Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The only history Dipper had with his uncles, was the dusty picture that hung in the hallway of his home. It had been there since as long as he could remember. It was the day Dipper and Mabel were born, one of his uncles- though he couldn’t tell which one- was holding Mabel, while his mom sat on the bed with him in her arms. That picture sat in the back of Dippers mind for the majority of the gruelling bus ride, to the town that was Gravity Falls.

It had been two days since they got here, and Dipper was…not having the best time adapting. On the one side he had come to find out there was someone out there like him, his Great Uncle Ford. A man of science and mystery, who was born with the birth anomaly of an additional finger on either side of his hands. Maybe weirdness run in the family. Dipper wanted to get to know him more, but his nerves would always get the better of him whenever Ford even looked his way. It wasn’t like Dipper saw the man much anyway, he had some sort of office in the basement he was in most of the day. His other uncle however was, eccentric to say the least.

His Great Uncle Stan seemed to be good at two things. Getting chumps that visit his tourist trap to hand over all their money, and tax fraud. He’d already gotten dipper and Mabel to do work all over the decrepit shack. He had been here for barely two days and he already missed home. Not that it was exciting to live there…or all that nice with how often his parents were fighting; but there certainly were less mosquito’s. Now his entire summer was gonna be spent in a boring tiny town, doing stupid chores for no pay. Then there was the other issue, by far his biggest challenge yet was getting used to-

‘Boo!’

Dipper jumped and fell onto his back, his cap collapsed over his eyes; the pen and journal he was using scattered across the grass. He screamed in such a high pitch it scared away all the birds in a half mile radius. He lifted his cap back up and saw a lanky man holding some tacky mask over his face. Who else would it be but his other “Uncle”, his Great Uncle Fords husband.

Grunkle Bill.

If his Grunkle Stan was bizarre then this guy was straight up unnatural. He looked like a retired magician. Dark skin and stick thin, his receding blonde hair was peppered with white and grey strips that he styled like he stepped out of the 1940’s; along with a slender pencil moustache. However what was probably the man’s most notable trait, was the glass eye in his forever drooping right eye socket. It always pointed straight ahead in a blank dead stare. He must have a collection, cause the golden brown one he had in now, certainly wasn’t the green one Dipper saw when they first moved in. 

Then there was his uncles style, while Grunkle Stan only wore his suit for tours, Bill seemed to treat every day like a runway show. Firstly, he was never seen out without his many gold rings that he’d wear interchangeably; apart from the plain gold band on his ring finger. His entire closet seemed to be stuck in the 70’s. Even in the thirty something degree heat he’d always be wearing something strange and over the top. Currently he was in a pale yellow pinstripe suit, with an equally garish tie and smart brown dress shoes.

Bill pulled down the mask and laughed hard while slapping his knee. He laughed until he choked, then had to punch his chest a bit to clear his throat.

‘Hem-hem-was worth it.’

Dipper rolled his eyes, he grabbed his journal and pen and leant back against the tree, then continued to write.

Bill grinned, he threw the mask behind his back without a care in the world, ‘so Dip, can I call ya Dip?’

‘I mean, I’d rather you n-’

‘So Dip! Just gonna spend all summer reading? What even is that, a diary?’ Bill leant down further to take a better look, but Dipper clutched it closer to his chest.

‘it’s a journal.’ He replied quietly. This guy had done nothing but give Dipper the major creeps since he moved here.

Bill stood back up, and rested his arm against the same tree.

‘Maybe you should take after ya sister.’ He pointed over to a small grassy mound. Where his twin sister Mabel, a girl that somehow left trails of glitter wherever she went was rolling down the hill. Twigs in her hair and not a worry in sight.

‘Kid seems to be having more fun than you.’

Dipper glanced up to watch Mabel, then looked back down. ‘Not my style…’

Bill’s eyes narrowed, but quickly masked it with a smile as he pushed himself off the tree.

‘Ya never know Kiddo, get your head outta that diary and you might find something fun to do.’ He said to Dipper while he sauntered back to the shack.

