he finds is an unnervingly honest gaze.
Slowly, Tommy’s chest loosens up enough for him to breathe normally again, and the tension in his head gives way to a minor, more bearable lightheadedness. “If you say so.” His words come out shakier than he’d like them to. It feels too easy, and too unlikely for it to end like this.
“So, um,” Steve starts up again. “It’s good to see you, even if the circumstances aren’t great.” His eyes widen, and he jumps back in with rushed words. “Not that these are bad circumstances! You aren’t– I don’t mean it like something’s wrong with you, it’s just all of this–” he motions between the two of them before scrambling again. “Not that this is your fault, I probably should’ve said something!”
Steve’s nerves put Tommy at ease, and he can’t help but laugh. “I get it, Steve. It’s good to see you too. Despite the circumstances.” The last part is mostly teasing.
It really is good to see Steve, but it’s painful to have a tangible reminder of all the time that’s passed. Steve has aged well, still equipped with his perfectly styled hair and charming smile. His face has filled out, making him more handsome than pretty, and the boyish charm from before has matured into confident magnetism. They’ve both grown into different renditions of their old selves, but neither knows what authored those changes, and Tommy can’t help but mourn that.
“I have to admit, I’m wondering what could’ve possibly brought you here of all places.” Tommy sends a glance to the bustling establishment around them before clarifying. “I mean Chicago, not the gay bar.” He’s curious about that too, but not quite ready to voice those questions.
“I’m just passing through. A friend of mine had a special event here, so I decided to make the trip.”
“Sounds fun.”
Steve lights up, and all reservations seem to disappear. “Yeah, it was. She likes to do radio segments and got a great opportunity here. It was a pretty big deal.” He smiles down at his drink, a familiar soft smile that stirs something old and unwelcome in Tommy’s gut.
His eyes fall down to Steve’s left hand to try and catch a glimpse of something he didn’t think to check before. “Good for her, man. You two sound close.” To his credit and evidence of growth, the sentiment does sound genuine.
A snort bursts out of Steve before he shakes his head. “We are, but not how you’re thinking. She’s taken and not by me.” Tommy tries not to think about the way his expression loosens after that admission.
He uses his thumb to wipe away some of the condensation that’s gathered on his glass. “How long are you going to be here?”
“A few more days. She’s been trying to convince me to move to a big city with her.”
“That’s never gonna happen. You’d go crazy without long, empty roads to drive on and unclaimed fields for getting drunk.” Tommy’s already said it before he realizes he has no reason to sound like he knows Steve anymore. The Steve in his mind is outdated. A misplaced, faded picture that curls at the ends and is layered with dust.
Despite that, the man across from him throws up his hand with a dramatic huff, so reminiscent of a gesture Tommy’s seen a million times. “That’s what I keep telling her! I’m not a city boy, and I never will be.”
“You’re not a boy at all when you’re almost thirty.”
“Tommy Hagan, are you calling me old? We’re the same age!”
Familiar teasing that they can trace back to their childhood eases the remaining tension. Tommy feels strangely disconnected from the experience, but the previous hysteria is nowhere to be found. He’s almost secure in the interaction.
The conversation eventually shifts to where life has taken them. Tommy explains he’s working at a law firm– “no, not as a lawyer, law school would’ve chewed me up and spit me out”. He has no desire to chase after more than business operations, which is much better than he expected to do for himself after his high school performance. In turn, Steve reveals he’s a teacher. Tommy had heard as much, and he expresses his surprise over “Harrington adopting a bunch of little brats”. Tommy loses track of time again, but now he doesn’t mind.
The crowd has thinned out, and the two are amicably finishing the last of their lukewarm drinks when Steve’s expression grows unsure again. “Do, uh,” he sends a pointed look around them. “Does your family know?”
“No.” Tommy presses his lips in a thin line and knows his own expression has gone frigid. “They don’t, and I don’t plan on telling them anytime soon.”
“I told mine.” Steve’s reply is whispered. “I haven’t spoken to them since, so…yeah. I understand.”
Tommy is reminded of the lonely, sad boy who sat across from him when they were still small. The one who so desperately yearned for a family and had apparently lost his without ever really having them. Tommy hasn’t met the Harringtons enough to remember what they look like, but he can confidently say he hates them.
He’s not sure how to respond, so he stays quiet and gently nudges Steve’s foot under the table like old times. The impossibly warm, closed-lipped smile he gets in return tells him it’s the right choice.
“What made you realize?” It’s Tommy’s turn to breach a risky topic.
“There was a guy.”
“No kidding.” The sarcasm slips out before Tommy can stop it, and he immediately apologizes after Steve’s half-hearted glare. “Sorry, sorry, my bad… Go ahead.”
“As I was saying,” Steve rolls his eyes. “I didn’t realize it at the time, I just knew I admired him and got weirdly nervous when he was too close. He managed to flip everything I knew about myself in a matter of days. He was a force of nature like that.” Steve’s shoulders sag a bit as he keeps going. “It didn’t go anywhere. He’s not around anymore, and hasn’t been for a while.”
