Work Text:
Staring out at the bustling city below him, Harvey blinked away the tears blurring his vision. His office was blissfully empty with a record playing softly in the corner and yet the tightness in his chest refused to budge. He rubbed a hand roughly over the front of his shirt as he tried to regulate his breathing, but his lungs stuttered in a way that made him want to curl into a ball.
He’d had panic attacks before. His fare share, even. Yet, they never got any easier to deal with. The raw panic that would fill his brain with fear and cotton wool made him freeze up like a vulnerable baby lamb and it made his skin crawl.
Even as he watched the sky descend further and further into darkness, Harvey could feel his chest tighten, his lungs twisting and writhing as he fought to fill them with oxygen.
But he couldn't.
The first tear that slipped from his eye broke the weak seal he had on his emotions, and before he could think hiccups and tears and sobs were pouring from him. He could feel his collar becoming saturated while the lights of the city below him blurred into a mess of white and red.
And then he felt it. As his ears filled with a piercing screech, blurring the world around him into nothingness, the pressing fuzziness he’d been fighting against all his life filled his brain with the force of a tidal wave that left him stumbling to keep himself upright.
He was dropping like a tonne of bricks at work and there was nothing he could do about it.
Oh God, he was dropping, and everything was just too much, and the lights were too bright, and he couldn’t breathe and his legs felt so weak, why were they so weak? Why was he so dizzy?
He barely recognised the feeling of his legs giving out from underneath him before he hit the ground with a harsh thud. He lay there lax, head and back throbbing with pain as he fought to breathe. Gasping, he rolled over and idly watched as he knocked his desk chair, the blurred mass of black slowly rolled away from him as his tears noisily hit the floor.
And then suddenly there were hands on him. He jumped as they landed, firm but gentle as they coaxed him to roll over. The person’s voice was muffled, too muffled just like their face, and Harvey quickly blinked back the tears that were still filling his eyes.
Meeting the face of Mike Ross was not what Harvey expected. The man had told Harvey he was leaving for home hours ago.
“Harvey? Hey, Harvey, are you alright? What’s wrong? Are- are you having- Oh fuck are you having a heart attack? Oh fuck, oh fuck, I need to call an ambulance-”
Harvey cut off the man’s ramblings with a soft, pitiful whine as a new set of tears found their way down his cheeks. The sob that soon followed seemed to halt Mike in his tracks, the man looking down at Harvey from where he was half standing.
“Mikey,” Harvey sobbed, confused why the man was leaving him while he was sad and scared and hurt, “don’ leave.”
Mike was silent for a moment, seemingly calculating the man before him. And as Harvey’s face crumpled further against his own will, the moment it clicked came like a kick in Mike’s teeth.
“Oh, hey Har- Harvey, no, I'm not leaving you. I’m staying right here, buddy.” Mike slid softly back onto the floor next to Harvey, the man still sobbing and breathless.
“Come on bud, just breathe. That’s it, just breathe with me, you’re doing so well,” Mike kept his voice soft as he gently ran a hand through Harvey’s hair until the man’s breathing calmed into occasional sniffles and hiccups.
Mike took a deep breath before meeting Harvey’s glassy eyes.
“Are you little right now, Harv?”
That seemed to snap something in Harvey back to the present, and in one fluid motion he twisted himself from underneath Mike’s hand and began trying to shuffle away, seemingly aiming to hide under his desk. Seeing the trajectory of Harvey’s head, Mike quickly put his hand between the table and his head and grabbed onto the boy’s wrist.
“Woah, you’re okay, I’m not mad, I just want to make sure you’re alright, okay?” Mike kept his voice as even as possible, melting slightly when two pairs of red rimmed, glassy eyes peeking timidly up at him through wet lashes.
“You’re not mad?” Harvey murmured, seemingly unaware of his thumb solely inching towards his mouth.
“Of course I’m not, buddy. How could I ever be mad at someone as cute as you, huh?”
Mike smiled at the light blush that dusted the boy's cheeks.
“Okay Harvey, I think it's time for you to go home - should I call someone to come pick you up? Donna? Jessica?”
Harvey’s face screwed up in confusion. Why was Mike calling Donna and Jessica? Was he going to tell them that he was a Little? Was he trying to get him fired?
Mike picked up on Harvey’s confusion. “Whose your Caregiver, Harv?”
“ ‘arvey do it,” even though his voice was soft, it had that firm edge that reminded Mike of the man when he was Big.
“Okay, yeah you can do the speaking, you just need to tell me who to call, kiddo.”
“Nuhuh,” Harvey huffed, frustrated that Mike wasn’t understanding him, “ ‘arvey do it, Mikey.”