Dippers cheeks turned red, he tried calling out but quickly lost the confidence ‘It’s not a-whatever…’

He went back to writing, thinking about the last thing Bill said. Fun? Dipper scoffed, yeah right. The only fun he’s had so far, is having to deal with the creepy feeling of being watched all the time…As if someone was always right around the next-

‘Hello!’

Dippers heart nearly left his chest after being scared again.

‘Mabel! Quit doing that.’

Dippers annoyance flew over Mabel’s head, she quickly sat down next to him.

‘What were you and Grunkle Bill talking about?’

‘Nothing, he just-’

However Dipper was quickly cut off by the gruff shouting coming from their Grunkle Stan, standing on the porch of the shack.

‘Hey you two, front and centre!’

The twins walked over- or really Dipper walked, Mabel skipped.

Their Grunkle Stan had a bunch of signs under his arm, he chucked them onto the floor in-front of them.

‘Right, I need you two to go nail these signs to the mystery shack up in the spooky part forest…Your parents let you use hammers right?’

Mabel shrugged, meanwhile Dipper wasn’t so happy.

‘Oh come on Grunkle Stan, every time I go out there, it feels like I’m being watched.’

Stan groaned, and pinched his nose with his fingers, ‘oh great this again.’

‘I’m serious- just this morning my mosquito bites spelt beware.’ Dipper held up his scrawny arm, Stan leant down and squinted.

‘That spells bewarb?’

Dipper looked back down at the red bites, he quickly covered his arm in embarrassment. Though not before Mabel got a picture on her camera.

Stan sighed, ‘Listen kid, all that monster stuff is just crap I drum up for goons like that-’ he gestured to a sweaty man, taking pictures of the port-a-potty with his disposable camera, ‘to spend all their cash here. There ain’t anything out there, so quit being so paranoid already.’

Stan left the twins, probably off to go scam some other tourist. Dipper sighed and picked up a couple signs, Mabel patted him on the shoulder.

‘Come on bro bro, this’ll be fun! We might see a fairy, Grunkle Bill told me they’re all over the place here.’

Dipper…wasn’t so eager. But at least he wouldn’t have to go out to those woods alone.

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As the twins walked through the forest Mabel skipped ahead a bit. She hummed to herself and jumped onto a fallen log, balancing her way along it.

‘Isn’t this place great!’ She span around, ‘check out all these cool splinters I’ve got! Grunkle Bill said the more splinters the better.’

‘What does that even-whatever.’ Dipper muttered, he was already used to not understanding half the stuff Mabel said back in California. Why should now be any different. He lifted up another sign to nail against one of the trees.

‘You don’t get a creepy vibe off him?’

‘Who?’ Mabel sat down on the log then began to swing her legs back and forth. 

‘Grunkle Bill.’ Dipper replied as he hung a sign up.

Mabel made a “pshh” sound, and waved her hand dismissively, ‘no way, he’s super cool. Just this morning he told me unicorns live in the forest, and he’d take me to go see them!’

‘You know he’s just messing with you. That stuff doesn’t exist.’

‘Well that’s cause you haven’t looked up from a book since we got here. This place is magic.’

Dipper headed to another nearby tree, ‘Mabel come on, if anything it’s creepy….you’re telling me you haven’t felt like, an overwhelming sense of dread since we got here?’

‘Nope!’

He was about to say something, but decided to just let it go. This was the last sign after all, then he could go back to the safety of their room.

However when he struck the nail into the bark, it made the strangest sound. Metallic. Dipper muttered under his breath, ‘what the…’ He put an ear close to the tree.

‘Whatcha doing?’

‘Wait, shhh….’ Dipper lifted up his hand and knocked on the tree, which rung out with another metallic thud.

Mabel gasped and hopped down from the log to join Dipper, ‘Woah, crazy tree.’

She banged on the tree making it ring out loudly, Dipper to look around anxiously.

