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Enji wasn't quite sure why he first decided to say something. Why he felt that now, of all the times, he should ask the question he had wanted the answer to for years, and yet had been too afraid to ask. Why here, on this operation, where All Might and himself were waiting, suited up and on call, ready for when the signal came that something had gone wrong. It was far too important and dangerous to risk not having both of them there, the HPSC had said, although their involvement may not be necessary if the others did their jobs right. For some reason, that had given him the motivation to ask.
“How?” Enji murmured, sitting on the chair in the small apartment that had been provided as an operating base. Only himself and All Might were here, with the man sitting on the sofa across from him, doing sudoku on the newspaper in an attempt to fill the time.
“Hm?” All Might said, looking up. He wore a confused expression on his face, as Enji realized he had voiced at least part of his regular questioning aloud. Every time he was with the man, he asked himself the same question, one that he wanted the answer to more than nearly anything else, and yet couldn't ask. Except, he had just spoken.
He could've played it off as musing about the operation. Could've disguised it as just a noise, or could've even been his usual, bullish personality to get the man to drop it. But something in him decided to throw caution, shame, and even his usual defensiveness at the topic, and just ask. “How have you stayed the Number One Hero for so long?”
All Might frowned, and sat up, placing the paper on the coffee table between them. “People need saving. I have the power to help them. It doesn't matter how you describe it, all of it boils down to that. For as long as I have the power to help people I will.”
Enji huffed, annoyed. “Not that, oaf. I mean how has a bumbling, goofy moron like you remained at the top spot for over 3 decades?” Enji rolled his eyes. “I don't care about what keeps you going. Everyone has a reason for doing things. I’m questioning how you've kept it, not why you haven't retired.”
All Might blinked. He didn't answer for a moment, as his eyebrows scrunched together. “Have I done something to offend you, Endeavor?” He asked slowly, ignoring the question.
Enji grit his teeth, frustrated. “For years, I have tried to become the number one hero. I have paid in time and pain, and effort, and frustration, and blood, and sweat, and tears.” He murmured. “And still, I have only ever been second. Good, but not good enough to beat you. No matter what I do, no matter how long I have tried, it isn't enough. Even after years, decades soon enough, I am still seen as nothing but a candle before the sun.” He didn't say anything for a moment. All Might didn't either, so eventually, he continued. “I…” He sighed. “I just want to understand.”
“Ah.” All Might said, nodding. “I understand. I can answer your question.”
Enji blinked, looking up at the man. “You… you actually know the answer?”
“I do.” All Might said. “And it is fairly simple, though not through any fault of your own. The reason you can't become the Number One Hero is because of Todoroki Enji.”
Enji stared at All Might in confusion. “What the hell does that mean?” He asked, some hostility returning, hearing the man’s words.
“As I said. It isn't your fault. But the mere existence of Todoroki Enji is the reason why you are not the Number One. It isn't him specifically. You could be Yamada Taro. Could be anyone. But it is because you are more than just Endeavor. You have a family, a wife and kids. You live in a house of your own, eat meals at home more often than not, you take breaks and vacations when you need it, and you take the time to heal, both physically and mentally when you need it.” All Might explained, leaning forwards slightly.
“What does that-”
“Who am I, Todoroki?” It was a simple question. And yet, Enji didn't know the answer. “Nearly two decades working together. Operations like this happen, and you have seen a closer side of me than most, so who am I Todoroki?”
“I don't-” Enji tried to argue, annoyed, but the man continued once again.
“I am All Might.” Enji froze. “Endeavor is Enji Todoroki, Best Jeanist is Hakamada Tsunagu… Miruko is Usagiyama Rumi, Ryukyu is Tatsuma Ryuko. All of them are amazing heroes, but they are more than that.” The man sighed. “I am All Might. That is all I am.”
“You… You have a civilian identity.” Enji argued.
“Do I?” All Might raised an eyebrow. “I have no family to speak of, those I had either dead or estranged. I have no home to return to. I sleep in a room connected to my office. It has a twin bed, and that’s enough for me. I drink protein and nutrient shakes that give me everything I need. Food is nothing more than fuel to me. When have you last seen me take a break, even for a single day, when I wasn't grievously injured?” He sighed again. “The reason you cannot beat me is because being the Number One Hero is all I am.”
Enji stared at the man in shock, and something akin to horror, at the idea of the man living like that. “Why… Why would you push yourself that far?”
All Might gave him a sad smile. “This world needs a symbol to look up to. Someone to give them hope, and make them think everything will be alright.” He paused for a moment. “The position of the number one hero will always be expected to be that person, but it forces you to erase anything else you are. So I decided that it would be me, so no one else would have to make that sacrifice.”
Enji simply stared at the man for a while. He was laser focused on his goal, but even he recognizes he had to live a life of his own at the same time. For a moment, just a single one, his ambitions told him to push harder, and to forgo that all. But his logic won out. If he had to give up everything in his life, was it truly worth it? If he actually succeeded, at the cost of all of it, what was there for him, from then on? A title that would be more shackles than success?
He looked at All Might, really looked at the man, and his weary, world weathered expression, not putting on the smile of All Might’s usual persona. It hit him how true the man’s words were. The way he stared at Enji, his eyes almost devoid of life, it was unsettling. And Enji realized that if this was the price he had to pay, then perhaps he didn't want it anymore.
“I see.” He said quietly, his mind still trying to understand what he had been told. Still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that the thing he coveted most in his life was now a fate he wouldn't wish on anyone. He sat back, leaning on a hand, and just letting his thoughts run. For a while, neither spoke, before he eventually looked up at All Might. “Who were you?” He asked quietly.
“What?” The man murmured, shocked.
“You say All Might is all you are. Who were you before?” He didn't quite know why he asked. But it felt important.
“I…” The man hesitated, but recognized after a moment that there would be no harm in telling the man, when he didn't truly exist. “I was Yagi Toshinori.” He eventually said, staring down at the floor.
Enji nodded, and again, they fell into a short silence. He’d wasted his time, hadn't he? If he didn't want to erase who he was then the number 2 would be all that he ever was. And now, with a new perspective, maybe that was all he wanted to be.
Enji Todoroki, and All Might. That was really the difference between them. That one got to go home, and get out of the costume, and that the other always wore the costume, even when physically wearing something else. He had gone so wrong, trying to be something that he had made up in his head, when it just happened to share a name with something else, something much more real, and much less desirable than what he had imagined.
A beep on their wristwatches alerted them that the situation had evolved. They were wanted on site, as things were almost certainly going to devolve more. Both snapped up to look at each other, realizing the conversation was over. “C’mon.” Enji said simply, standing up. He turned away from All Might, but as they walked out of the apartment, the man was right beside him. He would be, of course.
If All Might was all he was, then the man would be more than used to swallowing personal issues in the face of a crisis. It was practically in their job description. But even if All Might could move on from the conversation, Enji wasn't so sure. For now, he could put it aside, but he had a sinking feeling he’d be revising the topic again at some point. Because Enji Todoroki couldn't simply let things like these disappear into the wind. And that was the difference between them.