“Harvey does it?” Mike questioned, receiving a vicious headshake in agreement from the boy in front of him, “what do you do?”
“I help me.”
“You help-” Mike paused as he once again calculated the man in front of him, “You mean- Harvey, do you have a Caregiver, bud?”
Harvey simply shook his head. “ ‘arvey do it.”
Mike felt his heart shatter.
“Okay buddy, let's get you home, hmm? I think it’s past a certain little boy's bedtime.”
Even as Harvey whined in protest a yawn wracked his body, and Mike barely managed to hold back a laugh at Harvey’s pouting face.
“C’mon sleepy head, let’s get you home.”
Home. Harvey wanted to go home. He was feeling so small and sleepy, and all he wanted to do was snuggle up in bed with Ace and his blankie. Mike had a key for his home. He really hoped the man remembered.
“Key,” Harvey murmured as Mike pulled him onto his hip. He was too tired to complain, and Mike was really warm anyway.
“Yeah, I’ve got a key bub, don’t worry about it.”
Harvey just sighed.
He was already dozing slightly by the time Mike began walking out of his office, a calmness that settled over him and pulled him deeper into sleepiness. And just like that, the moment of bliss was shattered.
The moment he heard Mike sadly mutter “Oh, Harv,” he knew something was wrong. And then he felt the warmth spreading between his thighs and down Mike’s legs and he just wanted to disappear. He was a big boy, and big boys didn’t have accidents. Heaven knows he’d had that drilled into his head enough times over his life for it to stick in his brain like a leech.
But even as he wriggled and squirmed and cried and apologised, Mike’s comforting grip and calming voice never wavered.
“Oh Harvey, it’s okay, we’re okay, it’s just a little accident, nothing to worry about. We’ll get you cleaned up in no time and then we can get you home and snuggled up in bed. Doesn’t that sound nice?”
That did sound nice, but all Harvey wanted to do was crawl back under his desk and hide until Mike went away, while another, louder part of himself wanted Mike to take care of everything and to stay safely in his arms forever.
All too soon, it seemed, Mike was peeling Harvey from his side and placing him on the changing station in the family bathroom. Mike could not be more grateful for the Little changing supplies that the company kept stocked as he grabbed a packet of wet wipes, a pull-up and two pairs of joggers. Standing back up, he came face to face with Harvey’s scared eyes, fingers secured in his mouth.
“It’s okay, Harv, I'll be quick, okay?”
“No one come in?” he slurred around his fingers. Mike really had to get this kid a pacifier.
“No. No one else is here and the door is locked. No one is coming in, I promise. Now, lay back for me, bud, those pants can’t be comfy, huh?”
“Nuhuh.” They weren't comfy. Not one bit.
Mike wasn’t lying. He cleaned Harvey up quickly, pulling funny faces that made him giggle and distracted him from everything the man was doing. So much so that he only noticed the subtle crinkle under his joggers when Mike pulled him back into a seated position.
“No,” he whined, trying to use his uncoordinated hands to get the pull-up off, “no, Mikey, off.”
“Sorry bud, no can do, joggers stay on,” he punctuated his sentence by tying a double knot on his joggers. At the sight of tears filling Harvey’s eyes once again, Mike pulled him into a hug, placing a gentle kiss on the top of his head before pulling away and getting changed himself.
-
Getting a taxi was easy enough - it was late enough for people to not focus on much going on around them - and before long the pair were heading towards Harvey’s apartment. Once they arrived, Mike quickly gathered Harvey up and out of the taxi, and was opening the door to Harvey’s immaculate apartment in no time.
The moment he was placed on his bed Harvey wriggled around to reach under his pillow, and the moment his hand grabbed Ace, he brought the cat to his chest, rubbing his soft fur against his cheek.
“And who is this beautiful little kitty?” Mike asked, trying to hide his discomfort at not finding anything even resembling a Little item anywhere in Harvey’s apartment.
“Ace,” Harves said as he thrust the cat into Mike’s face, “he’s my kitty, an’- an’ he tells funny jokes!”
“Does he? Well, it’s lovely to meet you Ace,” Mike reached out and shook one of the stuffie’s paws, smiling as he heard Harvey giggle, “you sound like you take really good care of your little boy, he’s very lucky to have you.”
“Yeah,” Harvey whispers tiredly, bringing Ace back to his face as his fists rubbed tiredly at his eyes.
It wasn’t long after that that Mike had Harvey snuggled under his covers where the boy refused to let Mike leave. Harvey ended up wiggling his way onto Mike, where he rested his head tiredly on the man’s chest.
“Ni’ ni’ Mikey,” he whispered before promptly drifting to sleep.
-
“What the fuck is going on.”
Yeah. Waking up was a much different affair.