‘Mabel careful, this could be a trap.’ Dipper put his hand on the cold metal, he gently traced over its rusted skin. Until he felt a small bump, he wiped some of the grime away and saw a door. For a second he struggled to find a crack, but after Mabel stepped in to help; the two kids cracked open the old door, which revealed an equally aged set of dials.

‘Weird, why would someone make this?’ Dipper wished he brought his journal with him, finally something was getting interesting.

‘Dunno,’ Mabel replied, quickly reaching out and pushing the switch’s.

There was a faint rattling sound, then behind them a section of the ground opened up like a sliding door. The twins looked at one another then cautiously walked over, they leant forward to see what they’d just found.

The hole was shallow, too shallow to even call it a hole really. More like a box with something in it, covered in spider webs. Dipper got on his knees and leant in. He wiped away the cobwebs, revealing a…dusty old book?

Mabel tilted her head, ‘what is it? Some sorta nerd thing?’

Dipper blew away the last remnants of dust to show the cover. It was leather with a gold foil handprint in the centre, written in the middle of that was the number three. He opened it up to the first page, reading it aloud.

‘It’s hard to believe it’s been six years since I began studying the strange and wonderful secrets of Gravity Falls, Oregon…what is all this?’ Dipper flipped through the pages, by now Mabel had joined him on the floor, she leant over to see better.

‘Wait go back,’ she put out her hand, flipping back to a page with frantic scribbles, Dipper read on.

‘Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed. I’m being watched. I must hide this book before he finds it.’ In a burst of energy Dipper shot up, eyes wide with excitement.

‘Mabel! Don’t you see? This is amazing, Grunkle Stan said I was being paranoid, but according to this book, Gravity Falls has this secret dark side…’

He began to flip through the book frantically, then suddenly paused, ‘Wait, it just stops?’

Mabel grabbed the book, ‘creepy, a buncha’ pages have been ripped out…’ she paused, looking closer to the paper.

Dipper raised an eyebrow, leaning over to see what she was looking at, ‘what is it?’

‘Doesn’t this fancy writing look familiar?’

‘Now that you say that, yeah…’ Dipper took the book back and closed it to look at the cover. Examining that strange hand, when all of a sudden it all came together. The twins gasped, realising where they had seen the scratchy cursive before.

Stan, stop putting the empty jars of peanut butter back in the cupboard. - F
Do not touch. May create wormhole if disturbed. - F
Stan, simply spreading a small layer of peanut butter on the front facing side of the jars, does not equate it to being left full. - F

‘Grunkle Ford!’ They both exclaimed.

Dipper rubbed his forehead, his mind going a mile a minute. He began to pace around in a small circle.

‘This doesn’t make any sense- why would Grunkle Ford have this thing? And write down all this stuff…’ He looked back down to the cover of the strange book again, seeing his reflection in the worn gold foil.

Mabel exclaimed, ‘maybe he’s a secret agent! With a badge and everything.’

Dipper wasn’t so on board with that theory, ‘I…don’t think so…but there is something they’re not telling us…’

There was a sudden burst of wind, making the trees howl. The two looked around, even Mabel began to feel watched. They both looked at the book, then each-other.

‘Uh…let’s go somewhere private.’

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As the sun began to dip over the mountains, the two Pines twins hurried back into the shack. Mabel took the lead, she swung the door open and ran up the stairs, Dipper close behind. Just as they entered, Bill was walking down the stairs.

‘Hi Grunkle Bill!’ Mabel’s sudden appearance made him jump a little, he pushed his back against the wall as they raced past him. Once reaching the bottom of the stairs he spun around, leaning against the banister.

‘Well well well, thought you two got lost out there. Watcha got there Dip? New diary?’ He grinned wide enough to show his gold tooth.

‘Uhh-it’s-uh-’ Dipper hid the journal further into his jacket.

Mabel grabbed Dippers arm, pulling him up the stairs, ‘sorry Grunkle Bill, we gotta go. Mystery business.’

As Dipper was being dragged away, he gave one last glance to the strange man who stayed standing at the bottom of the stairs. Staring with an unreadable expression. It still made Dippers skin crawl nonetheless. That small glint from his glass eye forever piercing right into his soul.

