Chapter Text
Shane:
The fight has been horrible. Shane blinks back tears as he tried to see the road through the thick falling snow. All he can think about is Ilya face… the pain in his boyfriend eye when he asked him to leave. Shane felt a sob rip through his chest… how has he let this happen. How had he let Ilya think that he wouldn’t choose him over hockey. Yes hockey meant a lot to Shane but Ilya has given him so much more. Ilya love him and he loved Ilya so what the hell had gone so wrong.
“Fuck this” Shane said out loud to no one and everyone all at once.
Him and Ilya had fought so hard for this. The secrets, the hiding, the lonely nights… all of it. Shane wasn’t going to just drive home. Home was wherever Ilya was.
Before he really knew what he was doing he flip in illegal u-turn on the road. He could hear Ilya now “the perfect shane Hollander breaking a traffic law… unheard of”. Shane would have laughed if his chest didn’t hurt from holding in sobs and fight down a panic attack. Ilya knew how to calm him down but being alone right now felt like hell. He tried to think of how Ilya used to calm him down in the past but right now all he saw was Ilya face, angry and betrayed telling Shane to go home.
He could only image how Ilya felt. Fuck he was selfish, why should he worry about himself right now, he thought. He needed to be with Ilya…that was what mattered. Even if Ilya didn’t want to talk, he would at least be there.
Shane pulls out his phone and tries to call Ilya. Straight to voicemail. He tries again with the same result but he leaves a message.
“Ilya I know you don’t want to talk but I’m coming back okay…. I’m so sorry for what was said and when you’re ready I’ll be there okay.” Shane voice cracks and he tries to steady himself as he pull to a red light. “ I will always choose you and I’m so sorry I didn’t realize what you were going through alone…. please just call me I love you…. You are everything to me and I’m sorry that I made you feel anything less than that…. Ya lyub…”The voicemail cuts out before Shane can finish that sentence and the light turns green. Shane hits the gas, frustrated and wiping tears from his blurry eyes. He doesn’t see the car speeding at him thought a red light… he only feels pain, then nothing.
Ilya:
Ilya slammed the door to his bedroom and it rattles the picture frames on the wall. He was so angry, god he was so angry. He hated it. He hated being mad at Shane and his beautiful freckles. He hated seeing the tears form in Shane’s beautiful eyes. Shane hadn’t let the tears fall and they simply shone back at Ilya.. it broke Ilya heart because he could get lost in those eyes over and over. He hasn’t meant to start a fight by asking Shane to go to a party with him, but what had he expected. Shane played it safe always… he should have known better.
Ilya flopped on the bed hand brushing where Shane normally lay. God he wanted to hold him right now. His sweet shane…. He couldn’t imagine what was going on in that overly anxious head of his. The thought of Shane spiraling and driving scared him now that he thought about it. But he knows Shane was safe and always careful… Shane never even sped. He could hear Shane now scolding Ilya for always driving to fast. He gripped his cross chain around his neck and huffed in frustration.
“Mama” he said in Russians to himself “ what do I do”.
He wanted to tell the world about him and Shane, but that wasn’t part of the stupid plan and fucking Shane always need to stick to a plan.
His phone ringing startling him out of his thoughts. Shane. He decline it quickly, he was too angry to speak to him . He didn’t want to say something he’d regrets later. He already regretted enough. It rang again..he turned his phone off throwing it across the room. He couldn’t do this right now. He flipped off all the lights and threw himself into bed. Tomorrow would be different…. It had to be.
Ilya woke up feel worst then he had last night. His heart ached for Shane and he fucking just wanted to kiss the beautiful man that made his heart feel full. He wanted to see Shane nose scrunch up in the adorable way it did when Ilya tried to kiss him with morning breath. But Shane wasn’t there….. ilya told him to leave. This was supposed to be a 3 day weekend together. No plans just to two of them…. and it was ruined.
Forcing himself out of bed he grabbed his phone off the floor and went downstairs to get breakfast before the gym. He turned his phone on and set it on the counter to power up. He grabs the tv remote and flips on some boring Canadian news channel that Shane always watches and Ilya always gives him shit for it. But it was their routine and Ilya loved it.
“Breaking news this morning: reports are coming in that hockey sensation Shane Holland was involved in a serious car collision late last night. At this hour, details remain limited, and officials have not released information regarding his condition. We will continue to monitor the situation and bring you updates as they become available.”
Ilya didn’t know what a heart attack felt like but this is was probably it. He grabbed the remote and rewatched the news report two more time. He didn’t believe it, he had to be dreaming.Then his phone finally turns on. About 30 missed calls and messages light up his Home Screen and he thinks he might die right there in his kitchen.
Hayden: 11 missed calls
Hayden: Ilya pick up the phone
Hayden: I know you hate me but I really need to answer please.
Hayden: for the love of god Ilya will you please answer I’m begging you.
About 10 other text from Hayden come after but Ilya scrolls past.
David: 9 missed calls
Yuna: 16 missed calls
Yuna: Ilya I need you to pick up. Shane been an accident and they are taking him Lakeshore Regional Hospital
Yuna: Ilya please be alright. Please breath. I don’t know what Shane was doing out so late I thought you two had the next two days together but please call me back.
Yuna: Ilya sweetheart, please call me.
Jane: 2 missed calls…. One voicemail
Ilya doesn’t remember start to cry but he also realized his chest feels tight and he sucks in a panicked breath. Fuck he needed to breathe.
He’d sent Shane out , he told Shane to leave, he sent Shane away. He’s pulled from his spiral when the doorbell rings and there is someone pounding on the door. Somehow he gets his feet to move and he throws the door open.
Shane’s dad David is standing there. He’s eyes are red and filled with relief of all things.
“Thank god you’re alright” David chokes out pulling Ilya into a hug. “You didn’t answer us and we thought something happened”
Ilya didn’t deserve them. Shane was in the hospital and they were worried about him.
“I… my phone, I turned it off…. I’m so sorry” Ilya stutters.
David gently grabs ilya trembling shoulder as another sob wrecks Ilya frame. David hugs him again trying to calm him down. “It’s okay, explain later” David says softly. “We need to go to Shane”