Capable of reading between the lines, Tommy can’t help but exhale in pained understanding. “I’m sorry, Stevie.” The old nickname holds memories of soothing comfort, so Tommy risks using it.
“Yeah, well,” Steve meets his eyes again, and there’s a vulnerability Tommy feels privileged to get to see. It’s precious, and he wants to cup it between his hands and prove he can keep it safe. “I’ve learned to handle it by now. But that was only the beginning, he’s not what made me realize. There’s a pretty brave kid I used to hang around. It took a while, but he made a big difference, too. Plus, a good friend of mine called me out on it when she finally got fed up.”
Tommy hums, proud and happy. “You’ve got good people in your corner.”
“Don’t I know it. I’d be lost without ‘em. If Carol’s any indication, so do you.” Steve jabs a thumb towards a distant table, and Tommy catches Carol staring while actively ignoring the group of girls talking to her. She narrows her eyes at Steve and sends a questioning look in Tommy’s direction. Tommy’s embarrassed to admit he completely forgot she was probably loitering in the area to see if his honor needed defending again.
“Yeah, she’s pretty awesome.” He flashes her a content smile, and that’s enough to get her to completely flip her attitude. She blows a kiss in their direction before turning around to chatter with her new friends. “Which reminds me, what did she say to you?”
“Besides threatening to hunt me down and hide my body if I didn’t promise to keep my mouth shut?” They share a laugh before Steve quiets and grows serious again. “We didn’t have much time to catch up, but she drilled it into me that I was an idiot in high school.”
“Less of an idiot than me.” Tommy doesn’t try to hide how ashamed he is. “I took way longer to realize everything I was doing wrong. Sorry ‘bout that, by the way.” It’s one apology out of many that are owed, but he has to start somewhere.
“That’s not what I was talking about, but thanks. For the record, I’m sorry too.”
“Wait, what were you talking about?”
Steve’s gaze is more intent now, and Tommy feels like he’s being examined under a microscope. “It’s your turn. What made you realize?”
Tommy almost accuses him of changing the subject until he remembers one specific secret Carol knows and would have motivated Steve to linger for so long. He becomes acutely aware of the warm leg pressed up against his that shows no sign of moving.
“Uh,” Tommy gnaws on the inside of his cheek. “A guy.”
“No kidding.” Steve leans forward with a smirk, and Tommy becomes a victim of karma. Despite his rapt attention and teasing, Tommy gets the sense Steve isn’t going to force him to explain any more than he wants to.
Without warning, Tommy pulls a slip of paper out of his pocket and starts writing on it. “You’re going to be here a few days?” When Steve nods in confirmation, he hands over the piece of paper and slides out of the booth. “Let me show you around before you leave, and I might tell you.”
Ten years ago, Tommy Hagan ran away from Hawkins and never looked back. Ten years later, Steve Harrington finds him again.
A few casual visits become endless phone calls and extended trips to meet halfway. The first time their lips touch, stars burst to life inside Tommy’s chest. It takes a few more months to say it, but in that moment, he knows he’s fallen back in love with Steve, and there will be no escaping it this time. Carol is thrilled she can torment both of them again and finds a willing accomplice in Robin Buckley.
By the time they re-memorize each other and chart a new course a decade in the making, Tommy’s not satisfied with running from anything anymore. Deciding to fight to protect what he has and stick around for it too, Tommy explains the nature of his rekindled relationship with Steve to his father, and the result is nearly as exacting as he expects. Losing his family isn’t any better than he anticipated it would be, but being free of the crushing dread and having Steve is enough to make the wound heal eventually.
Like with most things, there are still hiccups. Their plan to move in together is what causes their biggest fight. Tommy refuses to move back to the same town as his family, and Steve will have to be dragged away from his students, kicking and screaming the whole way. Things are tense, and both privately worry that fate is going to play a cruel trick on them again. An unlikely solution reveals itself to be Tommy’s mother, who suddenly calls him in the dead of night and begs him to visit. Tommy is skeptical, but she’s persistent and sounds alarmingly sincere. Eventually, he agrees to visit Hawkins for the first time in years.
It’s not without discomfort, but Tommy’s shocked to find most of his siblings and parents are willing to try and be better. To add to his surprise, the town isn’t as stifling and bleak as he remembers. Weeks later, he tests the waters by telling his parents he’s been considering moving back to live with Steve. He has to hold back tears when his parents insist having them both closer for family dinners would be a relief.
Tommy moves back to Hawkins that year, and Steve trails a few steps behind him into their new home.
Tommy’s a fighter. Other days, he’s so afraid that all he wants to do is run.
Above everything, Tommy Hagan is in love with Steve Harrington and, against all odds, Steve Harrington is in love with him.