The twins hurried to their room, after making sure the door was shut, they dove into the book. Though after about 10 minutes Mabel got bored, and carried on sticking posters onto her side of the slanted ceiling. Dipper however, was overwhelmed with it all; he had barely said a word in the hour since coming home.

‘So, does it say anything cool?’ Mabel asked while flipping through her tween girl magazine.

Dipper flung his arms out enthusiastically, ‘It’s all cool!’ He got up and hopped onto Mabel’s bed.

‘Check this out,’ Dipper flipped to a page that depicted some sort of shadowy triangle figure. The top corner of the left page was ripped, but barely read out the word ‘Cipher’. Below it was more writing that was scribbled over, a large blot of ink covered the first part of bold writing

Mabel tilted her head to the side, ‘…can’t be trusted? Who can’t?’

‘No idea, but there’s something out there that freaked Grunkle Ford out so much, he had to hide this thing….’

Just then Ford’s voice called out from downstairs, ‘children, come down for dinner.’

Dipper quickly got up, he shoved the journal under his pillow. As they walked down the stairs Dipper whispered to Mabel, ‘we can’t tell anyone about this.’

‘Agreed.’

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Dipper had spent nearly the entire night hunkered under his blanket with his torch reading through the journal. He tore through the pages, then re-read it and re-read it again. All these monsters, all these places-Ford had explored it all? And they were all just sitting in Gravity Falls, right under his nose and ready to be explored even more. Then there were all the missing pages, or redacted segments. Dipper could swear all the weird markings were some secret code…but what he didn’t get, was why Ford made such a thing? Was this even Fords? It’d be a pretty weird coincidence to have another six fingered scientist living around here. But maybe if what was in this journal was the truth, that might not be such a crazy thought.

By the time he woke up, Mabel was already gone. He groaned and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, and shoved on the same shorts and shirt that hadn’t been washed since he got here. As he pulled on his jacket he looked at the pillow that the journal was hidden under, he paused for a moment. He shouldn’t bring it, it should just stay there where it’s-

Dipper threw the pillow to the end of his bed and grabbed the journal, then shoved it into his jacket.

He yawned widely while he wandered into the kitchen, however his eyes soon shot awake when he saw his Grunkle Bill. He sat at the kitchen table, eating a bowl of scattering scrawny small black spiders, Dipper nearly choked at the sight.

Bill glanced over, ‘Mornin’ kid, geez you look rough.’

Dipper rubbed his eyes as if to make sure he wasn’t still asleep, but when he looked at Bill again…it was, just plain old cereal?

Bill chuckled, ‘what is it, gnome got your tongue?’

Dipper’s eyes darted to Bills, his words couldn’t seem to even begin to form in his head. So he did the next best logical thing, and ran out the kitchen. As he skirted around the corner he ran right into Ford, who seemed just as startled.

‘Dipper, are you-’

Ford didn’t get to finish, as Dipper was already scampering away.

‘S-sorry, gotta….’ That was all the boy said before running god knows where.

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Ford looked around, to try to figure out what spooked the boy so much. He continued into the kitchen and saw Bill at the table. He sighed, ‘of course it was you.’

‘Mornin’ to you too handsome.’ Bill said in a muffled voice while chewing on his “cereal”.

Ford’s eyes narrowed, he walked over to the table, and grabbed the bowl. He stared at it for a second, then didn’t say another word as he threw out the contents into the bin.

‘Yeah alright, not like I was eating that.’ Bill said sarcastically. He threw his spoon towards the sink, and missed.

Ford didn’t seem to be in the mood for games, he rarely was; or rather he pretended to not be. He walked over to the table and pulled out a chair,

‘You need to stop being so reckless, you’ll scare that boy half to death by the end of June.’

Bill raised his hands up in a mocking surrender, ‘not my fault. I thought the little scamp was already out getting his lunch money stolen or something.’

Ford sighed, he glanced back to the kitchen door just to make sure they were alone.

