Chapter Text
Lovro moves his body to the beat of the loud music, feeling the drums inside his chest. The lights use every rainbow color, and yes!
He is gay! So what!
It doesn’t even matter because the only guy he wants chose his pretty girlfriend instead.
He is holding something, so he looks down to find a cup, still half full. Yes! He drinks all of it in one gulp, dropping the plastic cup on the floor so he can keep dancing.
The space starts feeling smaller. Lovro frowns, looking around himself. There’s a commotion here somewhere. When he turns, Jakov is right there, hands on Lovro’s check, slapping him not as gently as he should.
“Hello, dumbass! It’s time to go.”
“What?!” Lovro frowns, pushing Jakov’s hands away from him. “No! We just got here!”
In the haze, Lovro finds Mario and Filip right behind Jakov, and they all look so worried. They are talking, but Lovro can’t understand them, mixed with the loud music.
Jakov moves, lifting one of Lovro’s arms in a rush. “C’mon, we’re moving.”
“Jakov!” Lovro drags the vowels of his best friend’s name. Then the world stops spinning, and Lovro understands his friends’ rush as Ivan comes through the fog like some fucking hallucination.
He stops too close, just a step in front of Lovro. He looks troubled, too. Good.
“Sorry, man, we’re leaving,” Jakov screams before Ivan can get a word out. Jakov sounds mad and annoyed. Lovro looks at him, then goes back to Ivan with his brows lifting in the inner corners like a puppy.
“Where’s your girlfriend?” Lovro teases, stepping into Ivan’s personal space. “You chose her, didn’t you? So get the fuck out of my face!”
And Jakov is dragging him away now, with Mario and Filip serving as their bodyguards through the crowd, helping create some distance between Lovro and Ivan.
A loud noise, it’s a portal between the dark and loud place, changing into a dark, quiet, and cold second place. Lovro blinks a few times, trying to get used to the new light. Jakov finally let go of him, but he is close enough in case Lovro needs help.
“He doesn’t want to go.” Comes the Godly, deep, and soothing voice from behind them. They all keep walking like Ivan isn’t following them. Lovro turns his head over his shoulder, and the world is spinning five times faster.
“Call your girlfriend, Ivan. She is the keeper of all your dirty secrets, isn’t she? I’m sure she’ll understand.”
Hearing Lovro talk does something to Ivan, because he starts walking a little faster. “We need to talk.”
“No, you don’t. He’s drunk.” Jakov tells Ivan. Mario puts a hand on Lovro’s shoulder, keeping him moving forward.
Lovro looks around. Do they all know about this stupid drama? His friends are acting like they hate Ivan. Did Lovro tell him? He remembers flashes of it, but it can also be another dream.
They all walk in silence, aware of the stalker just a few meters behind. The cold night brings Lovro an inch closer to reality, but he checks with the boys, and nobody is willing to give him something to smoke or drink. He’ll not be picky, and they are still not giving him anything.
It’s a long fucking walk, but suddenly, they are back inside somewhere, waiting outside a door.
Vito swings the door open. Lovro can see how big his eyes get and how he opens his mouth, looking at Lovro from head to toe. There is music inside, and the girls appear behind Vito.
Just perfect. Now everyone is here.
It’s another whole commotion as Lovro walks to the bedroom. Everyone is following like shadows, and a million conversations are going on, but Lovro can only focus on the tall shadow behind everyone.
His presence is hard to be ignored, but everyone is trying their very best. Lovro crawls into a nice bed, kicking his sneakers off his feet.
Vito is shooing everyone out of the room. Everyone but Ivan.
Jakov pushes the door until it’s completely open, and he takes the keys with him.
Ivan puts his hands behind his back and leans against the wall, watching Lovro.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Lovro grunts, closing his eyes, and the world starts spinning so fast again.
“You’re really drunk...I was worried.”
Lovro snorts under his breath. “And what? You’re going to cuddle me until I feel better? I think you would rather die.”
He turns to his other side because knowing Ivan is right there, watching him, is making him sick.
And this bed is so nice, the comforter is the right amount of heavy and warm. Lovro can almost feel the back of Ivan’s hand on his cheek, gently stroking his face.
He closes his eyes just for one second, and when he opens them again, the lights are out, the yellow curtains are closed, and someone is touching him. Lovro turns, and Ivan is there, standing next to the bed, but he has a bottle of water in his hand this time.
“Drink this, it’ll make you feel better.”
Lovro struggles but manages to sit up. His insides twist and turn, and he presses his lips together not to puke.