‘Bill…’ He began in a quiet earnest tone, Bill rolled his eye’s-or at least the one he still had.

‘Oh not this again.’

‘Yes “this again”, you promised me you would be careful. Don’t think I haven’t heard you saying those things to Mabel, and now that?’ He gestured to the bin the corner, where little black spiders still scattered out and crawled into the floorboards.

Bill shrugged, ‘c’mon you think Lisa Frank out there, is gonna actually find those four legged sparkly narcissists? It was just a joke.’

‘Well, we can’t have jokes that might lead them to getting into things that could be dangerous. Not to mention if they find out what you-’ Ford cut himself off, his mouth running faster than his head once again.

Bill’s smile quickly disappeared as he crossed his arms, ‘What?’

‘Nothing, I didn’t mean-’

Bill cut him off, waving his hand in the air, ‘no go on Sixer, finish what you were gonna say. You saying I’m gonna scare ‘em off? Hurt them?’

‘No!’ Ford exclaimed, he quickly looked around then leant closer and lowered his voice, ‘No…that’s not what I meant, and you know it.’

Bill began to drum his fingers on the table, he looked anywhere to avoid Ford’s gaze.

‘Yeah…well whatever, look it was an accident, OK? You know I’m not trynna scare the little tykes on purpose.’

Ford reached out, and placed a hand on Bills, ‘I know…Mabel has certainly become quite attached to you and Stanley.’

Bill felt his smile slowly creep back, he shifted his focus on Fords hand over his.

‘Yeah, kid’s sure my style.’ He looked up to Ford, ‘sweat stain sure seems to like you.’

Bill’s remark caught Ford off-guard, ‘Dipper?…I don’t think so, he’s barely said two words to me since arriving.’

‘That’s just cause the kids too nervous, you must be like meeting Einstein for a nerd like him’

Ford smiled faintly, Bill could tell he was beginning to overthink. Just as suspected, Fords grip on Bills hand tightened a little, ‘Do you think it was a good idea? Having them stay here, with…everything happening?’

‘Not my department, you and Stan were in charge of that.’ Bill replied, that didn’t exactly make Ford any less tense, ‘besides, I’m sure they’ll be fine.’

Bill glanced out the window, ‘see? Looks like Shooting Star out there found someone already.’

He gestured to Mabel outside, who was skipping off hand in hand with someone; a taller kid dressed in all black with their back turned to them. A moment later they saw Dipper following at a distance.

Bill winced a little, ‘yeesh, gotta say though that brother of hers seems to be lacking in the social skills.’

Knowing the coast was clear, Bill raised his hand; the spoon that had been left on the floor suddenly raised into the air, it floated over and plopped into the skin.

‘Don’t overexert yourself,’ Ford half joked.

Bill grinned, ‘you didn’t say that last night.’

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As soon as Dipper ran off from Ford, he found Mabel in the living room. He raced over in a frenzy of nerves, ‘Mabel! I-I think I saw Grunkle Bill eating a bowl of spiders-or like he was? I blink an-and it turns into a normal bowl of cereal!’ He stumbled over his words to a point they were barely legible.

‘You sure you’re not imagining things? Were you up all night again?’

‘I-well I mean-’ he was interrupted by the doorbell, ‘whose that?’

Mabel grinned, ‘well, time to spill the beans,’ she tipped over one of Stan’s empty bean cans, ‘broop. This girls got a date.’ She pointed to herself with both her thumbs.

Dipper’s eyebrows furrowed, ‘wait-let me get this straight. In just the morning I slept in you already found a boyfriend?’

‘What can I say, guess I’m just irr-esis-tible’ she waved her arms around, putting on a funny voice.

The doorbell rung a few more times, Mabel jumped up from the armchair and ran off, ‘coming!’

Dipper sat down on the chair, he pulled out the journal and flicked through the pages. When suddenly Stan walked in, clearly just done with a tour since his eyepatch was flicked up over his glasses.

‘Watcha reading there slick?’

Dipper jumped, he shoved the journal into his jacket, and fumbled for a magazine that was wedged into the chair crevice, ‘uh-just catching up on uh,’ he read the title out, ‘gold chains for old men magazine?’

Stan leant one arm on the back of the chair, sipping at his soda, ‘that’s a good issue.’

‘Hey family!’ Mabel came racing back in, ‘say hello to my new boyfriend!’ She reached over and pulled someone into view. He was somehow paler than Dipper, and was that blood on his cheek?

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Mabel’s new “boyfriend” was, off putting to say the least to Dipper. When he just asked the guys name, it was as if Dipper had caught him out on something. Dipper had retreated to one of the storage rooms in the attic. Finally alone he looked to the journal for answers.

Which probably wasn’t the best idea since he immediately began to think this Norman guy was a zombie. He nearly had a heart attack when he thought Norman was about to attack Mabel…but he just put a dandelion necklace on her.

Dipper wasn’t buying it.

‘Am I just going nuts…’ he muttered to himself, flicking through the journal.

‘It’s a dilemma to be sure.’

Dipper yelped, he hid the book behind his back in a panic. Though he gave out a sigh of relief when he saw it was only Soos. Whp was fixing up a lightbulb, ‘I couldn’t help but overhear you talking aloud to yourself in this empty room.’

‘Soos, you’ve seen Mabel’s boyfriend, he’s gotta be a zombie right?’

Soos pulled out a screwdriver from his belt, thinking for a moment, ‘hmm, how many brains did you see the guy eat?

Dipper looked down to the ground, ‘zero…’ he said let down.

‘Look dude, I believe you.’ He waved his screwdriver around a little, ‘I’m always noticing weird stuff in this town.’

Dipper looked up, ‘really? Like what?’

Soos got down from the little stepping stool, ‘Well, like the mail man? Pretty sure that dude’s a werewolf. But look dude, you gotta have evidence. Otherwise people are gonna think you’re a major league cuckoo clock.’

Dipper sighed, ‘as always Soos, you’re right.’

‘My wisdom is both a blessing and a curse.’ He folded up the stepping stool. Dipper’s palms began to sweat; before Soos left the room he finally built up the courage to ask something.

He stepped forward, ‘hey Soos. You uh, well you ever noticed anything, weird with…well oh I dunno-Grunkle Bill?’

Soos turned around, ‘Dr Pine’s husband? Oh dude ton’s of stuff, like this one time-’

He was cut off by Stan’s yelling from somewhere in the shack, ‘Soos! The portable toilets are clogged again!’

Soos shifted his cap, ‘sorry dude, I am needed elsewhere.’

He walked out the room, leaving Dipper alone with his advice. Get evidence.

Such evidence to a boy that was as paranoid as Dipper wasn’t hard to come by. He had followed the two around town all day. Watching from afar as Norman staggered around. The guy fell over nearly every time something touched him. Then there was the punching a hole in the window of the local diner to open the door for Mabel, and even falling in and climbing out of an open grave-that one really sealed the deal.

Dipper bolted into their room, where Mabel was humming and brushing her hair.

‘Mabel! We gotta talk about Norman.’

Mabel rummaged through her jewellery boxes, ‘Isn’t he the best?’ She flipped her hair around, ‘check out this giant smooch mark he gave me!’ She laughed, ‘gullible, it was just an accident with the leaf blower…that was fun.’

Dipper reached for the journal, and pulled it out his jacket. ‘I’m trying to tell you that Norman is not what he seems…’

Mabel gasped, she whispered and giggled, ‘you think he might be a vampire? That would be so awesome!’

‘Guess again sister…’ He quickly opened the book, showing the gnomes page, ‘Sha-bam! Oh, wait-sorry.’

He skipped over to the zombie section, ‘Sha-bam!’

Mabel raised an eyebrow, ‘A zombie?’ She put her hands on her hips. ‘That is not funny, Dipper.’