All the main lights are out in the house, but Lovro can still hear people whispering in the other room. There is a plate with some snacks near the (still) open door.
Lovro opens the bottle and takes a sip. He wonders if Ivan tastes better than this stupid water. Sonja would know.
Ivan moves carefully, sitting on the floor with his back pressed against the bed.
Lovro drinks more water, putting the bottle on the messy nightstand.
“Don’t you have somewhere else to be?”
Ivan shakes his head, and Lovro rolls his eyes, lying back down. “Do you even know what you want?”
It takes a second, and Ivan replies. “I know one thing.”
Lovro feels sick again. He takes long breaths for a minute. “So why aren’t you with her now? She's more interesting than I am.”
“I told you I liked you. You didn’t want me to break up with her.”
“Sure.”
Ivan looks over his shoulder at him.
“You like your girlfriend better. Go be with her. We’re not friends.”
“You were with Ema. You were in love.”
Lovro frowns, leaning on one elbow. “Sonja told you that?”
He sighs, pulling the comforter to his chin, closing his eyes, hoping sleep will come to him sooner rather than later. “Forget I exist, please.”
“I’m sorry about what I said at school,” Ivan says after a minute. “It was dumb.”
“Did you even like me? Because I feel like it was just an impulse, and you regretted acting on it.”
“I don’t regret it. I just didn’t want to hurt you...”
“Too late for that.”
Ivan moves so he can take a good look at Lovro. He looks like he is in pain. Lovro chooses to ignore it. “Can we just talk, please?”
“We are talking. You lied to me, led me on, and I was stupid for believing in you. You would never leave Sonja for a guy, not for me at least, and I should have believed you when you said that to me. It’s my fault, really. I’m not worth your time. You made your mess, and it blew up in my fucking face, so I’m choosing not to be friends because I know now that you are that type, letting shit fall on my lap so you keep your stupid girlfriend happy and satisfied.”
Ivan just looks at him, shocked and sad, and Lovro wants him gone. “I’m sorry, Lovro. I didn’t mean-”
“Intentions don’t mean anything when you ruined my life to keep yours safe.”
Lovro turns his back to Ivan, pulling the comforter all the way to his ears. He keeps his eyes closed, but it takes a long time for him to fall asleep.
He can feel that Ivan is still there. Some time later, Vito comes to check in, and Lovro hears them talking.
“How is he?”
“Uh, better. I’m sorry for coming uninvited.” Ivan’s voice is deeper when he is talking to other people, Lovro realizes.
“Everyone is welcome here. And don’t mind that kitty, he can be very skittish.” Vito is too kind to Ivan. He doesn’t get an answer, but Lovro feels when Ivan nods his head because the mattress moves. “Everyone is mostly gone, just Jakov is sleeping on the couch. Stay for as long as you want and lock the door once you are gone.”
A second later, the door is closed, and they are stuck in the deepest silence. Lovro grabs fistfuls of comforter, squeezing until it hurts. Mercifully, sleep doesn’t take long after that.
-
Lovro wakes up feeling like a rock at the bottom of the ocean. Everything hurts, and it’s so heavy to move. He blinks a few times, needing a moment to understand where he is. The room has a yellow hue to it, with closed curtains and the sun peeking through the closed window. His cheeks are sticky. He rubs his eyes with his hands, noticing that his lashes are wet too.
Memories slowly come back to him.
Ivan was there, sitting next to the bed. Lovro looks over his shoulder, and there is nobody else in the room. The door is closed, and he sees someone walking in the hallway, but it’s not Ivan. He curls around himself until he sees something on the other side of his pillow.
He grabs the small square and turns. It’s a Polaroid picture.
Lovro, lying on his side, and Ivan, pressed against his back, lying on the comforter, making himself smaller and as close as possible to Lovro’s back, with his face buried deep into the back of his neck. He feels something sticking to the back of the picture. He turns, and there is a Post-it attached to it.
I pretended to be asleep when he left this morning.
He bought you some VERY NICE breakfast. It was delivered after he left.
It’s on the table.
- V
Lovro’s head pounds when he stands up too fast. He wraps the comforter around himself, hiding as he glides out of the room. There is only one paper bag on the table, still folded and closed, and with his name on it.
Lovro opens it carefully, and it smells like buttery, sweet pastries, and his stomach roars loudly. There is also a small cup that smells a lot like hot chocolate. Lovro is so hungry that it might kill him.
He grabs the hot chocolate - the warmth is so welcomed against his hand – and he takes the bag with him back to the bedroom, savoring every bite as he eats on the bed, staring at a blank wall, with his heart still broken.