Dipper paced around a little, ‘I’m not joking. It all adds up: The bleeding, the limping-’ he spun around to face her. In a panic he gripped a piece of his hair and his eye’s nearly bulged out the sockets, ‘He never blinks! Haven’t you noticed that?’

‘Maybe he’s blinking when you’re blinking?’

Mabel’s excuses were beginning to really get under his skin, ‘Mabel, remember what the book says, “trust no one”!’

Mabel smiled a little, ‘well what about me, huh? You can trust me.’ She lifted her hand and booped Dippers nose.

One of Dipper’s eyes twitched, he grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her, ‘Mabel! He’s gonna eat your brains!’

Mabel was over Dipper’s paranoia, she pulled his hands away. ‘Listen Dipper. Me and Norman are going on a date at five o’clock.’ She shoved him back out their room, ignoring Dippers stuttering, ‘I’m gonna be adorable, he’s gonna be dreamy. And I’m not gonna let you ruin it, with one of your crazy conspiracies!’ She slammed the door shut in his face.

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Dipper had been sulking in the living room for the past hour, replaying all the phony evidence he’d took during the day. Mabel had left for her date not too long ago, he guessed the rest of his summer was just gonna be spent alone. Or that was what he thought, until he saw a clip of Norman’s hand falling off and him shoving it back on.

The next half hour was powered purely by adrenaline and the three sodas he’d downed that day. Dipper was surprised to find out Norman wasn’t actually a vampire, instead a collective group of gnomes- Geez he was way off.

At least the shovel and baseball bat Soos gave him helped getting his sister back from becoming queen. Now he just had to deal with the giant amalgamation of gnomes that were chasing them; or really, Mabel dealt with it. If “dealt with it” meant grabbing the leaf blower, and using it to make the beast explode into a hundred falling gnomes.

The ground shook, some of the items in the gift shop fell from their shelves. Stan grumbled as he counted the days earnings, ‘Jesus, what’re those two knuckleheads doing out there?’

Bill, who was leaning back on a stool with his shoes up on the counter, shifted forward to look out the window; he saw Mabel holding a leaf blower and a bunch of gnomes running back into the woods.

‘Character development.’ He replied nonchalantly, and went back to his trashy magazine.

A couple minutes and one awkward sibling hug later, the twins walked into the gift shop. They were muddy, tired and sweaty, but Dipper was used to being the latter.

Stan looked up and laughed, ‘Sheesh! You two get hit by a bus or something? Hah!’ Tough crowd, the twins carried on walking without a word.

Bill gave Stan a look, tilting his head towards the kids.

Stan called out, ‘Uh-hey! Wouldn’t you know it? Um, I accidentally overstocked some inventory, so how’s about each of you take one item from the gift shop, on the house!’

Mabel smiled, clasping her hands together, ‘really?!’

Dipper folded his arms, ‘what’s the catch?’

Stan shoved the wads of cash together, then elbowed the cash register open.

‘The catch is do it before I change my mind. Now take something,’ he felt a pair of beady eyes on him, he looked up and saw Bill smirking with his head in his hands, ‘what?’

‘Softie.’

Dipper looked around the shop, after a minute or so of looking he spotting a stack of caps. He scratched his head, his old cap long lost; probably got a gnome gnawing on it somewhere. He picked one out and glanced in the mirror, he smiled. ‘That outta do the trick’

‘Looks good on ya, Pine tree.’ Bill called out, Dipper supposed that new nickname was better than Dip. 

Mabel meanwhile was rummaging through some old boxes in the corner. ‘And I will have a…Grappling hook!’

The three guys looked at each other, Stan smiled confused, ‘wouldn’t you rather have like, a doll or something?’

She raised the grappling hook into the air, and shot it towards the ceiling, she quickly flew up into the rafters.

‘Grappling hook!’ She yelled, hanging in the air.

‘Fair enough!’ Stan said without a second thought.

Just then, the “restricted” label door next to the vending machine opened and out walked Ford, ‘good evening every-’ He paused when seeing Mabel, though decided to not mention it, ‘one..I um…will be starting dinner now…’

Bill hopped up from the stool, he linked his arm with Fords as they headed to the kitchen.

Ford spoke quietly as they walked off, ‘is that my grappling hook?’

‘Not any more.’ Bill chuckled.

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As another day of the twins summer came to an end. Dipper sat in his bed, the journal sat in his lap as he finished writing his first entry. He smiled and looked over to Mabel who was jumping on her bed.

‘Hey Mabel, could you get the light?’

Mabel grabbed her grappling hook, and closed one eye, ‘on it!’

She shot at the lamp, which promptly made it crash through the little triangle window.

‘It worked!’ Mabel exclaimed.

Meanwhile in Ford and Bill’s bedroom, Ford stood at his window. He heard a crash and laughing, then a saw a lamp land into a bush.

‘How many windows do you think they’ll break while they’re here?’ He said, still looking outside.

Bill settled into their bed, ‘for your own sanity, I wouldn’t think about it.’ He yawned, ‘ain’t cha coming?’

‘I…I need to continue some work.’

‘Can’t it wait?’ Bill said as he rubbed in his night hand cream.

‘Not with the ratings that have been coming in…’ Ford sighed, he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, ‘I think another rift will be opening up soon.’

That made Bill focus, ‘where?’

Ford didn’t answer immediately, ‘…too close to sleep on it.’ He headed to the door.

‘So I’m guessing tomorrow’s gonna be a no show for you, again.’ Bill said, with a touch too much sarcasm for Ford to overlook.

‘I don’t need you to add to my stress, I have enough of that already. Now goodnight.’ He left without another word. If Bill was the being he used to be, attitude like that would have resulted in a certain someone’s eyes being plucked out their skull, and used as golf balls. Instead, Bill scoffed while he grabbed his eye-mask, and yanked the covers over him.

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Well, it certainly was fun while it lasted. If only that damn baby didn’t get in the way, he’d be in party central. The HQ! And he the CEO of never-ending gruesome fun. It wasn’t his fault that guardian and stupid time goons didn’t see the vision. What was the big hubbub anyway, it’s not like that Earth thingy was gonna amount to anything. Humans? Geez, he’d found gunk between Teeth’s well, teeth more evolved then those sacks of flesh and regrets. Maybe if that baby listened to him he wouldn’t of had to resort to such…resources, that being Xanthar’s right hook. If they all just listened to him he wouldn’t of had to go to his last resort. Oh well, he’d be outta here in no time and back to planning a party that never dies. How hard would it be to get the slip on something as slimy as this guy anyway?

‘So what’ll it be Axy? Limbs torn off then regrow every day for like a trillion years? Push some big boulder up a hill? Or you gonna shove me in some stuffy joint to “talk about my feelings.”’ Bill couldn’t help but laugh at that last one, and totally not because that was something that actually made his three dimensional bricks shake.

For a moment the deity said nothing, it simply floated in it’s eternal tank outside of time. Perhaps it was a minute, perhaps 30 years but eventually, it spoke.

You cannot regrow through denial
you’ll have to face my hardest trial.
Far away you shall be thrown,
in a vessel now skin and bone.
Now then demon, what with your new form
a body all blood-warm.
With powers set to naught,
let’s pray for all this lesson shall properly be taught.

Bill’s only response was to scoff. He crossed his legs one over the other and leant back into an imaginary chair.

‘Oh yeah sure, like that’ll get me to crack. Doesn’t even make sense-’

Though he didn’t get to finish his snappy remark. Instead Bill was sent hurtling through space, stars were nothing but a blur as he was shot through time. He could hear everything, feel everything, see all yet nothing at the same time. Atoms grew on his otherworldly flesh, connecting and duplicating. His body began to crack, light shone through as the ridges of his triangular form peeled away. He was born anew between dying stars. Once triangle, now something entirely else. In a blink of an eye something changed, as if he could see more around him, another eye to see the unexplainable.

That was when he saw it, a ball of blue and green. He felt his eyes close on their own accord, and his limbs pull themself up to his chest as he hurtled to his new prison.